Love Always, Damian (16 page)

Right now, the dance floor is low on partiers. People are still working the alcohol into their bloodstream. Soon, though, soon I’ll find that perfect lay.

My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out and stare at the screen. Ellie’s number and picture flash at me. There’s nothing to consider. As I reject the call, I notice I’ve missed another from her. Whatever. I won’t let her ruin my fun.

I finish off my second round and order a third. More girls are making their way to the dance floor, and I study each one. A few are familiar, but I don’t recall their names.

On the counter, my phone lights up again. And again, it’s Ellie. I’m keeping it on so Dylan can reach me, but at this point, I shut it off. I don’t know why she’s calling me, and I don’t fucking care.

A few glasses later, I realize I’m beginning to believe it. It’s better this way. Fucking my brother’s GF to numb my pain is one thing; actually caring about her is another. I’m
not
going there.

After another whiskey soda, I’m good. Relaxed and buzzed, and the chicks in this place all resemble the three teenagers, who have been swallowed up by the now-packed dance floor.

I switch to tequila shots, downing them as fast as the bartender can pour them. She might as well give me the bottle.

I tap the empty glass, browsing my options. A girl with short black hair drags her friend off the dance floor to the bar. Long legs extend from a skirt that barely covers her ass and black boots stop midway up her calves. Her shirt sparkles, dipping into a low V in the front and showing off a full rack.

The friend leans against the counter, back to me, a hand on her hip. She’s not as dressed up, wearing jean shorts and looking like the other one begged her to come tonight. The dark-headed one orders for both of them: two rum and cokes.

While they wait, the one I’m checking out glances in my direction and catches me staring. I smile, flash her the dimples girls go crazy over. She winks, cherry lips curving upward.

I know I’ve got her attention when she keeps peeking around her friend at me. I lift my full shot glass to toast her. She tucks her red lips between her teeth in a flirty grin, eyeing me up and down. I cock my head to the side to invite them over.

Immediately, she grabs her friend and sashays toward me, her hips moving in ways I want to see more of. Behind her, the other girl rolls her eyes.

“Hey,” Sweet Ass says loudly so I can hear her over the music. “I’m Cassie, and this is Bree.”

“Damian.”

“Well, Damian, you look awfully lonely over here all by yourself,” she points out. She’s got a sexy smirk on her face.

This might be too easy.

“I’m having a great time now.”

Bree nudges her friend and whispers something in her ear. Frowning, Cassie shakes her head. Then she steps closer to me. Rests a palm on my knee. “Why don’t you tell Bree that it’s way too early to go home?”

My gaze slides up to Bree as I check her out, and she blushes an embarrassed grin. “Depends on whose home you want to go to,” I say.

Cassie lights up at my line. “Is yours free?”

“Maybe. You interested?”

“Sounds like fun.” She twists. “Doesn’t it, Bree?”

Bree shoots daggers at Cassie, shaking her head in tiny movements. “We should go, Cassie,” she says.

“You go. Damian wants company.” Her other hand falls on my thigh. Gently, she pushes my knees apart and slides between them.

Fuck, yes. A feisty one.

To make sure Bree catches her point, Cassie leans in and goes straight to sticking her tongue in my mouth. Typically, I like to be the one in control, but I have no problems letting this little tiger hold the reins tonight. This is exactly what I need.

When she’s done with me, she glances behind her shoulder. Bree’s gone, though, and Cassie snickers and turns back to me.

“Let’s get out of here, shall we?” she says, curling a short piece of my hair around her finger.

“This way.”

I’ve got to get inside this chick. I need to shed these thoughts of Ellie from my head. When the fuck did they even get there?

In the car, Cassie’s all over me. Her hand slides down my inner thigh, making it tough to concentrate on driving. And when she undoes my jeans, damn! This girl doesn’t want to wait.

She pulls me out, stroking me, and it’s so fucking good. If we weren’t in the middle of downtown Ames, I’d pull the car over and let her do whatever the hell she wants.

She peers up at me, a sly grin accenting the glint in her eye. I hold my breath because I know what she’s about to do. She breaks away from me and leans down. Trying to keep my focus on the road, I remove a hand from the steering wheel and place it on her head. I press gently, anticipating the warmth and wetness on my dick.

I’m not disappointed.

“Ahhhh,” I moan.

She bobs up and down. Lower and lower each time, taking the whole length down her throat.

This girl is going to make me lose my mind.

She’s still going at it, licking, sucking, and squeezing when I pull into the garage. Dylan had better have Lia in bed. In
his
room.

“We’re here,” I say, even though I don’t want her to stop. Hell, I might not take the time to lead her inside.

