Love Always, Damian (10 page)

Blake brushes his lips over mine, and I like it. Really like it. So much that I want a little more. I roll into him so we’re now both lying on our sides, facing each other.

Blake threads his fingers through my hair. “I love spending time with you, Elizabeth.”

“Me too,” I murmur.

Shivers race under my skin. My nipples are rock hard, aching beneath my bra. Blake leans his forehead against mine before he kisses me again. I cup the back of his neck.

Oh God, this is good.

Blake’s tongue caresses my lips, tasting them before he separates them and lets himself in. A moan slips out of me and Blake responds by hiking my leg over his hip. He pushes me into him, his erection rubbing against my center.

This is too much. No matter how much I’m enjoying what he’s doing, how much my body is crying out for it, I can’t. I’m a mother now, and I have to be responsible. And the responsible thing is to not lead this man on. I’ve only been this intimate with two men my whole life. One I was in love with. The other was a mistake.

And I can’t make another mistake.

I break away from Blake’s kisses to catch my breath. “Blake…”

He’s panting too, but he doesn’t stop roaming over my face, my hair. “Too fast?”

“I’m sorry.”

He holds my chin with his forefinger and thumb and presses his lips
on my forehead. “Don’t be. I promised you we’d move at your pace.” Even though his words are sincere, there’s disappointment laced through his chocolate irises.

I force a smile. “It’s late.”

“Yeah, I’d better go.”

I roll off the sofa and intentionally turn my back to him so he’ll have a minute of privacy. Then his hands are on my shoulders and he’s spinning me to face him.

Blake’s fingertips glide over the side of my face. “You sure you’re gonna be all right? I can crash on the sofa.”

“I’ll be fine, but thanks.”

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I just got back from one trip, Blake. I have so much to do tomorrow before we fly to Australia, and I could use a day to myself.”

He nods, understanding. “If you need anything, you call me?”

“Of course, Sir Lancelot.”

“Prince Charming,” he corrects, and I giggle.

“Fine. Okay, Prince Charming.”

I close the door behind him and lean against it. Without Lia here, the apartment is too quiet. But having Blake stay here wouldn’t make me feel any better, especially not after the make-out session I ended a minute ago.

I flip off all the lights as I walk through. Then I open the door to Lia’s room, taking in how empty it is. I miss her so much. I forgo my own room, and with my clothes on, I curl up and fall asleep in Lia’s bed.

Chapter 11

Damian

Lia’s coming with me to the hospital today. After hanging up with Ellie, I carried Lia to her bed in the corner of my room and called my dad.

“Dad?” I say for the fifteenth time. I wonder if I should drive over and check on him. “Dad?”

He still doesn’t answer. The stunned silence thing is understandable, but come on! Give me
something
.

“Wow,” he finally says.

“That’s all you’ve got?”

He blows into the phone again. “And she never told you?”

“No. If it weren’t for this research project, I’m not sure she ever would have.”

“Wow,” he repeats, and for a man whose job it is to talk to people, he pretty much sucks at it.

I glance over at Lia. She’s lying on her side so all I can see is her mass of hair assaulting the pillow.

“I know she just arrived, but do you have plans tomorrow night?”

“Kinda looks like I don’t have plans for the next eight weeks, Dad.”

He laughs. “All right, well, why don’t you come over for dinner after work? She can play in the pool.”

So those are the plans for our first whole day together. Lia joining me at work, then dinner with her grandpa.

I can’t help smiling as I get the two of us ready to leave in the morning. Talking with Ellie last night put me in a good mood. It’s been a long time since I laughed like that, even longer since I heard
her
laugh like that. God, she sounded amazing. Like the Ellie I remember from when Liam was alive. When she practically lived at our house.

“My grandpa is a doctor?” Lia asks, scooping another spoonful of Lucky Charms in her mouth. I’ll buy Dylan another box later. Dude and his freaking kids’ cereal.

“He’s an oncologist,” I specify.

“What’s that?”

“It means he helps people who have cancer.”

Lia pushes her hair out of her face. I tried to brush through the mass, but she kept whining that it hurt, so I gave up. I have no idea what to do with it.

“What’s cancer?” she asks.

“A horrible, horrible disease,” I answer, downing the last of my coffee. “You ready?”

“Yep.” Lia slides off the chair and grabs one of the Twilight Sparkles I said she could bring along.

I open the back door of my car, and she hops in and buckles herself. I’m not the one who taught her, yet I’m proud. It’s strange.

Lia stays close to me as we walk through the double doors and ride the elevator to the third floor.

“I’ve never been in a hospital before,” she informs me. “Except when I was born.”

“Good. Let’s hope you never have to be admitted into one.”

