Love Me If You Dare (Safe Haven) (7 page)

“Sometimes
even when things crash and burn... it’s for the best, you know?” When he looked
at me like that, I felt like he was looking into my very soul. Like he saw
everything I’d tried so very hard to hide from the world.

My
chest tightened, my ribcage hugging everything until I had trouble drawing a
breath.

The
guilt was horrendous. I knew what he was saying—that we could move on, could
still do great things, even though our lives had nearly been torn apart in the
wake of Ella’s death.

But
wasn’t I part of the ‘stupid shit’ he was trying to move on from?

“I
see.” I phrased the words carefully. I felt sick. God, I hadn’t even been a
screw-up myself when all of this had gone down. Now who was I? A party girl
with mediocre grades and no immediate plans for the future. If he was truly
trying to get his life back together, then what the hell was he doing here with
me?

“I—I
think I’m ready to go.” My lips were numb. Suddenly the diner felt too close,
too tight. I needed fresh air.

Eyes
examining my face, Dylan suddenly looked stricken.

“Kaylee...
I didn’t mean...” Frustrated, he raked his hands through his hair, making it
stand on end. “Shit.”

“It’s
okay. You were only telling the truth.” I slid out of the booth, trembling a
bit. I wasn’t so easily upset most of the time, but to know for sure that the
memory I’d turned over in my head for the last three years was something he saw
as one of the mistakes of his youth...

It
hurt. A lot.

Dylan’s
eyes narrowed as he pulled out his wallet, throwing some cash out onto the
table. Normally I would have argued and tried to pay at least my share—I didn’t
like owing people anything, especially men. It drove Joel nuts.

But
where Joel finally gave in after I pitched enough of a fit... well, with Dylan
I knew I could rage all I wanted, but it wouldn’t change the end result.

We
made the walk back to my house in tense silence. I’d told him to leave me, that
I could walk back on my own, but I hadn’t been too surprised that he hadn’t
listened.

I’d
given him a chance to leave, but he hadn’t taken it.

I
had no idea what was up ahead.

“How
do you feel about climbing?” Dylan asked abruptly as we neared my house. I
furrowed my brow in response.

“Climbing
what? Stairs? A ladder?” I cocked my head at him, frowning because I was still
irritated, and was rewarded with a smile that set my pulse to racing, even
through my upset.

“You
are so refreshing,” he said, low and quiet, and the fast-moving blood in my
veins turned molten.

I
hummed in response, my face tilting up towards him with my intending it to, a
flower reaching for the sun. Then I shook myself, remembering that I upset, and
why.

“Dylan,
you don’t have to do this.” My voice was quiet. “I don’t want to be some source
of guilt that you need to alleviate. I’m a big girl. I’ll be fine.”

He
glared at me. I scowled right back.

“I
mean mountain climbing. With ropes and harnesses.” As if I hadn’t even spoken,
he pressed one hand lightly to my waist, then urged me up the porch steps.
Though the cotton of my tank top separated his fingers from the skin of my
torso, the point of contact still burned.

I
held my breath as he followed me up all but the last step, which put our faces
level. Perfect height for a kiss.

Not
that I wanted one. I was angry. Confused.

Right.
I’d keep telling myself that.

“Kaylee?”
Dylan prompted, and the fingers at my waist squeezed, just the lightest bit. I
felt the touch all the through to the tips of my fingers. “Climbing? Ropes?
Harnesses?”

A
witty brush off was right on the tip of my tongue, but those weren’t the words
that came out.

“Sounds
kinky.” The words were out of my mouth before I could think, something I would
have said to someone who knew me back in New Haven. Mortified, I clapped my
palm over my mouth, staring up at Dylan with wide, embarrassed eyes.

“Shit.”
I cringed as I cussed, my skin flushing crimson with embarrassment. “I’m sorry.
I don’t know why I said that.”

“Don’t.”
Emotions ran over his face for a long moment, as if he couldn’t decide quite
how he felt. There—
there
. Another rare Dylan McKay smile, this time a
full grin. I didn’t get the impression that he was laughing
at
me
either, more that he was delighted with me.

