Love Story for a Snow Princess (Siren Publishing Classic) (10 page)

She almost gagged. The bile in her stomach churned, threatening to spew forth. She reached for their clothing, grabbed his shirt, and pushed it tightly against the wound.

She was shaking, her hands and arms seeming to have a mind of their own. Her teeth chattered as well even though she wasn’t the least bit cold.

After wrapping the shirt around his thigh and tying it, she scampered back until her back hit a wall. She sat with her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them and rocked, knowing that she should get up and get help yet unable to move one muscle. The blood on her hands, her legs, and her torso made it hard for her to breathe. It was as if all motor functions had ceased.

I have to call someone but the blood…there’s so much blood…

Paden’s eyes fluttered as they opened. Contentment coursed through him, perhaps for the first time since before the kidnapping. He stared at his ceiling, the exposed mahogany beams set amidst the white-painted wall, and stretched. Immediately, pain shot through him, registering down to his leg.

“Christ!” he grated, reaching down and finding gauze and tape instead of skin. He looked at the bandage, and memories immediately snapped into place. “Thea?”

He pushed himself up on his elbows. Miki sat in the corner in his recliner, watching him. His heart sank, and embarrassment made his face flush. Miki sat perfectly still, her face carefully blank, hiding any thought or emotion, making it difficult for him to read.

“Where’s Thea?”

“She’s napping at the medical center,” Miki replied blandly. “Doc gave her a sedative when her hysteria wouldn’t subside.”

“Hysteria?”

Miki nodded. “It seems she suffers from hemophobia. That’s a fear of blood, if you didn’t know.”

“Christ,” he muttered again, lying back down. He ran a hand down his face.

“I found the knife.” Miki held up the missing one from the set. “I’ll be taking this with me.”

He swallowed thickly and covered his eyes with his arm, shutting her out. His worst fear had just come to light. His monster had been discovered.

“Listen, Paden, what you do with yourself is your business, and the doc and I, we aren’t going to talk. Your secret is safe. But I think you should probably stay away from Thea.”

He nodded under his arm.

“I’ll make sure she’s not in the restaurant at night so you can come eat. Okay? Okay.” He heard her rising from the chair and leaving, her footsteps echoing through the nearly empty house. Only when the front door opened and closed did he release the tears he’d been holding back.

Thea had given herself so trustingly, had given her faith that he’d treat her wonderfully, and he’d destroyed it. It almost killed him to think her memory of him was now tainted with something dark and twisted and immoral. He hated himself so much in that moment he could have easily appeased the monster more by finishing himself off if Miki hadn’t taken his only knife.

“Motherfucker!”

And he especially hated the feeling of his demon almost purring with contentment as he considered such a fate.

Thea moaned, her body twitching as she struggled to pull herself from the dream. Someone patted her arm, and her eyes flew open. For a moment she had no recollection of where she was. Everything was unfamiliar. Dim light diffusing through the window showed a white, sterile room. A medical room complete with a small sink, a large garbage can with a red liner, and various clear jars of medical paraphernalia.

“Panthea?” a warm, comforting voice asked.

She squeaked a little as she jumped in fright, her gaze quickly swinging around to see a small, white-haired man sitting next to her. Inquisitive blue eyes stared at her through the glasses perched on the end of his nose.

“Doctor Wilson?”

He smiled at her. “How’s your anxiety, m’dear?”

Everything came back to her in a flood of images. Paden, the sex, the knife. She trembled, remembering the knife and the blood…God! All the blood!

“I–I think I’m going to be sick,” she warned as she covered her mouth with her hand.

In a flash, Dr. Wilson had a bowl under her mouth as she gagged. White bile burned as it spewed forth. She grimaced and lay back down.

“I think I’m going to need my medicine,” she admitted.

“Yes, I figured as much,” he replied. “I had Miki run and get it.”

He rose and headed to the sink where he put the bowl before getting a little throwaway cup from the cupboard. He filled it with water and walked back to her, holding it out. When she took it, he reached in his pocket and brought out her medicine bottle, shaking a little blue pill into his hand. He held it out to her and she sat up to swallow it.

