Make Me Whole (38 page)

Nick sat up again as realization struck.
Fuck
. His dad was planning on coming.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.

His stomach twisted at the thought of calling his dad and cancelling, but he couldn’t let him waste his money and come up here for nothing. When his dad’s voice mail picked up, some of the tension knotting Nick’s insides let up.

“Hey, Dad, ummm, about this weekend, cancel your tickets. Galen and I broke up, so there’s not really going to be much of a celebration. I’ll be heading out to Greece in September for vacation. Why don’t I stop by in San Francisco on my way home? We can catch up and discuss what we want to do with the Dexios Collection, though really I’m all for leaving it with Galen. He’ll take good care of the statues. I’ll call you again sometime next week. Don’t worry about me. I’m cool.”

Nick tossed the phone down, feeling sick to his stomach. He should cancel his trip to Greece. He didn’t really feel like heading there of all places, and he sure as hell didn’t feel like wreck diving for statues. And to think, he’d been plotting on how to get Galen away from the museum to go with him.

He heard a rush of wings, and Amy alit on the arm of the couch next to him. She cocked her head to the side and half lifted one wing, sticking her leg out to the side in invitation. “Hey there, beautiful.” Nick gently scratched her feathers. Somehow the motion and loving contact was profoundly depressing. He missed Galen with a fierce and unending ache.

He thought he hurt the last time they’d parted, but that hadn’t even come close to what it felt like this time. It was as though something vital had been scooped out of him, leaving him scarred and empty. He closed his eyes and was confronted by the picture Galen made sitting in the fountain and the look on his face as he said those words. His heart constricted. It had cut so deep when Galen had stared at him with such cold eyes and implied with his words that he would be looking for someone else’s bed. But that pain had been nothing compared to the realization that Galen had moved out without a word.

Nick couldn’t wrap his head around it. There had been times when Galen could be distant when he was upset, but he’d never been deliberately cruel, not like he had on that last day. It didn’t make any sense. He couldn’t fathom Galen leaving him in that way, not after he’d told him what had happened with his mom. It would be far easier to just say fuck it all if Galen would’ve left him alone after that. But no, he had to keep fucking calling and twisting the knife a little deeper. Until tonight, that is.

Despite how much Nick wanted to keep blaming Galen for hurting him, a voice inside of him questioned his part in this whole mess. At the end he’d believed Galen wouldn’t leave again. That’s why it had been such a shock when he had. So Nick must’ve done something to convince Galen that leaving was the only thing he could do. And if Galen really wanted their relationship to be over, why keep calling?

Nick leaned back with a frown as the aching band across his forehead tightened even more. He had to stop obsessing over it. It didn’t even matter. Everything was destroyed now anyway. He hadn’t heard from Dexios since he’d shown up to berate him and they’d gotten into that altercation. He was probably locked inside the statue again, waiting to be reborn.

Nick’s thoughts flashed back to Galen as he continued to pick at the problem despite his best efforts not to. It was like worrying at a scab. He knew he shouldn’t, yet he couldn’t stop himself. Galen had said more than once that Nick was too focused on the statues, and he had been right. If he’d put the same amount of drive into their relationship from the beginning they wouldn’t be in this mess.

He’d held himself back, worried over Galen eventually betraying him and leaving, when in reality he’d been the one with his foot half out the door, ready to bolt at the slightest provocation. He’d kept pushing Galen further and further away so Galen couldn’t hurt him in the same way that his mother had, and by the time he’d started to set those fears aside Galen was already at an erupting point. It was no wonder he’d said what he said and left.

It had been a self-fulfilling prophecy from the start. Just like any good Greek tragedy. Nick had spent so much time and energy trying to avoid his fate that he’d set up his own downfall.

He was such a fucking idiot.

Those words…. The expression on Galen’s face were etched into his brain with acid regrets. He’d hurt Galen too, and it hadn’t stopped Galen from continuing to try with him. He didn’t want this to be over. He wanted to be with Galen, really give this thing between them a try. The first time Galen hadn’t been ready. This time Nick hadn’t. Maybe they could get their shit straight with a third try.

Only Nick couldn’t imagine that Galen would want to hear from him after Nick had spent the last week ignoring him. Nick stared at the phone, gnawing his lip. He wanted to rip the scab wide open, in the hopes that it would heal cleanly.

