Mad About You (31 page)

Mum and Dad arrived the next morning. Mum hugged me tightly, then examined my face. ‘You look exhausted. We need to spruce you up.’

Babs was not happy. ‘You can’t stay. I can’t fit you all in. It’s too crowded in here already,’ she grumbled.

‘Stay here?’ Dad said, looking around the shoebox apartment. ‘You must be joking. We’re booked into a B-and-B around the corner.’

Yuri and Lara were thrilled to see their grandparents. They ran to them and wrapped their arms around their legs.

‘Come here to me, my little angels.’ Mum pulled them into a bear hug. ‘Now, I have a little treat for you.’ She pulled two Kinder eggs out of her bag.

Lara threw her arms around her grandmother. ‘I love you, Granny.’

Mum picked her up and cuddled her. ‘I’ve missed you so much,’ she said, kissing Lara’s nose.

‘What about me?’ Yuri tugged at her jumper. ‘Did you miss me?’

Mum put Lara down and bent low to Yuri. ‘Yes, I did, desperately. I’m so happy to see you.’

As the three of them sat on the couch, Dad shuffled uncomfortably beside me. With his hands buried deep in his trouser pockets, he said, ‘So, James has been … ah … uhm … that is to say … playing the field, as it were?’

‘If by that you mean sleeping with another woman, the evidence certainly makes it look that way.’

Dad shook his head, still avoiding eye contact. ‘I just don’t see it. James isn’t the type.’

I shrugged. ‘Well, apparently, he is the type. But the woman is a total nutter. She’s been stalking me and sending awful things to me at the house.’

‘Like the ah … uhm … other thing.’

Babs snorted behind me.

I no longer had any shame or anything to hide. They had all seen the vibrator and they now suspected James was a philanderer, so I decided to give Dad a full account of the parcels. ‘The vibrator, yes, and handcuffs and a whip and –’

Dad’s eyes bulged and he coughed loudly. ‘Right, yes, well … I see.’ He grabbed his newspaper and tapped the front page. ‘Have you seen this? Bloody government,’ he huffed. ‘Disgrace. More charges, more taxes – they’re bleeding us dry.’

‘Nice change of subject, Dad.’ Babs smirked.

‘Who’s bleeding?’ Lara was alarmed.

‘Everyone in Ireland,’ Dad said.

Lara’s eyes widened. I went over and placed a reassuring hand on her little head. ‘No one is actually bleeding. It’s just an expression.’

‘Don’t mind your granddad. He’s very grumpy,’ Mum told her granddaughter.

‘Why are you grumpy, Granddad?’ Yuri asked.

‘Because I cancelled his Sky Sports,’ Mum explained.

‘Sports in the sky?’ Yuri giggled.

‘Why did you do that?’ Babs asked. ‘He’s obsessed with sports.’

‘It was an unnecessary expense, and there are plenty of sports on the normal TV channels. Besides, I came in the other day and found your father watching curling.’

‘Curling hair?’ Lara was confused.

‘Is curling the one where they throw the big round stone thing and the other two players brush the ice with brooms?’ I asked.

‘Exactly,’ Mum said.

‘Ah, Dad, come on.’ Babs laughed. ‘It’s the most boring sport ever invented.’

Dad bristled. ‘It’s actually very skilful, but Philistines like you and your mother wouldn’t understand.’

‘Skill? In brushing ice?’ I grinned.

‘I want to play that,’ Lara said. ‘I’m a good brusher, aren’t I, Mummy?’

‘Yes, you are, pet,’ I agreed.

‘Maybe Granddad could train you for the 2028 Olympics,’ Babs suggested.

‘I want to be in the ’Lympics, too.’ Yuri was not going to be left out. ‘But I’m not brushing anything, no way. What can I do?’

‘Not basketball anyway,’ Dad mumbled.

I glared at him. ‘You can do anything you want,’ I told Yuri.

‘I want to be a rugby player and for Daddy to be my coach.’

‘That’s an excellent idea,’ Dad said, clearly feeling guilty about his quip.

