Love of a Rockstar (2 page)

“Bye sweetie. Have a nice day and be good to nana,” I said.

She wrapped her arms around my neck in a tight squeeze. “Do you have to go?”

Her question brought tears to my eyes. Times like these were the moments I hated her father so much, it threatened to bury me. With the back of my hand, I wiped my tears away. I couldn’t look back in life, only forward.

“Yes, love, but I’ll try to be home for bath time.”

Nil crossed her arms over her chest, her lips in a pout. “You always say that”

I looked over at Grandma Doris, happily eating the rest of the pancakes. She caught my look and pointed a fork down at her meal. “I couldn’t resist. You make the best food.”

“Thanks,” I laughed.

Back before my whole life changed with a broken condom, I attended Pastry School for two years. The last nine months of my training, I was pregnant with Nil. Luckily, she arrived into the world two days after I graduated. I dreamed of lofty goals with my degree, which included living in Paris and owning my own bakery. Those plans now sat on a back burner until Nil graduated from college. In the meantime, I put my skills to use and made some extra money with my side wedding cake business. Twenty minutes later, I screeched into a parking space at work, sprinted up the stairs, and slipped behind the front desk at the hotel, two minutes before noon. My co-worker Josie, the resident gossip, was in an animated conversation with a guest.

“He’s so hot. I can’t believe he’s staying here,” she gushed.

To Josie, everybody was attractive, even George the Mole, aka, the accountant. Ignoring the mindless chatter next to me, I glanced over the day’s agenda. Suddenly, the front page of InFeature blocked my line of vision. Luke Anderson’s baby blue eyes stared back at me from the cover.

I gritted my teeth and swatted the newspaper away. “Stop,” I said to Josie.

“He’s a VIP guest, Marlene. It’s your job to know his likes and dislikes.” She gazed at his washboard abs. “You’d have to be a nun to not want to jump on his bandwagon.” Her eyes lit up mischievously. “…if you know what I mean.”

Josie’s gaze returned to the magazine and I rolled my eyes, turning a deaf ear to her remark until I did a mental rewind. Wait. Luke Anderson was here at the hotel? No, that can’t be right. Luke never came to Seattle, because he understood I’d cut off his balls if he showed up.

“Wait, what did you say?”

“I said you would have to be a nun—”

My hand stopped her before she could continue, “No, the first thing you said.”

“Oh, he’s a VIP guest at the hotel.” Josie glanced out the window. “Didn’t you notice the paparazzi?”

I followed her gaze to the mob outside which included a horde of teenagers and some grown women acting half their age, anxiously awaiting their rock star prince. My knuckles turned white as I gripped the edge of the counter. “This can’t be happening,” I muttered to myself.

Josie squealed. “Oh my god, are you a fan, too?”

I blocked out her voice and focused on my irregular heartbeat. Was it possible to die from a heart attack at twenty-four? “How long is he staying at the hotel?” I choked out.

“Why don’t you ask him?”

My head whipped toward the outside entrance where a black stretch limo pulled to the curb. Light bulbs flashed as Luke stepped out onto the sidewalk. A chorus of screams arose from the crowd as the women threw themselves at him. Luke’s bodyguard pushed them out of the way with a meaty hand. Was this what his life had become? One giant ego boost? At seventeen, I thought Luke was the cockiest son of a bitch I had ever met. I couldn’t imagine what he was like now.

When he strolled into the lobby, my breath hitched in my throat. The young man of twenty-two was long gone and replaced by a walking sex god. His strong jawline complemented his pale blue eyes, the same eyes that seduced me into bed for the very first time. His perfectly sculpted body was attired in all black. His dark hair hung long, brushing past his shoulders. He played the part of a rocker through and through. Old emotions I hadn’t felt in four years stirred in my stomach, equal parts lust and hate.

“Are you OK? You seem a little flushed,” Josie said.

