Love Realized (10 page)

After a few moments, Logan shook his head and mouthed the word, “No.”

She hadn’t realized that she had stepped closer to Logan and was now poking him hard in the chest, emphasizing each word with a new jab. “You’re right, Logan, you don’t! Because your wife didn’t put you in that position! But I can tell you how it feels if you’d like.” The sarcasm and nastiness dripped off her words as she mentally prepared herself to open that well of emotions and let them spill out all over her driveway. Those damn skeletons were out in the open and dancing circles around everyone as Gillian finally noticed that this exchange had an audience of family and friends now. Oh well, she wasn’t going to back down now, so it looked like everyone was in for a show.

“I will tell you how it feels, Logan. How about you imagine the feeling of a hand … plunging deep into your chest, locking your heart in its firm grip and squeezing it until it explodes. Or how about you imagine yourself underwater, and your lungs are almost completely spent and the burn from lack of oxygen is growing … and even though you can see the surface, you somehow know you won’t be able to reach it as you slowly suffocate.” Her voice was losing its steam, and those wretched tears were like a water faucet down her face. “Or try to imagine someone just took a bat and swung it full force into your gut, and no matter what you do, you can’t catch your breath—you can’t escape the pain.”

She paused, took in a deep breath. “Can you imagine that Logan? Can you imagine what it feels like knowing that you have given everything you have to another, only to find out that it wasn’t enough. Can you imagine what it feels like to find out that the person you have loved and have given your whole life to, loves someone else?” A small sob escaped her as her emotions just became too much to handle at that last thought. She immediately felt the support of a body when two arms hugged her from behind and a head rested on her shoulder.
Allie.
Allie knew she needed help, but didn’t want to stop her. Her best friend once again infused her with a small surge of energy allowing her to continue.

“Tell me, Logan. Can you tell me what it feels like for you to close your eyes and visualize me in the arms of another man.” He visually tensed.
A nerve, people, we have hit a nerve!
It was time to stop pulling the punches and go for the kill shot—to see if she could make him feel a fraction of what she felt with his betrayal. Lowering her voice, to an almost seductive whisper, she went for his balls, figuratively, of course. “Close your eyes, and imagine my naked body pressed up against another man. His naked body pressed against mine.”

Clearly this was getting the desired affect because Logan’s hands were clenching repeatedly, and he looked like he was reining in what control he currently had. Too bad she wasn’t done with her visual for him. “Can you see it, Logan? His hands against my skin—my body responding to his touch. His body inside mine, claiming a part of me that has only ever been yours, Logan. Imagine me calling out his name as he brings me over the edge of ecstasy and then takes his own pleasure … deep inside my body.”

Well, if flames could come from a man’s ears, they would certainly be shooting from Logan’s at the moment. His face was red, his jaw was clenched, and his hands were fisted at his side.
Good! He should know how this feels!

“I don’t need to imagine that, Gillian, because it’s never going to happen. You. Are. Mine,” he practically growled. That was a shockingly bold statement coming from him. Funny, he was such a possessive man. It was always a turn on to her in the past, but now it just pissed her off. He knew what the stakes were, and he still risked what they had for that woman. He claimed that she was his, yet his actions clearly proved he was willing to risk it all.

Especially since the last time it was discovered that he was involved with
Slutty McWhore
, she had told him in no uncertain terms that this was it—he had used all of his chances. Three strikes, and he was out. There would be no forgiving him the next time, and their marriage would be over. It was overwhelming to think that this was probably it. Even though she had set the rules, and she knew she had to stick to them, she was expecting to have more time to come to terms with what was going to happen. She wanted more time to accept that even though Logan had been aware of the risk, he took it anyway.

Logan following her out into the driveway and declaring that he deserved a chance to defend himself was forcing her hand. That made it even more difficult for her to do. It made her want to waiver and postpone it, but she knew if she did, Logan would somehow prevail. But the bottom line was that she told him if he was involved with her again, she would end their marriage. And while he had yet to admit to being with her, he had avoided directly answering her questions about it. Well, if she was going to end her marriage, she had to be sure.