“Does that make you drowsy?”

“Not really,” she answered, shaking her head. “Not anymore. In the beginning, all I did was sleep, but now it just helps take off the edge.”

“It’s pretty strong,” he observed. “Of course, so was the sedative I gave you.”

“Thank you,” she whispered. “I haven’t been that bad for a long time. It was the blood…Oh my God! It was all over me!” She buried her face in her hands. “How could he do that? Why would he do that?”

The chair squeaked as the doctor sat back down. “Well,” he began. “It would be unethical of me to discuss Paden’s problems. But I can tell you that his intention was never to hurt you.”

It took a moment for that to sink in to her already troubled thoughts. She raised her face and glanced at him, a perplexing frown creasing her forehead. “What does that mean? Are you saying he…he hurts himself on purpose? For pleasure?”

He rubbed his chin, and she could see he was wrestling with what he could tell her. “Sometimes pain can’t manifest in grief,” he finally said. He stood up. “I’ve got to give Miki a call. She wanted to know the moment you woke up.”

He took her hand and squeezed it before leaving, closing the door to the exam room behind him with a firm click.

* * * *

Thea lay in bed in her little room, eyes wide open. Only the thin trickle of light from under the door kept the dark from being overwhelming. She was afraid of closing her eyes, afraid of the nightmare coming back. For a week now she’d been able to sleep deeply, unaffected by the horror of memory. But not now, not since Paden’s blood had splashed all over her.

She shuddered, desperately trying to rebury that thought. She did not want to remember that night. She did not want to remember the knife. Her stomach recoiled, and for a moment she thought she might have to make a dash for the bathroom, but she swallowed reflexively, and the churning in her gut subsided.

Tears leaked from her eyes, rolling across her temples to disappear into her hair. Her pillowcase was damp from all the tears that had slipped down her face. She had called Miki that night, and she had come racing over in record time. Thea had retreated to the wall again, her arms encircling her knees as she rocked herself, unable to stop shaking. Miki had taken care of everything, bandaging Paden’s leg without one word or question about what had happened. Thea barely remembered anything from that night, only flashes of Miki dressing her, driving her back into town, and Doc Wilson as he injected something in her arm.

She had slept for a long time, lost in oblivion. When she had awoken, all she wanted was another shot, to forget. But Miki had brought her back to Hank’s room where she immediately retreated into sleep.

But sleep wasn’t the peaceful escape she craved. Again and again she found herself in the car, her sister on one side of her and her brother on the other. Her mother and father were talking, laughing, and the next second the sound of the world exploding as the car flipped and rolled. Glass shattered, metal grinding against metal, and the screams, God, the screams of her family as they died became her nightly torment.

Thea always awoke to the taste of blood gagging her. She had learned, thank God, over the past few months, not to wake up screaming. The last thing she wanted was to scare Miki.

When the light from under the door went out, Thea turned onto her side, curling up and squeezing her eyes shut tightly. She hated the dark.

* * * *

She made trips out of the room, visiting the bathroom or drinking some water, always when Miki was gone. And slowly, guilt started eating through the haze of shock and grief. Miki had hired her to help out, and she had turned into a lump sleeping in her brother’s bed.

On the third day, Thea rose and took a shower. She dressed and made her way out of the apartment, down the back stairs to the restaurant. As she stepped in, Miki smiled widely at her.

“Glad to see you back to work,” Miki said by way of greeting. “The old biddies by the fire need a round of refills.”

And so, Thea slowly got back into the swing of things, filling coffee mugs and the occasional shot of whiskey. Toothless Jim gave her a hug, asking if she felt better after her cold, the excuse Miki told everyone for why Thea wasn’t working.

At lunch, Caleb Tasker walked into Suinnak and sat at a table. Smiling, Thea made her way over to him. He rose, and they hugged.

“You look tired,” he murmured, studying her face.

She shrugged. “I just got over a little cold. What are you doing here?”

“Food. Company. You.”

She blinked and raised an eyebrow. “I can get you the first two.”

“But not the last?”