It
was so strange.

Why
the hell was he even
here
?

“I’d
like to take you climbing sometime.” He finally said. The fingers touching my
waist moved, sliding around until his palm was pressed underneath the hem of my
tank top, splayed over the small of my back.

It
was the smallest of touches, nothing really in the grand scheme of things. The
fingers touching my waist moved, sliding around until his palm was pressed
underneath the hem of my tank top, splayed over the small of my back.

It
was the smallest of touches, nothing really in the grand scheme of things. Yet
it made me ache more than anything I’d done with any other guy, ever.

I
should have pulled away. This was so fucked up.

I
didn’t.

“Okay.”
I whispered. At that moment he could have suggested that he’d like to go with
me to get our heads shaved and I would have agreed, and probably even enjoyed
it.

“Good.”
He pressed down with his palm, urging me forward. I saw it coming, saw the
intent in his eyes, on his face as he moved so, so slowly towards me.

He
was deliberately giving me plenty of time to say no.
Stop this right now!
My
brain was screaming.
I don’t think I can.
That was the opinion of my
body.

I
didn’t feel like the choice was fully mine. I didn’t move in to meet him—I
wasn’t quite brave enough for that. But I held perfectly still, eyes wide open,
as he pressed his lips to mine.

Once,
twice—the kiss was soft, but at the same time fully dominant. It was telling
me—
he
was telling me—that if I gave in to this kiss, there was no going
back.

Having
branded my lips with that mere brush, he pulled back, eyes fully green in the
twilight. Watching me as if he didn’t want to miss the slightest nuance on my
face.

As
I looked at him, I wasn’t sure I’d ever had a choice.

With
a moan I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and kissed him back. One hand
moved down to trace the solid outline of his shoulder muscles; the other
tangled in thick hair the color of caramel.

On
his end there was no hesitation. The hand not heating my spine tangled in the
curls of my ponytail and tugged, angling my head so that he had better access
to my lips.

Holy
shit
. Fireworks exploded in my veins, the
sparks dancing over my skin. Greedy, I swiped my tongue over the seam of his
lips, groaning when he opened his mouth and swept his own tongue inside my
mouth to taste.

My
nipples contracted to the point of pain as I rubbed my chest against his. I
arched my back when he nipped at my lower lip, then swiped his tongue over the
bite to ease the sting.

I
couldn’t think. I couldn’t move. All I could do was
feel.

Aligning
my body with his, his hips framed the gentle swell of my belly. Moving on
instinct, I arched my pelvis into his, searching for the heat and hardness that
I could get lost in. He pressed back, and I could feel his erection, the long,
hard evidence of how much he wanted me pressing into my stomach.

When
he broke away I braced my hands on his shoulders and panted. He looked equally
undone, but got control of himself far faster than I did.

“Good
night, Kaylee.” My heart stuttered when he ran a finger over lips that were
swollen from that onslaught of a kiss. I could see in his eyes that the kiss
had affected him, confused him, just as much as it had me.

We
just looked at each other for a long moment. There was so much to say, and no
words to say it.

Of
all the stupid things I’d ever done, giving in to Dylan McKay was the absolute
stupidest.  There was so much between us that could never be resolved, and I
was asking for a world of hurt if I gave in.

But
that was all I wanted—to give in to what this thing between us was asking.

Dylan
turned then, walking down the steps and away, leaving me hot and needy to the
point of pain.

The
bastard didn’t look back, not even once.

“Shit.”
Bracing my hand on the railing of the porch, I ran my own fingers over the lips
that had just been devoured.

I
hadn’t kissed many boys before Dylan—I’d been so infatuated with him that I
hadn’t wanted to. And after I’d gotten to Connecticut I’d been so desperate to
burn the images of him, of my sister from my mind that I’d gone a little crazy,
gaining experience as fast as I could with any hottie who caught my eye.

I’d
done so much more than kissing, and I wasn’t ashamed of it. But even going all
the way, even having someone else inside of my body, hadn’t affected me even a
fraction as much as this one kiss from Dylan McKay.

