Mail Order Maternity (Brides of Beckham Book 6) (8 page)

He thought about riding over to talk to Samuel, but he didn’t think his brother would want to hear his complaints.  He had to figure out what to do.  He wouldn’t risk his wife, but he was about to burn up with sexual frustration.

*****

Esther was nervous.  Church services would be held at their house that week, and her house wasn’t perfect.  Every time she washed the windows, a bug would land on them and mess them up and she’d have to wash them all over again.   She’d made chicken and dumplings and a cake for dessert to share with the others, but what if no one liked her cooking? 

She felt like a failure.  Her house wasn’t perfect, and it should be.  And her own husband didn’t want to touch her.  Would she ever be good enough at anything?

That evening when Thomas walked in the door for supper, she was sitting at the table crying.  He rushed to her side.  “Is it the baby?  Are you bleeding again?”  The panic emanating from him was almost something she could touch.

She shook her head and cried all the harder.  “What’s wrong then?”

“Bugs keep flying into my clean windows, and you don’t want to touch me!” she sobbed.

“What do bugs have to do with anything?  And of course I want to touch you.” He pulled her to her feet and held her close.  “Tell me what’s happening with the bugs first.”

She sniffled.  “I keep washing the windows and then bugs fly into them.  It’s making me crazy.  I don’t know how to make them stop, but the windows have to be perfect for when everyone comes for church service in the morning.”

“Why do they have to be perfect?”

She stared at him in disbelief.  Did he really not understand?  “This is my only chance to make a good first impression on the ladies in the church.  If the house is a mess, I won’t make a good first impression.”  She swiped at the tears under her eyes, stunned for a moment that he wouldn’t understand immediately.

“You think you’ll make a bad impression if bugs make marks on the windows?”

She nodded.  “Of course I will.”

He sighed.  “All the ladies who go to church with us live in this part of Kansas as well.  They know that the bugs fly into the windows because it happens at their houses.  No one can get rid of them.  It’s just a fact of life here.”

“They have bug prints on their windows?”  She swiped away the tears with her apron.

“I’ve never noticed, but I’m sure they do.  There’s no way not to have bug prints on windows in Kansas.”  He stroked her hair.  “Now, what’s this about me not wanting to touch you?”

She felt the tears spring to her eyes all over again.  “You never try to touch me anymore.  When we first got married, I thought you were interested in me physically, but now you never touch me.”

“I don’t touch you because I’m afraid I’ll hurt you or the baby if I do.  The only time we had relations, the next day you started bleeding.”

She shook her head.  “That’s not why!”

“Why did it happen then?”

“Because I was running through the fields looking for you when I couldn’t find you.  I thought you were dead, and I ran and I shouldn’t have.”

“Why do you think that’s why you were bleeding?”

“Because Victoria said that’s probably what caused it.  She said she’d seen it happen before that women did too much physical stuff and it caused them to start bleeding.  It’s not a big deal, and I should just be careful not to run anymore.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You didn’t ask!”

He sighed.  “If that’s really why you were bleeding, then of course I want to make love to you.”

“Really?”

He nodded.  “I’ve been lying awake half the night trying to make myself forget you were lying beside me.”  His hands roamed down and cupped her bottom. 

“So tonight you’ll make love to me?”

He swallowed hard.  “Yes, I will.  If you’re sure it won’t hurt you.”

“I’m sure.”  She looked over at the window.  “Are you sure you can’t see the bug spots and no one will judge me because my windows aren’t shiny?”

He laughed.  “As long as the dishes are done, no one will say a word.  They all know you’re a new wife and you’re pregnant.”

She blinked.  “Everyone knows I’m pregnant?”

“Victoria told everyone last week why we weren’t there.  Does that bother you?”

She shook her head, but looked down.  “I guess not.”

“Why would it bother you?  You were married. You told me you were pregnant.  I still wanted you to come. It’s not like you hid it from me.”

She sighed.  “I just feel like I’ve done something wrong is all.  I wish everyone thought the baby was yours.”

“The baby is mine now.  I’m its father the same as I’m your husband.  He’ll never know any other man as his father.”

“Will you tell him he’s not really yours?”

He shrugged.  “I’ll leave that up to you.  If you want him to know about his real father, then you have the right to tell him.  If you want him to think I’m his father, that’s fine too.  Either way, I’ll be his father.”

