Love 'N' Marriage (18 page)

“ More’s the pity.”

“I had no intention of falling in love with you. It just... happened. Even now, I don’t regret it, I can’t. I love you, Jonas Lockwood. I apologize that the girls’ game got carried to that extent, but please believe me,

I didn’t have anything to do with the marriage pool. I didn’t even know anything about it until yesterday.” She paused, her chest heaving with the tension that coiled her insides like a finely tuned violin. “I’d never do anything to hurt you. Never.”

Jonas dropped his gaze again. “Okay, you’ve had your say, and I’ve listened. It’s what you wanted. Now kindly do as I request and leave the diamond with Ms. Westheimer. Whatever was between us, and I sincerely doubt it was love, is over.”

Stephanie felt as though he’d physically struck her. Tears burned in her eyes, brimmed, and fell over the thick lashes onto her cheek. “You put this ring on my finger,” she said softly, slowly. “If you want it off, you’ll have to remove it yourself.” She held her hand out to him, and waited.

Although he refused to look at her, Stephanie could sense his indecision. “If it isn’t love that’s between us, I don’t know what it is,” she added softly.

“I saw you last night,” he said, in a voice so low that the words were barely audible. “You came out of some cocktail lounge, laughing and joking with a group of women, and I knew it was a victory celebration. You’d achieved the impossible. You’d brought me to my knees.”

“Not that...never that.” Stephanie didn’t know how to explain that she’d simply been happy and had wanted to share her joy with her friends. But words would only condemn her now.

“Keep the diamond,” he said finally. “You’ve earned it.”

“Jonas, please—”

“Either you leave peacefully, or I’ll call security and have you thrown out.” His tone left little doubt that the threat was real.

Stunned almost to the point of numbness, Stephanie turned away from him. Tears blinded her as she headed for the door. Her hand was on the knob when she paused, not daring to look at him. “Did you say something?” she asked hopefully. “No.”

She nodded and, leaving the door open, moved into the foyer and to the elevator. Something came over her then. A sensation so strong and so powerful that she could barely contain it. With a burst of magnetic energy she whirled around and stormed back into his office, stopping at his desk. “Well,” she cried, her hands on her hips. “Aren’t you going to stop me?”

Jonas glanced up and snarled. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“They said you’d stop me.”

“Who?”

“The girls. They said if you really loved me.. if anything between us was real, that you wouldn’t be such an idiot as to let me leave.” She’d improvised a bit, but that had been the gist of their message.

“I can assure you that after yesterday I have no feelings for you. None. At this point, my only intention regarding you is to sever our relationship and be done with you once and for all.”

“You fool,” she cried, swallowing a hysterical sob. “If your pride is worth so much to you, then fine—so be it. If you want your ring back, then here it is.’’ She paused long enough to slip it off her finger and place it on his desk. “It’s over now, and all the trust and promise that went with it: the love, the joy, the laughter, the home, the family.” She sucked in her breath at the unexpected pain that gripped her heart. “Our children would have been so special.”

Jonas’s mouth went taut, but he said nothing.

“It may surprise you to know that you’re not the only one with an abundance of pride.’’ Although she said each word as clearly as possible, the tears rained down her face. She turned and pointed to the elevator. “It’s going to tear my heart out to walk out that door, but I’m going to do it. From here on, you’ll live your life and I’ll live mine and we’ll probably never meet again. But I love you, Jonas, I’ll always love you. Not now, and probably not soon, but someday, you’ll regret this. My love will haunt you, Jonas, all the way to your grave.”

“I suggest if you’re going to leave you do it quickly,” he said tonelessly, “before security arrives.”

“Stop trying to hurt me more,” she shouted, her voice cracking. “Isn’t this humiliation enough?”

Again he refused to answer her.

“Goodbye, Jonas,” she said softly, her voice trembling violently. She turned and walked away from him, telling herself over and over again not to look back. It wasn’t until she was in the elevator that she realized she was speaking out loud.

As the elevator carried her to the bottom floor, Stephanie felt as though she were descending into the depths of hell. She paused in the washroom to wipe the tears from her face and repair the damage to her makeup. Unable to face anyone at the moment, she took the bus directly home and contacted Jan from there.