Yuri ate some of his Kinder egg. ‘Daddy said it doesn’t matter if you’re small in rugby. He said the only thing that matters is if I’m strong, and I am. He said the bestest rugby players are the small strong ones. He said small is brilliant because you can zip around the pitch and score tries between big players’ legs.’ Yuri’s face was glowing. ‘Daddy said when I’m eight he’ll teach me rugby. My daddy is the best rugby coach in the world. Did you know that, Granddad?’

‘Of course I did,’ Dad said. ‘Your dad is a brilliant coach.’

‘Daddy says he’s proud of me all the time, but I’m super-proud of him,’ Yuri announced.

I rushed out of the room and locked myself into the bathroom. I tried to stifle my sobs in a towel. Why had James put me in this awful position? Why did he have to go and ruin everything? Yuri would be completely heartbroken if we split up. Oh, God, what was I going to do?

There was a knock on the door. ‘Emma?’ Mum called.

‘Just a second,’ I mumbled.

‘Open up. I want to talk to you.’

I opened the door. Mum came in, closed it behind her and sat on the rim of the bath. ‘What are you going to do, Emma?’

I sat down beside her. ‘I don’t know.’

‘Are you sure he was unfaithful?’

‘Ninety-nine point nine per cent. How else do you explain the texts and the stalking and the sex toys?’

‘It could have been a woman who was obsessed with him.’

‘Mum, I found knickers in his drawer.’

Mum pursed her lips. ‘That’s a bad sign, all right. Look, Emma, in a marriage you have to take the rough with the smooth.’

‘So what are you saying? I should pretend it never happened and go running back to him?’

‘I’m saying that there are two people in a marriage. If one of them strays, maybe the other needs to look at the reasons why.’

My jaw dropped. ‘Are you suggesting it’s my fault that James is sleeping with someone else?’

‘No, but you can be difficult at times, and you went to London with a bit of a puss on your face. Every time I spoke to you, you were giving out about how much James was working. I don’t think you did yourself any favours.’

I could not believe that my mother was blaming
me
. I felt anger rising. ‘First of all, I’ve been bloody brilliant since we moved here. I got myself a job, I found a great nanny, I set the kids up in a nice school, I made friends with my neighbours and I put the kids to bed almost every night on my own. James makes brief appearances on Sundays. I’ve encouraged him in his job but, yes, his late nights do bother me – they’d bother anyone. I’m lonely, Mum. I’m on my own a lot. It’s not easy being alone in a strange city with two small kids. Do I get any credit for that? Is there any chance that someone would say, “Well done, Emma, you’re doing your best, but your husband is an ungrateful, cheating bastard”?’

Mum sighed. ‘There’s no need to get angry. Relationships are a work in progress. You have to put a lot of effort in and oftentimes you have to bite your tongue and put a smile on your face, even when you don’t feel like it.’

Was she serious? Mum had never in her life bitten her tongue. She had always said exactly what she thought about everything. And as for smiling when she didn’t want to? Mum had probably smiled three times since the menopause had hit her.

‘Mum, I’m a good wife and a good mother. I’m not the best, I’m not perfect, but I’m good. I do not deserve this shit in my life.’

‘There’s no need for bad language.’

I gritted my teeth. ‘I do not deserve my husband to cheat on me. I do not deserve to have sex toys sent to my house and to be stalked. I’ve done nothing wrong.’

‘Do you think the poor Africans deserve famine? Do you think the poor indigital people of Brazil deserve to have the Amazonian forest cut down?’

‘It’s “indigenous”.’

Mum wagged her finger at me. ‘Don’t try to distract me. The point is, Emma, it’s not about deserving or not deserving. It’s about life not being smooth sailing.’

‘We’re not talking about a few ripples here, Mum,’ I said. ‘It’s about a bloody great wave crashing down on me. Are you saying I should just forgive James and forget about it all?’

Mum stood up and folded a towel. ‘I think you should consider it. He is a wonderful father and those children adore him. He has been a very good husband to you, Emma. Not many men would have been so strong and loyal through all that pregnancy struggle.’

‘He wanted a baby too, Mum. I didn’t force him into it.’ I was really getting upset now. Was James allowed to walk all over me because he had been supportive through the adoption of
our
child?

‘Not all men would have been open to adoption. Not all men would have taken to a child the way James took to Yuri. He’s a good man, Emma. And you wouldn’t do well on your own. You need a steady man in your life. It stops you going off on your tangents.’