She nodded, not sure how she’d handle things, but glad he had the attitude he did.  She wanted the baby to think of him as a father, but she didn’t know if she wanted to have Charlie’s baby not know all about him.  She’d have to think about it.

When they finally went upstairs for the night, Thomas hesitated before undressing.  “Are you sure this isn’t going to hurt you or the baby?”

She sighed.  “I’m sure. Victoria told me it was fine.  You were the one who said she was a good midwife.  Do you want me to see someone else?”  Why was he trying to avoid having relations with her?

Thomas looked at her for a moment.  “I think I do.  There’s a doctor in Lindsborg.  I’ll take you there Monday, and we’ll see what he says.”

She stared at him in disbelief.  “Are you serious?  I thought you said you trusted Victoria!”

“I do.  I just don’t want to risk you.”

Esther turned her back to him and turned down the wick on the lantern to shut it off.  She was too scared to speak.  Was he no longer interested in having sex with her?  She pulled her nightgown over her head and crawled between the covers.  She couldn’t change his mind, obviously, so she stopped trying.  She rolled to her side with her back to him, and fell asleep, not bothering to kiss him goodnight.

Thomas stared at his wife in the dark.  Why was she so angry with him?  He sighed.  Hopefully the doctor would say everything was fine on Monday.

Chapter Six

Esther stood wringing her hands the following morning as they waited for the other families in the area to show up for church services.  She’d never hosted anything like this before, having always attended an established church when she lived in Beckham.  It was fifteen minutes before services started, and everything was as clean as she could possibly make it.  She’d done the breakfast dishes and her hair was in a tight bun atop her head.

When she heard the first wagon pull into the yard she rushed out to stand on the porch and greet whomever had arrived first.  She was relieved to see it was Victoria and her family.  At least she knew two of the people getting out of the wagon and walking toward her house.   She introduced herself to Thomas’s brother and smiled at Victoria and MaryAnn.  “Will you make sure I have everything set up right?” she asked Victoria.

“Of course.  Did Thomas tell you every family brings their own chairs?  No one has enough for all of us.  Thomas is the only one in the area without children, so we have a group of about twenty meeting here.” 

Thomas and Samuel were unloading chairs from the back of their wagon and carrying them into the house.  “I made chicken and dumplings and a cake for lunch.  Will that be okay?”

Victoria nodded.  “That’s perfect.  We don’t usually have desserts, so I’m sure the children will swarm around you.”

Esther immediately worried she hadn’t made enough cake.  She’d made one large enough for a big group, but twenty people?  She’d never cooked for that many at once.  “I hope I made enough.”

Victoria shrugged.  “Everyone can have smaller pieces if you didn’t.  Most likely the adults will forgo dessert to let the children have a bigger share.  It doesn’t matter.”

“I just want everything to be perfect.”

Victoria smiled at Esther.  “You need to learn that living on the prairie like this means that nothing is ever perfect.  We’re too far from the nearest mercantile to run out for the last minute things we’ve forgotten.  There are too many bugs for everything to be spotless.  Just relax.  Everyone is going to love you.”

Esther nodded, not believing a word her new sister-in-law was telling her.  How could she relax?  She had a large group of people she’d never met arriving at her home any minute, and she could see a lot of new marks on the windows where the bugs had flown into them.

Another wagon pulled into the yard, and a couple in their thirties climbed out with their six children jumping down from the back of the wagon.  The smallest of the children ran up to Esther, staring at her.  Esther had been around children her entire life, having been the oldest of eight.  She picked up the little girl.  “I’m Esther.  Who are you?”

The little girl had been sucking on her first two fingers and popped them out of her mouth to answer.  “Oolia.”

“Oolia?”  Esther looked at Victoria for confirmation.

“This is Julia Anderson.  Her parents are Mary and Anthony.” 

Mary walked over and stood, smiling at Esther.  “You must be Esther.  We heard a lot about you at service last week.”

Esther smiled.  “I hope you heard good things?”

“Absolutely!  How are you feeling now?  Better?”

Esther blushed and nodded.  She really hated that everyone here knew she was carrying.  It would have been so much easier if everyone had thought the baby was Thomas’s.  “Much better thanks to Victoria and MaryAnn.”

