Love's Forbidden Flower (37 page)

“Well, there are a few things I'd really like to do that you've been very naughty about.” My carnal grin that implies his clothing is transparent catches him off guard.

“What’s that, luv?” His lips are ear to ear, yet he pulls back a little as I toy with his shirt—not quite falling for my ploy.

“For years there's something I've wanted to do and you have the power to make my dreams come true. I want you to take me to Liv—that place where The Beatles are from.”

Finally Christopher, who's been guarded since he arrived at my door, animatedly returns to the man I love. “Oh Bloody Hell, Lilyanna!” he cries, smacking his cup down on the kitchen counter. “You get me all worked up and then you burst on me with that! You’re a sly one, you are. Americans!”

“Oh, come on, luv. Please, please me,” I beg while batting my eyelashes.

“Not on your Nelly!” he says as if I've asked him to slaughter a puppy. But one look at my pleading face, and he quickly caves. “Fine, but I'm rather gutted over it. You should have your purse taped to you. Better yet, keep your necessities in your shoe and leave your purse here. Bloody Scousers!”

“Oh dear, is she trying to get you to Liverpool?” Grace strolls in dressed far better than the usual day at the manor dictates.

“Yes. Help please!” he begs as she fixes herself some tea.

“Well, fret not too much. You need to have her back by 3:00. Lilyanna and I have a tea reservation at 4:00.”

“Fine. Well, let’s see, it's 8:30 now. By the time we get there it'll be about noon—”

I swat his arm. “Only if you drive like you're a thousand years old! We should be there in forty-five minutes so we can have brekky there. Give me five minutes to get me essentials in me shoe and we’ll go.”

I skip off giggling as Christopher scorns Grace: “I hope you know you're bloody well in it for this!”

“So, tell me dear, now that you're with Christopher again, do you regret not coming sooner?” Grace asks.

That complicated question has infested me since Donovan raced off. “Honestly, yes and no. I've missed Christopher terribly, but I don't know if we'd have the opportunities we have now if I'd come sooner.” Meaning Donovan and I might still be incommunicado. Now the truth is known. If Donovan’s salvation was at my hands as he claims, then the right thing was done. However, if I had moved, would Mom have ended the madness, sparing Donovan two years of torment? Without that he may never have broken—in which case I nearly destroyed him.

Grace reaches out and pats my hand. “Well, I'm glad you're here now. I certainly know Christopher is. He's trying not to get his hopes up much, or so he says, but I know you being here makes him feel there is potential for his future happiness. He hasn't felt that way much lately.” Grace shakes her head. Her eyes blur while staring at the cup in her hands. Lord, what is he hiding?

But there's definitely something else hounding me, though I have no idea how to approach it. “You've done so much for me, and I appreciate every bit of it. Is there anything I can do for you?”

“You're very sweet to ask. Paul’s passing still guts me, but I'm much better. I’m aware that when you knew me before I was emotionally well in it, and it came out horribly. I can only imagine what you thought.”

Boy did I have some crazy ideas! But once she knew she was coming home to Paul, the “damaged spirit” caved way for the real Grace to emerge. I still see her now, which is a little perplexing. I fidget with my cup, and divert my eyes from hers to a plate of lemon slices. “Grace, I mean this with all the respect in the world, and I ask because the answer may really help me with something. How is it you were in such a different state before, but now—”

“You mean, how is it I was so gutted and became cheap and common when Paul and I were separated, yet now that he's gone I'm collected and normal?” she asks with a comforting smile. “When Paul and I separated, the chances of him sitting at home pining seemed slim, so how could I do that for him? I set a terrible example for Christopher. I was always on the make and half the time on the piss or stoned out of my mind. The truth is I've still no idea what Paul was doing. We made a pact not to talk about it.

“The difference is when you can admit that someone or something is dead, then it's gone, and there's no longer anything you can do about it. When I spoke with Christopher a few months after we moved, he told me that neither of you had ever said you were through, and that's why I kept pushing him to call. No matter what else might be happening in your lives, as long as neither of you ever said you were done, there was hope.

“Paul and I never said we were through. Each assumed the other would file for divorce but we never did. Now with Paul gone I know we are done, and I can go on with my life.” Grace forces a smile. “Who knows, I may even remarry someday. Anything is possible for me now, but that doesn't mean I don’t miss him terribly. No matter what happens, I will never, ever stop loving him. Even if I love another I will always be in love with him and treasure every moment we had together.”

Once more Grace has spelt it all out for me. I’m compelled back into Christopher's arms but can't bring myself to affirm it because I haven't accepted my romance with Donovan as dead. It died in the super market when Bob strangled the life out of it, changing our futures forever, along with those of everyone we will ever love. Donovan was stolen from me, and whether or not it's for the best is immaterial. We have been victimized, again.

All the while the ring that still graces my finger has been my way of never saying Christopher and I were through. I knew this day would come just as much as Donovan did.

