Love, Lucas (3 page)

As soon as I get comfortable, a girl to the left of me laughs and I look over to see a group of teenagers in wet suits headed into the water with surfboards in hand. The girl has a ring through her nose and long blonde hair hanging down her back. She lets out a laugh and nudges the guy next to her with her shoulder before pulling her hair into a ponytail. I can’t help but stare. They look so carefree. So . . . normal.

A guy in the group, tan with dark hair, catches my eye and grins at me before turning to his friends again. I feel my cheeks heat and shake my head. I’m such a dork.

In seconds, the group is paddling out into the ocean. I watch them spread out and suck in a breath as the girl with the nose ring gets up on a wave like it’s nothing. I’m mesmerized. She knows exactly what she’s doing in the water. Her whole body is relaxed, and I swear she skims the inside of the wave with her fingers. I can’t help myself; I pull my camera out and snap a few photos of her before she disappears into the water.

My skin’s burning from the sun but I don’t care. I could use some color. If only I had gotten Dad’s skin, then I’d be a true tan California girl. Instead I’m a pasty white ghost from Utah.

I take a few more pictures before getting distracted by an outcrop of rocks a little way down the beach. There are people wandering around them, a few kneeling and pointing into the water. Curious, I head their way, leaving my blanket on the sand, but taking my camera bag with me.

The rocks are bigger than I thought they would be and they’re brown and slick. My bare feet make it hard to climb, but I sling my bag over my shoulder and figure it out. Once I pull my body up onto the rock, I smile. There are tide pools all around me, full of different sea creatures left by the tide.

I peek into the nearest tide pool and see a few starfish stuck to the nearest rock—a yellow one and a red one missing a limb. They’re strange creatures, starfish. When I was a kid, Jo came to visit and took us to an aquarium. I remember she flipped one over and made me touch its little feet. It had grossed me out and I’m pretty sure I ran away screaming. For some reason, the memory makes me want to pick one up.

I glance in the water again and notice a third starfish. This one’s orange and flipped upside down in the sand at the bottom of the tide pool. I set my camera bag down, slide onto my belly, and reach into the cool water to rescue it. As I pull it out, I scoot back and study my new friend.

It’s just like I remember: hard and bumpy on one side and slimy and suctiony on the other. The little feet wiggle around as I poke and prod—nicely, of course. After I’ve finished examining, I scoot back to the edge of the pool and put the little guy back in the water. I smile as it floats to the bottom like a snowflake. I grab my camera bag and pull out my camera to take a few pictures. I’m leaning forward, snapping a few of the two starfish still attached to the wall, when someone speaks.

“Something must be pretty interesting in there.”

I stand up so fast I lose my balance and almost drop my camera. My foot slips off the edge and splashes into the water. I would have fallen all the way in, but a strong hand grabs my arm and pulls me out.

I brush my hair out of my face and look up into a pair of chocolate eyes. “Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

I can’t help but stare. He’s cute—light brown hair, probably six feet tall I’d guess, since I have to look up at him. He’s alone, which is weird. I’ve noticed that usually people walk around the beach as couples or in groups. But I’m alone, so I guess I’m weird too.

“Are you okay?” he asks. A mix of humor and concern cross his features as his dark eyes take me in.

“I’m . . . uh . . . I’m fine.” I cringe at my choice of words. Yay for me. I just sounded like an idiot. And why do I always say everything is fine? I need to think of some other phrase to use. “Thanks.”

He’s still holding onto my wrist. I yank my arm away—harder than I mean to—since I have no idea who he is. He gives me a strange look and my cheeks warm. I have the sudden urge to throw myself into the ocean and sink to the bottom. I’ve never been very good around guys.
Awkward
would be the right word for it. I didn’t date at all back home since I spent every spare moment at the hospital with Lucas. I’ve never kissed anyone either. How could I think of myself when Lucas was so sick for so long? It didn’t make sense to date and be happy when Lucas was fighting for his life.

He’s watching me. I hope he’s not waiting for me to say something, because I really have no idea
what
to say.

“You like photography?” He gestures to the camera dangling in my hand.

I let out the breath I’m holding and nod, taking in his tanned skin. His light shirt clings to his body and I can see muscles peeking out from beneath his sleeves. A surfer maybe? I wonder if he’s a local.

