Love's Forbidden Flower (35 page)

I reply simply, “West.”

“Your mum?”

“South.”

“Then we head north-east.”

The turn of Christopher’s personality is astounding. Within moments he transformed from the sweet and loving, albeit slightly awkward, guy I've known for years to a very strong and powerful man on a firm mission.

An hour into our journey I’m still unaware of our destination. “Okay, Christopher, I give. Where are you taking me?”

“Honestly luv, I haven't a clue in the world. I just read that letter and knew I had to get you far away. We’ll find some nice little inn and take a few days to get your head back into shape. After that we'll decide what's next.”

Nine hours and two quick gas and food stops later we enter a deluxe suite in one of Maine’s finest inns, high on a cliff over-looking the Atlantic. Christopher immediately draws me a hot bath before ordering dinner. I’m still not sure I recognize this driven man.

As the warm water relaxes my soul Christopher’s motivation becomes clear—he's evolved into a survivor. Taking advantage of having a staff so he could tend to me must be how Paul acted when Grace needed him. The one time Paul didn’t, Grace packed up and left the country, taking Christopher with her. Paul thought he'd lost them both forever.

By my invitation Christopher barely cracks the bathroom door to announce dinner has arrived. Inside the sitting room a lovely candlelit dinner in front of a roaring fire awaits. By the time our meal is finished, the Christopher I've cherished for so long has completely returned.

“How are you feeling, luv?” He kisses his fingertips and reaches them across the table toward me.

Reciprocating the gesture, my fingertips adjoin his. “Safe. Loved. Recovering.” My hand extends further, interlacing our fingers. “It’s about time I could do that. Thank you. During that walk today, I felt lost forever, like I would never be full again, let alone ever give again. That's changing now.”

“You should get some sleep. We need you to keep healing.” He leads me to the bed and tucks me in before kissing me goodnight on the forehead and heading off to the sofa.

“You're not joining me?”

“Not now. You’ve just gone through a huge shock. Give yourself some space. I've all the time in the world to wait for you.”

“You learned this with your mom, didn’t you?”

“Her problem was that she never took the time to heal even a little. I'm not going to let you make that mistake. I’ll be right over there should you need me.”

“Good morning, luv.” He bends down to kiss my forehead, and his scrawny body is all too easy to catch off balance and smack down beside me like a bag of feathers.

“Good morning!”

“Blimey! I'm glad I didn't have coffee in my hands. Why the tussle?”

“Yesterday I let you be in charge. Now it's my turn. You flew over thirty-three hundred miles to see me. All I've gotten out of you is a peck on the forehead, brief hand holding, and one night of cuddles that was slept though. I demand nuzzling.” Christopher looks like the marbles in my head just sprayed all over the floor. “Whaaat? Cat got yur tongue? Gobsmacked are ya?”

“Oh, your Cockney needs serious work! You should be bloody ashamed.” Recovered from the body slam, he immediately curls with me in his arms.

“You're really right. I could use a more time. Meanwhile, I have questions.”

“Is this an inquisition?”

“Yes. I demand answers. It's the least you can do after kidnapping me.”

“Blimey! All right, shoot. I mean,
ask
. After that last little row I don’t know how much I trust you.”

“Ha. Ha. First question: Why are you here for as long as I need when your finals are this week? Full answer please.”

“Bloody hell, Lilyanna.” He looks completely miffed knowing he won’t get away with an evasive response. “Ok, I'll tell part now and part later. You can’t know it all now because I need to see what happens over the next few days or weeks or whatever.”

“Blimey! Don’t get yur knickers in a twist!”

He looks at me in exasperation. “Really, it makes you sound sick. Wait. Are you trying to sound like you're from Liverpool? Anyway, remember how you called your job in need of caring for yourself, and the boss gave you a bad time, and since you were eventually leaving you decided to quit? Well, that's what I'm doing.”

“Why? I thought you always wanted to go to school there?”

Christopher rattles his head like he's shaking off a pesky fly. “Remember I suspected me dad arranged for me to get in? I was right in that, but I wasn't when I said I could've gotten it on my own with proper notice. Turns out I've a pretty limited range of what I can do. I swear those people can play any piece on any instrument. For me, if it doesn’t have strings I lose it. Heaven help me if those strings require a bow. I’m bloody awful! And dear God, don't ask me anything about music theory!”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Too true. Anyway, I'll tell you the rest later, but I was pretty sure I was going to bugger off after this term. I'm much happier being with you, even under these dastardly circumstances, than being
there
.”

“Is that why you really came here? To escape?”

