Lunangelique (The Lunangelique Series) (17 page)

We move right past the awkward moment and into how it should have been. His hands are exploring my naked back, moving ever so slowly, caressing my sides. My mouth works feverishly against his. My hands slowly work their way over his chest, grabbing his vest to remove it and then they work upwards to undo the buttons of his shirt and slip it off him, momentarily breaking our kiss.

He takes the opportunity to start kissing my neck, my collarbone, working his way down as he lays me on the bed and hovers over me. His hands never stop exploring, they work their way up and down my body. My whole body is tingling with the pleasure his kisses and soft caresses bring.

How could anything be evil if they are filled with so much love and tenderness?
I wonder.

My hands roam his chest and stomach, memorizing every contour of his body. They work their way farther down to his waist band, fumbling with the belt and the button and zipper. He reaches down and helps my trembling fingers, pulling his pants off to assist even further.

He takes my hands in one of his large ones and holds them above my head. He kisses each of my fingers before kissing my palms and working his way down my arms.

He stops and lingers over me. Staring into my eyes like he’s trying to gage any weakness in me. Waiting to see if I scream ‘mercy’ like I do when he tickles me but I just gaze back at him trying to send my love to him telepathically, hoping it is seen in my eyes. He must see something there because he lets go of my hands and kisses me on the lips. He reaches down and joins us together tenderly. My body naturally responds to his as our bodies move together in rising and falling waves of euphoria.

*

When the sea stills I want to cry, it’s so perfect. A few tears escape the sides of my eyes and he kisses them away. He kisses my lips to share the taste of my salty tears.

“Are you okay?” he whispers against my mouth that can’t get enough of him. He probably assumes my tears are for regret.

“Very,” I respond and pull him down to feel his entire weight resting on mine. His head rests on my chest and I play with his curls as I start to feel more relaxed than I ever have. “I know the deeper meaning to your name,” I admit to him in a whisper. “And I choose to believe it means you are coming into the light and not fading into the darkness. That’s how I know you are good.”

We lay there for what feels like an eternity without speaking again. I start to think he fell asleep but then he leans up to look into my face. “You’re right about me. You pegged me dead on.”

“What do you mean?”

“My name. I chose it,” he admits. “Well, the first name you know me as. Cole. I chose it many years ago but not exactly for the reason you described. It was more for… enlightenment. I was in the dark but I rose from it. I found out the truth.” He leaves it at that and I’m glad. I don’t want to hear the whole story. Not tonight. Tonight is about us. Right here. Right now. We’ll save the rest for tomorrow. 

There is so much lightness to his personality now. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders. Which it has. He seems excited, happy.

He rolls over off me and the bed and goes to his dresser to grab a pair of pajama pants. His bare bottom shining through the light coming into the room from the window. I watch him slip the pants on and a grin sneaks onto my face as I remember all the times I grabbed that butt tonight. He grabs a tee-shirt and comes over to the bed to hand it to me.

“Thank you,” I say as I sit up and slip it on. I can’t believe how silly I feel. I’m so happy to be wearing one of his shirts. I’m becoming one of those girls that have a collection of their boyfriend’s shirts to wear at night.

He pours another glass of wine and takes a sip of it before passing it to me. I sip some of the wine while he crawls back into bed with me. I hand him the glass but he just reaches across me and sets it back on the table. His arm comes back and pulls me to him on its way. I settle comfortably against his chest, molding perfectly into his body. Just like before, I try not to giggle.

“What’s so funny,” Cole asks with a smile in his voice.

“Nothing. I’m just so…happy!” I blurt out and giggle again.

He laughs out loud and pulls me tightly to him. “Me too. More than I’ve ever been. More than I can express with words.”

“You don’t need words.” I move to nip at his earlobe and he’s quick to pin me back down against the bed to start expressing his love again.

Chapter 13

The next morning I wake up feeling deliciously satisfied. My whole body feels like an electric wire, humming from the inside. I know my legs are going to shake when I stand up, but this morning it won’t be from an anxiety attack. I look over at Cole lying beside me. He’s still asleep. He looks so peaceful and young. I wonder how old he really is.

