Man from Half Moon Bay (12 page)

He walked away from her and a moment later was climbing the hill. Sara gazed at his back, feeling the anger and frustration bubbling through her in a hot stream. “It’s not going to be that easy,” she called after him. “I’ll be damned if I’ll let you do this to me. I won’t be under your thumb ever again.”

He turned to face her, his expression reflecting only an immense weariness. “For heaven’s sake, do you think Penny would go along with this
without exacting promises? I told her I wouldn’t coerce you in any way. I’ll make the same promise to you, if you’ll believe me.”

“I won’t believe you.”

“I didn’t think so.” His expression hardened. “I guess that doesn’t matter either.” He paused and then burst out, “Hell, yes, it matters, but I can live with it. I can stand anything if it keeps you alive. You’re not leaving this island until Kemp is no longer a danger to you, and I’m going to be closer than your shadow while you’re here.”

“The hell you will.”

He nodded. “It will probably be pretty close to hell for both of us.” He turned and once more began climbing the hill, his long-legged stride swiftly covering the distance to the summit. For a moment his slender, powerful body was silhouetted against the sullen scarlet of the sky, then he disappeared from view as he started down the other side of the hill.

Sara stood there, feeling very much alone. The wind’s bite seemed suddenly keener, the pounding of the waves against the rocks wilder. She turned and looked out toward the sea. She felt as savage as the elements at this moment. If Penny had been here, she would have been tempted to strangle her, she thought grimly. How had Penny dared to put her in this position? Both Jordan and Penny had treated her like a puppet.

Well, she was no puppet and she would stack her mental abilities against theirs any day. Her only weakness had been trust in both of them, a
trust they had blown to smithereens. Jordan had told her that her loss of trust in him had freed him, but she didn’t feel free. She felt heartsick and lonely and empty inside. She would get over it. She would learn to be as tough as Penny and Jordan. She would stay here for a while and watch the turbulence of the sea and try to banish the storm within herself and compose herself to face Jordan again.

The spicy aroma of onions and peppers greeted her as soon as she walked into the red-tiled hacienda and she followed the fragrance down the terrazzo hall to the back of the house. Jordan glanced up from stirring the mixture in the frying pan. “I put your suitcase upstairs in the master bedroom.” He smiled faintly. “It not much bigger than the other two, but it has a private bath. Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes.”

“I’m not giving in, you know.”

“I know.”

“But I’m not stupid enough to spend the night outside just to avoid you.”

“Very sensible of you.”

“I’m going to get off this island.”

He resumed stirring the onion and peppers. “When it’s safe.”

“No, I won’t be treated like an idiot child. I don’t know what made you and Penny think I’d be malleable enough to let you get away with this but—”

“Not malleable.” He looked down at the pan. “Trusting. I told you once you were too trusting. Even when you thought I’d betrayed you, you still had to trust someone. You always will, Sara.”

“No,” she said sharply. “I’ve learned my lesson. I’ll be just as tough and cynical as you and Penny.”

“No, you won’t.” He looked up, his expression grave. “You’d like to believe you can change, but it won’t happen. You’re gentle and loving and strong enough not to let people like me twist you or make you into something you aren’t.”

“I’m not so sure I want to be gentle or loving any longer.”

“You do. I’m sure enough for both of us.” He set the frying pan on the back burner. “I’m making a casserole. If you like, I’ll fix a tray and bring it up to you. I can understand why you’d think it best not to be around me.”

“I told you I had no reason to avoid you,” she said curtly. “I’ll come down after I’ve showered and changed.” She started to turn away.

“There will be plenty of reason to avoid me tonight.”

She quickly glanced back over her shoulder.

A flicker of humor indented the corners of his lips. “Don’t look so wary.” He turned away. “I was talking about the onions. I’m crazy about them, remember?”

“I’ve never seen you like this.” Sara pushed away her plate and studied Jordan’s face across the kitchen table. “Is this another act?”

Jordan shook his head. “All the acts are over and the curtain has officially rung down.” He stood up. “Have you finished? I’ll get the coffee.”

Sara watched him cross the kitchen, a puzzled frown wrinkling her brow. There was something different about Jordan tonight. The stillness that was so much a part of him was still present, his strength of will was more than evident, yet there was something missing. Suddenly she realized what was out of kilter. The underlying tension that had always charged his every action was gone. “You’re … relaxed.”