I felt panic creeping up my throat. Luke Anderson was in my hotel. Otherwise known as Nil’s father. I swore up and down this side of the Mississippi that when I saw Luke again, I’d give him a piece of my mind. But as he glanced over at me, I felt the air leave my body. His absence from my life didn’t change the fact that he was my Kryptonite.

LUKE’S PENETRATING STARE made me feel naked. The last time he saw me, I was thirty-five pounds heavier with a basketball for a stomach. Now, four years later, I hardly looked any different than I did at seventeen. The only notable difference was my hair; which was now chin length instead of flowing down my back.

“M?” his husky voice asked, disbelief in his eyes.

I winced at the personal term of endearment he had given me on our second date. Luke said M fit me better because it stood for all my best qualities. Motivated, mesmerizing, and mysterious. Surprisingly, the nickname stuck. Out of habit, my teeth snagged my bottom lip as I shifted uncomfortably.

Luke’s face lit up like a jack-o’-lantern. “It is you.”

As he sauntered over to the hotel desk, my fight or flight instinct kicked in. I couldn’t plaster a fake smile on my face and pretend as if we didn’t have a child together. That we didn’t once share a love story worthy of the big screen. From the corner of my eye, I spotted the door to the ladies’ restroom. My legs overruled my brain as I took off running.

“Wait!” Luke called out after me.

I stumbled into the bathroom and closed the door behind me, leaning against it to catch my breath. A lady washing her hands at the sink gave me a suspicious sideways glance.

“Is there a problem?” I snapped.

She quickly dried off her hands and hustled past me, out the door. Shutting myself in a bathroom stall, I hung my head, embarrassed. Not only did I snap at a hotel guest, I also ran away from Luke like a scared little girl. What happened to the confidant 24 year old I had become? Luke obviously was what happened. He had a way of getting under my skin with one look. I pulled my knees to my chest as the bathroom door clattered open.

“Marlene, are you in here?” Josie called out.

I let out a sigh of relief that it wasn’t Luke. I wouldn’t put it past him to walk into a ladies restroom. Unlocking the stall door, I peeked my head out from my safety zone. “I’m here.”

She stuck her hand on her hip. “Hiding, are we?”

“I just need a moment.” Or however long it took for Luke to leave my life again.

“Look, I’m not stupid,” Josie said. “There’s obviously a story between you and Mr. Rock Star.”

I sensed Josie wanted more than friendly co-worker talk. She smelled a story and wanted inside Intel so she could divulge it to the rag sheets where I’d be portrayed as a desolate single mother.

I peeked through the crack in the stall door and mumbled, “I’d rather not talk about it.”

She held up her hand “You’re right, it’s none of my business, and to be honest, I don’t need to know.”

“You don’t?”

Josie laughed at my stunned reaction. “No, everybody has secrets. If you need to take the day off, I’ll cover for you.”

I couldn’t allow Luke’s presence to drive me away from my place of work. Besides, he was a guest. I had to get used to seeing him around.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Josie nodded and was halfway out the door when she turned around. “Just to give you a head’s up, Luke is in the lobby waiting for you. He doesn’t seem like a guy who gives up easily.”

“He isn’t, except when it comes to his own family,” I muttered underneath my breath.

Once the door swung shut, silence enveloped me like a heavy blanket. With shaking hands, I whipped out my cell phone. If anybody knew how to talk down the crazy in me, it would be my best friend, Camille. We met in second grade when we both grabbed the same Barbie. We took turns with it each weekend until her head popped off. To this day, there is a makeshift gravestone with the name Barbie on it in Camille’s parents’ backyard.

My best friend picked up on the second ring. “Hey you.”

At the sound of her voice, the knot in my stomach unknotted itself. There was a way about her that could calm down the craziest of the craziest, which explained her quest for a PhD in psychology.

“Are you busy?” I asked.

“Not really. I needed to take a break from studying.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Oh my god, the cute barista…you know, with the swoopy hair? He just started his shift.”

Normally, I would love to hear about Camille’s latest crush, but I couldn’t keep my secret in any longer. “Luke is here,” I blurted out. A long pause stretched out on the other end of the phone line. “Earth to Camille,” I said.

