Love's Autograph (4 page)

“
She sounds sweet,” Ria said.

“
You're probably the only person to describe Dina as sweet,” Ellie laughed. “What about you? Who's your best bud?”

“
My dad,” Ria said.

“
Really?”

“
Yeah, we talk all the time about everything. He was the first person I told when I realized I was a lesbian. He was cool with it. He cried and gave me a big hug. He said he was only crying because he knew other people might not understand.”

“
He sounds sweet,” Ellie said.

Ria answered,
“He is.”

With every drink, Ria seemed to need to touch Ellie in some way. She spoke and caressed Ellie's forearm with her warm hand. When Ria lifted her hand it was as if it left a permanent impression of tingles. Ria leaned her head to Ellie's shoulder and then sat upright again.
A fruity, beach smell drifted through the air and seemed to land on Ellie's shoulder. It was the same smell that was on the couch’s pillows. She put her hand on the back of Ellie's hand and Ellie stopped breathing. It was as if Ria needed to touch Ellie to ground her to be able to talk. Ellie felt her heartbeat quicken.

“
How many beers until you get buzzed?” Ria asked.

“
Not many. Are you trying to get me drunk?” Ellie asked.

“
Would I need to?” Ria asked and then laughed.

Ria turned to look out the window. Elli
e leaned in to kiss Ria but then pulled back. Hanna Baker came through the speakers and that did not make it any easier. “Falling for you,” Hanna’s lyrics filled the apartment. Ellie felt light headed but had only consumed three beers.

Two beers later for Ellie, Ria went to change in the bedroom. Elli
e scanned her phone. It was four a.m. Ellie ran her hands through her hair and rested her head on the pillow. She fell asleep on the couch while waiting for Ria to return.

Something heavy fell
on Ellie's feet and jarred her awake. Maggie had plopped down onto the end of the couch, and onto Ellie's feet.

Maggie grabbed the remote control and turned on cartoons.

“Good morning Ellie,” Maggie said.

“
Good morning. Can you get off my feet, please?” Maggie got off her feet. “Thank you. Is your mother up?”

“
Snoring in the bedroom. You can go into her room without it being an emergency,” Maggie said.

Ellie got up and walked down the hall to Ria's room. Ria was fast asleep, but was not snoring. Ria had changed into a black t-shirt and
red mesh shorts. Ellie imagined crawling in beside her. She wished to be the pillow she was hugging. She wished to press her lips onto Ria's. She found herself standing and staring at Ria. She walked back into the living room.

“
Is she still sleeping?” Maggie asked.

“
Yes.”

“
Do you know how to make pancakes?” Maggie asked.

Ellie yawned and then answered,
“Umm… they’re supposed to be easy, but I don't cook.”

“
An irrational fear or laziness?”

“
Don't know how and lazy,” Ellie answered.

“
Well, I will have to wake up my mother then,” Maggie said as she turned off the television.

“
Wait, you should let her sleep,” Ellie said.

“
Today is pancake day, and we have to have pancakes,” Maggie said as she walked toward the hallway to Ria's bedroom.

Ellie thought about the research she had done last night on people diagnosed with
autism. One article reported that people are sometimes stuck in a routine. It said they can get dysregulated if that routine is messed up. It also said something like they are unable to see grey areas and are, therefore, very black and white thinkers.

“
Wait, umm… would your mother mind if we went and bought some at the pancake house down the street?” Ellie asked.

“
Those are my favorite. I will get my coat,” Maggie said.

While Maggie got her coat, Ellie went to the bathroom, relieved her bladder and washed up. She left a note on the door and took Maggie out of the apartment.

Ria woke to find Ellie and Maggie gone. She panicked until she saw the note on the door stating,
We went to grab pancakes for Sunday’s sake. Be back soon with breakfast for all. -Ellie

CHAPTER
4

Ellie walked away from Maggie and Ria's apartment, into the elevator, tired, un-showered with a full belly of pancakes, sausage and coffee.
Ping.
The elevator doors shut.

“
Yes!” Ellie said as she clapped her hands. The sound reverberated in the elevator. “She was amazing,” she whispered. “They’re amazing.”

