Love Me If You Dare (Safe Haven) (8 page)

“He’s
a nice boy, that Dylan.” My mom laced her fingers tightly together, and I
wondered if she was actively trying to not reach for the open booze.

“You
sure you’re remembering the right Dylan, Mom?” I forced myself to joke, aware
that Serena and Maddy were following every nuance of the conversation intently.
But really... it had to have been over three years since she’d seen him. Since
Ella’s funeral, probably.

Which
still didn’t explain how she’d known it was him I was with on the porch.

“He
comes over to mow the lawn when he can. Fixes things if I need it. The washing
machine, the hinges on the door. Even the brake pads on my car, once.” Mom
looked off into the distance, her expression vacant, as I gaped, trying to
assimilate this information with what I knew about Dylan.

He’d
changed, for sure. But he still carried that air of repressed danger around
with him, and I just couldn’t picture him pushing a lawnmower over lush green
grass.

And
yet, after tonight... I kinda could.

“Uh-oh.”
I heard Maddy whisper. I could feel her eyes on me as my heart wobbled, then
fell to somewhere in the vicinity of my knees.

I
was done for.

“Well,
you girls have a nice night.” Mom’s voice was overly bright. I was just
softening towards her, thinking, hoping, that maybe we’d turned a corner. But
the muscles that had relaxed quickly hardened into stone as slowly, casually,
she reached for the bottle of vodka that she had been avoiding.

She
quickly poured herself a shot, then swigged it back. Serena and Maddy started
to giggle, but the sound halted abruptly when a strangled noise caught in the
back of my throat.

“I’m
out for the night.” Slowly, my mom stood, smiling at my friends, who suddenly
seemed unsure.

I
felt as though my skin had been peeled from my flesh—everything hurt, an
unbearable throbbing ache.

They
knew now, Maddy and Serena did—they knew part of my secret. They knew how
incredibly fucked up my mom was.

I’d
tried so hard to remove myself from this very situation, to no avail.

I
wanted to scream.

“Night,
girls.” Mom paused in the doorway, looking back over her shoulder at me. She
smiled, warmth in the gesture, but all I felt was cold.

“It’s
nice to have you home, Ella.” Then she was gone, leaving me feeling as though
shards of ice had stabbed me through the heart.

My
friends were quiet for a long moment, and the silence was deafening. Finally Serena—my
best friend, the girl I’d known for three years who I wouldn’t really let know
me at all—Serena whispered the question.

“Who’s
Ella?”

The
pain was a million tiny blades, stabbing into that raw flesh. I dropped my head
into my hands, suddenly shaking all over.

“Ella—”
I had to stop, to clear my throat. I hadn’t wanted to even speak her name
again, because it hurt too damn much.

I
missed
her, damn it.

It
was my fault she was gone, and I wanted her back.

My
friends were waiting, the silence poking at me.

“Ella
is—
was
my sister.” I swallowed, my throat and mouth so dry that it hurt
to speak.

“She’s
dead.”

I
’m
on my way over.

The
shrill tone that announced a new text message on my phone woke me from a fitful
sleep at six the next morning. I winced, silencing it before it could wake
Serena or Maddy, both of whom were blanket covered lumps on the floor.

I
could only think of one person it could be.

Dylan?

The
response was instantaneous.

Wear
something comfortable that you don’t mind getting dirty. Bring some gloves if
you have any. And don’t eat.

I
hadn’t slept well at all the night before, and a good chunk of the reason why
was because that kiss kept playing through my mind. I was grumpy, my eyes
gritty, and not overly pleased at being woken at the crack of dawn.

None
of this stopped my heart from fluttering a bit in my chest regardless.

How
did you get this number?

I’d
certainly never given it to him.

A
pause.

Your
mom.

Given
what I’d learned last night, this wasn’t strange. And the fact that he’d gone
out of his way to get my cell phone number made my insides melt, just enough to
have me tiptoeing from beneath the warm cocoon of my covers.

I
perched on the edge of my mattress, chewing on my lower lip as I thought of
what to reply.

Can’t
this wait until a decent hour? Like tonight maybe? Someone kept me out past my
bedtime.

Again,
the response was quick.

I
have to leave for work this afternoon. I’ll be gone for a week. I’d like to see
you.

He
was going to be gone for a week? I was far more disappointed than I should have
been.

I
was working through the heaviness in my chest when a second text came in.

And
if you’re going to be up all night, I can think of something better for you to
do than try to sleep.

I
hissed in a breath, my skin flushing, heat pooling between my legs, all from
that little comment.

“Christ.”
I raked a hand through my sleep snarled hair. I wasn’t as upset this morning,
though I was far from serene. But my pride wanted to prove that I could be
around him without breaking my heart, so I tapped out a final text message one
handed.

Fine.
Give me ten. And it had better be good.

My
phone beeped one final time as I hastily pulled on a pair of yoga pants and a
baggy men’s tank top, a sports bra peeking through the loose fabric.

You’ve
got five. And I’m always good.

