Love Realized (30 page)

Thankful that was over, she made a hasty path through her house in search of Jake. She came up short when she found the poolroom empty. There wasn’t even a light on, which meant he was never in there. Confused as to where he might be, she peeked out in the yard, her room, even the bathrooms. Jake wasn’t anywhere. She began to get nervous and anxious.
Did he leave? Oh God, was he mad?
Thinking back at what she said to him, she realized it sounded bad, but she only meant for him to leave the room, not the house. She had to find him, hoping she didn’t hurt him and ruin what was just starting between them. A pressure started to build in her chest as worry and panic took root. When she saw that his jeep was nowhere to be seen either, the pressure got stronger. “Oh no! Jake where are you?” she whispered desperately to herself.

Quickly retrieving her cell phone, she dialed him … no answer. Her panic began to rise as she tried to figure out what to do. She hoped she didn’t hurt him and knew she needed to talk to him to set things straight. As her mind started whirling with fear and concern, she texted him.

Gillian: Where are you … why did you leave?

She stood there and stared at her phone, willing him to respond to her, waiting for it to vibrate in her hand. But nothing came. So she sent a second one …

Gillian: Jake … please come back.

She didn’t know exactly how long she stood there staring at her phone, but when it finally vibrated and Jake’s name appeared on her screen. Gillian let out a long sigh of relief as she parked herself in front of the window to wait for him.

~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~

Pulling his Jeep out of Gillian’s driveway was a very difficult task. He didn’t want to leave, and he didn’t like the anxiety that it caused him. While driving to his place, he fought his inner demons as they clawed their way to the surface and plagued him with horrible thoughts.
What if she picked Logan? What if he was able to plead his case successfully this time? She must not want to be with you since she told you to get out of there!

They were cruel thoughts to have, and he knew he was torturing himself as panic started to bubble its way through his body. He pulled into his own driveway and sat there, trying to control the fear and panic he was experiencing. Pulling his keys from the ignition, he attempted to get out, but couldn’t. This was not where he wanted to be—where he planned to be—tonight. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to relax or calm down at home, so he started the car again and backed out of his driveway. Unsure where to go, but knowing he needed to drive, he turned toward the freeway.
A long drive up the coast would help,
he thought.

As he pulled up to the light for the freeway entrance, he felt his phone vibrating in the depths of his pocket, but couldn’t take the time to pull it out since the light had turned green. Wanting and hoping it would be Gillian, he quickly pulled over so he could maneuver his body up to reach his phone. He felt it vibrate again as he finally got it out, but fumbled with it, causing it to fall to the floorboard. “Damn it.”

Blindly reaching around under his legs he finally retrieved it and tried to focus on the screen, praying it was Gillian. Relief poured over him, and his tense body relaxed as he saw that it was her … Gillian was looking for him. He didn’t want to take the time to process her question, so he just quickly pulled back into traffic to make his way back to her. His relief was strong and palpable, and his need to get to her was stronger than ever. He felt his phone vibrate again, and glanced at it, seeing a second text from her, making him realize he hadn’t even responded to her first one in his haste. Once he pulled safely up to a light, he texted her back.

Jake:
I’m on my way.

~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~

Relieved that Jake was coming back but still anxious to see him, she paced a small path in her living room while she waited. He was coming back, but the need to comfort him—and even herself—by touching him was staggering. She couldn’t help but wonder if she should be worried about this immense connection she now had with Jake. This was Jake, one of her best friends, there had always been a connection … it was just more intimate now. Jake had always been important, but she realized now that her need for him was physical—visceral. Gillian had to know that he was okay, and she knew that he would be able to ease her anxiety with his arrival. She shook her head and gave a little snort at the thought that this must be what an addict feels like.

She knew what it was like to be connected to another person, being married to Logan for so many years, but she had never felt this kind of need for anyone else, never felt the need like this hit her so strong in such a short period of time. Then again, Jake wasn’t new in her life, just this role was. While lost in thought, headlights illuminated her front window, startling her. This filled her with more need. The need to get to him had her rushing out the front door, the need to touch him mounting in her system. She pushed open the screen door and practically jumped down the front steps to get there. She met him halfway, where she found him rushing to get to her, too. He opened his arms in time to catch her as she flung her body at him. When his arms clamped down tightly around her, she nestled her face and nose firmly at the base of his neck. She sighed a deep breath of relief as his scent enveloped her, calmed her … home. After feeling a little lost for months, she felt she was home again.

~*~*~*~*~
~*~*~*~*~

Jake knew this was where she belonged, in his arms, safe, warm, and his. She had her face buried in his neck, and he could feel her rapid heartbeat against his chest, her breath on the skin of his neck, and his body reacted to her closeness. The need to make her completely his was so strong, and he didn’t want to fight it anymore. He squeezed her a little tighter and turned to kiss her forehead, taking in a deep breath of her scent. “Why did you leave?” she asked in a timid voice buried against his neck.

“I thought you wanted me to leave. You told me to get out of there,” he said while rubbing circles with his hands up and down her back, comforting her, and him.

She snorted adorably at his comment before saying, “I only meant out of the room, Jake. I wouldn’t send you away like that.”

Pulling her face away from his neck and looking up at him, she lifted a hand to his cheek and gently caressed it as she repeated herself, “I wouldn’t send you away like that, Jake.” The certainty in her eyes was trying to convey more than her words—he wasn’t sure what just yet—but the relief that swamped him at that very moment was almost staggering as he fought his body’s reaction. The look in her eyes, the worried expression on her face, she had to love him, he just knew it.

