Love of a Rockstar (5 page)

“Yes, but…”

My mother waved away my words. “Just don’t let him back into your life so easily.”

“Who said he wants back into my life?”

She turned in the direction of the living room where Nil sat. “How could he not? Nil is an amazing little girl.”

ONCE WE GOT home from my mother’s house, it was as if I had lost my head. I left my keys in the refrigerator and almost poured Nil a glass of wine instead of juice. My mother’s advice rung in my ears, constantly distracting me. In my gut I knew she was right, I shouldn’t let Luke back into our lives without caution but Nil deserved a dad. There was no way around that.

As nightfall approached, I tucked Nil in for an early bedtime. Three fairy tales later, she was sound asleep. I silently tiptoed into the kitchen for a heavy dose of cookie dough therapy. Pulling out a bag of cookie dough balls from the freezer, I made my way to the couch. My butt was about to hit the seat when the doorbell rang. Perfect timing. The one instance I grabbed a moment to myself, an unannounced visitor interrupted it.

“Hold your horses,” I grumbled.

I was about to open the door when I thought twice about my actions. What if it was a serial killer? Right. Psychopaths totally ring the doorbell before they murder you. That made sense. Mentally smacking my forehead for my stupidity, I opened the door a crack and felt my stomach flip. Luke stood on my doorstep clad in a leather jacket and dark washed jeans. A five o’clock shadow dotted his jawline. Lust turned in my stomach followed by panic. What the hell was he doing here? Nil couldn’t see him. She would ask too many questions, and I didn’t know the right answers yet.

“Hey,” he said. “Are you busy?”

I stepped out onto the front porch and shut the door. Shivering in the night air, I wrapped my bare arms around my body.

“Kind of. Why are you here?”

He gave me the once over in my flannel PJ bottoms. “You had a date with your TV, didn’t you?”

The fact he still knew me so well after all these years apart unnerved me. I guess I hadn’t changed as much as I thought.

“And a roll of cookie dough if you must know,” I said.

He gave me a knowing smile. “You can’t forget the cookie dough. It’s the—”

“Best part,” we said at the same time, laughing.

If this were a Nora Roberts movie on Lifetime, this would be the scene when our laughter would peter out and we would realize we loved each other, always and forever. While rain fell down upon us, we’d seal our love with a passionate kiss. Unfortunately, real life was a hell of a lot more complicated than a sappy romantic move.

I cleared my throat. “So why are you here Luke?”

“I want to see Nil.” Before I could utter an outright no way in hell, he shook his head. “I can’t believe she’s four now.”

“Four and a half.”

The look of disbelief on Luke’s face matched my feelings on the subject. It seemed like just yesterday she was learning to walk. Now, she was a little girl with a boisterous personality to match.

“Wow,” Luke said softly. “I can’t believe I missed all those years.”

Since he did, I found no point in discussing what couldn’t be undone.

“What were you doing during those years?” I asked, curious.

Luke’s blog never dived into personal details but my imagination filled in the blanks. Sometimes when the days were long and anxiety pulsed through my veins, I laid in bed at night, dreaming about life on the road with Luke. Without any responsibilities to hold me to the life I grew to know so well. The next morning, I’d wake up to a tiny foot in my face and realize I wouldn’t trade my story for all the freedom in the world. Nil was my glorious ball and chain.

“Touring from one city to the next.” Darkness shadowed Luke’s baby blue eyes. “Honestly, it’s lonely. I didn’t think I would ever say that, but it’s true.” A bitter laugh escaped his lips. “The agents, the managers, the bodyguards all think they know you, but really, the only person they know is the image the media created.” His gaze softened. “Except you. You have always seen the true me even when I had no idea who that person was.”

His words cut deep, leaving me raw and exposed. I stared at the ground to gather my emotions before they boiled over and I did or said something I’d regret.

“Mar, look at me,” Luke said gently.

When I didn’t comply, he rested his palm against my cheek. I turned my head into his touch instead of away like I should have. Closing my eyes, I savored the heat that blossomed in my stomach.

“I fucked up, I know that, but I want to change,” Luke said. “Be the father and man you needed me to be all those years ago. I understand you’ve moved on. With Finn, no less.”

At the mention of Finn’s name, my eyes snapped open. What was I doing? With one gushy sentence, I became putty in Luke’s hands. I had to think with my head, not my hoo-ha. Words weren’t enough; he had to show me he was ready to be a father. Until then, Luke didn’t deserve to see Nil. Confusion flashed in his eyes when I took a step back.

“No,” I said firmly.

“No?” He echoed.

I shook my head. “You can’t show up here and seduce me with words, Luke. It may have worked when I was seventeen but in the end you left the life we had built together”

“I’m sorry, I…”

I cut him off. “I don’t want words. I want action.
You
promised action. If you really want to be part of Nil’s and my life, then I want you to prove it.”

“I’m only here for four days,” he said desperately. “How the hell can I prove anything in such a short period of time?”

Turning my back on him, I gripped the doorknob. Tears blurred my vision. A big part of me knew he wouldn’t be in Seattle forever, but a tiny piece hoped he would be. At least, his answer showed me I was doing the right thing in letting him go.

“I guess you can’t then.” I stepped inside my house. “Goodbye Luke.”