‘What tangents?’ I huffed.

‘You get very het up about things.’

‘I think I’m entitled to get het up about my husband’s infidelity, Mum!’

Mum put the towel down. ‘All I’m saying is, don’t be too hasty in making any decisions. Those children love their father, and being on your own would not suit you. Now, put on some makeup. You’ll upset them going about looking like that.’

With her pearls of wisdom handed out, Mum left the bathroom. My mother never ceased to amaze me. Here I was, the victim of stalking and a husband who was likely
cheating on me, but somehow, some way, by some means, it appeared to be my fault. I must have been mad to think of moving in with her for a couple of weeks. This crazy situation really was making me lose my mind.

That night as I tucked the children into the bed in the spare room – which was really a glorified wardrobe – I hugged them tightly. ‘I love you guys so much. From now on we’re going to do more fun things together, like go to the zoo and Legoland and lots of other things.’

‘Yeah!’ Lara clapped her hands together. ‘I love the zoo.’

I kissed her nose. ‘Me too. I love being with you guys. I’m sorry I’ve been so busy lately.’

‘And grumpy,’ Lara reminded me.

‘Yes, and grumpy,’ I admitted.

‘And shouty,’ Yuri added.

‘Yes, and shouty.’

‘And –’

‘OK.’ I drowned out their further complaints. ‘I’m sorry for all of it, and I promise to try to be happy Mummy now.’

‘And super-nice like Claire?’ Lara said.

‘And fun like Daddy?’ Yuri said.

I switched off the light, so they wouldn’t see my tears. ‘Sleep tight.’

I wiped a hand across my eyes and went back into the lounge, where Babs was lying on the couch shouting at the TV. Mum and Dad had gone to meet friends for dinner, which was a good thing as I was definitely on the verge of having a blazing argument with Mum about my ‘role’ in James’s lying and cheating.

‘She’s useless,’ Babs roared at the TV.

I looked at the screen. It was
The
X Factor
. A young girl was singing ‘Light My Fire’ out of tune.

‘She must be sleeping with the producer. There’s no way she’s getting votes – she’s tone deaf,’ Babs grumbled.

I decided not to point out that she herself was a producer-shagger.

‘That’s the job I want,’ she said.

‘Singing on
X Factor
?’ Was she completely delusional? Babs hadn’t got a note in her head. It didn’t matter who she slept with, she’d never make it.

She rolled her eyes. ‘No, although I think I’d do very well. I want Dermot’s job. I want to present the show. I’d be brilliant at it.’

‘Well, he’s pretty good at it himself,’ I pointed out. I’d always had a bit of a crush on Dermot O’Leary.

‘He’s all right, but I could do better.’ She bit her nail. ‘I have to do something. I have to jump before Gary pushes me. I’ve told my agent to hurry up and find me a new job. I can’t be fired. I have to go first.’

‘I’m sure your agent will find something. You’re very good,’ I soothed.

‘Well, I know that, but talent isn’t everything. You need luck and timing and the right connections.’

My phone buzzed –
Just home. U on way?
It was Lucy. She’d called me when she’d heard my message and asked me over to her apartment for wine and a full debriefing.

I texted back:
Leaving now. See you soon
.

I left Babs complaining about having to sit in with the children yet again and got a taxi to Lucy’s apartment in the City, around the corner from her office. She had to stay in London for some important meeting, so we had arranged to spend Saturday night together, drinking and talking about our failing marriages.

Her apartment was in a big block on the fifth floor. I hadn’t been in it before. The building was soulless. From the
outside, all the apartments looked the same. It seemed more like a hotel than a collection of homes.

I knocked and she opened immediately, handing me a huge glass of wine. I followed her into the living room. It was small and bare, but functional. There were no paintings, no photos, no cushions or throws. It felt very unlived-in. No wonder Lucy worked late: this place was so impersonal, you wouldn’t want to go back to it. In fact, a hotel room would have been a whole lot nicer.

Before I even sat down, I received another text from James:
Pls call me. We need to talk. Ill b home tomorrow at 8. Come over 4 dinner. Pls Emma, I love u
.

Lucy read it over my shoulder. ‘You should go,’ she said.