He turned away from the cabinet, the coffee carafe in hand, and returned to the table. “Am I?”
He poured the steaming coffee into her cup. “I don’t feel that way, but then, I don’t suppose you’ve ever seen me when I wasn’t desperate. You’re right, I’ve been onstage since the day I met you.”

“Desperate,” she repeated. “That’s a strange term to use.”

“It’s even worse than strange to experience; it’s damn uncomfortable.” He poured his own coffee and set the carafe on the table before resuming his seat. He leaned back in his chair and stretched his long legs out before him. “You’ve never been desperate, have you, Sara?”

She thought about it. “No, I guess I haven’t.” She had been deeply unhappy, even desolate, but had never known the sharp edge of desperation. “I didn’t think you’d ever be desperate about anything. You’ve always been very much in control.” Her lips tightened. “Of everything and everyone.”

He lifted his cup to his lips. “Control was important to me. It was the only way I could keep my world from shattering into a million pieces. I couldn’t let that happen.”

“You’re speaking in that past tense but you’re still trying to control me. What do you call stranding me on this island and not letting me leave?”

“The last hurrah?” He lifted his cup in a self-mocking toast. “Or perhaps a chance to save my sanity. What do you call it?”

“Arrogance.” She stood up. “I don’t want any coffee. I think I’ll go to bed. Tomorrow when Cam gets here I’m leaving the island. If he won’t take me back himself, I’m sure there’ll be a radio on
the launch he’ll let me use. But I can’t believe he’ll really go along with you.”

“If he doesn’t, he won’t stay long, and you’ll be left with the wicked seducer. I’m sure you don’t want that to come to pass.”

“You appear to find this amusing. Well, I don’t.”

“Oh, not amusing. I’ve never been fond of black comedy.” He slowly rose to his feet. “But perhaps I do see a certain dry irony in the situation. You’ve always wanted to see me stripped of all my protective barriers, and now, when it doesn’t matter any longer, I can let you see me as I am. Don’t you find that a bit bizarre?”

“I’m afraid I don’t enjoy twisted humor.”

“I know you don’t. It’s too dark for you.
I’m
too dark for you. I always knew that.” He put his cup down in the saucer and smiled faintly. “But you didn’t. I think my darkness attracted you. You wanted to light up all my hidden corners. I was a challenge to you.”

“No,” she protested, shocked. “It wasn’t like that, I loved—I was infatuated with you.”

“Were you? Think about it. All your life people have loved you. You told me that until the very moment your parents died you had a wonderful relationship with them. You’ve always had good friends and you’re beautifully uncomplicated emotionally.” He paused and when he spoke again his voice had thickened. “Very beautifully. Then I appeared in your life and I was different. No one in her right mind would call me uncomplicated, and I couldn’t give you any of the nice tidy responses
you were accustomed to receiving. I deluged you, drowned you with what I felt for you, but I also excited you. You were ready for something different and I gave it to you. You wanted a challenge and I gave that to you too. You might remember those things when you’re cursing me for making you into a victim.”

Was he right? Sara wondered uncertainly. She had always had a passion for probing beneath the surface and Jordan had presented her with a fascinating enigma. Had she instinctively responded to that challenge and gone after what she wanted with a ruthlessness as great as the one she had accused him of possessing? “Are you saying I used you?”

“Not intentionally.”

She nibbled worriedly at her lower lip. “You have to be wrong. I’ve never used anyone.”

He was silent, gazing at her steadily.

“I
hate
users.”

“Don’t fret, Sara.” Jordan’s tone was gentle. “I didn’t mind being used. I was willing to let you use me in any way you needed me. It was worth it to me.”

She shook her head, backing away from him. “But I’ve never—” She swallowed hard. “Jordan, I’m not a user.”

“We all use each other. The only crime is in using and not letting yourself be used in return. You always gave more than you took, Sara.”

But she hadn’t realized that she had been taking anything at all. Now she found herself wondering
how much Jordan had feigned possessiveness to give her something “different.” He knew her so well that it was possible he had seen something in her character that had remained unknown to her until he had ripped aside the veil. “Why didn’t you say something to me before? Why did you take all the blame on yourself?”