“What happened?” Jan cried. “Everyone’s dying to know.”

“The engagement is off,” Stephanie announced, doing her utmost to keep her voice from cracking. “I’ve contacted my parents. I’m letting go of the apartment and flying home at the end of the week. The sooner I leave Minneapolis the better.”

“Steph, don’t do anything foolish. It’ll work out.”

“It’s not going to resolve itself,” she cried, pressing her fist against her forehead. “Jonas made that very clear, and I refuse to remain in this city any longer.” Not when there was a chance she’d run into Jonas again. She could bear anything but that.

“I feel terrible,” Jan mumbled, “Really terrible—I was the one who got you into this.”

“I got myself into it, and no one else. I love him, Jan, and a part of me always will.”

“Are you crying?”

“No.” Stephanie tried to smile, but the effort was a miserable failure. “The tears are gone now. I’m not saying I didn’t cry; believe me, this morning it was Waterworks International around here. But my crying jag is over. I’ll recover in time—that’s the best thing about being a Coulter—we bounce back.” Her mother had reminded her of that, and they’d wept together, paying long-distance rates to do so.

Jan sighed with a hint of envy. “I can’t believe you—you’re so strong. If this were to happen between me and Jim, I’d come unglued.”

Family was the sticking agent that would hold Stephanie together. Her parents would help her get through this ordeal. Now, more than at any time since she’d left home, Stephanie felt the need for the comforting love of her parents and all that was familiar. The wheat farm, the old two-story farmhouse with the wide front porch. The half-mile-long driveway with rolling fields of grain on either side. Home. Family. Love.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” Jan wanted to know next.

“Nothing. If... if I don’t see you before Saturday, say goodbye to everyone for me. I’ll miss you all.”

“Oh, Steph, I hate to see it come to this.”

“I do too, but it’s for the best.”

For four days, Stephanie tried to pick up the pieces of her shattered life. She packed her bags, sold what furniture she could and gave the rest to charity. None of it was worth much, since she’d bought most of it secondhand. The bookcase was the most difficult to part with, and in the end she disassembled it and packed the long boards with the rest of the things she was having trucked to Colville. The expense of doing so was worth more than three similar sets of bookshelves, but this was all that she’d have to remember Jonas by, and even though she was doing everything humanly possible to purge him from her life, she wanted to hang on to the bookcase and the memory of that night together.

Late Friday afternoon, her suitcases resting in the barren apartment, Stephanie waited for Jan to pick her up and drive her to a hotel close to the airport. She half expected Maureen, Toni and Barbara to arrive with Jan, and she mentally braced herself for the drain on her emotions. Goodbyes were always difficult.

When the doorbell chimed, she took a deep breath and attempted to smile brightly.

“Hello, Stephanie.” A vital, handsome Jonas stood in the doorway.

“Jonas.” Her fingers clutched the door handle so tightly that Stephanie thought the knob would break free. All week she’d been praying for a miracle, but had given up hope; Jonas was too proud, and Stephanie knew it.

“May I come in?”

She blinked twice and stepped aside. “As you can see, I can’t offer you a seat,” she said, leaning against the closed door.

Jonas stepped into the middle of the bare room and whirled around sharply. “You’re leaving?”

“I’m expecting my ride in a few minutes—I thought you were Jan.”

“I see.”

“You wanted something?” She tried to keep the eagerness from her voice. In her dreams, he had had her in his arms by now.

“I’ve come to offer you your job back.”

Her hopeful expectations died a cruel death. “No, thank you.”

“Why not?”

“Surely you know the reason, Jonas.”

He hesitated, ambled to the other side of the room, and glanced out the window to the street below. “You’re a damn good secretary.”

Stephanie held her ground. “Then I shouldn’t have much problem finding work in Washington.”

“I’ll double your salary,” he said, not bothering to turn around.

Stephanie was incredulous, disbelieving. She could see the expression on his face and she noted that he looked weary and defeated. “Jonas, why are you really here?” she asked in a soft whisper.

He smiled then, a sad smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m afraid I have a mutiny on my hands.”

“A what?”

