Love Will Lead You Back (13 page)

Spring

I’ve been sleeping with Chase just about every day since the last time he came over. I was still with Russell, but with Chase back around, sexually, Russell wasn’t doing it for me. I was about to go home from work when Russell called asking me to come over. I was tired and didn’t feel like being bothered, but he made me feel bad, talking about he hadn’t seen me in a week. I locked the office up and made it to his house in fifteen minutes. He was lying on the bed in just his boxers and a wife beater when the chick that was mad at the BBQ came out the bathroom. He jumped up when he saw me. I smiled and walked out with him running behind me. I was actually happy, because I didn’t know how to end it.

“Spring, stop.”

“Why would you invite me over here when you had company?” I had a tear leaving my eyes, and I wasn’t sure why. I was in love with Chase. Maybe, I was hurt, because I did like him, and even though I cheated, I didn’t think he was. I know I’m a hypocrite.

“Does it matter?”

“What do you mean does it matter?”

“Come on Spring. You didn’t think I was only with you.” I saw the girl with a smirk on her face.

“Oh, shit. You did.” He thought the shit was funny.

“It’s ok, Boo. You can have her, and whoever else, but you won’t have me.”

“You’re not going anywhere. She’s about to leave, and you’re going to fuck me the way I like.”

“You lost your damn mind.” He snatched me up by the arm, and basically, dragged me in the house.

“Put your clothes on. My bitch is here.” She grabbed her shit and hauled ass out of there.

“Strip.” He yelled at me locking the door and licking his lips.

“Boo, you’re high and drunk. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Strip, NOW!” He was now yelling in my face. I refused. This nigga started taking my clothes off for me.

“Look, I’m not a rapist, but you’re going to give up the pussy one way or the other.”
Did this nigga just threaten to rape me
? I took my panties and bra off in front of him.

“Suck my dick with your pretty ass.”

“You know I don’t even get down like that.” He cocked his gun back, and I pulled his shit out quick. Usually, I would go back at him, but I had nothing to fight him with. I made sure it was a horrible job, so he wouldn’t ask me again. I guess it worked, because he told me to stop and got on top of me.

“Damn, this pussy is good.” I didn’t even realize he was in. Chase had bust me open so much that I wasn’t feeling anything once again.

“Put a condom on.” I pushed his chest, and he didn’t move.

“Hell no. I’m about to get you pregnant.” All the bells went off in my head from what Chase told me.

“I’m not ready for kids. Stop. Get up. ” He pounded harder into me. I kept trying to get him to stop, but he didn’t and was forcing my legs open. Every time he pumped, the insides of my legs were hurting. Each time he came, he bit down on my chest.

“Ahhh shit girl.” This nigga came inside me over and over. He kept that gun by him the entire time with his hand on it. I could see the safety was on.
Should I consider this rape? I didn’t want it, but I wasn’t fighting him? Does that mean I wanted it? I told him no, and he still took it. Am I a rape statistic or survivor? Oh God, I need to get out of here
.” I had all types of thoughts running through my mind. The only one that made sense was to get the fuck out of there. I jumped up and put my clothes on while he was asleep. I searched high and low for that motherfucking gun to shoot his ass. I saw it under his stomach; I tried to get it, and he would move; that’s ok.

“Another time motherfucker.” I whispered in his ear. I took all my shit and hauled ass out of there.

I wanted, no I needed Chase to calm me down, but I knew I couldn’t tell him, because he would go kill him, and I wanted to be the one to take his life. I ran in the house, and he was on the couch talking to my sister and Monty. I ran upstairs, pissed on the pregnancy test I bought, and jumped in the shower. I scrubbed my body until it felt like my skin was coming off. I looked down, and I had bruises in between my legs and a few bite marks on my chest. I threw on an oversized t-shirt and some boxer shorts Chase left a while ago. He came in the room just as I was about to tell my sister what happened. She left us in there to talk.

“Are you ok, Spring? You look nervous about the something.”

“I’m ok.” He pulled my legs closer to him on the bed, and I winced out in pain.

“What’s wrong?” I tried pulling my shorts down to cover myself, but he stopped me. I saw the look on his face.

“I’m ok, Chase.”

“Stand up.” I put my head down and let the tears fall.

“Stand up right now, Spring.” I didn’t move.

“Fine.” He laid me back, pulled the boxers down, and lifted my shirt. I covered my face with my hands.

“WHAT THE FUCK! Who did this to you?” He yelled out. Chase punched a hole in the wall and left. I put my clothes back on just in time. Monty and B came running in the room, and I heard a loud noise.

“What the fuck is going on?”

“What’s up sis? Are you ok?”

“Go check on him, please.” He left, and I showed my sister my body. We were light-skinned, so every minute that passed, the bruises got darker. I had them in between my legs, and my ass had bruises from him smacking my ass hard. The bite marks on my chest and stomach looked like a dog attacked me.

“Oh my, God, Spring. Where the fuck is he? No, where is my gun?”

“Calm down, B. I’m going to get him back.”

“Spring, have you seen your body?” She was crying herself and hugging me.

“It doesn’t look that bad? Does it?” She looked at me and nodded her head yes.

“We need to get you to the hospital.”

“I already took a shower. They can’t do a rape kit now.”

“Spring, listen to yourself. You may not be a criminal lawyer, but you know as well as I do that that doesn’t matter. Bring the clothes you had on, and let’s go.”

“I’m embarrassed, B.”

“I understand it, but you need to go the hospital, especially since you’re pregnant. The baby needs to be checked; don’t be selfish.”

“Ok. Please don’t tell Chase.”

“Tell him what? He saw you.”

“He doesn’t know I’m pregnant yet.”