Cassie sits up, pushing the hair out of her face. “Good. Let’s go in.”

I slip my dick back in my pants. It’s freaking uncomfortable, but I’ll whip it back out soon enough.

Dylan’s in the living room and doesn’t acknowledge us when we enter. I take that as Lia is asleep in his room and mine is free and clear. He may hate what I’m doing, but he’s not a jackass.

“Your roommate want to join us?” Cassie asks, eyeing Dylan.

“He’s not in the mood,” I answer quickly for him. Seeing Dylan naked is not on my top million things to do—ever.

“We should set him up with Bree. They’d be cute and lame together.” She laughs. “So, where’s your room?”

Cassie hooks a finger in my belt loop and follows me around the corner. As soon as I have the door closed and locked, she assaults me against it. Slamming her lips over mine and unzipping my jeans.

I don’t even need to kick them off before she’s on her knees, her mouth back where it belongs. Pure bliss.

Even so, Blake’s voice rings out in my head, asking Ellie for a towel.

The whole thing shouldn’t bother me. So why does it?

I push the thought away, lean back, and concentrate on the way Cassie’s working me. She moves her tongue over me, knowing exactly what she’s doing. She cups my balls and it’s fucking amazing.

Too soon, she stands up. She shimmies out of that too-tight black skirt of hers, revealing a black lacy G-string that shouldn’t count as underwear. Her bra barely covers her. Boobs that don’t fit spill out as she unhooks it from the front.

Nice.

She steps up to me, smashing them against my ribs. Her mouth is close to mine, but they don’t touch. With one hand, she rolls on the condom.

“Bed,” she orders, grabbing my shirt.

“You’re bossy,” I say, smiling. “What’s that all about?”

She spins me around and shoves me backward onto the mattress. It’s not forceful, but I’m a good actor and fall hard on the bed. Cassie steps up on the duvet. Straddles me, then squats down over me, her opening directly above me.

“I just like a good fuck,” she says.

Oh. Hell. Yeah.

“A good fuck, huh?” I grip her hips and push her down over me. Warm, soft flesh surrounds me, and it’s all I think about.

Exactly how I like it.

Cassie does all the work. She’s loud, and I’m too lost in the sensation to care. She thumps on me hard and fast, slowing only to scream out her pleasure as she comes. Then she’s back at it—riding, riding— her next climax building with each breathy intake of air and thrust of her body.

She sits up, moves her hips over me, and gives me a nice show as she massages her own breasts. Throwing her head back, she comes again, her wetness dripping all over me.

I’m close, and I can’t hold on much longer.

Time to take back control.

I lift her off. She’s panting, and I swear I can see her heart beating against her ribs.

“Stomach,” I say. She instantly obeys.

I slip back inside. Thrust into her until mind-numbing release sets me free. Gloriously free.

A couple rounds with Cassie and all thoughts of Ellie will be wiped from my mind.

Chapter 17

Ellie

Dammit! Why won’t he answer?

And why do I keep calling him? So what if he heard Blake in the background and jumped to conclusions? Even if his conclusions were correct, what I do is none of his business.

I turn my phone off so I won’t be tempted to text him, and when Blake steps out of the bathroom fully dressed and smelling like my shampoo, I wrap my arms around his neck.

“I’m sorry about last night,” I say.

“Don’t be sorry,” he repeats. “Last night was one of the best nights of my life. And this morning, waking up with you in my arms, was even better.”

I lean back a little to study him. His dark irises smile back at me. I rise on my tip-toes and kiss him. Soft lips separate mine and deepen the kiss.

It’s so good, so sweet, so loving. I’m lucky to have Blake in my life and in Lia’s.

But—

He’s not Damian.

Which is a good thing.

Blake sucks on my lower lip before he lets go. “We’d better head out, babe. That 19-foot hammer won’t tag himself.”

I sigh. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

~*~

The next few weeks fly by. We stay out late on the boat, sunrise to sunset, seven days a week, and by the time Blake and I are done for the day, we’re exhausted. The experience, though, has been totally worth it. Tagging and collecting blood samples from hammerheads, black tip and white tip reef sharks, and even some tigers. Those catches have been exhilarating!

Because of our new rigorous schedule, I get up extra early to make my daily phone call to Lia, usually while she and Damian are on their way home from the hospital. Apparently Damian taught her how to use his phone because it’s her voice I hear when she answers. He doesn’t even get on after she says goodbye.

The first couple of times it happened, tears sprung to my eyes at the rejection. Now, though, I realize it’s for the best. I have Blake, and he’s everything I could ever want.