I
rolled my eyes as I trudged into the bathroom to pee, to comb my hair and to
brush the morning fuzzies from my teeth. I briefly considered slapping on some
makeup.

I
hadn’t been wearing any the night before, and I’d still been kissed senseless.
It was kind of appealing, not wearing a face full of gunk like I normally did.

Dylan
knew things about me that no one else on the planet did, whether I wanted him
to or not. He could see me without makeup.

I’d
just made it downstairs and secured the laces on my sneakers when a light tap
tap sounded on the door. I grabbed the thin one size fits all gloves that I’d
found balled up in an old winter coat in the hall closet, and slid my
sunglasses to the top of my head before answering it.

“Damn
it.” The words slipped out without my meaning to saying them out loud when I
opened the door. Dylan stood there, track pants hanging low on his hips, a dark
T-shirt stretched snugly across the muscles of his chest and shoulders.

His
hair stood up in damp spikes, and he smelled like he’d come straight from the
shower.

“What?”
He gave me that crooked grin before taking my hand and pulling me from the
house. The simple touch short circuited my morning scrambled brain.

“No
one should look that good this early.” I frowned when I realized what I’d said,
then shrugged.

I
didn’t care if he thought I was trying to be like Ella in my attitude. It might
have started out that way, me deliberately trying to keep my sister’s memory
alive, but now it was ingrained inside of me.

This
was how I talked now—without much of a filter. He could get over it or take a
hike.

I
wasn’t sure which option I was hoping for.

The
windows of Dylan’s truck were steamed over.

“Were
you having a lot of fun in here by yourself?” I asked. I meant the tendency of
car windows to steam up when its occupants were going at it.

Dylan
cast me a wounded look. At that moment something that looked like a big wet
nose was pressed against the passenger’s side window.

“Poose
insisted on coming.” He chuckled, opened the truck door for me, and ordered the
dog out.

She
was a big mass of black fur and slobber, and was clearly thrilled to see me. A
sharp order from Dylan had her freezing mid-jump and falling to the ground,
where she vibrated with repressed excitement.

“She
can be our chaperone.” I said wryly, waiting until the dog was ensconced in the
truck bed before climbing in myself.

I’d
spent my wakeful night time hours thinking about our kiss. I wanted more of
them. But twined right along with that desire was the memory of Dylan’s face
the night Ella died, his eyes blazing with accusation.

I
was stupid to want him. But I was no longer the kind of girl who measured her
steps and looked before she leapt. I might get my heart broken—I certainly
would, when this had played out.

But
maybe I’d finally have some resolution. Maybe I’d be able to purge him from my
system.

As
Dylan swung himself up behind the wheel of the truck, the rising sun glinted
off of his hair, his skin.

I
wondered if it was possible to gorge on someone like him to the point where I
didn’t want him anymore. My hormone laced brain didn’t think so, but I was
willing to try.

“Where
are we going?” I asked, stifling a yawn. The sun was still rising in the bright
blue morning sky—man, but it was
early.

“Climbing.”
Dylan’s grin was evident even in profile. Clearly, he was excited about the
prospect.

I
grimaced. I wasn’t feeling nearly as enthusiastic. I’d be lucky if I didn’t
fall right off the mountain.

“Here.”
Dylan handed me a paper bag, then shifted the truck into gear.

“What’s
this?” I asked even as I opened the bag. Dylan sighed with more than a hint of
exasperation.

“Do
you ever stop asking questions?” He cast a sidelong glance at me, but I didn’t
think he was actually upset.

“Hmpf.”
My inquisitive fingers dipped into the bag and pulled out... “You made me
breakfast?”

“You
need energy for what we’re going to be doing.” He smirked at me, the double
entendre not lost on him.

I
rolled my eyes in response. Peeling back the plastic wrap, I poked at the
sandwich inside.

“What
is it?” I smiled up at him—I’d eat it, whatever it was, but I couldn’t resist
poking some fun at him.

“Egg
whites with spinach and tomato on a multi grain bagel.” He narrowed his eyes,
daring me to comment. “Why? Don’t you like eggs?”

I
snickered. I couldn’t help it.

“Dylan
McKay, reformed bad boy of Fish Lake, made me a sandwich with egg whites and
spinach.” I grinned. “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”

He
hummed with exasperation.

“And
what do you usually eat for breakfast? Froot Loops?” He sounded mildly amused.
“What did you have yesterday?”

“Nacho
chips and licorice.” I retorted. “And coffee. Please tell me you drink coffee.
It’s not human to refrain.”

I
bit into the sandwich, which was better than it should have been, and turned to
watch as he closed his eyes for a fraction of a second.

“Kaylee,
that’s not healthy. Especially not with the amount of alcohol you probably
consume.” His words were even, but I started, the arrows driving home.

He
was judging me again. He had no right.

“Why
would you assume that I’m some kind of lush?” I did, in fact, drink more than
was probably healthy, but it was college. I certainly wasn’t the only one.

And
Dylan didn’t know that. I didn’t appreciate the assumption.

“Forget
I said anything.” His voice was tight. “You’re right. I shouldn’t assume.”