“I'm sorry if I worried you, but I thought you wanted me to go. I would never leave like that unless you told me to, and it was extremely difficult to do,” he said as he leaned down to place a gentle kiss to her lips. Just the contact of their lips, however so slight it was, set Jake’s body on fire—elevating his need, if that were even possible.

He felt her breath across his face, soft and husky, as she said, “I only wanted you to leave the room so I could put Logan in his place. I needed to remind him that the claim he thought he had on me didn’t exist.” She paused and tilted her head up to look him in the eye. “I didn’t think it was appropriate to yell at him in front you.” He should have known that, because she was always thinking of others. A feeling of calm settled over him as he looked at the beautiful, thoughtful person in his arms. Standing there in the driveway, he knew she was his. She was his, and it was about time he had her all to himself.

His hands around her waist tightened their grip allowing him to lift her up. Gillian wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, just like he wanted her to. She looked down at him and must have seen the lust, and intent, in his eyes. She gave him a shy smile before burying her face in his neck again. He thought it was the most wonderful feeling in the world as he made his way into her house. Closing the door, and locking it behind him, he made a mental note to put a chain on her door to prevent being walked in on like that again.

Jake made his way to the couch where he sat down with her securely in his lap, both knees at his sides. Her face was still buried in his neck as he ran his hand up her back to the soft skin of her neck. His fingers buried themselves in the thick hair at the base of her neck and gently kneaded the area. When he felt her body relax to his hands ministrations, he moved her head so he could see her face. Placing his other hand on her cheek, enjoying the feel of her skin against his hand, he looked her in the eyes and gently asked, “Can I have you, Gillian?”

“Can I have you Gillian?” Jake whispered as he leaned in and gently placed a kiss on her neck, just below her ear. As if her body was answering for her, she tilted her head to the side, exposing more for him to taste. He groaned in response and slid his hand from her cheek into her hair, holding her in that position. She was open, submissive, and vulnerable to him. But this was Jake; he would never do anything to hurt her … he never had. Her heart rate increased, and her breathing became more rapid as he continued to pepper tiny open-mouthed kisses to the side of her neck, using his grip on her hair to gently move her at his will. “Can I have you Gillian?” he repeated, and she realized she hadn’t actually responded to his request. Her body was screaming
hell yes,
but she had yet to verbalize it to him. Could she do this? Could she take this step with one of her oldest and best friends?

“I have wanted you for so long, Gillian,” he said as he moved up her neck and gently kissed her jaw line, making it almost impossible for her to form coherent speech, but she had to try.

“You have?” she whispered. She could feel his smile against her skin as he continued to feather kisses across her jaw and up her cheek. He then cupped both hands around the base of her head, tilting her face in his direction before answering her.

“I have wanted you since the first day of class, second semester of our junior year …” He leaned in and placed a kiss over her right eyelid. “I have wanted you since the moment you swung that bat and caught my undivided attention.” She felt another gentle kiss on the tip of her nose. “I have wanted you since that same day, when after class, you laughed at something I said to you. I have no idea what it was I said because the minute I heard your laugh, it was all I could think about.” Then he placed another light kiss over her left eyelid. “I have wanted you since later that day when I pointed you out to my friends. I had told them how great you could swing a bat, but what I really should have said was that I had found the girl of my dreams.” She could feel his warm breath feather across her forehead as he placed a lingering kiss there. But as soon as she processed what he had said, she startled a bit and opened her eyes. She pulled her head back slightly so she could see his eyes, but tightened her grip on his shoulders so he didn’t think she was pulling away from him.

…
the girl of his dreams?
She wanted to question that statement, but the look in his eyes said it all. She could see nothing but love and adoration in his eyes. He must have sensed she was questioning his statement, so while still holding her face, his thumbs idly stroked her cheeks, he pushed on, “I have wanted you since we were seventeen years old, Gillian, and I fell in love with you shortly after that. I saw you get in Logan’s car the same day I found you, and watched you drive away with him, taking a piece of my heart with you that you didn’t even know you had.” His eyes looked so sad, almost as if he was remembering the way he felt that day. Her heart clenched at the thought of causing him any pain, even if she had no idea. Breaking eye contact with her, he pulled her close to him once again and placed another lingering kiss to her forehead. “Then, the other night, when I pulled up to your house and watched you climb up into that truck, with some other guy … I felt like history was repeating itself, and I was going to lose the chance I thought had finally arrived.”

Oh my god!
“Jake, I'm so …” He placed a finger over her lips to silence her. He shook his head at her, and gave her a slight smile, looking embarrassed by what he had confessed.

“You didn’t know … I never told you, so you have nothing to apologize for. I'm not telling you this now because I want to make you feel bad. I'm telling you all of this because I need you to know that even though we have been best friends for seventeen years … I want more. I want you.” She could feel the passion in his next kiss. Jake wanted her … Jake loved her. She felt that possibly, deep down, she may have known this, but knew nothing could ever happen because of circumstances. Of course she loved him already, but could there be passion … could she be
in
love with him? It certainly felt like it because just a touch of his lips caused her skin to tingle in anticipation.
Fall in love with Jake? Yes, she could. She knew she was already more than halfway there.

Jake ended the kiss and looked her in the eyes. There was questioning in his eyes … waiting for an answer. “Can I have you Gillian?” She lifted one hand up and gently swept back the lock of hair that had fallen forward into his face. Her hand followed the hair back on his head as she ran her fingers through the thick locks, caressing him. Jake sighed and closed his eyes as he melted into her hand. Her hands met at the base of his neck, and she tilted his head so she could place her own soft kisses to his skin. First, her lips found his eyelids, then the tip of his nose, and finally his forehead, before returning to his lips.