I watch him sleep for another hour before his body starts to stir. His arms reaching across the bed trying to find me. I play a little game with him and pull away before his hands can find me. His eyes dart open with alarm and I can’t help but laugh.

“S’not funny,” he says sleepily and moves over to trap me in his arms. I lean up on my elbows to look down at his face. His eyes closed again. I pull a lock of my hair out and tease his face with it, stroking his closed eyes and running it down his cheek. “Mmm.” He leans into my hair, liking the feel of it against his face. I lean over some more to plant a kiss on his lips and he automatically responds. “I’m up. I’m up,” he cries but his eyes stay shut.

I laugh at him. “You’re so cute in the morning,” I coo at him.

He opens his eyes and smiles at me. “So are you. Are you always a morning person?”

I think about it. “Not really. I don’t like waking up. But this is very, very nice.” I peck his lips again and then lick my lips to savor the sweet deliciousness of him. “I need a shower,” I proclaim. I get out of bed and start to put on the clothes I had the good sense to bring over last night. Even if nothing happened, I still didn’t want to go home in the dress I wore last night. What would the neighbors think?

“What are you doing? I thought you were going to take a shower?” I must have a confused look on my face because then he tells me, “You don’t have to go home to shower. I don’t want you to leave. Take one here.”

“Okay.” I feel like an idiot because I never even thought about it. I head into his massive bathroom and shut the door. I go over to turn the shower on and then I check out his toiletries while I wait for the shower to heat up. He has everything I need, body soap, shampoo, conditioner. I check them off in my mind.

I step into the shower and start soaking my body. The water feels so good as it cleanses my body. I let it just beat onto my head and face while I think about the night before. I can’t help the little smile that plays on my lips.

Last night was so amazing and I know everything I find out today won’t change anything between Cole and me. I might be thinking irrationally but love is irrational. I think about the women in the world who still love their husbands even after they beat them. Am I like that? Cole hasn’t inflicted pain physically but isn’t him lying to me for so long an emotional pain? Shouldn’t it bother me? It does but not enough.

What is Alex going to say when I explain it to him? He won’t make sense of it. He will be in denial. He’s too logical and all this is too unsound, too irrational. There is no scientific explanation for him to research. I don’t even know how to tell him without him convincing our parents to commit me. I smile at that last thought, remembering how at first I thought I would have to commit myself.

When I was a little girl I dreamed that I discovered an unknown island that held everything magical in the world. There were beautiful white unicorns, glimmering in the sunlight. Handsome and stunning centaurs walking amongst old and majestic trees that could speak and move. Fairies everywhere fluttering on the currents of the air above my head. Woodland nymphs, elves, intelligent animals, singing flowers and magical, magnificent personages that ruled them all, who came down from the clouds in rays of light.  Disney’s Fantasia here on Earth.

I loved that dream. I would think about it every day, not being able to wait until I grew up and could explore the seas in search of it. But as I grew older reality sank in and I believed less and less. But now I can’t help thinking it might be real after all. If Cole is real and Ollie and Edmund, then someday…

I laugh out loud at my thoughts and then quickly open my eyes and look to the closed bathroom door, cursing myself that Cole might have heard me and is wondering what could be so funny in the shower. I hope he doesn’t think I’m laughing at him. That would be embarrassing.

I turn the water off and step out of the shower. His towels are so soft and I notice they smell just like him. I quickly dry off and wrap my hair in a towel before I notice I didn’t bring my bag of clothes and toiletries into the bathroom. I thank myself again for having the foresight to bring some things.

I slip out of bathroom and see that Cole is still lying in the bed. He had been staring up at the ceiling but looks at me and smiles when I step out.

“My turn?”

“Yep,” I answer.

He flops out of bed and walks into the bathroom. I hurry up to get dressed and ready before he comes out of the shower and then I straighten up his bed before lying back onto it. Staring up at the ceiling as he had while he waited for me. I start mouthing the words to Snow Patrol’s ‘Chasing Cars’ because it seems so fitting as I wonder what the future holds now. What will change after Cole and I’s conversation? Not us, I’m determined about that. But what path will it lead us down?