The
bagel was suddenly dry as sand in my mouth, difficult to swallow.

“Forgotten.”
It was hard to hold on to my mad when he was right. Still, the rest of the ride
to the lake passed in tense silence.

Dylan
skirted the lake with the truck, finally pulling to a stop in front of a short
rock face that I’d sometimes seen people trying to climb when I was younger.

Short
rock face... well, now that I knew I was going to be climbing it myself, it
looked a hell of a lot bigger.

“Are
you sure this is a good idea?” I tugged at the end of my ponytail as I stood,
staring up at the sheet of rock, from which dangled lengths of rope. As if
sensing my discomfiture, Poose came and nuzzled my hand with her cold nose
before running off to jump in the lake.

“We’re
going to do toe rope climbing today. It’s a good starting point.” The
expression on Dylan’s face was reassuring, but I had a helluva vivid
imagination. “I’ve set up an anchor system at the top. A rope runs from a
belayer at the bottom, up through some carabiners connected to the anchor
system, and back down to you. It’s attached to you with a harness.”

“Is
that English?” I frowned, using irritability to cover my nerves. “What if I
fall?”

“If
you fall, it will be a very short distance before the ropes catch you.” He cast
me a cool look when I snorted.

“A
short distance. Oh, great.” My stomach rolled over slowly, causing nausea to
roll in my gut. “This isn’t really my kind of thing, you know.”

“And
what is your kind of thing?” He beckoned me over and held up something
comprised of strips that looked like they might fit a waist and each leg. With
firm, completely non sexual touches he helped me into the contraption.

His
fingers didn’t linger anywhere, but I shivered regardless.

“You
guessed it,” I said lightly as he moved away to tug at the ropes. When he
wasn’t in my space, I missed his heat. “Partying. Friends. You know.”

He
didn’t make any judge-y comments this time. Instead he nodded at the sight of
me in the harness.

“All
the more reason you should give this a try. It’ll be good for you.”

I
barely refrained from rolling my eyes.

“I
hate to point out the obvious, but I’m an adult. I can decide for myself what’s
good for me.”
And you are definitely not it
, I added silently.

I
wasn’t even sure why I was going along with this. Actually, I was.

I
craved the feeling I got when I was around Dylan, craved it like a drug. No
matter if we were having dinner, eyeing each other across Jax’s garage, or
about to scale a mountain—I liked how he made me feel.

When
he wasn’t judging me, at any rate.

“All
right. Let’s go.” With a tug on the rope attached to my harness, Dylan pulled
me over to where he stood, right at the base of the rock. He gestured towards
the granite face and nodded, a grin of excitement on his face.

“Go,
how, exactly?” I eyed the rock with trepidation, trying to channel my inner
Spiderman. Dylan handed me the balled up Day-Glo gloves that I’d brought from
home, and I smoothed them over sweaty fingers.

“Just
climb, Kaylee.” Those long fingers slid over the wall, pointing out several
cracks and ledges in the stone. “Lodge a hand, a foot, wherever you can. Use
your arms, your legs. And just
climb
.”

You’re
got to be kidding me
. Just climb?

Something
flickered across Dylan’s face as he watched me battle down my nerves.

He
didn’t think I was going to do it. And the Kaylee he used to know wouldn’t
have—she would have pronounced the entire exercise dangerous and would have
refused to climb. Hell, she wouldn’t have even gotten in the truck with Dylan
back at the house, not without knowing what he was planning.

That
sealed me resolve. I’d show him—I’d prove that while I might have started
acting out as a way to keep my sister alive, now it was just a part of who I
was.

Spying
a small crack at the base of the rock, I jammed my foot in. My sneakers weren’t
the greatest quality, and I could feel the pressure of the rock on my toes.

I
ignored it and lifted my head, searching for a hand hold.

“Up
and to your right.” Dylan coached quietly. I took the one he suggested, though
I didn’t reply. I found another hand hold, another one for my feet, and pulled.

And
then I was off the ground. I was only up a foot or so, clinging to the rock so
hard that my fingers hurt.

But
I was up. I had started.

I
hadn’t expected to feel anything but fear, but a surge of triumph shot through
me, a white hot bolt of heat.

Turning
away from Dylan so that he couldn’t see, I allowed a small grin to break out. I
was pretty sure he’d thought that I wouldn’t do it. Was pretty sure that this
was all an exercise to demonstrate that the girl he’d once known was still in
there, somewhere.

Well,
she was, I mused as I struggled up another half foot. But I was different, too.

Up
a bit more, then more again. My arms began to shake from holding up my weight.
Little jolts of terror sliced through my muscles whenever my fingers slipped
from their hold.

The
ledge was just above my head. I could hear Dylan shouting encouragement at me
from below, could hear Poose’s excited bark.

He
said I can’t fall.

Will
he catch me if I do?

“Shit.”
I hissed out the curse as I clamped my first hand onto the ledge. My left leg
slipped and dangled, and I screeched as I was forced to rely on that one arm
until I could grab hold with the other.