He laughs. “That was a stupid question, wasn’t it? Of course you like photography. You’re out here taking pictures with a camera that’s probably worth more than my car.”

I smile and fiddle with the lens cover. The camera’s not that expensive, but it wasn’t cheap either. I worked all summer last year at a local restaurant to save up for it.

He’s still watching me. And I still have no idea what to say to him, which is stupid. He seems nice. It’s times like these I wish I were more like Lucas. I swear every time we went to the grocery store, he made a best friend in the checkout line.

“Are you on vacation? I haven’t seen you around here before.”

So he
is
a local. Not sure if that’s a good thing or not. After clearing my throat, I finally get the courage to speak. “I’m staying with my aunt for a few months. Jocelyn Reynolds?” I point in the direction of her house.

His face seems to light up. “Jo’s your aunt? She’s awesome!”

“You know her?”

He shrugs. “Everyone around here knows her. I live next door to her, though, so I know her a little better than most. She’s great. She takes me and my friends on her boat a lot. We help her out at work sometimes. I’m trying to get an internship with her for the summer.” He looks out into the water. “She took us out to see some sharks last week. It was pretty sweet.”

I have no clue what he’s talking about, since I don’t know exactly what Jo does for her job, but I nod anyway. “Cool. I’m going to have to ask her about taking me out on her boat sometime. I don’t think I’d like seeing sharks though. They freak me out.”

“They aren’t that bad. They’re just as scared of us as we are of them.”

“I doubt that,” I say, smiling. “Everyone always says that about wasps and hornets, yet they still find a reason to sting people.” I feel my uneasiness slipping away, which makes me feel a little better.

He laughs, louder this time. He has a nice laugh. “You’re funny. I’m Carson, by the way.” He extends his hand and I take it. It’s callused and his handshake is strong compared to my wimpy grip.

“Oakley,” I say. “Oakley Nelson.”

He raises an eyebrow and lets his hand fall to his side. “That’s an interesting name. I can honestly say I’ve never met an Oakley before.”

I’m not sure if he means that in a good way or bad.

“I like it,” he says, smiling. I notice a dimple in his left cheek. He’s still staring and I look away, feeling a smile creep in. It feels good to smile.

“Carson! Where’ve you been, man? The waves are killer out there. Did you see that sick set?”

The surfer I saw earlier is coming out of the water. He shakes his dark hair, sending droplets flying in every direction. He notices me and I swear he stands up straighter. He flexes his toned chest and I try really hard not to stare. I fail, like any other girl would. Embarrassed, I lean down and grab my camera case. I should put my camera away before I drop it or something. And to avoid staring.

“Dillon, this is Oakley. Oakley, Dillon,” Carson says.

I look up. “Hi,” I manage. He’s cute, with strong features, complete with a cleft in his chin. The kind of guy all the girls would be after in my high school.

He brushes his wet hair out of his eyes. “I saw you this morning at Jo’s place. You livin’ there?”

“Yeah. For a little bit,” I say.

“Cool.” He glances at Carson but his body stays turned toward me. “So, what’s up with you, Carson? Your foot still bothering ya?”

Carson chuckles. “I’m fine. Just thought I’d skip out for today.” He shifts his weight and winces.

I peer down and notice he’s wearing flip-flops, but his left foot is wrapped in a bandage. Like it’s sprained or something.

“Dude. You’re lame.” Dillon looks me over again and runs a hand through his hair. “If you want to get to know some of our crowd, we’re having a bonfire on the beach tonight. Hot dogs, s’mores, a couple kegs. Wanna come?”

“You should. It’ll be fun,” Carson says.

I open my mouth but nothing comes out. I don’t even know these people and they’re already inviting me to a party? Where the heck am I?

I hear Carson shift on the rock next to me. “We don’t bite,” he says. “And if you’re going to be here for a few months, you should get to know some of us locals. There’ll be a bunch of girls there too. Not just us. If that makes you feel any better.”

They both stare at me, waiting for my answer, and I start to panic. “Um . . . probably not tonight. I have . . . uh . . . stuff to do. Thanks, though.” I put my camera bag over my shoulder and climb back down to the sand.

“It was awesome to meet you,” Dillon says. He winks at me and starts back toward the water.

Really? Who winks?

“It’s at seven if you change your mind,” Carson yells at my back.

