Love Always, Damian (6 page)

Blake’s quiet for few seconds before he murmurs, “Did he want to see her?”

“Yes, but—”

“Elizabeth,” he says, and he has that take-my-advice tone. He knows what I’m thinking. “He’s her father, and he needs to be able see his daughter. At least give him that before you make this decision, okay? Kids have a way of bringing out the best in people.”

“At what cost, Blake? I can’t put Lia through hell for Damian’s sake.”

“You are taking her to meet him, though, right?”

“Yeah. Later tonight.”

Blake’s level-headedness is what drew me to him four years ago when I chose him as a lab partner. We connected from day one, but I always held him at arm’s length when it came to having a relationship beyond friendship. Like always, he has the right thing to say.

“Remember, you just dumped something huge in his lap today. Maybe it will work, maybe it won’t, but go and see what happens tonight, babe. I know what it’s like to grow up not knowing your father, Elizabeth, and I don’t want that for Lia. Who knows, maybe this visit will be life-changing—in a good way—for her. Possibly for Damian too.”

“Maybe,” I mutter.

“See how it goes, all right? Then call me.”

“Yeah, sure.”

I hang up and turn into my parents’ driveway. Lia’s inside waiting for me. What am I going to tell her?

Chapter 7

Ellie

“Is this a good idea, Elizabeth?” my mother asks as I zip up Lia’s jacket.

My mother knows some about my “relationship” with Damian. Not all of it since she disapproves of what little there actually is. She supported my decision to keep Lia a secret from him, and that was encouraging at first, especially when I wanted so badly to cave, run back to Iowa, and tell him everything—about Lia and how I feel about him. Even though she doesn’t know the last tidbit, she’d been vital to my not returning back then.

“What good would it do?” she’d asked, and I had no reply.

I never worried about the information leaking. My family and Damian’s family aren’t exactly involved in the same social groups.

It’s better this way, because the longer I’ve been gone, the less I’ve thought about him.

“You knew it might come to this,” I tell her. “I haven’t decided what to do yet, but either way, he deserves to meet her. She’s half his.”

“Maybe you could take her with you?” Mom suggests.

“To Cairns? And do what with her? I’ll be out on the ocean for twelve to fifteen hours a day. The whole lower deck is a laboratory. Really, Mom, it’s not suitable for children. Besides, I doubt the head researcher would be completely cool with it,” I add.

“They have day cares in Australia,” Mom points out.

“And who’s going to pay for that?” I face my mom, one hand on my hip. “I get it, okay? But if I want to go on this trip, Damian is the only option I have left. Kerri fell through last minute, you and Dad can’t take her, so if you have a better idea, I’m all ears.”

Mom’s quiet for a moment. “Listen, Elizabeth. Damian has been through more than anyone should at his age. Just…” She places a hand on my shoulder. “Just remember that.”

I stare at her, confused with her sudden one-eighty. “Are you defending him now?”

“No, sweetie.” She purses her lips before she continues. “I want you to think about the implications of putting Lia into his life, only to take her back to Florida with you when this is over. You can’t give the two of them this time, then rip it away and expect him to be okay with that.”

Damn.

~*~

“Where are we, Mommy?” my sweet Lia-Kat asks from the backseat.

I’d told her we were going out for dinner, which was true. On the way, I stopped and bought her a chicken nugget Happy Meal with sweet and sour sauce, apple juice, and the latest in McDonald’s top of the line kids’ toys.

I unbuckle my belt and twist in my seat. She’s stroking the My Little Pony’s purple mane as she peers up at me with her father’s sapphire eyes and long lashes.

“Do you remember when I told you that Blake wasn’t your daddy? That your daddy lived in the same state as Grandma and Grandpa?”

She bobs her little head, blinking like she understands what’s happening. And the fact is, she probably does.

“Well, this is your daddy’s house. Would you like to meet him?” I ask.

For a second, she says nothing, then a small smile begins to appear on her face, and the dimples she inherited from Damian pinch inward. “Okay.”

I love that at this moment she’s not a jaded adult who has seen the worst in people and what they’re capable of. No, my Lia is as innocent as they come, trusting and loving to a fault. She sees only the good in people, and that’s what daddies are to her—good.

I hope Damian doesn’t ruin that outlook for her.