Victoria held her arms out for Julia who immediately jumped into them.  “I don’t want you lifting anything as heavy as this little one.”

Esther sighed.  “So if I am carrying another in two years, I won’t be able to lift the one I’m carrying now?”

“That’s right.  Children adjust.”

A third wagon pulled into the yard then.   Victoria pointed out the adults in the wagon.  “This is Andrew and his wife Bertha.  They have four children, and Bertha is carrying their fifth.”

Esther’s eyes lit up.  She liked the idea of her child having another so close who would be around the same age.  Bertha carefully got down from the wagon and walked to join the other women.  She looked to be in her fifth month.  Esther held her hand out in greeting.  “I’m Esther.”

Bertha smiled.  “Bertha.  I hear you’re carrying too!  How far along are you?”

“Just about three months.  What about you?”

“The same.”

Esther’s eyes grew wide.  The other woman looked much bigger than she did.  “Really?”

Bertha laughed.  “You tend to show much faster after the first pregnancy.”

Esther nodded apprehensively.  Would she look that big when she was just three months with her second child? 

The men called from the doorway for the women to join them inside.  Esther followed along and saw that her table, which she had meticulously arranged, was pushed against one wall, and the things on it were tipped over.  She bit her lip against the tears that threatened.  She’d so wanted to make a good impression, and her vase of flowers was scattered all across the table.

The chairs were lined up in rows and each family took a row.  Esther sat in the back with Thomas.  Samuel stood in front of the room with his Bible in his hand.  Esther was surprised, because she’d understood from MaryAnn that he was a farmer like Thomas, and he was very shy.  She wasn’t sure why he was the preacher for the church.

They began the service by standing and singing a hymn.  It was one Esther had sung many times, so she was familiar with it.  Her clear soprano voice sang out loudly.  After the prayer they took their seats while Samuel opened his Bible and began to preach. 

Esther had been unsure what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t what happened next.  Instead of a true sermon, they had what she would call a Bible group.  Samuel would read a passage, and then everyone would discuss the passage.  It was really little more than controlled chaos with the small children calling out random answers whenever they were given the chance.  Esther had never been to a casual service, so she was surprised it was done that way.

After they prayed and sang a second song, the men went outside to talk and supervise the children while the women hurried to put lunch on the table.  Esther found she liked the idea of eating with the women who would be her friends and fellow church members, because she wanted to get to know them all better.  Once the food was on the table, they called the men in and prayed again.  The men and children sat in the chairs the other families had brought, while Esther and the women sat at the table.

“Does Samuel always do the preaching?” Esther asked.

Victoria nodded.  “He’s the oldest, so all the others voted that he has to do it.  He always teaches like he did today, though.  He’s not a qualified preacher and refuses to do anything but discuss his views and the views of the others.”

“It was strange,” Esther blurted out.

The other women all laughed.  “It’s been a work in progress,” Mary told her.  “At first the men took turns trying to preach actual sermons and that was awful.  None of them felt comfortable doing it, and nothing they preached made very much sense.”

Esther grinned.  “I can’t imagine Thomas preaching.”

Bertha shook her head.  “He wasn’t the worst.  They were all really bad to be honest with you.  Then they decided to take turns just reading from the scriptures.  The children squirmed and wiggled, and we women got sick of that pretty fast, too.”

“Then about six months ago, the men decided to try it this way.  It seems to work better than anything else we’ve done.”  Mary shrugged as if she was hopeful it would continue to work.

“I guess there are no preachers in the area?”

Victoria shook her head.  “There just aren’t enough people here to warrant sending a pastor.  We enjoy the way we do it, but it’s definitely different.”

“I like the lunches afterward.”

Mary nodded emphatically.  “We all get a little bit of Bible learning, but the important thing is we get to fellowship with each other.  We all need that more than anything.  Especially since there’re no schools or anything else.”

Esther made a face.  “Do any of you ever go a little bit crazy wishing there were more people around?”

Victoria laughed.  “When we first moved here, it was just us and Thomas.  I looked at my husband, his brother, my two little ones, and wheat fields for months on end.  I really thought I was going to end up in an asylum.  I was so happy to see Mary when she first moved here that I think I spent every other day at her place.  She didn’t even have a house yet, so I’d take her bread or coffee or anything I could think of just to have the company of another woman.”