Cole steps out of the bathroom looking more glorious in a towel than he did the day I came to his house and he answered the door wearing a similar towel. I smile at the memory as I watch him move around his room and get dressed.

I envy men. They are so much more sure of their bodies than women are. I know he saw all of me last night but I was still really relieved when he went into the bathroom so I could get dressed privately. Maybe I’m just not ready for that kind of intimacy yet. I’ll have to ask the girls what they think about that. Maybe it’s just me but I don’t think so.

“Are you hungry?” Cole breaks me out of my thoughts.

“Starving,” I answer.

“What do you want to eat?”

I have to think about it. I want to ask if he has cereal but my tummy is too tightly wound up and that might not settle well. “I’m good with just toast, if you have some?”

He gives me a skeptical look. “That’s it?”

“Yeah.” I put my hand on my stomach, hoping to soothe it from the outside. “Maybe, I’ll want something more after that.”

I think he guesses at the butterflies fluttering about in my stomach because he comes over and moves my hand away from my tummy. “You know the worse, Lexi. You don’t have to be nervous about today.” He was right about the nerves but he’s not right about it being because of our long overdue conversation. It’s because I’m nervous about this new step in our relationship. It’s because I just slept at his house, took a shower over here and am now embarking on eating breakfast with him. Just like we are living together.

I know I sound so silly but I can’t help my body’s reactions to all this unfamiliarity. It still too new, too unknown. Even if I tell my mind that it’s okay, be rational. It’s just Cole. My body still shouts,
I don’t like this change!
My body needs to shut up and get over it. I am not going through another anxiety attack before breakfast.

I give in to my body because the butterflies are getting more active. They feel like they are now tangled up with each other and are frantically trying to get untangled. “I’ll be down in a minute,” I tell Cole. He gives me a concerned look and then walks out the door, looking back to watch me pick up my bag.

When the door clicks shut I run into the bathroom and shut and lock the door. My mind is freaking out now as I realize what I did last night and what the consequences might be. Something I thought of when I placed my hand over my stomach.

How could I be so stupid? So irresponsible? So careless? So eager to throw my life away? Why didn’t I think my plan through, more thoroughly?
Oh, no!
We didn’t use any protection! The thought had never even crossed my mind! I’m the biggest idiot in the world.

I look in the mirror and notice my face looks composed on the outside, except for my eyes. My eyes are angry and screaming ‘
fool!’
at me. The depths of them show a hint of fear. I slowly watch myself take deep breathes. I watch the flow of blood sink back out of my flushed face as I consider my options. Number one will be that I’m popping that first pill as soon as possible. And number two…I don’t know what to do after that.

Do I tell Cole? Yes, I have to so it doesn’t happen again. But I won’t let him know my panic. I would feel foolish if nothing came from it and I had us both freaking out. But then I stop and wonder if he can have kids. Of course he can. How else would I and Alex be here? Or maybe I’m wrong about that. I’ll have to ask him. I mentally add that to my checklist.

Now, do I tell my parents? Hell, no. I would so be grounded. My parents gave me birth control so long ago. They would never trust me again if they know I’ve made this huge mistake. Panic streaks across my face and I shake my head in an attempt to shake it away.

“Relax, Lexi,” I tell myself. I plant a fake smile on my face and walk downstairs.

*

“Where do you want to start?” Cole asks me as we sit on his couch together. We are both leaning in towards the other. If someone walked in and saw us they would think we are two lovesick teenagers, telling each other our secrets. Which we kind of are. On the outside.

“First of all,” I start, “I want you to admit you can control other people’s actions.” I look at him indignantly, daring him to refute.

“Sometimes,” he admits with a little grin on his face. He looks guilty for not telling me sooner.

My mouth drops open in awe. “I knew I wasn’t imagining it. How? Can I do that?” I jump into a subject I don’t want to hit yet.