She put on
her baseball cap and stepped outside. Outside the apartment complex the air was wet. She gawked up toward their apartment. She was hoping to somehow get one more glimpse of Ria.
She had no such luck.

Last night it was dusk when she had seen the building. The outside had faded red brick.
Ellie's belly hurt from all the laughing last night and this morning. In her nose lingered the smell of Ria. Ellie thought of how Ria hugged her goodbye and the fruity scent of Ria's hair.

Across the street she saw a few people slow down and stare at her. They seemed to be on the verge of recognizing her. She turned the corner where a black Lincoln Town Car was parked. A woman had opened the back door for her. She was a little bit shorter than Ellie. She had
dark skin and shoulder length black hair. The driver’s arms were the size of Ellie's thighs.

“
Miss Way,” the driver said.

“
Yes, thank you,” Ellie answered. The driver closed the door and Ellie sank into the backseat. The softness and cushion of these seats were always a pleasant surprise to her. Ellie rested her head back and closed her eyes. She saw line after line in Maggie's notebooks. She saw Ria lying in bed holding on to that pillow, surrounded by satin sheets. She saw Ria's lips and heard Ria's laughter.

“
Wild night?” the driver asked.

“
Huh?” Ellie asked.

“
None of my business, but it looks like you had a long night,” the driver said.

“
Not wild, but definitely memorable,” Ellie answered and a smile slid across her face.

The car pulled away from the curb and headed north
toward downtown. The woman drove for a little bit, and kept looking in the rear view mirror at Ellie.

“
Miss Way, I know that look anywhere,” the driver said.

“
Yeah, how so?” Ellie asked.

“
Someone has tugged on your heart.”

“
What?” Ellie asked.

“
Forgive me for saying it, but you look like you're in love,” the driver chuckled.

“
I think you bought yourself a good tip, and it's EJ. Please, none of that Miss Way stuff.”

The driver answered,
“Yes, EJ. I'm a big fan.”

“
Thank you,” Ellie said. “And if you're a big fan, you know that I want the location of my pickup held confidential.”

“
Always. I understand, and anything for you, Miss Way,” the driver said.

Ellie opened her phone to her calendar and saw that she had a meeting with Robert.

“I need to go downtown to B & E Headquarters. Can you do me a favor and drive around for a bit first so that I can nap?”

“
Yes, no problem.” Ellie arrived downtown an hour later, succeeding on getting a few minutes of rest.

“
Ellie,” Robert greeted her at the car. Robert was the same height as Ellie, but about a hundred pounds heavier and he had a slight potbelly. He was forty-three years old, but, due to his baby-face, until a few months ago looked like he was in his late twenties. He decided to grow a beard. His hair was red, and the beard completed his costume as a leprechaun. He always wore a vest, and he only owned things that were top of the line. He was one of those people who had one eye on his phone at all times.

“
Hi Robert,” Ellie said.

“
I thought you had gone and lost your ability to use your hands. Good thing we have insurance on those babies. You couldn't text or call back?” Robert asked.

“
I was busy, Robert. What was so urgent?”
Ellie asked.

“
Urgent, umm… just that we have all your tour dates solidified,” Robert whined. “Well, solidified as much as shifting sand can be solidified. I need your approval on them. We start in less than a month.”

“
Already?” Ellie asked as she yawned.

“
The album is done. Come on, we talked about this. Why? What else do you have to do?”

Ellie answered,
“I don't know, maybe have a life.”

“
You have a life that everyone is dreaming about. You want a life. Everyone, every lesbian wants to be you. Hell, they all want to do you,” Robert said as he pointed to Ellie.

Ellie said,
“Not all of them.”

“
Is this about Jenny again?”

“
No. No. Hell, no. Can you not say her name again? If anyone has the name Jenny, let's either not hire them or at least change their name,” Ellie answered. “Don't worry about it. Where are we going first?”

Robert showed her the itinerary and informed her o
f the opening acts, speaking engagements and promotional events. This year she was touring internationally. Ellie was scheduled for three Pride Parades. They even landed the Newport Rock Festival that had been a goal for Ellie for three years.

Somehow, the whole conversation was on cruise control. In each lull in the conversation
, Ellie’s thoughts were of Ria's smile, a joke Ria had told, and the smell of Ria's apartment coming from the clothes Ellie slept in the night before.