Most nights, he sleeps in my room, and cuddled up beside him, I sleep better than I have since the nights in Damian’s bed. I try not to think about it, and usually I succeed, especially now that he doesn’t get on the phone anymore.

I’m beginning to think I can forget him. Move on with my life—be happy with Blake.

After a shower, I snuggle up to Blake following another long day. I’m so sick of takeout that we ran to the grocery store and bought two chef salads and a bottle of red wine for dinner. Most delicious salad I’ve ever had.

Blake slips an arm around me, pulling me closer. I’m too tired to think, and the alarm is set for the butt-crack of dawn again. Then I’ll get ready and call Lia while Blake goes to the gym. Afterwards, he’ll shower in his own room and meet me at my door so we can leave together.

That’s our routine. In two short weeks, it’ll all be over, and we’ll be back in the States.

I’m both looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. On one hand, I miss my little girl so much. On the other, I’ll have to see Damian again when I pick her up.

That and Blake and I will have to make a decision about where this relationship is going.

“You’re tense,” he says. “Sit up.”

With a groan, I do what he asks. My muscles scream at me because all they want is for me to lie back down.

Blake scoots up behind me. His palms rest on my bare shoulders for a moment before they massage the tension out of them. I bow my head and close my eyes, letting him work his magic. Warmth flows from his fingertips into my muscles. His thumbs push into the back of my neck, rubbing tiny circles as they move from one knot to the next.

“How’s that?” he asks.

I hum out my answer. Words are difficult to form at the moment.

“Good,” he murmurs against my ear.

His legs stretch out on either side of mine. He squeezes them, encompassing me with his body. Surrounded by him, I’m all warmth and relaxation.

Blake gathers my hair, twists it, and drapes it over my shoulder. Then his lips press against my neck. Soft, gentle kisses trail over my skin, spreading warmth down the length of my back.

His palms glide down my arms, then circle to my lower back. They dip under my cami and work up my spine, massaging, caressing. Higher and higher, pressing into my flesh, and loosening the muscles with each touch.

I’m in heaven, not thinking about anything except Blake and what he’s doing to me. For once, I’m enjoying this moment without letting my brain get in the way.

I raise my arms above my head and Blake takes the hint. Slowly, he lifts my top up, over my outstretched fingers. He tosses it away, then laces his fingers with mine, bringing my arms down and crossing them in front of my chest with his own.

Breath tickles the nape of my neck. Soft, hot air burns into my skin as it rushes over me, sending desire flowing thick through my veins.

My body responds to him, my breathing coming faster, my heart pounding.

We haven’t done anything like this since the last time, when I told him I wasn’t ready. Now, though, my resolve is paper-thin. Weeks of the two of us spending twenty-four-seven together has worn me down.

I lean back against him, resting my head on his shoulder. Blake dips down, his tongue gliding over my neck, my jaw, finding its way to my mouth. In a gentle motion, he guides my face to meet him.

“Elizabeth,” he murmurs.

He’s asking permission to continue. Oh, I want to, but—

What reason do I have to decline? None, really. I mean, this is what I want, right? To be with Blake.

To embrace all that I once had when Liam was alive.

So, why am I hesitating?
No
is on the tip of my tongue, but it refuses to be released. I can’t make myself nod, either.

I’m stuck.

Stuck between someone I can have—who’s here and wants me—and the phantom of the man I love, whom I can’t seem to let go of.

“Yes,” I hear myself say, and I sound so far away. So
not
me.

“I don’t want to push you,” Blake says.

He grips my hips and turns my body to face him. I wrap my legs around him, pushing myself against him, my core grazing his arousal.

I circle my arms around his neck, drawing him closer. Lips to lips, I answer, “I want you too.”

And I do.

Because I’m tired. Tired of loving Damian, tired of thinking about him, tired of knowing I’ll never let anything happen between us yet still hanging onto him. He’s a distraction I don’t need. A mental game I play only with myself.

And I’m done playing.

It’s time to let him go.

“I’m ready now,” I say, easing Blake’s mouth to mine.

With those words, I light the fuse. Fire rolls through both of us, passion igniting the flame. I’m all thirst. All desire.

For Blake, it’s years of want. Even so, he moves with delicate craving. Holding, kissing, caressing as if I am the most precious thing in the world. It reminds me of my first time—with Liam.

So unlike Damian, who rushed, pulsed, and took with heated hunger. A small sob catches in my throat at the reminder of what I was to Damian—a way to control his pain. During all that time, it was all I ever was.

Tight in Blake’s embrace, I cling to him. He lays me on the mattress, sits up, and takes off his t-shirt. Then his arms circle under me again. My bra gets unhooked, his kisses moving down my jaw and between my breasts.