The phone rang, and Nick straightened so fast that Amy let out a startled cry and took flight to the top of the window. She began berating him as Rory joined in with a hiss. His heart pounding, Nick picked up the phone, and a flash of disappoint went through him at the sight of his dad’s name. He almost let it go to voice mail and stopped himself. Isn’t this what had partially led to his estrangement from his family? Hiding and nursing his wounds?

He had to take a step forward.

“Hey, Dad.”

“Talk to me, and don’t tell me you’re okay.” The quiet strength in his dad’s voice made Nick ache even more. If there was anybody who would understand what it felt like to come home to an empty place, it was his dad. “What happened?”

Nick leaned back against the couch cushions and closed his eyes. “I think I’ve forgotten how to dream, Dad.”

“
H
EY
, you.”

Galen looked up at the sound of Suzane’s gentle voice. She stood at the top of the stairwell in his office, her face soft with concern. He must seem pretty pathetic for her to use her gentle voice. “We’re all set for tomorrow?” he asked, setting aside the invoices he was going over. “I can’t believe you managed to stay within the budget we scraped together.”

“What can I say? I have skills. We’re good to go for tomorrow. Knox and his friends will be here at five to set up the tables. I’ve recruited a few others to help finish the decorating. The caterers will be here at six, and we’ll be all set to open the doors on time. I think we can get some good donors out of this.”

“Good.” Galen wanted to muster more enthusiasm. He’d put months into this opening and gala. And even more than time, he’d poured his heart into this project. But Nick hadn’t called back. He hadn’t stopped by again. Galen didn’t know what to do anymore. He didn’t know how to reach him. He’d even tried stepping back a bit to let Nick come to him in his own time, and even that hadn’t gotten him a reaction.

The thought of going to the gala without Nick didn’t seem like any kind of a celebration at all.

Suzane came over and sat down on the arm of his chair. “I hate seeing you hurting like this. And if you say you’re fine one more time, I’m going to thwap you.”

Galen stifled the automatic response, and it showed him how bad off he was when he really had the urge to lay his head against Suzane’s shoulder and let her hear the whole sordid, sorry mess. “Do you think kidnapping would be excusable under these circumstances?” he found himself asking instead. “It’s the only way I can think of to make him listen.”

“Honey, if I thought it would help, I’d buy the duct tape for you and be your alibi.” She slipped an arm around his shoulders and gave it a pat. “But if a person’s determined not to listen, all the shouting in the world won’t make a difference. Now, I’m not sure what happened between you two, but spending another night on your couch in your office isn’t the answer either. Why don’t you come out to dinner with me and my boy?”

“Actually, I do have plans tonight. No really,” Galen insisted at Suzane’s skeptical look. “There’s someone I need to talk to before I lose my chance and he disappears completely.”

“You’re not planning on trying to go see Nick, are you? Because sending your belongings to the museum was a dick move on his part. And until you get some indication from him that he wants to make amends or at least talk, I think going over is a bad idea.”

Those damned boxes
. That kick in the face still made Galen clench his teeth. When Nick said good-bye, he didn’t do it halfway. Then he thought of his own part in the fiasco and sighed.

“He wasn’t the only one to pull a dick move.”

Suzane raised an eyebrow, and Galen wanted to squirm under that expression. Women did that so well. Suzane was too much like his mom sometimes. Oh God, his whole family was going to be there tomorrow, and they would know something was wrong. Fuck. He could probably avoid them during the gala, but they would hound him the next day. He just knew it.

“Out with it. I know you’re dying to blurt it out to someone, so lay it on me.”

Galen’s sense of outrage over Nick’s actions fled under the weight of her stare. He didn’t need to go into every detail, like how he’d taunted Nick with the idea that he’d go back to his former partying if Nick left. He should’ve just given him time to calm down instead of getting pissed and defensive himself. Besides, that wasn’t what made Nick respond by kicking him out. Galen really knew what was to blame.

“Let’s just say that I’d finally gotten Nick to open up about why he had such trust issues over people leaving. It had taken him months to open up like that, and the very first argument we have afterward I decided it would be a fine idea to not come home that night.”

