Make Me Yours (13 page)

“Erik, you shouldn’t have hit him. I’m sorry you don’t trust me.”

“I didn’t say that. It’s not you I have a problem with, though I am finding it hard to understand your attitude right now.” He turned his gaze back to her.

She wiped at her eyes. “David and I need to talk. You need to calm down. I’ll call you later.”

“Fine.”

She began to reach for him, but he moved away too quickly. He couldn’t touch her. He rushed to his car and within a minute he was a mile down the road. If she’d touched him, he would have lost it. He would have either pulled her into arms and crushed her to him in a fierce kiss or ranted and raved at her about how maddening the past two days of uncertainty had been.

He feared he had ruined everything. He’d told her he loved her too soon. He’d reacted too violently to David just now. He should have pulled David away and demanded an explanation. If he had, maybe she wouldn’t have sent him away. Was everything tipped in David’s favor now? Would she believe he would always be a jealous man and that his jealousy would always take such a violent turn? Was she going to at least let him down gently? Surely she wouldn’t do it on the phone. He groaned and pounded the steering wheel in frustration. She didn’t love him. She’d never had the chance to. They’d had two weeks of amazing sex and nothing more because of her friend’s interfering. He’d been so determined to sweep her off her feet he’d overwhelmed her. Ironically, that was the very thing David had accused him of. What was David saying to her now? When would she call him? Would she tell him everything? What would she want from him?

And if it came down to it, how would he ever go on without her?

Chapter Nine

Susan finished wiping the blood from David’s face. He felt his nose and then looked in the mirror.

“I think it’s fine,” he said softly.

She walked back into her bedroom and sat on the bed. After a moment, he came out holding a few tissues. He sniffed and dabbed at his nose, which did not start bleeding again. He came and sat beside her.

“Exactly how much do you hate me now?” he asked when he finally met her gaze.

“Not at all.”

“I’m not sure I believe you.”

“Why not?”

He looked down. “I saw the look on your face. You were so busy watching him leave you didn’t hear me come up behind you. You looked desolate when he pulled away from your touch. I’ve never seen anyone look so lost.”

She took a deep breath to hold in the tears. “He was upset. He’ll calm down.”

“Of course he will. He loves you.”

“He shouldn’t have reacted the way he did.”

“He had a point. A man was holding his girlfriend against a wall and forcing her to kiss him.” He groaned and stood up. He moved to the window. “How can you even be alone with me?”

“You weren’t going to hurt me. I didn’t want you to kiss me, David, but he could have reacted better. It made me angry.”

David turned back to her. “It nearly drove him insane. I wouldn’t have stopped at one punch if I’d been in his place. That’s why I threatened him.” He sighed. “Yes, he was telling the truth. I did threaten him. And my behavior with you was out of line. Some part of my brain—obviously not the smartest part—told me you might understand how I felt if I kissed you.”

“Really?”

“Yes. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to kiss you. It’s ironic I’ve made so many mistakes and wound up hurting you because the thought of someone harming you in anyway drives me crazy. It’s what worried me about Erik.”

“You thought Erik would seduce me and then leave me brokenhearted?”

He nodded. “It almost gave me the courage to tell you how I felt. But then the things you said. You liked him so much.” The pained expression on his face stung her. “I know you had no idea at the time, but do you know how hard it was to keep a blank expression on my face that night in the kitchen? You go on one date, and then as soon as he leaves you tell me a single kiss got you wet? I couldn’t sleep at all that night.”

“You know I would never have told you that if I’d known.”

“I know. It makes me love you more. I know you don’t want to hurt me.”

“I don’t want to lose you. I don’t have those feelings, David, but I love you so much.”

“I have to leave. I can’t be near you. I’ll never get over you if I stay.” He got down on his knees and took her hands. “I was a fool not to say something. I lied and hurt you. I acted like a child. I can’t make excuses for myself. It’s for the best. Don’t ask me to stay. I won’t be able to say no to you. And to be honest, I don’t trust myself to be this mature all the time. It’s something I have to work on. If I’m here I’ll keep thinking about you and secretly hoping I get another shot with you.”

As scary as his words were, she was glad he could be so honest, even though it made her heart ache to know he felt that way about her. She took a deep breath. “Then I won’t ask you to stay. Where will you go?”