I get out of the car, walk around, and unbuckle her, then we head up to the house the same way I had this morning. Damian said Dylan would be working all day, so we’d have the evening to ourselves. He better be sober.

And alone.

Seeing his latest lay leave this morning was more than enough. I won’t be able to handle a second round.

I take Lia’s hand and ring the doorbell with the other. Damian opens the door almost immediately. He’s wearing jeans that hug his hips and a t-shirt that fits him well in all the right places. I hate that my breath catches at the sight of him.

Get a hold of yourself, Ellie.

His gaze hinges on mine for a split moment before it slowly slides down to the little girl at my side.

Lia takes a step closer to me, her body half behind my left leg. Her eyes go wide at the man in front of her. Damian’s frozen in place, mouth slightly parted, so I squat down to Lia’s level and smooth her hair to break the tension.

“Lia, baby, this is Damian. Your daddy,” I say.

She slinks into me, and I wrap an arm around her. “Hi,” she breathes out to him, her dimples appearing as her cheeks move.

I glance up at Damian. It could be the reflection of the porch light, but his eyes seem to glisten with extra moisture. As if Lia’s greeting brings him to his senses, he crouches down and extends his hand.

“Hi, Lia,” he says.

She puts her hand in his, and he shakes it lightly. Then Damian flicks his attention up at me. “Why don’t you come inside?”

“Sure.”

Damian steps inside, holding the door for us. Lia stays close to me, but her eyes remain fixed on Damian, and Damian’s on her. I take the opportunity to do a quick scan of the living room for any traces of Damian’s latest sexcapade. I see nothing though, which is a huge relief.

I sit on the sofa and help Lia with her jacket. Damian takes a seat in the armchair beside us, watching my every move with our daughter. When I’m done, Lia positions herself between my legs. This is her shy way of wanting me to pick her up and set her on my lap, which I do.

Damian nods at Lia’s toy. “What’s that you have?”

She plays with the pony’s tail, twisting it around her fingers. “A My Little Pony.”

Damian only had one older brother, so he might not have a clue what a My Little Pony is. Still, he smiles like he does. “Do you like My Little Ponies?”

Lia glances at me then back at her father. “Twilight Sparkle is my favorite. She’s a princess.”

“Oh,” Damian says, his brow furrowing as he tries
to understand. Honestly, it’s really cute. “Like Cinderella?” he asks.

Lia giggles and shakes her head. “No. Cinderella is a person. Twilight Sparkle is a pony.”

“Right. Of course.”

“Do you want to see her?” Lia offers, and now it’s my turn to smile. This is going better than I thought.

“Yeah,” Damian says.

Lia slips off my lap and walks over to him. She holds out her favorite pony, the one I had to specifically ask the McDonald’s people for. The one she has ten of at home—though not from McDonald’s, and strangely enough, don’t seem to get lost—and two at my parents’ house. The girl is obsessed, I swear.

Damian accepts the girly toy. “Thank you.”

This makes Lia smile again, and she points at the pony’s hind end. “That’s her cutie mark, and she’s a unicorn, so she can do magic. And these?” she says, showing him the protruding plastic, “these are her wings.”

“She can fly too?” Damian asks, intrigued. “That’s cool.”

Lia puffs her chest out. “Yep. With her wings.”

“Wow. Well, I can see why she’s your favorite. Can she be my favorite pony too?”

She swings her attention to me like she’s asking permission, and I grin back. “Um, okay,” she finally says. “If she’s your favorite now, you can have this one. I have lots of her at home.”

For a second, Damian is speechless, and I can’t help falling in love with him all over again. The way he is with Lia, the way he looks at her with adoration, makes me want to forget all his faults and all the reasons why I couldn’t allow Lia to stay with him even if he offers.

He hugs the toy to his chest. “Thank you, Lia.”

~*~

Damian

This little girl had me mesmerized at my first glimpse. I can’t get over how much she looks like me—like my mother.

Watching Ellie with her—wow! She’s a good mother, definitely cut out for this. Patient, loving, kind—

Which is why I decide on the spot that I can’t keep Lia this summer if Ellie asks. Since Ellie left this morning, the idea of having my daughter with me for eight weeks is the only thing I’ve been able to think about. But Ellie built a life for herself and her daughter in Florida, and by what I see right now, it’s a good life. One that doesn’t need me to come in and fuck it up. Yeah, they’re better off without me.