Ellie picked up a magazine with her
picture on the front. She turned the pages to an article about her. She read:
EJ Way steps onto the stage. Her 5'7” frame steps through the fog. Her blue eyes call to the camera and her rippling biceps, adorned with tattoos, burst from her shirt. Her sideways smile flashes at the front row of screaming girls as she runs her hand through her short, brown hair. Her sultry voice finds its way to the microphone and...

“
Ellie, you there?” Robert asked.

“
I’m still amazed about what people think of me,” Ellie said as she pointed at the magazine.

“
Yeah, they love you. Ellie, I was talking about the tour,” Robert said. “Shall I go over it again?”

“
No, this all looks great. This is great. I'll sign off on whatever you want,” Ellie said.

“
You okay?” Robert asked.

“
Everything’s fine. I'm not flaking out on you. I’m tired,” Ellie said. “Don't pretend you care about me. I'll be there and ready and better than ever.”

“
You usually have objections to the schedule. Find a new EJ toy?” he asked.

Ellie said,
“You know I don't like when you talk like that.”

“
You did,” he said. “What's her name?”

“
Not like that,” EJ said. “A family I met.”

“
Charity, great publicity. Why didn't you say so? We can send a camera crew...”

“
No. This is off-limits. Is my car still here? I'm going to bed,” Ellie said.

The same driver that picked her up from Ria's had waited for her at the studio and then drove her home.
On the ride home Ellie could not stop thinking about Ria. She thought about the amazing time she spent with Maggie. She felt her chest drop every time she even thought of kissing Ria.

Ellie opened her phone to her contacts and started deleting every girl that she had dated or slept with. When she reached her apartment only her friends, family, restaurants, business associates, Jenny
, and Ria remained in her contacts. She walked into her apartment, fell into bed and dreamt of lying in Ria's arms in a room surrounded by Maggie's notebooks.

Ellie woke up still thinking about that amazing woman, Ria. She could not believe she had deleted all those girls’ contact information. She had girls’ numbers from every major city in the U.S. Now here she was head over heels for a woman she had never even dated.

Roxie was in
Australia on business and was not responding to Ellie's texts. She was angry at Roxie for getting her into this situation. At the same time, she was thankful to Roxie for introducing her to Ria. Ellie decided to make a move and ask Ria out. After all, she was EJ Way. Ellie opened her phone and started text after text only to shake her head and delete it. Ria contacted her first through a text.

Ria
said,
I had fun last night. Thanks for coming over and staying later
.
And for the pancakes.

Ellie
's hand trembled as she replied,
I had fun too. I was just thinking about you.

Ria said
,
I was wondering, what are you doing Tuesday night?

Ellie's heart caught in her throat,
Let me check. Before or after nothing?

Ria
responded
, Good I have another date. Can you hang out with Maggie?

Ellie
's heart sunk,
Another date, so soon?

Boston
’s Singles is fast. Must be my profile ;) Ria said.

What time?

Ria said,
6ish?

Ellie
said,
I'll be there.

You're amazing. Thanks. I'll get my own flowers this time. LOL, Ria said.

As she looked at her phone, Ellie thought,
one more night masquerading as the babysitter shouldn’t harm much. Either way, I get to see Ria. Somehow she and Maggie give me peace again.

Ellie opened her phone and texted Roxie,
So, I met with Ria and her amazing daughter Maggie on Saturday. They both are great. I think I am finally out of this dense fog I have been in about “you know who.” I’m going to see her again on Tuesday. One more thing…she thinks I was her babysitter. So a babysitter I am.

Tuesday came. Ellie's day was filled with auditioning bands, back-up singers, and sound guys and girls. Ellie could not focus on the tasks. All she could focus on was tonight.

What am I going to wear? What will Ria be wearing? Who is she going out with? Will she have a horrible date again? Will she stay up late with me again?

Ellie's car dropped her off around the corner from Ria's and Maggie's house. Ellie had brought a guitar to the studio and had to bring it back with her on her way to
the babysitting gig.

“
The one you love?” the driver asked. It was the same driver who had picked her up Saturday morning from Ria's.

“
What’s your name?” Ellie asked.

