LUKE: Complete Series (22 page)

“Hey.”

I turned around before I stepped off the curb. “What?”

He looked up from his phone and put it to his ear, but when he looked at me, for just a moment, the strange happiness he’d exuded since he walked out of the mental health office waivered. For a moment, I saw the scared boy I saw when he first found out he was being sent to war. Then it was gone and the serene smile was back.

“Thanks for bringing me.”

The mattress beneath me felt comfortable, but the sheets I was wrapped in were too crisp. I opened my eyes and found myself in a darkened hospital room with Luke hovering over me.

“You passed out. How are you feeling?”

“Really embarrassed.” I sat up and the bed swayed beneath me as I threw the covers off. I gripped the pillow and the blanket for support. “Whoa.”

Luke placed his hands on top of my thighs to keep me from sliding off the bed. “When was the last time you ate?”

“I haven’t eaten today. You called me while I was in line at Starbucks. I left without getting anything.”

“It’s almost four o’clock. You need to eat something.”

That’s when I noticed her sitting in a chair under the television that hung from the ceiling. She eyed me with a peculiar expression. She didn’t appear to be sizing me up or judging me. She seemed… intrigued.

Luke noticed us noticing each other. “Brina, this is my sister, Reese. Reese, this is my….”

He turned to me and I was surprised he was unsure of how to introduce me. I would have expected him, with his natural tendency to take charge, to say, “this is my girlfriend” or “this is my coworker” or “this is my sex slave”, but he was suddenly stumped and I found it incredibly adorable.

Reese stood from the chair and took a few steps forward until she was standing in the shaft of light pouring in from the corridor through the half-open door. She smiled at me and, even with her slightly red, puffy eyes, I was taken aback by her beauty. She was a female version of Luke with gorgeous brown hair that tumbled in loose curls over her graceful shoulders. If we had an industrial fan blowing toward her, she’d look like a Victoria’s Secret model.

She held out her hand to me and I got a whiff of her soft perfume. “Nice to meet you, Brina.”

I shook her hand and nodded dumbly. “Nice to meet you, too. You’re so beautiful.”

She smiled and my stomach flipped when I recognized the smile I’d seen on Luke’s face a thousand times. They must have seen the strange expression on my face because they both chuckled at the same time and my eyes widened at the similarity of their laugh.

“I take it Luke didn’t tell you we’re fraternal twins.” She shook her head at him and he shrugged.

“It’s not like it’s a big secret,” he replied, as he turned to me. “Come on. We have to get you something to eat.”

“No, you came to see your dad, not to take care of me. You go ahead and I’ll find the cafeteria on my own.”

He narrowed his eyes at me and I remembered the promise I’d made to stay by his side. I waited a moment, hoping the moment would pass and he would relent, but he continued to glare at me and I knew he was not going to give in.

“Fine,” I muttered, as I slid off the bed.

Reese looked appalled. “Geez, burn her with your laser eyes, why don’t you? Get a grip, Luke.”

“This is none of your business. Just go back to the room and we’ll be there in a few minutes.”

She rolled her eyes before she turned to leave. “Don’t pull that domineering shit on me. I still remember what age you were when you stopped wetting the bed.”

She disappeared into the corridor and I bit my lip as I tried not to laugh at her comment.

“Go ahead and laugh. Get it out. I was eight years old.” He put his hand on the small of my back and guided me toward the door.

“Aw…. That’s not so bad. I was five.”

He stopped at the door and grabbed my shoulders to turn me toward him. “Are you okay to go out there? ‘Cause I can get you a wheelchair if you think you’re going to pass out again.”

I suddenly remembered the memory that had overcome me before, or maybe while, I passed out. I curled my fingers around the front of his T-shirt as a tingling sensation spread from the tips of my fingers up to my shoulders. I closed my eyes and Luke pulled me against him as he wrapped his arms tightly around me.

I pushed him back and shook my head as I gathered my strength. “I’m fine. Let’s go.”

I wasn’t prepared for the scent of the hospital to bring back such overwhelming memories when we stepped through the entrance, but I was ready now. Well, maybe not
ready
, but I was prepared.

He kissed my forehead before he grabbed my hand. “Hold my hand tight, that way I’ll know something’s wrong if your hand goes slack. Okay?”

I smiled as I squeezed his hand and he squeezed mine in return. “You love me.”

“Maybe a little bit.”

He pulled me out into the corridor and my muscles stiffened as soon as the bright light hit my eyes. I held tightly to Luke’s hand so he wouldn’t worry and together we walked down the corridor, the soles of my sneakers squeaking slightly as I dragged my feet. With every step I forced myself to remember.

I remembered Ryan’s courage the day he admitted to me he wanted to join the military. I remembered his courage the day he kissed my mother goodbye as she fell to pieces in the front yard. And, though I once believed it to be an act of cowardice, I now recalled his courage the day he took his life.

I forced myself to remember everything as I gripped Luke’s hand the way I’d gripped the railing on the bridge eight months ago. And that’s when I remembered the one thing I had forgotten. The one thing that seemed like nothing, but meant everything.

Ryan said he was going to call Jen, but when I talked to Jen after I got back from San Francisco she claimed she hadn’t spoken to him in over two weeks. Who did he call? Why would my brother lie to me when he knew what he was about to do?

7: LUKE

As soon as I felt Brina’s grip on my hand weaken, I wrapped my arm around her waist to catch her, but she wasn’t falling. The vacant stare on her face sent a chill through me.

“What’s wrong?”

She looked right through me as she answered. “Who did he call?”

“What? Who are you talking about?”

