Love Always, Damian (18 page)

Chapter 20

Ellie

I can’t suck in air. I’m suffocating.

My heart is pounding so fast, and I barely feel my legs give way.

I’m falling.

Strong arms circle around me from behind, guiding me gently down. They don’t let go.

I sit on the floor, clutching onto the phone. Damian’s explaining, explaining, but I don’t give
a fuck
about his explanation.

He lost Lia. He lost my daughter!

I’m hyperventilating. Blake gathers me to him. Even though his lips are moving, I don’t hear anything coming out of them.

All I hear is Damian’s bullshit.

When I saw the number belonged to him, my heart skipped three beats. Oh, how I longed to hear his voice.

I should have known better. I should have known that after avoiding me these last weeks, the only reason he’d call would be because he royally fucked up.

I don’t want to hear anything else from him. I’m done listening. “I’m booking a flight immediately,” I say and hang up.

“Elizabeth?” Blake holds me closer.

“No,” I say. “Stop. I have to—”

I Google the phone number to the airport. Call it and buy the first available flight out of Cairns. Now, I have less than three hours to get back to shore.

Without a word to Blake, I unhook his arms from around me. Jump to my feet and dart up to the top deck. The lead researcher is also a mother, so I hope to God she’ll understand and turn this boat around. If not, I have no problems diving overboard and swimming back to shore.

“Hannah,” I say when I reach the top deck. “I have an emergency situation, and I need to get back to Cairns immediately.”

Her eyebrows perk up. If what’s inside me shows on the outside, in front of her, she sees a desperate woman. One on the verge of breaking down and going on a rampage.

Neither will help, so I hold myself in check.

Hannah nods, jumps up, and dashes past me to do what I asked. I stay put because I assume she’ll have questions.

Blake’s on the top deck now too. He comes toward me, arms outstretched. I know I’ll crumble if I accept his embrace, but seeing him standing there, his brow furrowed, I realize he wants comfort from me as much as he wants to comfort me.

Blake was at the hospital the day Lia was born. In fact, he’s who I called when my water broke. It was his hand I squeezed through the contractions. His ears that listened to every scream and shout of profanity that flew out of my mouth.

And it was Blake’s arms that held her after mine.

On Lia’s first birthday, Blake shot all the pictures, edited them, and created the collage that hangs in the living room. Blake who was there to witness her first steps, her first words, her first trip to the ER for two stitches on her forehead.

Blake loves her as much as I do.

I press myself into him, and he cocoons me in his arms. His cheek lies against my head. The first tear I’ll cry over this whole situation falls from my eye, slides down my face, and absorbs into Blake’s t-shirt.

That one is followed by the next. And the next until I can’t hold myself together anymore.

Together, Blake and I shift as the boat does a U-turn. We cling to each other, needing one another like we never have before. Both of us are living a nightmare we’re helpless to control.

It’s the worst feeling in the world to realize the depths of how powerless we really are. How a moment, a tiny instant, can completely shatter us to an unrecognizable heap of who we once were.

This is not my first time.

I’m empty. So empty.

I don’t remember sitting on the bench. Or letting go of Blake to give Hannah the minimal details I know.

“If there’s anything I can do, Elizabeth, please don’t hesitate,” Hannah says, patting my hand.

Ten minutes offshore, tears fill my eyes again. I’ve received nothing from Damian in phone call or text. I don’t have the slightest clue how these situations are handled, but what I do know is that I don’t trust Damian to handle them. I need to be there.

I need time to stop.

“I’ll take you to the airport,” Blake says as we pull up to the dock. “I’ll buy a ticket, pack your bags, and be right behind you.”

“No.” The word is off my tongue lightning fast. At first, I’m not sure why I don’t want him with me. I’m traveling back to Iowa—to Damian—and I could use the support.

But…

“No,” I repeat, less stern than before. “Thank you for the offer, Blake, but you should finish this study. I need some time alone to think about things. I swear, I’ll call and update you as often as I can. I just…I need time.”

He understands I’m talking about us. After I get my Lia-Kat back—and I
will
get her back—we’ll go home to Florida where I can sort out all this crap clogging my head.

Blake frowns, and it’s clear I’ve hurt him. But I can’t think about that right now.

I dig in my purse and hand him my apartment key. “Here. If you want to bring my stuff when you’re done, that’s fine. If not, I don’t care about any of it.”

Because my heart and soul is somewhere in Iowa, lost to me.

At the airport, Blake pulls into the drop-off lane. He parks the car, then peers over at me.

“If you hear anything—”

“I’ll call you right away,” I finish.

He nods, the muscles in his jaw clenching. “If you change your mind, Elizabeth, I’ll be there.”