Feeling
drunk on lust, confusion and anger, I made my way into the house, followed the
feminine voices into the living room where Maddy and Serena sat cross legged on
the couch, shot glasses and a bottle of vodka in between them.

They
both looked up eagerly when I came into the room.

“Well?”
Serena asked, her smile both tentative and eager. “How did that go?”

I
sidestepped the question, looking pointedly at Maddy. “Aren’t you home a little
early?”

She
grimaced and busied herself pouring another shot. “Date was a dud.”

“How
come?”I asked, squeezing myself onto the couch between my two friends. Forgoing
the shot glasses, I took a slug straight from the bottle.

“Well,
I’m not averse to a little action at the end of a first date. I’m a modern
woman, you know? If I’m into it, I just go with it.”

“No
slut shaming here.” Serena said solemnly, though her twinkling eyes betrayed
her. Maddy tossed a pillow at the petite blonde’s head, and Serena batted it
away with a shriek.

“The
vodka! Watch the vodka!”

I
took the bottle back from Serena and settled it between my knees. “
I
will keep the vodka, thank you very much.”

“
Anyway
,”
Maddy continued, downing the shot she’d poured when I’d come in. She shook her
head and exhaled through her nose as she swallowed.

“So
he kisses me. It was not bad. But then he asks how I feel about handcuffs.”
Maddy snorted through her nose, clearly disgusted. “As if.”

There
was a pause, in which Serena and I looked at one another and tried not to
giggle. Maddy caught out look.

“What?”
She demanded, grabbing for the vodka bottle.

“Well,”
I started, holding it out of the way and taking another swig myself. The
numbing effects of the alcohol combined with pure silliness with my besties was
exactly what I’d needed to save me from moping and analyzing every aspect of
the kiss that I could still feel burning my lips.

They
were staying for only a few more days. Instead of stressing over it, I decided
to try to relax and enjoy my friends.

“How
do
you feel about handcuffs?” Grinning, I wiggled my eyebrows at her,
which reminded me of my ‘kinky’ comment on the front porch. I’d been so
embarrassed that I’d said something like that—not that I hadn’t said things
like it a million times in the last few years.

But
I’d never said them to someone who should have been shocked to hear them come
out of my mouth. Except Dylan hadn’t seemed shocked, not at all.

What
was it he’d said?

“You’re
so refreshing.”

Wrenching
my thoughts away from Dylan, I tried to pay attention to the teasing that was
still being batted back and forth between Maddy and Serena. But a sound at the
entrance to the living room, a slight click of heels on the hardwood, caught my
attention.

I
looked up to find my mother leaning against the doorjamb, her expression
bemused. My gut clenched.

“I
thought I heard some fun going on.” My mom’s eyes were only slightly glassy,
not yet bloodshot, and her face was lightly flushed, but not the full red that
her pale skin went when she was drunk.

“Hi,
Mom.” I pinched my lips together until it hurt. I hadn’t had a chance to get
her alone and to ask her to please not talk about Ella to my friends. Even if
I’d had her assurances, all bets were off when she was drunk.

“Hey,
Mrs. Sawyer.” Maddy nodded at my mom, and carelessly set the bottle of vodka on
the coffee table.

I
cringed, looking from the bottle to my mother and back again.

Please
,
I prayed.
Please, just be normal.

“Was
that Dylan McKay I heard outside?” My mother asked, entering the room and
seating herself in an armchair on the other side of the coffee table.

She
hadn’t looked at the bottle of vodka yet. In fact, it seemed like she was
actively trying not to.

Stunned,
I looked my mom in the face.

“How—were
you watching us?” My jaw worked as I cringed inwardly.

That
kiss had been so intimate, so private... so
hot
. I may have come to view
my mother somewhere along the lines of an overgrown child who needed to be
taken care of, but I still wasn’t comfortable with the idea of her watching...
that
.

“Watch
your tone, Kaylee Ann.” I blinked as she scolded me, suddenly transported to my
early teens, back to the days when she and my dad had actually cared.

Could
it be... no.

No,
I wasn’t even going to hope.