“Because the fault was mine,” he said simply. “Just because your motives weren’t quite as idealistic as you thought doesn’t make you guilty. I did everything you accused me of doing and, once I figured out what drew you to me, I used that too.”

But she had been guilty, too, she was beginning to realize. She had been so absorbed in trying to unravel the puzzle that was Jordan Bandor that it was possible she had been blind to her own selfishness.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jordan said gently. “It’s all water under the bridge now. Go to bed and get some sleep.” He smiled crookedly. “I didn’t let you rest very much last night, did I?”

Sara could feel the color sting her cheeks as memories flooded back to her, piercing her confusion with hot arrows of sensuality. The firelight flickering over Jordan’s naked body as he moved within her. His face dark, intense, above her, drawn taut with a pleasure that was close to pain. She could feel her breasts swell beneath her oversize sweater as heat began to build within her. Her gaze unconsciously moved over him, taking in the strength, the sheer maleness of him. She abruptly realized what was happening to her and
jerked her gaze away. Not again, she wouldn’t be caught again. How did she know this new facet Jordan was presenting to her wasn’t as false as the other ones? She turned away. “I’ll rest very well tonight. Good night, Jordan.”

“I hope you’re right.” He turned and started to stack the dishes on the table. “You can try anyway.”

“I’ll go to sleep right away,” she stated flatly. She left the kitchen and started down the hall.

But she didn’t go to sleep right away. It was almost dawn before she was able to bridle the emotions and possibilities Jordan had raised, so that she could drop into a troubled sleep.

“Sorry, luv, I can’t help you,” Cam said gently. “Not this time.”

“I don’t believe it.” Sara gazed from Cam to Jordan and then back again. “You’re actually going to help him? There are laws against things like this.”

“No crime has been committed,” Jordan said quietly. “You came here of your own free will with the intention of staying for some time. Just because you’ve changed your mind doesn’t obligate Cam or me to furnish you with the means to leave.”

She turned to Cam. “But I don’t want to stay—” She broke off. Cam’s expression was sympathetic but every bit as determined as Jordan’s. Her frustration and anger were escalating by the second “I thought you’d help me.”

Cam shrugged. “He’s my brother and he believes what he’s doing is right. He honestly wants what’s best for you, Sara.”

“My Lord, how chauvinistic can you get?” Her hands closed into fists at her sides. “I’m the one to decide what’s best for me.”

Neither man answered her.

Her anger flared to a new high. “Damn you,” she said through her teeth. “Damn you both.” She turned and ran from the room. She found herself dashing down the hall and then outside. Fog suddenly surrounded her and a cold, damp wind whipped her face as she ran up the rocky dirt path leading to the top of the hill.

“Sara!” It was Jordan’s voice behind her but she ignored it. “Sara, dammit, stop. You can’t make it to the launch before I—” He broke off but she heard the pounding of his steps on the stony path behind her.

The launch! She’d had no plan in mind when she ran out of the house. She’d just wanted to get away from Jordan and Cam before she did something violent. But if she could reach Cam’s launch … Even if the keys weren’t in the ignition, she could use the radio to call the mainland. A burst of adrenaline lent speed to her feet as she flew down the other side of the hill. She saw the sleek white launch anchored at the pier and her heart leapt with hope.

“Sara, don’t—”

The stones beneath the leather soles of her boots were slick and she slipped and then regained her
balance and kept running. He was closer. She could hear the sound of his harsh, rough breathing behind her.

She had reached the shore and the stones were even slicker next to the water. She was going too fast to stop. She lost her footing and fell sidewise, struggling desperately to gain her balance.

Pain exploded in her temple. Blinding pain. Darkness came and went like the cold mists around her.

“Sara.” Jordan’s face above her was as agonized as his voice. “Oh, God, Sara. Don’t be hurt. Tell me you’re not hurt.”

Why was he saying something so idiotic when he could clearly see she
was
hurt! “My head.”

Jordan’s face was spinning, dissolving. How strange and magical. But he was a magician, she remembered dimly. He could transform himself at will, and weave spells that enthralled and beguiled.
Beguiled.
That biblical word again. Penny had said something about—