‘Why? Until he comes clean and tells me exactly what’s going on, I don’t want to see him.’

‘Well, maybe he’s ready to explain it all. Look, Emma, you need to find out what’s going on.’

‘I’m not ready yet. I need another day or two to clear my head.’ I put down the wine and curled my feet under me. ‘I cannot believe this is my life. One minute I’m getting married, the next I’m walking out on my cheating husband.’

‘Tell me about it.’ Lucy drank deeply from her glass.

‘You look almost as bad as I do,’ I noted, taking in her tired eyes and stooped shoulders.

‘My marriage is in tatters too.’ She sighed. ‘So what are you going to do?’

‘No more questions about me,’ I begged, holding up my hands. ‘Tell me all about how you’re doing. I don’t want to think about my life tonight.’

‘How I’m doing?’ Lucy shook her head. ‘Shit, if you want the truth.’

‘Donal’s still on the warpath?’

‘You won’t believe what he’s been up to, Emma. He’s a lying, conniving bastard.’

I looked at her, alarmed. This sounded serious.

‘He’s been hiding my pill. I mean, how bloody devious, not to mention immature, is that? Every Sunday night, when I’m asleep, he takes my packet of pills out of my washbag so I won’t have them in London and therefore I won’t be protected. Then when I come home on Friday, he insists on having sex at the weekend. He is actually deluded enough to believe that I’m going to fall pregnant and that will solve everything.’

‘Christ, Lucy, I’m … I’m kind of lost for words. That’s such a low thing to do to someone who has been clear about not wanting more children. I’m really surprised at him. What is he thinking?’

‘Thankfully he’s no Columbo. I figured it out pretty quickly, so I keep spare packets of the pill here in the apartment and leave one in my washbag for him to nick. But it really blew up last Sunday night.’

‘But when I saw you on Monday night, you never said?’

‘It was still too raw, Emma. I just couldn’t talk about it – I was reeling.’

‘Oh, Lucy … what happened?’

Lucy explained.

She had just put Serge to bed and was tidying up downstairs when Donal came back from commentating on some rugby match. She had barely seen him all weekend because he’d been busy working.

‘Are you hungry?’ she asked. ‘I could order a takeaway?’

‘No, I’m fine. I grabbed a burger with Finn on my way home.’

‘God, I’d love a burger,’ Lucy said, trying to remember the
last time she’d allowed herself to pig out on a juicy one instead of her usual lean fish or chicken.

Donal turned around. ‘Are you craving a burger?’ he asked.

Lucy decided to goad him. ‘Yes, actually, I’ve been craving them for a few weeks now. It’s weird.’

Donal came closer to her. His eyes were shining. ‘Do you think you might be pregnant?’

‘How could I be pregnant? I’m on the pill.’

Donal paced the room. ‘You’ve forgotten it the last few weeks.’

‘Yes, but then we used condoms, remember?’

Donal avoided her eyes. ‘Well, they can burst or be faulty sometimes.’

‘Really? I thought they were very reliable nowadays.’

‘You never know. Will I nip out and get a test?’

‘I wouldn’t bother if I was you. It’d be a waste of time and money. Forty-year-old women who use contraception don’t get pregnant.’

Donal shuffled about. ‘Let’s just check to be sure.’

‘You seem very confident that I might be pregnant, Donal. Why is that? Why would you imagine I could be? Do you have something you’d like to tell me? A confession perhaps? Something you did behind my back, without my knowledge or consent?’ Lucy spat the words out.

Donal’s face flushed. ‘Are you pregnant?’

‘What do you think?’

‘I think you are.’

‘Well, then, would you like to explain how it happened?’

Donal looked down at his hands. ‘Look, Lucy, I know you said you don’t want another baby, but I do. There are two of us in this marriage and you just made the decision. It was as if I didn’t count. I really want a sibling for Serge – he’s lonely. And I think another baby would fix things.’

‘How do you figure that?’ Lucy’s rage was beginning to boil over.

Donal sat on the stool at the opposite side of the counter to Lucy. ‘We’re drifting apart. I feel like I’m losing you. All you care about is work. We miss you, me and Serge. We hate you being away so much. I think another baby will bring you home. You’ll come back to us. We can be a family again.’