“Is it his?” I told her yes. I threw some sweats on slowly and put my clothes in a bag to take to the hospital. They did a rape kit; I had to talk to some officers, but I wouldn’t tell them who he was. A woman from a rape group came in to talk to me.

“Hi, I’m Ms. Green. How are you feeling?” She asked with a sober look on her face.

“I just want to get out of here.” B sat in one of the chairs. The woman and I spoke about the rape, and I explained to her that I didn’t know if you can call it that.

“Spring, if I can call you that. Honey, I know you don’t want to believe it, but you were raped. A lot of women think if you didn’t fight him, or yell out no that it wasn’t. The minute he had the gun to your head and made you perform oral sex on him; that was rape. Anytime you say stop or tell him you’re not in the mood, and he still does it, it’s rape. Some women don’t fight when it’s happening thinking it will be over fast if she doesn’t. You may have had sex with him plenty of times before, but it doesn’t excuse the one time you didn’t want to that he took it anyway. Listen, it’s late, and I want you to get home and rest. Here’s my card, and I want to stop by and talk to you some more. The shock of what actually happened to you has not worn off, but when it does, you’ll need someone to talk to. We can have coffee, a phone conversation, or you can come to a meeting to hear different stories.”

“Thank you, Ms. Green. I promise to call when I get myself together.” She gave me a hug and gave my sister her card too, so she could find out how I was doing in case I didn’t call. I got to the house, and Monty was sitting in the living room on the phone.

“You good, sis?” I nodded my head and went to lay down.

The next day, I woke up to cops and detectives in my living room looking for the person who did it. Evidently, another woman was raped the day before, and they wanted to know if the two were connected. After they left, I sat in the tub soaking, thinking about how my life got this bad. I found out I was four weeks pregnant, and I was sure it was Chase’s, because I just started sleeping with Russell two weeks ago and we always used condoms. And I checked them. I had to get a shot of penicillin, took STD and AIDS test, and they told me to take Tylenol if I had pain, because that’s all I could take.

“Hello.” I answered the phone that was on the side of the tub.

“Why you leave? I wanted to fuck you again.”

“Fuck me again. Nigga, you raped me.”

“Raped you. Is that what they call it nowadays? Bitch, you wanted it.” He laughed in the phone.
Oh my God, he really did rape me. He just admitted it.

“You think I wanted you biting on me or forcing my legs open to fuck me? I told you to stop and to get up; you think I was saying that just because?”

“Nah, but that’s what happens when you think I didn’t know you fucking that other nigga. See if that nigga sticks his dick in you now that I took that shit.”

“You should’ve left me alone if you knew I was fucking someone else.”

“Nah, because I wouldn’t have been able to do you like that. Ain’t no bitch going to be fucking me and another nigga. You lucky I didn’t pull the trigger.” I felt the phone being ripped out my hand.

“I’m coming for you nigga. You fucked with the wrong one.” He threw the phone across the wall and shattered it.

Chase

The day Spring text me to come over, I thought it was to tell me she was pregnant. I was still sleeping with her knowing she had that dude. It didn't matter to me, because I was dicking her down and sleeping next to her every night. Neither one of us worried about her getting pregnant anymore; whatever happens, happens was our motto.

She told me she just started sleeping with dude, and they always wore condoms. When I saw her body with all those bruises and bite marks on her, I lost it. What type of man rapes a woman, and to know he just told her on the phone he did it on purpose because he knew she and I were sleeping together made it worse. I think she was more embarrassed than anything, because she's so tough and couldn't control the situation.

"You good baby?" I wrapped the towel around her to get out.

"Yea. Chase, how did he know about us?"

"It doesn't matter; a real nigga would've took a step back or even confronted you on it; not do some shit he did."

"Chase I was fighting with myself about if I was raped until he admitted it. How could he do me like that?" She cried in my arms. I lifted her up and threw some clothes on her

"Spring, this does not define who you are. Yes, it happened, but you're stronger than this. Don't let what he did break you down."

"But it did, Chase. He took something from me that he already had. Why would he do that?" This shit was killing me that she was in so much pain. I stayed with her until she fell asleep. Monty and I went to the club hoping we would run into him, but Spring said he wasn't from this area. Tomorrow, we were going to his town with the other MMNs to find his ass.

I woke up, and she wasn't in the bed. I checked the bathroom, and she was on the floor in the corner with her knees in her chest holding a white stick with two pink lines.

"Is it mine?"

"Yes." She wiped her tears and put her head on my shoulder.

"Are you ready this time?"

"Chase, I want a baby with you now more than ever. Do you think you're ready?"

"I wasn't letting off in you for nothing." We both shared a laugh and took a shower together. I washed her body and felt myself getting angry at the marks he left on her. When I got the rag in between her legs, she jumped back.

"It's ok, baby. It's just me."

"I'm sorry, Chase."

"Don't apologize." I was now wiping her tears. I felt so bad for her. I carried her in the room and laid her on the bed.

"Are you going to work?"

"No. I don't think I'll be there for a long time. I don't even want to leave the house."

"Spring, you're going to have to leave when B has the baby."

"Yea, but that's it. I can get Giselle to run the office." My face got tight when she said her name.

"I'm not sleeping with her, but she is the only one that can run it like me and my sister."

"Do what you have to, but don't allow what he did cause you to be stuck in the house."

"Chase, are you in love with me?"

"Yes, I am. I don't know when it happened but I am."

"Are you in love with me?"

"I'm deeply in love with you. I tried to fall for Russell to get over you but nothing I did worked. You marked me."

"I did, huh? You did the same here; now get some rest. I'll be back tonight."

"Do you think he'll come here and try again? Maybe, I shouldn't stay here." I saw how uneasy she was, and it tore me up that he had that much control over her.