I took one last look at the man who owned my body and soul for so many years. His face twisted into a mask of sheer devastation. I wanted to reach out and console him, to say everything would work out. It wouldn’t though, not until he put his family before his career.

“I never thought our love story had an end,” he said faintly.

Clicking the door shut, I slid down the wooden frame into a heap on the floor. Sobs racked my body as I echoed the same sentiments in my head. Our love story shouldn’t have had an end. Only a beginning.

“YOU LOOK LIKE shit.”

Groggily, I opened my eyes and saw Camille standing next to my bed holding two cups of coffee and a bag stained with grease.

“So do you,” I lied as I burrowed deeper under the covers. “Now go away. I had a rough night.”

“Do you have any idea what time it is?” she asked.

“Five,” I guessed with a yawn.

Camille made the sound of a buzzer. “Wrong. It’s seven.”

Panicked, I bolted upright. My shift today had started fifteen minutes ago. My boss would kill me if I was a no show. My feet landed on the carpet in a mad shuffle to gather my clothes. Camille watched me with an amused expression on her face.

“Don’t just stand there. Help me,” I said.

“I called in sick for you.”

With one leg through my pants, I froze and stared at her. “You did what?”

“I called in sick for you. Grandma Doris came over to watch Nil and saw that you were still in bed. She tried to wake you, but you were dead to the world. Worried, she called me to come over and bring the one thing you can’t resist.” She shook the pastry bag in my face. “Croissants. Then I noticed the puffy eyes, which meant, you cried yourself to sleep. So I called in sick for you. I thought you needed some R and R.”

Camille and I had remarkably similar voices on the phone. When we were teenagers, we used to confuse our parents by answering each other’s calls. At some point, our parents asked if it was their real daughter they were talking to. Camille and I thought this was hilarious. They, on the other hand, didn’t.

“You’re a psychologist, not a detective,” I reminded her. “And thanks for giving me a mini heart attack. Why didn’t you tell me before I went Tasmanian devil on my room?”

She shrugged. “It’s funny to watch you freak out”

On the way back to my bed, I snatched the bag out of Camille’s hands. The smell of buttery goodness made my stomach growl. Nothing cures an emotional hang over better than carbs. I took a bite out of the croissant and practically moaned.

Camille grinned. “That good, huh?

“Better than good. Flipping fantastic.” I eyed the coffee in her hands. “Is one of those for me?”

Pulling a chair next to the bed, she propped her feet on the duvet cover and handed the cup to me. I took a large gulp.

“I don’t even get a thank you,” Camille said. “What kind of friend are you?”

I gave her a smile dripping in honey. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

We sipped our drinks in comfortable silence. When I polished off the last bite of my breakfast, I leaned against the headboard, tired. Last night left me emotionally drained. I owed Camille more than a simple thanks for calling in sick for me. Facing Luke today at the hotel would have been a disaster.

“Are Nil and Grandma Doris in the living room?” I asked.

She shook her head. “Nope. She took Nil to breakfast, then off to pre-K.”

“Right, today is Monday,” I mumbled, getting my days straight.

Without my family and friends backing me up, my world would have collapsed into a disorganized mess. They were the best kind of calendar I had.

“I know you can be kind of ditzy when it comes to your own life but not Nil’s.” Camille cast me a worried glance. “What’s up?

With enough caffeine to fuel a small car coursing through my veins, I kicked off the covers and sat crossed legged on the bed. “Luke showed up unannounced last night,” I said.

Camille choked on her coffee. “Are you serious? Did Nil see him?”

“No, she was asleep.”

If my daughter did meet her father last night, there would be a whole other host of problems to address, like when he would see her and for how long. Would he get Christmas or Thanksgiving? I was glad I didn’t have to deal with that right now.

Camille leaned forward in her seat, eyes wide. “So, give me the deets.”

I launched into the story of what happened between Luke and me. When I was finished, my best friend sat stunned into silence. The man we both once knew rarely expressed his emotions.

“He really said he didn’t think your love story had an end?” Camille whispered.

My heart squeezed in my chest. “Yup.”

She let out a low whistle. “It’s like you’re living the modern day version of
Casablanca
.”

The thought of Luke as Humphrey Bogart made me laugh. “Hardly.”

“OK, maybe not, but the line belongs in a movie.”

“Who knows? It might have been.”

As her mouth scrunched to the side, I could see her brain scanning a list of romantic classics to see if what I said had any merit. She had a romantic movie collection the size of Texas in her living room. I honestly thought it did more harm than good on her social life. The guys she met didn’t hold a candle to the men in the movies.

“Nope, that line has never been used. It’s an original,” Camille confirmed.

“Awesome,” I said, sarcastically.

Hating Luke felt easier when he resembled the closed off musician who left us. Now, he was back, spewing one liners that belonged in
The Notebook
. I had no idea what changed his personality, but I didn’t like it. Shoving me over, Camille sat down in the empty spot.

“What are you going to do?” she asked.

I shrugged hopelessly. “No clue.”

Camille hugged her knees to her chest, lost in thought. The quietness of the room sapped my caffeine surge, and I sunk into the pillows.

“He didn’t say no,” Camille said.

Her voice tore me away from the edge of sleep. “To what?” I asked.

“To proving he wanted to be a family again.”

I waved off her realization with a flick of my wrist. “Doesn’t matter. He’ll only be in Seattle for four days. Nil and I deserve somebody dependable.”

“Like Finn?”