“Jazzie.”

“
Well, Jazzie... it’s complicated,” Ellie said.

“
It always is, and it’s never as complicated as you think,” Jazzie said.

“
You a therapist or a fortune teller?” Ellie said.

“
Sorry EJ,” Jazzie said. “I shouldn't be meddling. You probably get no privacy.”

“
Don't be sorry,” Ellie said. “You on call?”

“
Yes, until 8:00 a.m.,” Jazzie said.

“
Okay, I like you Jazzie. I'd love for you to be my driver for the rest of tonight and as much as you can for rides. Do I just ask for you?”

“
I listened out for your call, and begged to take you. I'd be honored,” Jazzie answered. “My driver number is here on my card.” Jazzie handed her a card.

“
Thanks, see you later,” Ellie said. Ellie walked through the lobby, rode the elevator to the fifth floor and was about to knock on the door when she heard Maggie.

“
She is here!”

“
Move the chair before you open the door, please,” Ria yelled back.

“
Okay,” Maggie yelled again. “Ellie I am going to put the chair back. Then I will open the door. You don't have to knock.”

“
Okay,” Ellie yelled back. Maggie opened the door. She had a blanket around her shoulders and wore a winter hat. Ellie stepped into the apartment.

“
Did winter come and I missed it?” Ellie asked.

“
No, why would you ask that?” Maggie answered.

“
You're dressed all bundled up,” Ellie said.

“
Sensory issues. I like to be bundled up sometimes, and sometimes I like baggy clothes. Some noises bother me, and certain food textures are hard for me to eat. I can't eat grits or yogurt with fruit in it. I don't like any soft food with chunks in it. You can ask my mother for my sensory diet if you want. You brought a guitar?” Maggie said. “She brought a guitar, Mom!”

“
Oh, how nice,” Ria walked into the living room with her phone held up to her ear. “Okay I love you too. Yes, I'll be careful. Ellie is here I have to go. No, Ellie is the sitter, not the date. Julie watches her when I have second shift or an overnighter. Yes, she's fine. Maggie loves her. I have to go. Love you.”

“
Telemarketer?” Ellie pointed to the phone.

Ria laughed.
“My dad. We talk practically every day. He's nervous about me going out on dates I find on the internet. You would think that when I started dating women he would calm down. He thinks that I work too much. Well, I do work a lot, but that's what I need to do in my line of work. I'm doing the best that I can. It drives me crazy how much he worries about me.”

“
I think it's sweet that he worries. And you're a great mom,” Ellie said. Ellie's eyes lingered on Ria’s outfit. She was wearing a plain, button-down gray shirt, black skirt and black boots that reached to her knee.

“
You might want to go back and change,” Ellie said.

“
What? Why? What's wrong?” Ria asked as she looked down at herself.

“
You look incredible. You won't give her a fighting chance. She'll be dumbfounded all night and be proposing by the end of the date. I think that's too much too fast.”

“
You're sweet. You just got a raise in your pay Miss Ellie,” Ria said as she patted Maggie on the head.

“
You pay her? She gets paid to spend time with me?” Maggie asked. Ria looked from Ellie to Maggie and panic struck her face. Ellie realized her good graces with Maggie were in jeopardy.

“
On the contrary Miss Maggie,” Ellie answered. “The hard work I have to do is being Ria's typer and listener. That's what I figure I get paid for. If you ask me, I deserve a pay raise.”

“
So be it,” Maggie said in an English accent. “Three million dollars a year!”

“
Deal!” Ria said as she kissed Maggie on the head. Ria turned to Ellie. Ellie instinctively took a step back to give Ria room to pass.

“
What's the guitar for? What, no flowers?” Ria asked.

“
What, no kiss?” Ellie boldly asked. “You'll have to get your own flowers for your dates from now on. And the guitar I was hoping to fiddle around with it and figured Mags might enjoy it.”

“
I love music!” Maggie said. “I don't like being called Mags though.”

“
Sorry, Maggie,” Ellie answered.

“
You a musician?” Ria asked.

“
Yes, we talked about this last time, but you were so umm, tired that you probably forgot,” Ellie said.

“
Yes, tired,” Ria winked. “I hope I wasn't overly tired or embarrassingly tired or over-sharing tired.” Ria seemed to be panicking.