“Not far. I’ll go to Atlanta. It’s only an hour. I’m making great money right now. I only said yes to the bookstore idea to be near you. I saw us getting married. I saw you finally loving me.”

She stared down, unable to keep her shock in check. “Did you love Bethany?” She hated to ask, but she had to after what he’d just said.

“Very much, but I was never in love with her. You were in love with Mark, so I married her and moved away. She loved me so much, and I didn’t deserve it. She knew I loved you and settled for second place. Once we were engaged we never discussed it, but it was always there in our minds.” He squeezed her hands. “She was so good to me. She was the perfect wife. She died running an errand I asked her to do.”

She gasped. “David, you didn’t tell us that!”

“I couldn’t. Everyone would have told me not to blame myself.”

“You shouldn’t!”

“Don’t tell anyone. I can’t take more pity from everyone.”

She nodded slowly. Her stomach churned, and she felt like she was going to throw up. “Are you sure you’ll be okay? You have to have some friends with you.”

“I have a few friends from law school there. And after a little while I’ll call you, if you’ll let me. I’m not running away, Susan. I’m removing myself from the situation to help you.”

She felt like he was running away, even though it was absolutely for the best given everything he had just told her. His leaving would make things easier and better for her, but what about him? She wished, for a moment, that she could love him. What if they’d fallen in love and married in college? They’d be together now, maybe have children. They’d have built an entire life together, a life that had started as friendship and grown to be something more. She couldn’t help feeling she was losing him completely.

“Promise me you’ll call me.”

“Don’t worry about me.”

“That’s a stupid request,” she said with a dry laugh.

“Tell Erik you’re in love with him and put him out of his misery.”

“He was just upset. He’ll be fine.”

He shook his head. “Take it from a man who’s in love with you. You didn’t pay attention when he was looking down at us because you were angry. You were defending me, touching me. You put yourself between us. He was a different man then. Everything inside him changed. You were breaking his heart. Why do you think he ran? Why do you think he pulled away from your touch? You told me you loved him with great conviction, but I’m sure you haven’t told him yet.”

Susan’s heart raced. He was right. She knew she loved Erik, but she hadn’t told him. She considered David’s words, and they made sense. Erik saw her as taking David’s side when she defended him. He saw it as a defeat, as rejection.

“Oh god, what have I done?” She tried to fight the panic surging inside of her.

“Nothing that can’t be fixed.” David grasped her firmly by the arms. “He’s hurt, but it will be fine. Let him calm down and tell him how you feel. He’ll be so happy he’ll get over it in no time.”

“Oh, don’t be so flippant!”

He stood up and sighed. “I’m going to get my stuff together. Can we say good-bye now? I can’t do this again. I have to get my head straight.”

“Okay.” She tried to steady her breathing. “I’m sorry this happened.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry for everything. I’ll be your friend for as long as you’ll let me.”

She looked into his eyes as she stood. “We’ll always be friends, even if we don’t see each other.”

He took her into his arms and hugged her tightly. He kissed her temple and then let his arms fall away. “Good-bye, Susan.”

She shook her head slowly. “Talk to you later,” she said pointedly.

“Okay. Talk to you later.” He turned and opened her door, giving her a small smile before closing it behind him.

She sank down onto her bed again, her mind whirling. David would need time, but one day, he would feel differently. Yes, time was all he needed. She thought of Erik. He’d been home for about thirty minutes by now. Had he calmed down yet? She doubted it. Would it be better to call him right away? Or should she wait? Should she go to his place? She didn’t know if she should drive when she was so upset. What if he didn’t want to see her? What if he believed she loved David? Or at least that she was choosing him? He couldn’t believe that, not after the way they’d been together the past two weeks. The sex was amazing, but it was so much more than sex. She felt connected to him when they made love. She would explain everything, and he would forgive her for being angry with him. He’d had every right to punch David. She could admit that to herself now, and she would apologize for her reaction. She hadn’t wanted him to hurt her friend, but how could she blame him for defending her? The situation must have looked more ominous to him, especially since David had threatened him already. He must have been shocked as well to come upon them like that so suddenly. She cursed under her breath and grabbed her phone. She dialed his number, ready to hear his voice even if he was angry.