She had to ask; she had to find out whether or not Logan was involved with that woman again. Considering he hadn’t denied anything yet, she knew he probably was, but there was a tiny sliver of hope deep inside of her that prayed it wasn’t the case. Sure, it was possible that the woman lived here, in San Diego, and that Logan had no knowledge of it. It was do or die time, and she had to ask him specifics, and it looked as if she was going to be doing it front of their friends and family. She had to know if her marriage was over or not, because she certainly wasn’t going back on what she said. Trusting Logan had been hard after she had found out about his infidelity, and she knew without a doubt that if he had broken it again, there would be no repairing that trust again.

Taking a deep breath, she leveled her tone and asked, “Tell me, Logan, did you ever stop sleeping with her? Or have you been screwing her this whole time?” Logan’s eyes closed, and he looked as if he was trying to process something. She had her answer. There was no denying it with his response, but she really needed to hear it. “Tell me you didn’t forget, Logan. Tell me you didn’t forget that I told you, if you cheated on me again it was over!” With that, his eyes opened wide, and he reached for her.

Gripping her shoulders, eyes actually tearing, he pulled her close to him, and begged her, “Please Gillian, no, please don’t do this. I'm begging you, don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what, Logan? Don’t remind you that because you couldn’t control your dick, you effectively threw our marriage away.”

“No, Gillian, we can work this out. We are strong enough to do this … I know it.”

“No, Logan, we aren’t. Because I'm not strong enough.”

“You don’t mean that, baby. Of course you are. We can fix this.” He said the last of his statement with such determination; she almost wanted to believe him.

“There is nothing to fix anymore, Logan. You made your choice, and clearly, I’m not it. There is nothing to fix because you threw it away.”

“No, Gillian! That’s not true. I love you! It’s not too late …” he declared, and she saw a tear roll down his cheek as he continued to hold on to her.

“Do you love her?” she whispered to him. It broke her heart further to ask it, but she had to know.

“What?” He looked shocked by her question. But didn’t they say that when you answer a question with a question it was the person’s way of avoiding the answer? Maybe he really didn’t hear her?
Well, fuck! Let’s ask again, shall we?

“Do. You. Love. Her.” she said with a level tone, emphasizing each word with a pause for good measure. She had to make sure he wasn’t gonna play coy with her.

“I love
you
Gillian.” Once again Logan managed to avoid answering her question. That can’t be a coincidence.

“It’s not enough anymore, Logan. I needed you to stand by your word—I needed to know that I was the only woman in your world just as you were the only man in mine.”

Logan took in a shocked breath before whispering to her, “Were?”

“Yes, Logan … were.” She paused, delaying the end of this because as much as she loved her husband, she knew she had to walk away. Laying her hands over Allie’s, which were still firmly around her mid-section, she looked over Logan’s shoulder and saw Jake, Jason, Morgan and Sean.
Well, crap!
Her brother looked none too happy at the moment. His wife had her arms wrapped around his body and looked like she was hugging him, when in fact, Gillian knew that Morgan was holding Sean back. Her gaze made its way back to Jake, and he gave her a weak smile, which warmed her a bit.

Her tears continued to stream down her face when she brought her gaze back to Logan, who stood there looking expectant. He was waiting for something from her, but he wasn’t going to get it. She knew she was a glutton for punishment because she needed to know one more thing, and honestly she needed another burst of anger to get her through this. One more thing was needed to prove she was strong enough to walk away. Unfortunately, he had yet to answer any of her questions so she was going to have to do this one with the help of the onlookers. This was where being a smartass came in handy.

“I’ll tell you what, Logan, even though I said there were no more chances left, and that our marriage was over if you cheated on me again, I will talk with you and see if we can save our marriage—try to fix it for us—if you can tell me one thing.” Now she was looking at him expectantly, waiting for his answer. She could tell that what she offered gave him some hope that she would actually do just that. She almost felt guilty about that because she was pretty sure she already knew the answer to her final question. But she just had to ask it. “Were you with her this week? When I was waiting for you at the store to get Dylan’s birthday presents, and you didn’t show up or call me—were you with her?”