“I know, Blake. Thank you.”

I reach for the door at the same time his hand grabs mine. I glance back at him. Vulnerability coats his gaze and strikes me in the chest. He holds his stare a moment, his lips parting in a breath. The words “I love you” are probably on the tip of his tongue, but he holds them back.

“Have a safe trip,” he finally says.

“I will. See you in two weeks.”

I slip away from him, open the door, and walk into the airport without looking back.

~*~

Damian

I sip on shitty police station coffee.

Dad and I have been here for three hours. Traffic cams couldn’t get a facial recognition on Lia’s abductor, but we know she’s a woman. An older woman.

Officer Kane keeps telling me it’s highly unlikely that Lia’s in danger. Female abductors tend to be motherly-types, not sexual predators.

But I don’t feel any better.

Some strange old woman will probably be able to take better care of my daughter than I ever could. Feed her macaroni and cheese with cut up hot dogs and give her a cookie afterwards. Know how to braid her hair without the help of YouTube. Not run out on her to get drunk and laid when the shit hits the fan. She’d take her to the mall and not take an eye off her for even a fraction of a second.

I finish off my coffee and wander over to the counter to pour another cup. I don’t want any more, but drinking it passes the time. What I really want is a bottle of rum. Or whiskey. Or straight-up moonshine.

More than that though, I want my Lia back.

God, she must be terrified by now. Plus, she doesn’t have her ponies or the book we read from every night. What if she has a nightmare?

Hands on the counter, I lean over. The sound of the clock ticking off minutes pounds in my ears like the subs in my car. They vibrate through me, each one reminding me I’m running out of time.

I grip the handle of the mug. I’d love to hurl it against a wall. Waiting around is killing me.

I should be
doing
something. Helping somehow. But Officer Kane instructed me to stay here in case they needed additional information.

Like identifying a body?

At the thought, the ceramic in my palm cracks. I hear myself inhale and exhale, each breath coming faster than the one before. It’s been eight of the longest hours of my life. Like sitting around Kate’s bed, watching her die.

“Damian?”

I spin around at the sound of Dad’s voice.

“They just informed me they found Toby Stanton and brought him in for questioning.”

“Did they find Lia? Was she with him?”

“No, son. They searched his apartment and didn’t find anything.”

“Where is he?” I ask, straightening.

Dad nods in the direction of a door on the east wall. “There’s a room in there with a one-way window.”

I don’t bother with the coffee. Even though the police didn’t find anything at his apartment, that doesn’t mean he might not have her somewhere else. Had someone lackey grab her from the mall for him.

I make a mad dash for the door, throw it open, and stop before I barrel through the glass pane. Toby sits at one end of the table, alone, hands in front of him.

“He’s cuffed. Are they charging him for something?” I ask Dad, who followed me in. Officer Kane is right behind him.

“He had three vials of an illegal steroid on him,” Dad answers.

Stanton’s lips are turned down in a scowl. Sweat drips from his forehead, and even from here, I can see his biceps twitching, probably from a recent injection. It’s the off-season for him, which is when they bulk up.

An officer walks in and sits opposite him. He pushes a picture across the table. “Have you seen this little girl before?”

Toby’s eyes dip down for a second then back up. “No.”

“Why don’t you look closer?”

Toby stares the officer down before he finally picks up the photo. He studies it, puts it down, and shrugs. “I don’t know. Kids are all the same.”

I cross my arms in front of my chest, studying the boxer for signs he’s lying. If he did this, if he kidnapped Lia, I’m going rip his fucking head off.

“Where were you this evening around five-thirty?”

“Hell if I know. The gym?”

“Which gym?”

“The one on campus.” Toby leans forward, his elbows resting on the table. “What the fuck does this have to do with anything?”

The officer ignores him. “Where’d you go after that?”

“Home for a shower.”

“And what time was that?”

“Nine o’clock, maybe.”

“Where were you going when we picked you up?”

Toby pauses and rests back in his chair. “To see my girlfriend. Are you going to tell me what this is about?”

Beside me, Officer Kane pulls out her cell. “I’ll be right back,” she says and exits, leaving Dad and I to watch.

“This little girl was abducted from the mall today,” the officer with Toby says, pointing to the picture.

He huffs. “So?”

“Tell me about Damian Lowell.”

Toby chuckles. “You’re shittin’ me, right? What’s he got to do with this?”

“I understand the two of you had an issue not long ago,” the officer says, his eyebrows lifting in question.

“What? Are you charging me for that too?”

“Tell me what happened.”

“The little dick finger-fucked my girl, so I did what I needed to do.”

“Then what happened?”