“Sorry, you threw me off guard. Where is he exactly?”

“In my hotel. He was about to approach me but I freaked out and ran to the bathroom .” My cheeks turned crimson red at my reaction.

Camille laughed. “You always run to pee when you’re uncomfortable.”

“I didn’t have to pee, thank you very much. The ladies’ restroom was the only visible exit in sight,” I huffed.

She paused. “So, where are you now?”

I looked down at the white ceramic tiles, surrounding the toilet. She would never let me live it down if I told her I was in a bathroom stall.

“Don’t tell me. You’re still in the bathroom.”

My silence confirmed her suspicions, which made her break into peals of laughter. She gulped, catching her breath. “It’s our junior year all over again.”

In high school, I had an anxiety attack every time I stepped into Mr. Levy’s math class. Something about brain stretching math formulas set my nerves on edge. My solution was to hide in the bathroom for the hour-long class period. It ended in the only F I ever received on a report card. However, now wasn’t the time to reflect on the past. Even though, it was waiting for me in the lobby in the form of a man who I couldn’t shake.

I sighed and rested my head in my hands. “I can’t go back out there.”

“Sweetie, you can’t hide forever.”

“Oh yeah?” I said. “Watch me.”

I imagined the ways I could set up the stall as a home. Years of fort building as a child prepared me for this very moment. All I needed were a few blankets from the housekeeping department.

“What about Nil?” she asked.

My sweet daughter thankfully got the best parts of Luke and me. She was the one good thing that came out of this mess. “I’m scared,” I whispered.

“Of what?”

Camille posed a good question. What was I scared of? The naïve girl Luke once knew didn’t exist anymore. She disappeared the day she saw the two pink lines on a pregnancy stick.

I sorted through my feelings and came up with an answer. “I guess sometimes I forget I’m not seventeen anymore,” I said. “He was my whole world back then, and after three years together, he left.”

“You’re afraid you’ll get hurt again.”

She pinpointed the problem when I myself had no idea. This was why Camille and I would be best friends till the day I died. “Yeah, and now it’s no longer about us. Nil’s involved. The stakes are higher.”

“Sweetie, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If he wants to see Nil, you can say no. And talking to him doesn’t mean you’ll automatically end up naked in bed with him.”

“Well…,” I hedged.

Camille laughed. “I take that back. Resist his charms!” she yelled. “Resist!”

Luke was famous because of his magnetic personality. The first time I saw him he was onstage, singing and it seemed as if the spotlight had been invented for him. By the last song, I had fallen head over in heels in love. When the set finished, Luke jumped off the stage and asked me out. According to him, my beauty blinded him to every other girl in the room.

“If anybody needs that advice, it’s his fans. They were practically throwing themselves at him,” I grumbled

“That’s his life now. Do you know why he’s here?”

“Why else would he be in town? He’s on tour”

“And you know this how?” she questioned, suspicious. When I didn’t respond, she got her answer. “You still check his blog, don’t you?”

“Not very often. Once a week max.” I could feel her judgment over the phone. “He’s Nil’s father, I have a right to know what he’s up to.”

“He’s famous which means his life is broadcast all over the world. You don’t need to read his blog to find out what’s going on in his life. The rag sheets do that for you.

I was about to inject my two cents when she barreled on. “Besides, it’s not fair to Finn.”

Finn was my kind of, sort of, boyfriend. As an accountant at a big law firm in Seattle, he was the kind of guy you wanted to take home to your parents. The problem was he didn’t make my pulse skyrocket, which was why he belonged in the kind of, sort of, category.

“I know it’s not,” I said.

“So, what are you going to do?” she asked in pep talk mode. “You’re going to throw back your shoulders, leave the bathroom, and put Luke Anderson behind you.” Camille paused. “Wait, that sounded dirty. You know what I meant though. He belongs in your memories, not in your present life. His world isn’t cohesive to raising a child. Both you and I know that.”