Besides, being close to someone isn’t worth the shit that comes after they’re gone. Daughter or not, the best thing I can do for either of them is to stay the fuck away.

“She’s beautiful, Elle,” I say after I scoop Lia a bowl of ice cream I bought specifically for tonight. Because kids love ice cream.

“Well, she takes after you more than me in that department.” Ellie blushes, her pale blue irises peeking through her long lashes. Lashes that mimic Lia’s, I notice. “Hey, Damian, I’m sorry that I came in and blew all this on you. It wasn’t fair.”

I clear my throat, and flash a sideways glance at Lia. She’s sticking another mountain of pink ice cream into her mouth. “So now what? You going back home?”

Ellie nods. Like me, she knows leaving Lia here with me is a stupid idea. “Our plane leaves tomorrow evening at six.”

Part of me wants to ask her if I’ll ever see them again, but I’m not sure if I want to. Clean breaks are better than drawn-out ones, and it seems Ellie had the right idea to stay away for so long. Suddenly, I kind of wish she’d stayed gone longer.

“What about the research trip?” I ask.

Shrugging, Ellie adjusts herself on the dining table chair. “Something else will probably come up. Something closer, where I can be home with Lia every night.”

“Yeah,” I agree. “That would be good.”

Ellie’s got it figured out.

“Oh, here.” I pull out the picture of Lia from my back pocket, the one I picked up off the diner floor.

Ellie shakes her head and holds up a hand. “No, you should keep it.”

I flick the edge, wondering if that’s really a good idea. Not exactly the clean break I had in mind. “Thanks,” I say and slide it back in my pocket.

“Mommy?” Lia asks, ice cream all over her face. It reminds me of this photo of Liam Mom kept on the mantel of his second birthday.

Ellie laughs when she sees her. “Yeah, sweetie?”

“Can I have some milk, please?”

“I’ll get it,” I offer. I open the fridge and grab the gallon of milk. If it weren’t for Dylan and his six glasses a day, we wouldn’t even buy the stuff. Then I grab a glass from the cupboard and turn to Ellie. “Um, I don’t have sippy cups or bottles or anything.”

She suppresses a grin. “She can drink from a glass.”

I fill it and consider handing it to Ellie to give to her. For some reason, though, I bypass her and set it on the table in front of Lia. She lifts her big, blue eyes to me and I can’t help the jolt that passes through me. “Thank you,” she says in her tiny, sweet voice.

“Sure, whatever,” I answer, because the goosebumps spreading over my skin remind me to steer clear. Keep my distance.

I don’t sit back down. Instead, I stand behind the kitchen peninsula. Now, a milk mustache replaces the strawberry ice cream one Lia sported earlier, and I feel a grin tugging at the corner of my mouth.

I can’t let this little girl draw me in. She may be my own flesh and blood, but disconnecting myself from her is the best way I know of to protect her.

“It’s getting late, Damian,” Ellie says after she wipes Lia’s face with a paper towel. “We should go.”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks for coming over, Elle.” As much as I shouldn’t be in their lives, I mean it. Even if it’s only this once, I’m glad to have seen my daughter.

“At Grandma’s and Grandpa’s house, I get to sleep in bed with Mommy,” Lia quips, proud. She slides off the chair that’s too big for her, and she pushes her hair from her face. The action isn’t gentle and now her hair’s even more of a mess.

Why does she have to be so fucking cute?

“You like that, huh?” I ask.

When she smiles at me, I notice the tiny gap between her two front teeth. “Yep.”

“Why don’t you go get your jacket, sweetie?” Ellie says, directing her toward the living room.

“Okay,” she answers.

This may be the first and last time I ever see her. Lia bounces away, and I can’t help the lump rising in my throat.

It’s for the best
, I remind myself.

The lump only grows at the thought.

Ellie stands beside me, almost touching me. “Again, Damian, I’m sorry for not telling you about her.”

From the kitchen, I watch as Lia pulls her pink jacket off the sofa cushion. She studies it, flips it around, and starts to put her arm through while the coat is upside down. She spins in a circle trying to insert her other arm. When she can’t make it work, she looks at me—not Ellie—and frowns. Her eyebrows lower as she pleads with me from across the room.