He slips the straps off my shoulders until the purple lace falls away. I’m nervous, being this naked in front of him. After Lia was born, I became self-conscious of my post-baby body.

But the soft grin tugging at Blake’s lips as his eyes drift over me washes the fear away.

“God, Elizabeth, you’re beautiful,” he murmurs.

I swallow. I should value the words more than I do. He’s giving me the confirmation that I have nothing to worry about. With him, I’m safe.

Then why don’t I
feel
safe?

I push through, molding my lips to his. Willing myself to feel for him the way I want. To reciprocate his affection.

Blake’s palms cover my breasts, and I arch into them. My eyelids fall, giving myself over to him.

I squeeze my eyes closed as he works down my stomach. He slides a finger under the elastic of my pants, and I’m trying hard to relax and not think. On instinct, I raise my hips so he can glide the rest of my clothing down my legs.

I’m completely naked now. I open my eyes to study his expression. His gaze sweeps over me, and I see nothing but reverent appreciation.

I love it and hate it. Want it and despise it for all the wrong reasons.

I prop myself up on my elbows to watch as Blake runs his palms up my legs, pausing at my knees. My breath hitches when he gently pushes them apart.

I’m so cold, so vulnerable, so exposed.

Blake undoes his belt and the sound has me aching for him. Damn my indecisive body and mind!

I stare at him, taking in each move, each ripple of muscle as he steps out of his jeans and boxers. He rolls on a condom and gets back on the mattress. On his knees between mine, Blake grabs a hold of my hips and scoots me closer. Touching as much skin as he can, he moves down my legs and tucks them behind him.

Fingertips skim over my stomach, his warmth absorbing into me and lighting me on fire. His thumbs flick the tips of my nipples. At the sensation, my elbows give out and I lay down flat on the mattress. He kisses each one before working his way up.

I’m panting with anticipation. All of my most sensitive parts are on high alert, blood filling the crevices in my body until they’re swollen and scream out with eager pleas.

I can feel Blake between me, his head teasing my opening. I want so badly to rise up and meet him, but he presses his weight down on me, pinning me to the mattress.

“Blake,” I whimper.

“Baby,” he breathes.

He lifts up a little, and as he does, I spread my legs wider. God, I want him. Need him. I bite my lip, eyes locking onto his coffee-colored ones. They’re alive with a passion my body longs to satisfy.

And maybe it’s not just my body.

Maybe it’s me?

Blake pushes into me, and I don’t hold back the moan that spills out of me. O.M.G. Amazing.

I circle my arms around him, my fingers digging into the taut muscles of his back. I cling to him, trusting him all the way. Blake’s mouth finds mine again, the scent of wine still on his breath.

I’m in the moment. Not thinking about the past or the future. Only right here, right now.

Blake makes love to me. He knows it’s been awhile, so he doesn’t rush. He takes his time, building me higher and higher. Gathers me in his arms and holds me through it.

Oh God, I’m close. So close.

I squeeze my thighs against him, rising, rising.

I can’t breathe. My lips quiver.

Blake senses where I am. He presses me closer as he thrusts faster.

Faster.

Faster.

And I can’t take it anymore.

My whole body shakes as I let go, clinging so tightly to him. I bury my face in the nape of his neck.

“Oh baby,” Blake murmurs into my ear as he releases.

I’m still coming down off the high, so I don’t respond. Still on top of me, Blake holds me close, both of us winded. A few minutes later, Blake pulls out and gets up. He kisses me on the forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

A moment later, I hear the shower turn on.

That’s when the haze lifts.

Oh no. What did I do?

In a daze, I swing my legs over the side of the bed. I’m not sure how I feel, but it’s definitely not what I’d expected. I should be happy—elated even. But I’m not.

I’m—

Empty.

I dig out a pair of shorts and a tank top from the dresser, throw them on, and crawl under the covers. My gaze floats to my cell phone sitting on the nightstand.

Damian.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to work. Oh God, my heart hurts. The gaping hole is wider, not smaller.

Not gone.

I grab my phone to view my last call—to Damian’s cell. His picture lights up on the screen, deep blue irises looking back at me and a sexy little grin teasing his lips. I snapped this a long time ago on one of those rare occasions when he seemed happy.

We were outside in his backyard. We’d just gone swimming—actually, we’d just had sex in the pool—and decided to sun dry on the deck. His hair stuck straight up, and it was damn adorable.

Under the hot sun, though, I’d shivered.

“You cold?” he asked.

“No, I—don’t know,” I answered. Then I shivered again.