That spark of hope she had seen in his eyes dimmed as he processed what she had asked. He knew there was nothing he could do or say to cover his tracks because she had figured it out. “I do believe you told me that you and Jason were in a meeting over some botched blueprints. Should I ask Jason about that?” she said with full confidence, because she knew Jason would tell her if she asked. But she wanted to actually hear something from his mouth that was the truth about what he had done. She heard Jason, behind Logan, grumble a few choice four-letter words confirming that there was no meeting. With Gillian’s final statement, the glimmer of hope in Logan’s eyes vanished completely as he realized that he had no choice but to answer truthfully.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jake couldn’t believe his own ears. This was crazy. Logan and Gillian appeared to have the perfect relationship, or was he so blinded by his own envy that it was an illusion? Okay, he wasn’t seething with envy, but it did rest comfortably below the surface. He had always possessed deeper-than-friendship type feelings for Gillian, but felt that he had them completely under control. Or at least he did.

The anger coursing through Jake’s system was at peak levels as he watched this horrible scene unfold in front of all of them. It truly broke his heart to think that Gillian had gone through all this with Logan already, and he had no idea. She was such a strong person, but everyone deserved a friend to help them through a shit-storm like that. His desire to protect her from any more harm was almost unbearable.

Jake looked around him at everyone watching what was happening. Sean was barely restrained by his wife. Thank God for tiny pregnant women who can control their giant husbands with only a touch of their hand. Jason stood next to him and held a similar posture as Jake did—hands were fisted at his sides, jaw was clenched, a deep scowl across his face, and he was rocking from foot to foot like a caged lion ready to pounce. He wasn’t sure if his brother’s ready-to-pounce-stature was aimed at Logan for being a total douche bag, or if it was aimed at Sean in case he needed to restrain him when he finally went for Logan’s throat.

“… were you with her?” He heard Gillian ask Logan, and then he could hear Morgan trying to calm Sean some more.

“Relax tiger, she’s a big girl, and she’s doing just fine over there. Let her do this,” she was saying to her husband as she continued to gently rub his chest. Apparently a woman could sooth a beast by rubbing their chest. Interestingly, he recalled that that was exactly what Gillian did to his own chest in the backyard. He hadn’t realized that she had that kind of effect on him.

“Yes … I was with her,” Logan said in a shallow, emotionally spent voice of defeat, and hung his head forward. And then all hell broke loose.

Jake barely registered it when Gillian drew back her fisted arm and shot it forward into Logan’s face. Morgan released Sean and said, “Now you can help her.” He promptly lunged for Logan who was now trying to stand up straight from the hood of the car he fell back on when Gillian clocked him. Jason was following after Sean. Allie now had Gillian turned into her and was trying to console her loud sobs.

Jake turned to Morgan, “You doing okay with all this excitement?” he asked, while motioning toward her very pregnant belly with his hands.

“I'm great Jake; my husband didn’t just cheat on me,” she said with total sarcasm. “Help Allie get her out of here. She doesn’t need to see this, and I'm not about to jump in and stop my husband. Jason might be able to, but I'm not.”

Jake smiled at Morgan, then made his way around the three men who were arguing, not quite sure who was going after whom at the moment, but he could leave it up to them. He got to Allie and Gillian who were just off to the side and started to move them toward Gillian’s SUV where Allie had already stored her stuff. “Let’s get out of here girls,” he said, catching Gillian’s attention, causing her to turn around and throw her arms around his neck while she sobbed into his chest. Immediately wrapping his arms around her, he paused to try and soothe her. He felt about ten feet tall when she relaxed a bit. “Shh, I’ve got you Gillian. Shh,” he said to her while holding her with one arm and stroking down the length of her hair with the other, soothing her.