Love Realized (13 page)

Those wretched tears that she thought had been all cried out started to gather and spill over. Jake was good, though, because he just stood there and let her rant and get it all out. He didn’t hide from girls’ tears like most men did. “The Gillian you know is spineless and weak. She is just a useless housewife, completely devoid of anything remotely attractive or sexy.”
Ouch, that hurt to say out loud.
But it was how she felt lately—ugly and blah. She wanted her sexy back.

When she completed her little tirade, the emotions she was feeling, combined with the half bottle of wine she managed to consume in less than ten minutes started to overtake her. She dropped her head into her hands and let those damn sobs take over as she once again felt shame and embarrassment over her failed marriage. Once they fully took over, she dropped herself to her knees and sobbed some more. Jake bent down to the ground, too. He placed himself in front of her, with his knees spread open, surrounding hers as he pulled her to him, engulfing her in his embrace and just holding her against his body. He was so warm, and it was so comforting.

“Get it out, Gilly. Just get it out, so you can let it all go,” he whispered to her in a soothing tone as he rubbed her back in a soft, circular motion.
Sigh …

When the sobbing ceased a bit, she whispered against his chest, “How could I be such a fool, Jake? How could I let him do that to me?” She pulled her head back to look him in the eye and asked, “How come I wasn’t enough for him?”

Jake then shook his head at her. He looked as if he was searching for the words to say as he lifted one of his hands and brushed the hair out of her face—the hair that just so happened to be stuck to her tear streaked cheekbones. Or at least she hoped it was only tears.
There is no way I have snot up by eye.

Once he seemed to figure out what he wanted to say, he placed both of his hands on either side of her face, again reminding her of his warmth and comfort. He used the pads of his thumbs to swipe the tear streaks that ran down her face as she stared into his eyes and he softly said, “I’ve told you this before, and I will tell you again, Gillian. You are
so
wrong.” Still shaking his head at her, he repeated himself putting emphasis on each word, “You. Are. So. Wrong.” He mesmerized her, and when he swiped his thumbs across her cheeks again, she realized that the tears had slowed down as she just stared into his beautiful face.

“There is only one Gillian in my world. There is no person who fits the description you just gave me. There is only one Gillian and she is one of the strongest women I know, and I admire everything about her. She is vibrant, determined, and full of love. She is in no way
pathetic,
and she is definitely not a
chump
,” he said that as if the words alone put a sour taste in his mouth just repeating them. He then leaned in and pressed his lips to her forehead. She just closed her eyes and absorbed his touch, his warmth; it was so consoling and felt so good. So right. It felt so right, in fact, that when he pulled back, she immediately felt the loss and almost leaned toward him, seeking the warmth again.
Maybe I’m addicted to Jake? Nah, just missing a man’s touch, probably.

“Fighting for your family and the man you love does not make you spineless. It is the exact opposite. You are an amazing person and a phenomenal mom. The only person who is to blame for what happened is Logan. He is the pathetic one.” He smiled at her and then continued, “I have no idea why any man would do to you what Logan did. He has been my friend for a long time, too, but all I see now is a selfish, undeserving man who took something so perfect and threw it away.” He truly was mesmerizing—she felt like she was in a trance, and the more he talked, the more she felt her anxiety lessen.

Jake was always so good to her, and she couldn’t help but wonder why Logan couldn’t be more like Jake at times. She felt so lucky to have him in her life. Then a thought occurred to her, and a slight bit of concern and worry rose to the surface as a fist of panic gripped her. People who got divorced usually didn’t get to keep the same friends, and that was one of the worst things she could think of. Before she could realize she was being irrational, she blurted out, “Who gets you, Jake?”

His confusion was apparent, so she repeated the question, “Who gets to keep you in the divorce? Logan and I aren’t a couple anymore, so that must mean that our friends have to pick a side, doesn’t it? I'm sure Jason will have to pick Logan since they are business partners. But what about you?”