“
You were fine. No worries,” Ellie said.

“
Phew, thank you. Okay, so we negotiated a later bedtime. 9:07 p.m. but only if you sign off on it,” Ria said.

“
More time with Maggie! Yes, I agree. Where do I sign?” Ellie answered.

“
It is not an actual thing you sign like a contract. You are right mom. She is a little silly,” Maggie said.

Ellie smiled and asked Ria,
“You were talking about me?”

“
Don't let your head swell too much.
Okay, off I go, wish me luck,” Ria said.

“
Wait, who are you going out with?” Ellie asked.

“
Oh, some artsy chick. I thought it would be good to go out with someone different,” Ria said. “Right?”

“
We'll see I guess,” Ellie said trying not to show her real lack of enthusiasm for Ria’s date. “Have fun,” Ellie managed to add.

Ria walked over to Maggie again and gave her a kiss on the forehead.
“You listen, will you?”

“
Thank you, Ellie,” Ria said.

“
Wait,” Ellie said as she followed her to the door. She whispered, “What if I call you after Ellie goes to bed to see how it's going? That way it might be your way out of the date.”

“
You don't have to,” Ria said. “But it's probably a safe idea. Okay, have a fun night. Thanks again.”

Ria walked out the door and Ellie
couldn’t help but check her out as she walked by. Ellie looked at Ria's boots and followed up to Ria's behind. She didn’t stop staring until the door closed behind Ria.

That night Ellie and Maggie played with Ellie's guitar
, a Limited Edition Gibson.

“
Where did you get this guitar? Was it expensive?” Maggie asked.

“
Well, usually it's not polite to ask people how much things cost,” Ellie said.

“
Oh,” Maggie said. “Why?”

“
I don't know. I guess it's like the whole asking people their salary thing. I'll tell you though,” Ellie said. “I bought it from an auction.”

“
Those things when you bid on items and whoever says the most money gets it?” Maggie asked.

“
Yup,” Ellie said.

“
So how much did you get this for?” Maggie asked. “Or is it rude to ask?”

“
I don't mind. This was for a children's hospital benefit. It was donated by alternative folk rocker Jani DeSassa. You ever hear of her?”

“
No, is she good?” Maggie asked.

“
The best. I'll give you some of her music. I won this for $17,171,” Ellie said.

“
Wow, that's a lot of money,” Maggie said.

“
Yeah it is, but it was worth it to me,” Ellie said.

Maggie learned five chords in about an hour. She was learning faster than Ellie could teach her. Ellie had to convince Maggie to stop practicing because Maggie's fingers had not yet formed calluses and were getting blisters.

Maggie begged Ellie to play for her. Ellie played on her guitar for almost an hour. Ellie made sure to play some of her older and not as well-known material. And, before they knew it, it was 9:07. Maggie let Ellie walk her to the bathroom and watch her brush her teeth, and then let Ellie walk her to her room.
The room was light green and had white curtains. It resembled a room from a magazine. It looked untouched.

Ellie hurried down the hall and back to the living room. She sat at the window overlooking the rest of
Boston. She called Ria's number and stared out the window as if she could see all the way to Ria.

“
Hello?” Ria answered.

“
Hi, there is a big fake problem with Maggie. She needs you right here if you need to be saved,” Ellie said.

“
What?” Ria said. “Can't you calm her down?”

“
I'm guessing my answer would be no,” Ellie answered.

“
I really wish you could take care of it, because I'm out on a date.” Ria's rage was somewhat believable.

“
That bad, huh?” Ellie said.

“
Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can,” Ria said. “Keep her calm.”

“
See you soon,” Ellie said.

Ellie smiled and pu
mped her fist in the air.
She paced around the apartment. She checked herself in the mirror three times. She had gotten a haircut yesterday, but she still didn’t see herself in the way that magazine journalist had described.

She stood by the window waiting for Ria to reach the building. Finally, a cab pulled up and
Ellie saw Ria's black boots exit the cab. Ellie held back from running down five floors to greet her. She faced the door waiting for it to open.

I look like a dog waiting
for its owner.

She sat on the couch
, turned on the television, and started sifting through the list of movies.