As soon as I asked the question I knew the answer. I pulled her into a room that turned out to be a private office, but it was empty. I sat her in a chair in front of a desk that belonged to
Dr. K. Simmons
and grasped her hands.

“Talk to me, Brina.”

She still looked dazed and I stroked the backs of her hands with my thumbs to try to comfort her because I didn’t know what else to do.

“If I could swallow all your pain, if I could make it my own…. If I could take every ounce of regret you carry on your shoulders and shift that burden to me I would do it in a heartbeat. You know that, don’t you?”

She finally blinked and nodded slowly.

“Talk to me.” I could feel her gently tugging her hands away so I held on tighter.

“I know who he called. It was Jesse,” she whispered hoarsely, her body trembling as she struggled to release her hands from my grip. “I’m going to kill him. I’m going to fucking kill him!”

I pulled her into my arms and she dug her fists into my chest as she tried to push me away. “I’m not letting you go until you calm down.”

“Stop! You don’t know what I’m talking about! Get off me!”

I held on tighter as she tried to head-butt me as she attempted to stand from the chair.

“Calm down, Brina!” I shouted, as I buried my face in her neck and lifted her off the chair.

She squirmed and kicked, but I held her too tightly for her to do any real damage. Within seconds she tired and went limp against me, burying her face in my chest as the sound of her sobs echoed inside me. I slowly loosened my grip and waited for her to bolt or start fighting me again, but she just clutched my shirt against her face as she cried. I tilted her face up and she turned her head so I couldn’t see her.

“Please stop,” she whispered.

“Stop what?”

“Stop being so nice.” She reached up and wiped at her face. “These aren’t sad tears. I’m really fucking pissed.”

“Why are you pissed?”

She closed her eyes and more tears rolled down her cheeks and over my hands. I tilted her face up again, but she kept her eyes closed.

“I’m pissed at Jesse for not calling me after he talked to Ryan.”

“Are you saying your brother called this guy Jesse that day?”

She nodded and I suddenly understood why she’d gone into a fit of rage. If I found out someone had talked to someone I loved right before they took their life I might be inclined to think, irrationally, that there was something that person could have done to stop it.

“Brina, you don’t even know what your brother said to him.”

She sucked in a sharp breath and pushed my hands away. I grabbed her arm before she could bolt. “Come on, babe, you need to stop doing this. First you blame yourself and now you’re blaming Jesse. Do you really think this is what your brother would have wanted?”

“What am I supposed to do?”

She doesn’t shout this question as I would have expected. She’s actually expecting an answer—no, she’s begging for an answer.

“I don’t know.”

“It’s been eight months. I’ve seen two therapists. I’ve read half a dozen books on grieving and PTSD and I still don’t know what to do. I’m still as clueless as I was that day and that scares the hell out of me. Eight months…. That’s how long it took me to remember a single detail about that phone call. How long am I supposed to keep remembering? How long before I can stop feeling like my life was ripped to shreds? I want to know because I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired.”

I pulled her into my arms and her voice was muffled against my shirt as she continued to speak, but she made no effort to remove her face from my chest so I held her tightly.

“You don’t have to know all the answers yet. It’s still soon,” I said, my lips brushing the top of her head. “But I’ll help you find those answers. I promise I’ll do whatever it takes to help you find some peace.”

She pulled back a little and I could feel the wet spot on my T-shirt growing. She looked into my eyes and my heart ached at the sight of her red, swollen eyes.

“I have never met a man like you.”

“And you’ll never meet another.”

She sniffled but I got a small smile out of her.

“How can you even put up with me? I’m damaged goods. I shouldn’t even be here. You need to see your dad.”

She pushed away and this time I let her. I wiped the dampness from her cheeks and tucked her hair behind her ears.

“I don’t want to make you stay here to hang out with a dying man and you need to eat. If I ask the driver to take you to the hotel, do you promise to order some room service and stay in the room until I get there?”

She nodded but she looked completely defeated. I didn’t know if it was a good idea to leave her alone, but I knew she didn’t need to see my father on his deathbed right now. And I needed her to know that I trusted her. She could meet my mother later.

I dialed the driver and walked her out to the curb in silence. The car pulled up and I opened the door for her, but I grabbed her hand before she could get in.

“I’m proud of you for facing this the way you do,” I said before I kissed her cheek. “You’re stronger than you think you are.”

8: BRINA

I collapsed face first onto the bed in our hotel room and lay motionless as I tried to work up the courage to call room service. My stomach was in knots. I really didn’t want to eat. But I promised Luke I would and I wasn’t going to go back to deceiving him. Besides, if I was as strong as he seemed to believe I was, I should be able to endure a few bites of solid food.

I sighed as I crawled toward the head of the bed and reached for the phone on the nightstand. I hit the room service button and waited as the ringing tickled my ear.

“Room service,” said a pleasant male voice.

“Uh….” I hadn’t even looked at the menu. “Can you bring up some soup and crackers, please?”

“Would you like tomato bisque, lobster chowder, Tuscan bean, or vegan vegetable?”

“Tomato bisque. Thank you.”

I hung up the phone and laid back. What was I going to do while I waited for Luke? It was only five-thirty. I couldn’t call Jill until after eight. I didn’t want to have to lie to her about where I was. I was determined for something positive to come out of this trip because so far it was a disaster.

The truth was, with her feisty attitude and Milo’s no holds barred approach to business and sex, they were perfect for each other. Of course, the only issue would be hanging out with them if they did start dating. Luke hated Milo. But he hated him for the same reason he dumped me six weeks ago. If he could forgive me, he would have to forgive Milo; especially since Luke and I probably would never have found our way back to each other if it weren’t for Milo’s ingenuity and willingness to fork out $40,000 to get me into the developers’ conference.