Jake pondered her question, but then clearly decided to tease her a little. “If you get me, does that mean Logan will have to pay support for me, too?” She giggled at the absurdity of the whole thing, but it was a real worry for her, and she poked him in the gut for his stupid joke. He let go of her face and bent forward in an attempt to prevent her from doing it again.

Jake grabbed her hands in his, effectively stopping her from poking him again, then continued, “Logan, Jason, and I have been friends since high school, but you have been there just as long, Gilly-bean. There is absolutely no reason for any of us to have to make a choice of sides. I will say that I don’t like Logan very much at the moment, but that is between him and me. That being said, you have to know you are one of my best friends, and if I had to choose, I would definitely pick you.” The tears that came to her eyes this time were from the sweetness of Jake’s words instead of the pain she had been feeling. Jake smiled at her and continued, “Besides, you cook better and are far better to look at. That husband of yours is really rough on the eyes,” he said with a disgusted look on his face.

That certainly earned a laugh from her. She tugged at her hands to get them free, and he let them go, allowing her to cup his face and look directly into his eyes. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you, too.” She leaned in to kiss him on the cheek, just to the side of his mouth, but somehow she missed and landed on his lips. It was a shock to her senses when she realized what had happened. She let herself linger there for a moment longer, to enjoy the feel of his soft lips surrounded by his stubble, before pulling back to look at him. The warmth and tingling of her lips where they’d met his was unsettling, as were the butterflies that suddenly appeared in her stomach.

After letting her hands linger a little too long on his face, she slowly let them slide down his face to his chest. They just stared at each other quietly for a few moments before Jake broke the silence, “Gillian …”

“I'm sorry, Jake, I didn’t mean to kiss you on the lips. I'm not sure what happened,” she said quickly.

He lifted his finger to her lips and said, “Shh, it’s okay. You have nothing to say you’re sorry for.” Of course she did. Here she was on the floor, marriage freshly in ruins, accidentally kissing her best friend, and trying to destroy something else. She was about to speak up when she heard her oldest son come in the house looking for her.

“Mom, Uncle Jake, are you here?” Jonathan called. Gillian quickly disengaged from Jake and got to her feet, feeling like a teenager who had almost been caught by her parents. She gave Jake one more apologetic look before responding to her son, “We’re out here, sweetheart.” She didn’t understand the look on Jake’s face. He almost looked disappointed, but he could easily be irritated. Damn, she sure hoped she hadn’t screwed things up between them.
When did my aim get so bad?

Gillian had worried for a day or two that she had made him uncomfortable. She should have known better than to think her friend would be affected by something like that. He was sitting in her chair at the nurses’ station a day later, flirting with her coworkers while he was waiting for her. It was as if it never happened. Strangely, she wasn’t sure if she was happy he felt that way or not.

“Damn, what a day,” Jake said as he blew out an exasperated sigh and climbed back into his ambulance. He was especially glad that call was over; he hated responding to calls where it wasn’t really an emergency, but they just wanted a ride to the hospital. It happened way too often. Now he just had to get through the paperwork for the day, which should only take about an hour, so he wasn’t going to complain about it.
It could always be worse
!

His partner, Eddie, climbed up into the driver’s seat and started the rig. “You can say that again,” he said as he got himself situated and got them on the road back to the station house. “I heard some of the guys mention heading over to Hooley’s after our shift. You up for grabbing a beer tonight, or do you have to get home to Ryan?”

Hooley’s was a great Irish Pub chain here in San Diego and was a great spot to hang out and unwind from the day. He hadn’t been out for a beer with the guys in a while and realized that his work friends all probably thought he was avoiding them. Surprisingly they hadn’t given him shit about it. The reality of it was that he just always seemed to be checking in on Gillian. Not that she needed to be checked in on; he always found excuses to do it because
he
needed to see her.
Damn!
He knew he had it bad, and it’s not that he wasn’t aware of his attraction toward her, but he had always been able to keep it in check. Until recently that is. It was almost as if, at the exact moment in her driveway two months ago, when Gillian told Logan that they were over, his mind, and apparently his libido, knew she was on the market and wanted to claim her as his.