He rolls in closer, placing his cheek on my forehead. “You know, I've asked meself that a few times. Truth is, when I saw you hurting I reacted without thinking, and that's how I got here. Everything else was kismet. Any more questions?”

“Yes, but I'll save them. I've something very important to stop putting off.”

Sitting merely inches from the cliff’s edge, I try to steal some of the sun’s glow for myself while feeling both spectacular and torn. Nature’s metaphor isn't lost as I admire the contrast of the clear Maya blue of the sky and deep azure and sapphire of the ocean. The smooth and unclouded sky is much like the serenity of the eyes of Christopher and the love with which he fills my heart. The complex colors of the ocean’s cresting waves remind me of the passion Donovan’s eyes often flash, and how I've learned that with who he has become I'm drowning.

The jagged rocks below share their voice as well, reminding me how harsh Donovan’s spirit has turned at the hands of those who spread hate. How dare they intrude upon the wave’s glorious ride? Though those rocks may be immobile, what they haven’t the courage to admit is that with each crashing surge they slowly erode. Eventually those rocks will succumb to the power of the wave’s will and turn to mere pebbles. But even now, as the surf washes over those vicious rocks, it leaves behind a spectacular shimmer, reminding me it refuses to lose the war.

Donovan, I know you will prevail. You will dissolve those rocks. But can we really get through this and find a relationship we both feel is right? I want to check on you, but I won’t. I deserve time to heal too.

God, I accept it, but it’s unfair. I accept that Donovan and I are in love, but it's unfair that people think it's wrong. I do accept that because of those people we would have to give up things no one should. I ask that you help us through this so that we can be together in a way that makes us both happy and fulfilled. But please Lord, in the next lifetime, spare us this issue. Either bring us together properly or give us time apart. But please, never let us repeat this hell.

Stretching my face up to the sky, I’m jealous of the birds that grace through it.

It's been far, far too long since I've faced you. Please don't break my heart again.

“Come on,” I say, stretching my hand to him.

“Where are we going?”

“We'll both know in a moment.”

Upon reaching my previous spot on the cliff I tug Christopher to sit with me before looking out over the water. Someway, somehow, I'll see my Donovan again.

“I have that last question now. Breathe deep ‘cause it’s a doozy.” Turning to Christopher, the freedom of the sky is reflected in his eyes as his lovely locks flow like birds in the breeze. “Are you still in love with me?”

Christopher's answer comes as if presented on a cloud. “Yes. I never stopped. Not for an instant.”

“Do you still want to marry me someday?”

“I'd do it in a heartbeat.” Taking my left hand he strokes my ring finger—just like he used to.

“If that happened could you promise me a stable life? Could I open my shop and know I’m secure? Could you promise that someday we'd have children together?”

“Yes, to all of those and anything else you could ever want.”

“I used to think I knew so much about you, but now I realize there is far, far more than I ever imagined. If you’re really serious about us, I need to learn more before I risk losing my heart again.”

Christopher looks as if he has suddenly gotten a case of the dreaded lurgies. “Luv, don't ever look at that map again, especially while in a moving car with me window open.”

I'm finally about to ask why I've endured so many Liverpool jokes when the driver turns off of the main road. An imposing country manor appears in the distance, stealing my attention. “You know, Lilyanna, I always thought you'd love this place. So many times I've nearly sent snaps, hoping to sway you to move, but I couldn't do it. I've been incredibly unfair. You completely brought me into your world, yet I hid mine. I can only imagine how it must be for you seeing how I kept secrets. I hope you can understand and someday forgive me.”

Unable to face him for the reality of the words, my head snuggles into his shoulder. “Sometimes people maintain silence for very important reasons. There's nothing to forgive.”

As we reach the manor, Grace runs out acting like a pre-teen at a boy band concert. At least it seems like Grace. The lady standing before me appears so much more refined and happy than I've ever known Grace to be. “Lilyanna!” She clings to me with excitement. “Oh, how much I've missed you! I can’t believe you're finally here!”

Her grip on me is near strangling. Mine on her is almost as strong. She makes me feel as if I’ve returned home after a long tour of duty. “Grace, seeing you makes me know everything is really going to be all right.”

“Of course it is, dear.”

Inside the foyer my eyes trace an elegant wooden double staircase in awe. Before the driver can set down our suitcases, Grace ushers me into the drawing room where I'm introduced to two of Christopher’s brothers. They seem more like jocks than they do Christopher; tall, strong, short cropped blonde hair, and the jovial pathetic wit that I've come to loathe. From the sound of their conversation the other two brothers are much like them.