“Oh, Galen.”

Galen shrank inwardly and winced at her tone. She didn’t need to say anything else. “I left a note,” he said, coming to his own defense even though he knew that it was a lame excuse.

“Well, that’s something I suppose.” Suzane squeezed his shoulder again. “I hope you two figure it out. Maybe after the gala, you can try that kidnapping idea. Some time alone without the stress of pulling all of this together might be just what you both need. You’ve been working nonstop for a long time. You need a vacation. And if you really want Nick, go off with him to somewhere private, and don’t come back until it’s resolved.”

Galen nodded and dragged a hand through his hair. He liked the thought of dragging Nick off somewhere, but he wished Nick would give him some fucking indication that he gave a damn about them at all. “Until then, I’m leaving Nick alone. No calls, no e-mails, and no stopping by. Harassing him didn’t work, so I’m hoping that maybe giving him some time to think will.”

“I’ve heard worse plans.” Suzane rose and patted her blonde curls back into place under her scarf. “Are you sure you won’t join us?”

“Another night, I promise, before you go back for your next treatment. We’ll do something fun. Maybe have a night on the town.”

Suzane wrinkled her nose, and then her eyes lit up. “We can celebrate early. This will be the last one. Lordy, I’m looking forward to never having to go back.”

Galen squeezed her hand and smiled at her. “That calls for a huge celebration.”

Suzane paused at the top of the stairs and fixed him with a look. “Promise me you won’t stay in this room all night by yourself.”

“I promise.”

Once Suzane left it seemed like she took all of the zest with her. Galen didn’t know how she did it, how she filled each moment with such life. He almost called out to her to ask, but decided against it. She was worried enough as it was.

Lykon stirred inside of him as if sensing that Galen intended on seeking Dexios out. He’d been strangely silent since that afternoon outside of Nick’s apartment, and Galen ached for him too. “Not just yet,” Galen murmured. “Soon, my friend.”

Even if things didn’t work out with Nick, he’d find a way for Dexios and Lykon to be together, at least for a little while. He hated to think that way, but relationships took two people, and if Nick chose to shut him out forever, Galen couldn’t think of anything to change his mind. He didn’t want to cross the line into stalking Nick if he just needed some time to think. Now he knew how Nick felt when he left—completely shut out. And he knew that if Nick had tried to call or text back it would’ve only made him retreat more. So this was him giving Nick space.

Galen dug through the few boxes he’d hauled up to his office, searching for something more comfortable to wear before he headed to the exhibit room. He really needed to find a new place after the gala was over. Suzane was right; he couldn’t continue living in the tower and sleeping on the couch.

The last rays of the sun shone down through the windows, wreathing the statues in a warm golden glow. He loved how they captured the light like that when it was just him and Nick visiting. As if the statues had their own aura.

He slowly walked over to the last one, where Dexios lay alone on his side, and the pose, his empty arms, struck up a yearning so intense that Galen’s entire body ached with it. That’s how he felt right now. Unfinished. Incomplete. His own puzzle piece was missing, and Galen didn’t know how to win him back. He missed Nick’s smile. The way that he made Galen feel complete in his own skin, as if his wants and desires were perfectly fine. The way he tried to support Galen even when he got all touchy over it. Those were the vital elements that had been missing in his relationship with Bryan. With Nick, Galen could see a future if they could just let go of the past and move forward, and he wanted Nick to be able to see it too.

Galen sank down next to the statue, his eyes pricking as a new urge hit—to sink himself into the statue’s embrace and let Lykon take him over. At least Dexios and Lykon could be together for a short while, and Galen could lose himself in their emotions, just as he’d lost himself for so long until Nick had woken him up again. He’d awakened him, made him want a connection again, made him want to love, and then he’d taken it away.

“Why are you here, Galen?”

Galen pressed a hand to his chest as Lykon leapt inside of him at the sound of Dexios’s voice. He could let go, and at least tonight he wouldn’t be alone. Wasn’t that why he’d sought out the lovers night after night? So he wouldn’t be alone, only to be afraid that they’d leave him, too, so he’d left after only a few minutes. He watched him, hurting for them, hurting for himself, and the only thing that gave him any hope was that the first three statues were somehow still whole.