He was almost embarrassed as his body responded to her voice that night when she was telling Logan to imagine her naked body pressed against another man, while she called out his name in ecstasy. You better believe that Jake was visualizing such a scenario, but it wasn’t just any man, it was him. It was his name that she called out, and it was him who took his pleasure deep inside of her body.
Well, shit man … calm yourself down.
Just remembering it had the same effect on him now, which was not cool because sporting wood with only your male partner in sight—well, there was really no defense for that.

He needed to get out, maybe even get laid. Too bad the only woman that came to mind when he thought about sex was Gillian. And didn’t that just make him an asshole. She wasn’t even divorced yet, and she was all he could think about. Knowing his friend was waiting for an answer, and knowing that Gillian wouldn’t be home tonight because it was high school football night, and she never missed Madison cheering, he replied, “No, Ryan is over at my parents’ house for the night. Drinks sound good.”
Nope, not creepy at all that I know her schedule
. Of course, the fact that Gillian would be at the high school approximately one mile away from where Jake was going had nothing to do with his decision to go out. It was just lucky because if she needed him, he wasn’t far away.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After spending a fabulous morning with her sister-in-law and her beautiful nieces, which turned out to be just what she needed, Gillian felt refreshed and even relaxed. Who didn’t feel great after being showered with toddler love while holding an infant? Plus it was nice to see the relief in Morgan’s eyes when she was allowed a few moments to herself so she could shower in peace. All moms knew exactly what that moment felt like when you were completely exhausted, yet wide awake, because you were literally at the beck and call of a tiny human.

Then after hanging out with a less-frenzied looking Morgan and enjoying some lunch, she had picked Dylan and Ryan up from school, fed them and passed them over to Jake’s parents for the night. Since those two were joined at the hip, they were a packaged deal. Even though they were Ryan’s grandparents, they still expected Dylan to call them Gramps and Nana. Since Ryan was their only grandchild, they welcomed Dylan into the fold. It was always so sweet to watch them love on her son. Since they had known her since she was a teenager, they felt like another set of parents to her, so she had no problem with Dylan viewing them as surrogate grandparents, as well. Gillian’s parents had relocated to Temecula, about an hour away, so it was nice that her kids had a
backup set.

Now she had some time to kill with a little peace and quiet before embarking on the chaos of enduring high school football games. Coffee in hand, Gillian set it down as she searched for her phone, blindly reaching into her bag on the floor next to the chair she had luckily claimed from a group of kids who had just vacated the coffee shop. After digging around for a few moments, she finally came across it. She wanted to check how much time she had before she had to be back at the school. Parking always sucked for the football games, and she was determined to avoid the damn back lot again.

Of course, Madison’s solution to this was for her not to come at all.
Oh, the joys of having a teenage daughter.
Gillian was sure that what she had to tolerate with her own daughter had to be some cosmic payback for what she had done to her own mom. Well, if she was being honest, and Madison did to her what she did to her mom, Gillian would be a grandmother within the next eighteen months.
Note: lock up daughter very soon.

There was just over an hour before kickoff, which meant she had at least another thirty minutes of kid-free time to do some reading and enjoy some coffee. Too bad she somehow forgot to charge her eReader and had to use a more traditional format for reading—an actual book. It was comical how strange it felt to be holding a book instead of an electronic device, right down to the fact that she actually caught herself tapping the far right side of the page to get it to turn and looked to the top corner for the time. Anyway, lucky for her, she found a book in the back of the car. Considering how she spends an awful lot of time sitting and waiting at one practice or another, it came in handy. It didn’t matter if she had read the book before, she always loved to revisit her favorite scenes.