“I left the son-of-a-bitch crying on the ground. Fucking pussy. He deserved what he got.”

The officer nods slowly. “So, to rub salt in the wound, you kidnapped his kid?”

Toby’s eyes go wide. “Hell no, man. What is this? I didn’t kidnap no kid, all right?”

His face slackens as he shakes his head. “I didn’t have anything to do with his kid, I swear.”

Toby Stanton is an asshole, but it’s obvious he’s telling the truth. He knows nothing.

I let out a breath and push through the door. Cold coffee waits for me.

Fuck.

I sit back down, the cracked coffee mug between my knees. I draw a palm down my face and bow my head. Another dead end.

God, I can’t deal with this. The familiar emptiness spreads, racing into my stomach. Only this time it might be worse because there’d been hope involved.

And hope changes things.

Chapter 21

Ellie

I’m dying to check my phone.

When I boarded the plane, I had nothing. No missed calls, no texts. Not a single update, and it had been three hours since Damian told me.

Now, I’m halfway through this sixteen-hour flight from Cairns to San Francisco, and I’ve never been more anxious. Everyone around me is asleep or dozing, but I’m wide awake, my knee bouncing in a nervous habit, and my nails tapping anything they can hit: my teeth, the window, the armrest.

“Is there anything I can get you, ma’am?” a flight attendant asks as she works her way down the aisle.

“No. No, I’m fine. Thanks,” I answer.

She opens her mouth to say something else, then decides against it and offers a small smile instead.

I don’t reciprocate.

~*~

Damian

“Toby doesn’t have her,” Officer Kane confirms. “We’re confident we’ll find her, though.”

She’s been missing for ten hours and they haven’t issued a fucking Amber Alert because they’re “confident.” What a crock.

“Thank you,” my dad answers when I don’t.

I’m close to losing my goddamn mind. There’s only so long I can sit doing nothing. I can’t imagine what Ellie’s going through right now. What I’m
putting
her through.

Even though there’s no news, I shoot her a text. There’s nothing comforting in it, except at the end, I tell her again how sorry I am. It won’t do any good, though. I deserve all the fury she’ll throw at me when she arrives.

Dad and I sit in silence, waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

I go back and forth blaming myself, being pissed at myself, and praying to God they’ll find her soon.

Because now, hope is all I have.

~*~

Ellie

I check my phone as soon as the overhead lights flash off. My heart races when I see a new text from Damian.

Please have found her. Let her be safe,
I think before I open it.

I slide my trembling finger over the screen.

Police are still looking. Officer Kane says she’s confident they’ll find Lia soon. Elle, I’m really sorry. I hope you’re doing okay.

Tears blur my vision as I stare at the words that tell me nothing. I don’t even think about his lame apology. He lost our daughter. Apologies for that shit don’t count.

I’m in San Francisco. So nothing yet?

I stand up and grab my purse, the only thing I brought with me. Squeezing my way through the crowd, I keep my phone in my hand in case he replies. Hopefully with something useful.

I’m cold. I glance back down at his text and this time the only thing I notice is how he’s concerned about me. He knows how far from okay I am, and the crazy thing is, I needed him to ask.

I want so bad for him to hold me, comfort me. It’s irrational, because it’s Damian’s fault that Lia’s gone, but I might even need him more now than after Liam died. Being wrapped up in Damian’s arms is where I know I can lose control…and gain it at the same time.

I’m jogging up the ramp when my phone vibrates in my palm. I stop dead, my heart racing. I’ve never been this scared in my life. Part of me wishes he didn’t respond because then I could assume there was no new information.

But this text came too quickly for it to be nothing.

They’re readying the dogs to see if they can track her scent.

I swallow.

Does that mean Lia’s
…I stop there because I can’t allow the thought to finish.

~*~

Damian

“Do you have something that smells like Lia? A shoe, an article of clothing, a doll she sleeps with?” Officer Kane asks.

Officer Kane has been at the station all night, giving me regular reports. I’m sure her shift ended hours ago.

“Uh, at home. Wait. Her blanket is my car,” I realize.

She’d thrown a fit, but I made her leave it in the backseat while we were in the mall.

“That’s perfect,” Officer Kane says. “The K-9 units are on their way here. We’re going to let them catch her scent off the blanket, take them back to the mall, and see if they can’t track her from there. I’ll warn you, it might be a long shot since there may not be much of a trail to go after.”

“Why didn’t we do this earlier, then?” I ask, a little pissed that it’s a “long shot” because we waited and the trail went cold.

“It would have been a long shot earlier too,” she says as if she read my mind. “We had decent leads before, and well, now this is what we have left.”

I’m not sure what all this means, but I need to know—for mine and Ellie’s sake.