He didn’t answer. It eventually went to voicemail.

* * * *

“Erik, please call me back. I have to talk to you. Please call me soon.”

“Erik, pick up please. Are you okay? Just let me know you got home safe.”

“Erik? Where are you? Why won’t you answer your phone?”

“Please call me back, Erik. I have something very important to tell you.”

Erik deleted all of the messages. She’d been crying. She wanted him to call her. Why couldn’t he? He was hurt, angry, and worried. She wasn’t being specific in her messages. All he needed to hear was that she didn’t love David. He wanted to hear her say she needed him. She kept saying to call her, but she wasn’t asking to see him. Was he overanalyzing? He didn’t think so. Was she going to break up with him? If she wanted to see him, why didn’t she come to his house?

He sighed. It had been two days. Wasn’t this as immature as David’s actions had been? Wasn’t he hurting her too by ignoring her calls? He questioned her staying away, but if he wouldn’t even return her calls why would she come see him? He was probably lucky she kept calling at all. As if to confirm this revelation, his phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Erik? It’s me. Why haven’t you been answering?” She sounded hurt and frightened. It made him feel like a monster.

“You want the truth?”

“Of course!”

“I was scared.”

“Why?”

“You sent me away. You were angry. You defended him. It scared me, Susan, and it still does.”

“Erik, can we see each other?”

He stood up and grabbed his keys and wallet. “I’ll come to you right now. Are you home?”

“Yes.”

He paused to lock the door. “Is he there?”

“David’s gone.”

“Gone?”

“Yes, Erik. He’s moved to Atlanta.” Her voice broke.

“Susan, don’t cry. I’ll be there soon, and I promise I’ll listen to everything you have to say no matter how long it takes.”

“Thank you, Erik.”

So David was gone? While he applauded that fact, he couldn’t dismiss the pain in Susan’s voice. She was hurting, and he’d spent two days ignoring her as she’d reached out to him for comfort. She’d needed him, and he’d been sulking. He cursed his own stupidity and selfishness.

The drive to her house took ages. He hit two traffic jams, which he found inexplicable for seven in the evening. He felt on some level the cosmos might be punishing him for his behavior. He couldn’t deny he deserved it.

He barely got the car into park before he jumped out and dashed up the stairs. The door opened for him before he could knock. Jeremiah ushered him in before stepping outside.

“It’s about time. She’s been worried sick,” Jeremiah said.

“I’m sorry.”

“Tell her that. I’m not coming back for a few days, so I expect you two to make up properly.” He picked up his suitcase. “I’m helping David find a new place. He needs a friend right now. She needs you.”

He stopped Jeremiah from closing the door. “How is she?”

“She’s had to deal with a lot. I’m not trying to be an asshole, but not returning her calls didn’t help. She needs you, like I said. That’s all you need to know.” He closed the door and left Erik standing there.

Erik felt the sting of his reproach. For the tenth time that night he felt like a fool. He rushed up to her bedroom and found the door open. She sat at her desk, and she stood when he approached. She walked toward him timidly.

He rushed forward and caught her in his arms. He kissed her long and hard. She melted against him and kissed him back. Her hungry mouth made him hard and he pulled her to the bed, pushing her down and climbing on top of her. They kissed a long time and could hardly breathe when he finally let them part.

“I thought you were going to be listening tonight?” she whispered.

“I will. I had to get that out of the way. I’ve been needing it for two days.”

She gazed up into his face. “Were you really that scared?”

He nodded. “Yes. I was terrified I’d lost you.”

“I don’t love him, Erik. You’d have known that if I’d been honest with you.”

“Honest with me?”

“Erik,” she said as she stroked his cheek, “I’m in love with you. I realized it on Monday. David told me he loved me that day, and hearing him say it made me realize I loved you.”

He took her hand and kissed it. “Could you repeat that? Just the first part?”

She giggled. “I love you.”

“Good. Just had to be sure I heard you right.” He stroked her hair. “Now I’ll be honest. I heard you crying Monday. It drove me crazy not knowing what had upset you. I wanted to give you privacy, so I did nothing. That’s why I was so worked up Wednesday. I’d been bottling it up that whole time. I’m sorry I hit him. It was macho, possessive bullshit.”