“Caleb—”

“Shh,” he said and put a finger over her mouth. “We’ll start with the first two.”

“Coffee?”

“I’d love some.”

He stayed through lunch, eating some stew as he sat with Toothless Jim, Perry, Frank, and a few other regulars. Thea caught herself looking at him often, smiling as he laughed at something someone said, seeing how he enjoyed himself in a crowd. For a second her mind wandered as she asked herself why Paden couldn’t be more like him.

She shook her head and silently cursed herself. Paden Winters was the last man she wanted to think about. In fact, sometime in the past few days she had come to the conclusion that it was time to go home. It had been foolish to think she could hide in River Ice, in the far northern territory of Alaska. She had realized that she had come out here for all the wrong reasons and that only by confronting the painful memories of the past could she actually free herself from the nightmares.

Of course, all the self-help books she had read in the past year had told her that, but it only sank in from practical application.

“Caleb sure is looking fine,” Miki murmured.

“W–what?” Thea stammered, pulled from her private musings.

“Caleb Tasker.” Miki nodded in his direction. “Never realized what a fine-looking man he is.”

Thea’s eyes widened. “Miki, are you sweet on him?”

Miki’s startled gaze swung to her. “I was thinking about you. You know, you and he were going to get married not too long ago.”

“I remember,” Thea said dryly.

“Seems mighty interesting that he’s in today.”

“Hasn’t he been in before?”

“Yeah,” Miki said reluctantly.

“Then not so strange he comes in for lunch.”

Miki huffed. “I’m just saying—”

“Hey, Miki, have you heard from Hank?”

Miki blinked at the change of subject. “Actually, yes. Last night.”

“When will he be flying back to River Ice?”

“He said he should be in by the middle of next week. He’s been flying assignments back and forth from Nome to Fairbanks to Bethel. Why?”

Thea sighed. “I think it’s time I go home.”

“Home? But I thought you didn’t want to go back to Malibu.”

“You’re right, Malibu isn’t where I want to stay, but I can’t keep hiding, can’t keep running. They…my family…would never forgive me if I just ran forever.”

Miki held her arms open, and Thea stepped into them, closing her eyes against the warm comfort of her friend.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you for being such a great friend.”

“Anytime.”

Somehow it wasn’t just coincidence when Caleb walked into Suinnak’s the next day for lunch again. He smiled at Thea, took a seat at one of the tables near the fire pit, and waited as she walked toward him.

“Lunch again?” she asked him with a soft smile.

“Can you eat with me?”

“Oh! I, ah—”

“Of course she can!” Miki called out as she walked by. “I’ll bring you both a steak sandwich.”

And she was off through the kitchen. Thea, her mouth hanging open, glanced sheepishly at Caleb and then had to chuckle. Miki was a force to be reckoned with. Thea sat opposite Caleb. It wasn’t hard to look at him. In the daylight he was even more handsome than she remembered.

“So, you know that the end of September marks the end of tourist season, right?”

“Yeah, Miki told me, but I hadn’t thought about it. I mean, I’ve not seen any tourists except for myself.”

“Yeah, that early winter storm prevented the last wave of people. But River Ice has a wonderful tradition of an End of Year Dance, held at the Municipal Auditorium at the other end of town.”

“Black-tie affair?” she teased.

He laughed. “How about a freshly-washed-flannel affair?”

“I think I can work with that.”

“Do you think you would like to go with me?”

The offer startled her. “Are you asking me on a date?”

He nodded, his eyes solemn.

“What about Claire?”

He took a deep breath. “The other night I went to bed and realized I hadn’t looked at the stove.” He smiled at her raised eyebrows. “I can’t say she isn’t still always on my mind, but I have this need now, to start…burying her.”

Thea reached out and held his hand, squeezing to let him know she supported him.

He cleared his throat. “So, I wanted to say thank you. And invite you to the dance on Friday night.”

Paden flashed through her mind, the agony on his face as he talked about his past. Unlike Caleb, he hadn’t yet gone through the realization stage that he needed to let go, even after twenty years.

Or had he?