“Are you looking for a b—” I can’t finish my thought, but Officer Kane picks up where I’m going.

“No, we’re looking for a girl—alive and well. And we’re going to find her,” she assures me again.

God, I hope she’s right.

I run out to my car. The sun is already hot on my neck, and I wonder how Lia got through the night without her favorite blanket.

I grab it and slam the door shut. The thing probably used to be soft and silky, but now the threads mat together and strings hang from the slick backed material. It’s been well loved by my little girl, like mine had been by me.

I hold it to my nose and inhale. The blanket holds her scent, all right. It smells exactly like her: bubble gum bubble bath and baby powder.

Right then, I realize I won’t be able to live with myself if they don’t find her.

~*~

Ellie

In the customs line, I search my phone for the first available flight out of San Francisco. I don’t care where to as long it’s east of here.

I zero in on an available one to Denver that leaves in less than an hour. Since I have nothing with me, hopefully I can make it through customs quickly. The question is how fast can I make it to the next boarding gate?

I wait a few minutes to see how fast this line moves. Not too bad, so I book the flight, and get ready to run like hell.

~*~

Damian

They won’t let me go because my scent might throw the dogs off. I fucking hate this waiting around. I should be out there!

I’ve lost track of how many cups of shitty coffee I’ve drank. Earlier, Dad did a breakfast run to McDonalds, and I couldn’t help but smile. Lia would have approved of our restaurant selection. Hell, she asks to eat there almost every night.

“Can you get something for Lia?” I asked him. “You know, just in case.”

“Of course, son,” he said.

It was a dumb suggestion because her food will be cold Styrofoam garbage twenty minutes after he returns, but I need something to do. Something to delude myself that I’m taking care of her.

“Oh, and even though it’s not a Happy Meal, see if you can get her a pony.”

“I’m on it.”

Now, her breakfast sandwich and hash browns sit untouched in the bag. I stare at it, tap my fingers against the desk, and grit my teeth.

I consider texting Ellie again. Ask her how she is, but I’m not sure I want her response.

The K-9 units left an hour ago and I haven’t heard a damn thing. I don’t know how much longer I can sit here without breaking.

~*~

Ellie

Boarding pass in hand, I make it to the gate just in time.

“Wait! Wait for me!” I call out.

The flight attendant stops and widens the door she was closing. She checks my boarding pass and ushers me inside.

“Thank you,” I breathe.

“You seem like you’re in a hurry,” she says.

“Yeah…uh, family emergency.”

“I’m glad you made it, then.”

I find my seat in 13B and settle in. I scan through my phone one last time before I put it in airplane mode.

Nothing.

For some reason, seeing the blank screen sends a knife through my heart. Two thoughts cross my mind, and I hate them both.

One: There’s no good news to report, which could mean anything.

Two: Damian has nothing comforting to say to me when I need to hear from him so bad.

The second one hits me on a completely different level than the first, but they both hold onto me and refuse to let go.

Now I have two and a half hours to bite my nails.

~*~

Damian

Some dayshift officer walks in, and by the expression on his face, he has news. I stand up at the same time as my father.

“They found her. She’s safe,” the officer says.

Relief hits me like a hurricane. Hard and consuming, it devours me. Takes everything I am and changes it into something soft and palpable.

I’m broken in an all new way.

Lia’s okay. She’s okay,
I repeat to myself over and over again.

My jaw trembles as tears brim in the corners of my eyes. I’m not a crier, but I don’t have the wherewithal to hold these back. I allow them to flow in blissful reprieve.

I look up as soon as I pull myself together. “Where is she?”

“They’re bringing her in now.”

“And she’s fine?” I ask, even though he already told me.

The officer smiles. “Not a scratch on her.”

I rest my head in my palms, whiskers scratching against them. If what he said is true…I have to see her for myself. Touch her. Hug her.

Have solid proof in my arms.

Then, I’ll call Ellie.

~*~

Ellie

Time is a funny thing. We spend most of our lives believing it goes by too fast. But then we have moments like these. Moments when seconds feel like hours and hours feel like days.

A lifetime is made up of innumerable of minutes, seemingly small things we don’t care much about. Each minute melts into the busyness of our lives, and we don’t think twice about them until they start to run out.

Or until they become the longest and most important minutes of our lives.

Then we notice them. Then we care.

Still, time moves at the same pace regardless of what’s happening. One second at a time, minute by minute, hour by hour.

It’s these moments, the ones that test us, that define who we are.

I have at least six hours remaining until I can get to my little girl. And if I’m being honest with myself, to the one man who can make my pain bearable. But until then, I’m struggling to hold it together.