Lucy gripped her hands together. ‘What did you do, Donal?’

Silence.

‘Let’s see. Well, I know you’ve been hiding my pill and I’m guessing you cut holes in the condoms I’ve been asking you to use. Am I right?’

Donal nodded. ‘Guilty as charged.’

Lucy lost her cool. ‘You sneaky, sly, underhanded shit. I –’

Donal cut across her: ‘We
need
another child, Lucy. We need a sibling for Serge and we need to live in the same house and behave like a family. The way we live now is a joke. I hate it. I did not get married to see my wife for ten minutes a week. I know you keep saying you couldn’t handle another child, but I know you can. When you’re here, you’re great with Serge. He adores you.’

‘Really, Donal? Because I remember you telling me recently that I was a cold, selfish cow and that I was a bad mother because I didn’t spend enough time with him.’

Donal fidgeted with his tie. ‘I was angry. I’ve been very frustrated lately. This job of yours has consumed you. Nothing else matters. Lucy, I was beginning to think we wouldn’t make it. I honestly think a baby will fix things. I want to save our marriage. I want you back. You’re never here and even when you are you’re always on that bloody BlackBerry.’

As if on cue, Lucy’s BlackBerry beeped. Instinctively she
reached out for it, then stopped herself. Donal rolled his eyes.

Lucy’s anger bubbled over. ‘I’m sorry you’ve been feeling abandoned, but I still don’t think that gives you the right to deceive me! And a pregnancy will not save our marriage. It will sink it to the ground. What you did to me was the lowest of the low. You knew I didn’t want another baby and you went right ahead and TRICKED ME!’ Lucy shouted.

‘I was trying to save our marriage,’ he shouted back.

‘Well, your dirty little scheme didn’t work,’ Lucy spat. ‘I knew exactly what you were up to. I’ve got spare boxes of the pill in London. I will not be having another baby, so you need to get that into your thick skull.’

‘When did you become so cold?’ Donal hissed.

‘When you became a sneak and a liar,’ Lucy retorted. ‘
You
wanted another child and I
never
did. But you went ahead anyway and tricked me. I’ll never be able to trust you again.’

Donal glared at her and, in a cold, calm voice, said, ‘Well, that makes two of us.’ He almost took the door off the hinge as he left …

I went over and sat beside Lucy on the couch. She was crying. ‘I think it’s over, Emma. We’re both so angry and now we’re lying and deceiving each other. How can a marriage last on that basis?’

I bit my lip. That was the exact question I was struggling with – how could you get past a deliberate deception? Donal might not have shagged some random crazy woman, but he was as guilty as James was of trampling over his marriage vows. Honesty is what anchors couples together. Without it, a relationship is doomed.

‘Come on, Lucy,’ I said gently, rubbing her back. ‘He does
love you, even if he’s behaved like a total moron. There are still things you could try, like maybe flying home early some weeks to surprise him.’

She stared coldly at me. ‘He tried to trick me into getting pregnant, Emma. It’s an appalling thing to do. I don’t see how I can ever trust him again.’

‘I know, I know. It was wrong and sneaky, but he did it because he wants you to come home to him.’

‘Well, then, he doesn’t know me at all, because that would never work.’

‘Maybe you should try marriage counselling. I think you need a mediator to help you communicate,’ I said.

Lucy smiled ruefully. ‘We’re booked in to see one tomorrow. I managed to persuade the counsellor to see us on a Sunday by offering to double his fee. I’m flying home first thing in the morning and meeting Donal in the counsellor’s office … if he turns up. He didn’t reply to my text reminding him.’

I squeezed her hand. ‘Donal will turn up. That’s great, Lucy. It’ll get you back on track. You’d never forgive yourself if you threw in the towel and didn’t try.’

She raised an eyebrow. ‘And does that apply to you, too?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Does that mean you’ll go to see James tomorrow night?’

‘We were talking about you,’ I said defensively.

‘I know, but what you just said makes sense for both of us.’

I sighed. ‘It probably does, but I need more time. I’ll decide tomorrow. Right now, I’m going to decide to have another glass of wine – that’s the only decision I can make at the moment.’

Lucy lifted up the bottle.