“Five of my top female employees are threatening to walk off their jobs.”

“Five?”

“Perhaps more.”

“I... I don’t understand.”

“For that matter, I’m having a problem comprehending it myself.” He wiped a hand over his face. “This afternoon Bertha Westheimer, and four others I barely know, walked into my office.”

“Bertha Westheimer?” Every bad thought she’d ever entertained about Jonas’s secretary vanished in a flood of surprise and pleasure.

“Ms. Westheimer was in on this from the beginning?” His gaze captured Stephanie’s, but quickly released it.

“No... just Jan, Barbara, Toni and Maureen.”

His mouth formed a half-smile. “They accused me of not being hero material.”

“They didn’t mean anything by it—they’re still upset.”

“I take it that being rejected as a hero makes me the lowest of the low?” He cocked his thick brows questioningly.

“Something like that.” Despite the seriousness of the conversation, Stephanie was forced to disguise a smile. “This whole thing started because Jan and the others thought I was heroine material—they were mistaken about me as well. I did everything wrong.”

“How’s that?” He turned and leaned against the windowsill, studying her.

She shrugged, lowered her gaze and rubbed the palms of her hands together nervously. “You kissed me once in your office, and I told you never to let it happen again. I was forever saying and doing the worst possible thing.”

“But I did kiss you again.”

This was a subject Stephanie wanted to avoid. “What else did they say?”

“Just that if I let you go I would be making the biggest mistake of my life, and that they refused to stand idly by and let it happen.”

“What did they suggest you do now?”

“They said if I didn’t do something to prevent you from leaving they were handing in their resignations effective that minute.”

Looking at him was impossible; it hurt far too much. “So that’s why you offered me my old job back—you were seeking a compromise?”

“No,” he said harshly. “I figured if you agreed to that, then there’d be hope of you agreeing to more.”

“More?”

“The ring’s in my pocket, Stephanie.” He brought it out and handed it to her. “It’s yours.”

The diamond felt warm in her palm, as though he’d repeatedly run his fingers over it. She raised her eyes to his, not understanding. “Jonas,” she whispered through the tight knot that formed in her throat. “I can’t accept this ring.”

He went pale. “Why not?”

“For the same reason I refuse to go back to Lockwood Industries.”

“I love you, Stephanie.”

“But not enough to want me as your wife,” she said accusingly, feeling more wretched than the day he’d fired her. “Don’t worry about Jan and the others; I’ll explain everything. You needn’t worry about them quitting. That’s the reason you’re here, isn’t it?”

“No,” he said huskily; he paused, and seemed to regain control of his emotions. “I don’t want you to leave. I thought about what you said, and you’re right. If you go, everything I’ve ever dreamed about will disappear with you. I have my pride, Stephanie, but it’s been cold comfort the last few days.”

“Oh, Jonas, don’t tease me, I don’t think I could bear it—are you saying you want me for your wife?”

“Lord, yes.” He raised his eyes toward heaven as if to plead for patience. “What did you think I was asking?”

“I don’t know.”

He reached for her, drawing her soft body to his and inhaling the fresh sunshine scent of her hair. “I’ve been half out of my mind the last few days. To be honest, I was glad Ms. Westheimer and the others came. It gave me the excuse I needed to contact you. Right after you left it dawned on me that I’d been an idiot. I’d overreacted to that stupid marriage pool. Why should any of that silliness matter to me when I’ve got you?” He pressed his mouth hungrily down on hers. Swiftly her lips parted, and their tongues met.

Stephanie melted against him. Tears of happiness flooded her lashes, and she sniffled loudly. “I love you so much.”

“I know.” His chin rubbed against the top of her head. “I think we fooled the odds makers this time.”

“How’s that?”

“Odds were three to one that we’d get back together again.”

“Three to one?”

“You know what else?”

“No,” she said with a watery smile.

“There are other odds floating around the office. They say you’ll be pregnant by the end of the year.”

“That soon?” She wound her arms around Jonas’s neck and moved her body against his, telling him without words her eagerness to experience all that marriage had to offer them.

“I say they’re way off,” he growled in her ear. “It shouldn’t take nearly that long.”