I don’t respond or look at them again; I’m too busy trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with me.

CHAPTER 4

We sit at the kitchen table in silence. Mom watches me as I push my mashed potatoes around my plate. I know that look. It’s her worried-but-too-afraid-to-say-anything look. “So, he asked you to go to a party and you said no?”

I sigh. I’ve already told her the story. Three times. “Yes, Mom. I said no.”

“Why?”

“Why do you care?” I snap. Why
does
she care?

Her eyes grow wide but she doesn’t yell. Instead, she shrugs. “I think it’s nice. It would be good for you to meet some new friends.”

“I’m fine, Mom. I have my own friends at home. I don’t need new ones.” We both know it’s a lie. I haven’t talked to my friends back home in months. I feel a pang in my chest as I think of my best friends Emmy and Kelsie. I should have at least said goodbye.

Jo comes in the room then glances at both of us. “What’s going on?”

“Some guy asked Oakley on a date and she said no.”

“Mom,” I groan. “It wasn’t a date!”

“Who?” Jo asks, smiling. “You haven’t even been here a week and guys are already hitting on you?”

I try not to smile but fail. “No. He wasn’t hitting on me. He was just being nice.”

I’m quiet as I mix my corn and potatoes together. They’re better that way, Lucas always said. Not that I’ll eat them, since I haven’t had an appetite in I don’t know how long, but I can’t break the habit.

My fork clinks against my plate, the only sound in the room. Mom and Jo’s silence is getting on my nerves but I don’t say anything. I don’t want to talk about Carson anymore and I know that’s what they’re after.

“So, who was it?” Jo asks.

“Seriously? It’s not a big deal.”

“Oh, come on. Just give me a name.” She glances at Mom and grins. “There aren’t that many locals around here. Maybe I know him.”

I let out a huge exaggerated sigh. “Fine. I met a guy by the tide pools this morning. His name was Carson. Happy now?”

“Carson Nye?”

I shrug. “I never asked him his last name, but he said he knows you.”

“It has to be him.” She smiles. “He’s a good kid. Lives next door.” She studies me for a moment and I shrink under her gaze. “You should go.”

“I’m not going.”

“Why?”

“Because it would be weird. I don’t even know him. I talked to him for like, two seconds.”

Jo snorts. “Well, obviously he wants to get to know you, or he wouldn’t have asked you to go.”

I roll my eyes. “Whatever.” I take a bite of broccoli. I don’t like broccoli. How did it even get on my plate? I chew really fast and eat a piece of chicken to cover up the horrible taste in my mouth.

Mom frowns. “Honey, you should go. Go have fun. I’m worried about you. Ever since Lucas . . .” Her voice squeaks as she says his name. She clears her throat and takes a shaky breath. “Ever since we lost Lucas, you’ve built a wall around yourself. Maybe if you make some friends, you could be yourself again.”

My hand stops halfway to my mouth and I slowly set my fork down. “Mom, I’m fine.”

“You’re not. You’re not yourself, Oakley. Lying in bed all day? Doing nothing? It’s not like you at all.”

I push my chair back and stand up, furious at where the conversation is headed. “Who do you want me to be, Mom? The same as I was before? I can’t just forget about everything and get over it like you can.”

Her mouth drops open and I see the hurt in her eyes. “I haven’t gotten over it,” she whispers. “I lost my son, Oakley. And I don’t want to lose my daughter too.”

“Where do you think I’m going? I’m not suicidal, Mom. I told you. I’m fine. Just leave it alone.”

“I didn’t say you were suicidal.” She sighs. “I’m just trying to help you. I want you to have friends. I want you to have a normal life again.” She reaches out to touch me but I pull away. I don’t understand where all of this is coming from. She’s not supposed to care about me. She hasn’t for months. And even if she did, she’s had a funny way of showing it. “This is why we came here. To start over.”

I frown. “I don’t want to start over and I don’t need your help. I don’t need anybody.” I turn away from her and go to my room, slamming the door behind me.

Why does she have to do that? Make me feel guilty for no reason. I’m fine. I told her so. I don’t need friends. The only thing they would do is feel sorry for me anyway. I don’t need anyone’s pity. And if she’s so worried about me, why hasn’t she told me before? I needed her weeks ago. I needed her and she wasn’t there.