“You know Grace, you might be the smartest person I've ever met.”

Sitting against a tall tree, the stables serve as my backdrop while the chilly air punctuates my sorrow.

Donovan, what happened to us is completely unjust. I want to keep fighting, but you are right. Because of our unfair circumstances I’ve let myself get ensnared in a web you didn’t spin but is your burden to possess—a web that we each need to escape on our own so that you can destroy it. So that precious romance we fought so hard for and cherished so much, it's dead and gone. Maybe we can catch each other in the next lifetime, or maybe it's buried forever. But I will always, always be in love with you. As for the rest of what we have, we'll see that again soon. We'll make sure of it.

During my private funeral the sun closes its eyes as if in mourning for what we've lost. My mind forbids me to return inside until its anguish is released and the night's mantle of darkness has extinguished the little bit of hope that I've clung to in denial.

After everyone has fallen a victim to twilight, the love reflected on my finger draws me into Christopher's room, waking him as I slide into his bed.

“Lilyanna, you all right? Do you need something?”

“Yes,” I whisper. “I need to sneak through your window, but I can’t find a thirty-foot ladder. It’s a good thing you left your door unlocked else I'd have climbed the trellis.”

As he curves to face me, I place his hand on my cheek as if to ensure myself his presence is not an apparition. “Walking past your window today, it occurred to me I've been so wrapped up in my own messes that I haven't even told you I love you. It's time that changed. I love you, Christopher. As much as there were times when life would have been much easier had I stopped, I have always loved you.”

His lips find mine with a fury that tells me he fears my mind may change if he allows a single heartbeat to pass before reclaiming me. Finally we share the homecoming kiss for which we've both longed since the day he left years before.

“Darling, I love you so very much. I was beginning to think—”

“Shhh. Do you remember on Valentine’s Day when you were the first man I saw, and you said it meant that you were the one for me? I plan to collect on that; so don’t go getting any crazy ideas that I've forgotten. You're the love of my life, and we’ve squandered too much time already. If you’ll still have me I'm remaining by your side forever.”

“With all my being, yes.”

“Then it’s settled. I'm officially, and completely, one hundred percent yours.”

Before Christopher can notice my facial admission of ignorance, an older, slightly rugged man, whom Christopher immediately faces at military attention, approaches. “All right lad, let’s see what we’ve got. Straight up. Not too shabby, but you're a little rough round the edges, just like you should. I suppose you're ready for battle.”

“Yes sir, general sir!”

“Above all remember, you’re not Britain, you’re Manchester!” The man returns the salute before breaking into a jovial smile and brambly clasping Christopher. “Well, it’s about time! We heard you were back yonks ago. Where’ve ya been?”

“I've been pleasantly occupied. I’d like to introduce you to Lilyanna. Lilyanna, this is me old mate Derek.”

“So this is the famous Lilyanna! We thought he was telling porkies.” Derek calls to a group of men across the room, “Hey lads, get on over. Christopher found a fit bird to pretend her name is Lilyanna.”

Five hauntingly familiar gentlemen surround me. While I've been kept in the dark about them, judging by their welcoming grins, they obviously know about me.

“Christopher, who were those guys?” I enquire upon their departure.

“Me mates. Actually, me dad’s old mates.” Christopher sounds suspiciously casual, meaning they're far more important than he's led on.

“They look very familiar. Were they the ones in the picture in your father’s office?”

“Yes. Well, four of them were. Tommy was Dad’s replacement. And having met your mother they should indeed look familiar. She'd be having kittens if she were here.” He chuckles and waves a dismissive hand. “You’ll figure it out soon enough. Anyway, you asked why I'm so different. That’s because while Dad raised me brothers, those blokes raised me.”

My eyes glue to the men whom I've just met. Paint flies onto the canvas of my mind as Christopher creates a handsome portrait.

“Dad started out as a rather terrible musician and quit before the band fired him. But he was good at producing and managing money. Knowing his friends were being swindled, he took over their affairs, changed their name, and made them famous. They owe that and pretty much every penny ever made to him.

“Seeing my parent’s wonky marriage, they were there for me when Dad wasn't. Sure Dad loved me and all, but Keith, he taught me to ride a bike. Whenever Mum drug me off during a split, Tommy took me to football games to keep me mind off things. My sense of humor came from Derek. Eric not only taught me to play guitar, he rang the states weekly checking I wasn’t out on the piss every night and always straightens me out when I need it. Me own father never did those things. I'm far more like those blokes than Paul Eccles. They are my fathers, and I'm bloody well proud of it.

“Really Lilyanna, everyone makes such a big deal about blood, yet you say your mum betrayed you and Donovan. Those blokes would never betray me. I've heard people say that because someone is adopted they're really not a person's child. That's bollocks. At the end of the day, it's who respects you that matters. I'll take that any day over blood or genes.”