Esther smiled slightly.  “I think I’d have been the same way.”

Bertha nodded.  “I would have too.  I’m thankful the others were already here when I arrived.”  She squeezed Esther’s hand.  “It’s even harder to be out here when you’re carrying, so if you start to go crazy, you come see me.  Or any of the others, of course.”

Esther nodded.  “Thank you.  I’m doing okay so far, but I had MaryAnn with me for most of the week, which really helped out a lot.”

“You really haven’t been here long enough to go crazy yet.  Winter is the worst.  When the snow starts to fly, you’ll find you want to get out and won’t feel like you should, especially with a baby on the way.   Everything you want to do will have to wait.  You’ll have to buy all the supplies you’ll need for the whole winter in the fall.  I don’t know what we’d do if we didn’t have Victoria.”  Bertha smiled at Victoria.  “She’s not only our midwife; she takes care of us when anything goes wrong.”

Esther looked at Victoria with surprise.  “You handle all of the doctoring for the area?”

“Only the minor things.  Broken bones, stitching up cuts, and that type of thing.  For anything big, you have to drive to the city.”

“I had no idea.  I thought you were only the midwife.”  Esther felt new respect for the woman who had cared for her.

Once they were finished eating, the four women did the dishes together while the men watched the children outside.  From her vantage point at the sink, Esther could see Thomas playing with his nephews and nieces.  He had Victoria’s youngest, Laura, on his shoulders, running around in circles with her while she giggled.  She could easily see Thomas with their children and sighed with relief.  She hadn’t been certain he was anxious to be a father, but watching him with his nieces and nephews, it was obvious he was good with children.

After the meal, she asked to speak with Victoria alone.  She didn’t want to be rude to the others, but she wanted to make certain that everything was all right.  They climbed the stairs to the bedroom she shared with Thomas, and she perched on the edge of the bed.  “Are you sure I’m okay to return to all activities?”

Victoria eyed her.  “I’m certain.  I don’t want you to lift anything heavy, but other than that, I think you can do whatever you want.”

“Anything?”

“What are you trying to ask me, Esther?”

Esther sighed.  “I guess I just need to come right out and say it.  Thomas is afraid to have relations because he’s afraid it will hurt the baby.  I told him you said it was okay, but he’s insisting on taking me to a doctor in the city tomorrow just to be certain.”

Victoria smiled.  “Thomas loves children.  He’s not going to do anything to jeopardize the baby you’re carrying.”

“But he won’t hurt us!”

“Sexual relations are new to Thomas.  I’m sure that he’s afraid he’s going to break you if you do anything.  Go to the doctor and let him confirm what I’ve been telling you.  It won’t hurt a thing.”

“I just don’t want to have to waste a full day and pay a doctor when I already know it’s okay for me to do what I want.”  Esther shook her head, her exasperation showing in her stance.

Victoria shook her head.  “Thomas needs to understand that as well.  Samuel was really worried when I carried MaryAnn.  After she was born and fine, he wasn’t nearly as worried.  He wouldn’t touch me during the entire pregnancy.  When she was born fine, he decided he was a little too strict with himself.”

“So I may have to wait until after the baby’s born?”  Esther realized she sounded like a petulant child, but she’d really enjoyed relations and didn’t want to have to go for the next seven months without.  Surely Thomas would be able to see she was fine and he was being too careful.

“Humor him and see the doctor.  If it makes him feel better it’s worth it, right?”

Esther nodded slowly.  “I guess.”

Victoria hugged her.  “Let’s go join the others.”

When they got downstairs, Esther saw that the other two families were leaving.  She’d hoped they’d spend the day, but apparently no one ever stayed long after the noon meal.  “Will you stay?” she asked Victoria.

Victoria nodded.  “Of course.”

Esther was thrilled to have the other family around and wished she’d waited to talk to Victoria until after the others had left.  She’d have to make a point of visiting both of the other women and letting them know how happy she was to have them around.

After Samuel’s family left that evening, Esther fixed a cold supper for her and Thomas.  After the prayer, he said, “We’ll start early in the morning for the city, as soon as the cows are milked and the breakfast dishes are done.”