The elevator doors open, and sitting on the bench right outside of them is my father. His gaze pins on Lia, and his jaw slackens. Seeing that she’s an exact replica of Mom must be even more shocking for him than it was for me.

“Dad, this is Lia Kathryn. Lia, this is your Grandpa Lowell.” Lia stands half behind me, holding onto my leg like she did with Ellie when she first met me.

“Hey there, Lia,” Dad greets her.

“Hi,” she quips, and I bend down to pick her up. Her little arms wrap around me as she leans in.

He grins. “She looks like your mother, Damian.”

“I know,” I say, squeezing her. “She’s Mom all over again.”

“Well, so were you and your brother.”

“I wish Mom was here to see her,” I say, and as I do, I realize that if Mom were alive, Liam would be as well, and this little girl in my arms wouldn’t be mine. She’d be his.

A couple of days ago I wouldn’t have cared. Today, I’m not sure.

“Lia, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” Dad says, smiling at her. “Now, I think there’re some kids in The Commons who’d love to play with you.”

Lia’s eyes brighten. I carry her down the hall because I’m not ready to put her down yet. We pass the nurses’ station, and I suppress the laugh bubbling in my chest. Mouths hanging open, the nurses gawk as we pass. They all remember my mother, and it’s not hard to put two and two together—especially with them. The news of who Lia is will spread fast now.

The Commons is at the far end of the hall, next to the chemo room. Dad was right. There are several kids already here, playing and receiving treatments. In the corner where I saw her yesterday sits Olivia. She has some crayons out and doesn’t seem to have a care in the world.

“Lia,” I say, “there’s someone I’d like for you to meet.”

I lead my daughter over to the table and lower myself on my haunches. Olivia glances up and breaks into a smile as she recognizes me.

“Hi, Olivia,” I say. I unzip my bag and pull out a My Little Pony notebook Lia picked out and a large box of crayons. “These are for you.”

Her smile widens. “Wow. Thank you.”

“I’d also like to introduce you to my daughter, Lia.”

“Hi,” Lia says, waving even though the girls are only a foot away from each other.

“Hi,” Olivia answers, waving back.

“I’m going to leave you two to play, okay?” I say, looking back and forth between the two. I linger on Lia.

They both nod.

“If you need anything, Lia, you can ask Olivia or one of the nurses. They come in frequently. I’ll be back to check in soon.”

“Okay,” she says.

At the door, I twist around. Already the girls are giggling with each other and breaking in the new crayons. I watch for a second longer before I slip out.

~*~

On my break, Leslie teaches me how to brush Lia’s hair. I’m catching on—until she braids it. Then I’m completely lost.

“Can you braid Twilight Sparkle’s tail?” she asks Leslie, holding up her pony.

“Sure, sweetheart. Now, pay attention, Damian.” Leslie splits the hair in three pieces. So far, I get it. But when she starts to move the three strands, they all blur together, and suddenly I have a headache.

“Uh, I’ll YouTube it,” I say when she asks if I’ve got it.

Leslie laughs. “You do that.”

“Thanks, Miss Leslie!” Lia quips and runs off.

“She’s beautiful, Damian,” Leslie says.

“She is,” I agree as I watch Lia show off her braid to Olivia.

“Kate would be proud.”

The wind is knocked out of me at Leslie’s sentiment. She means well, but I doubt Kate would be proud of me knocking up Ellie the night before her burial.

Lia’s blues flash in our direction. She points at Leslie, and Olivia claps her hands in excitement before they start toward us.

“Looks like you have another customer,” I say, happy for the quick change in subject. I stand up and take off before I have to sit through another hair-braiding lesson.

~*~

Dinner at Dad’s went great, and now Lia’s on the phone with her mom, dishing out her entire day. Word. For. Word.

She’s definitely Ellie’s daughter.

“He has a swimming pool inside his house!” she squeals into the phone. “Daddy says we can go swimming there again. Maybe tomorrow.”

“I didn’t say that,” I interject even though she’s not listening.

Lia frowns. “But Mom, it’s
inside his house
!”

I can assume what Ellie is saying. It’s summer, so Lia should swim in an outdoor pool with other kids. Dad told her the same thing. Frankly, I couldn’t care less.

“Yeah, he’s right here,” Lia says with a corresponding eye roll. “Okay. I love you too, Mommy.”

She gives me the phone after making a kissy noise into the receiver.

“Hey, Elle,” I say, and last night’s conversation slips into my memory.

“She sounds happy,” Ellie says, and I can hear the smile in her voice.

“We’re doing all right,” I tell her. “You fly out tomorrow?”

“Yes, so we’ll have to deal with the time difference after I land.”

“We’ll figure it out,” I say, my gaze flitting to Lia playing on the floor. “Be safe, okay?”

My comment carries weight, and we both know it. Ellie and I know too well what it’s like to lose someone, and I’ll be damned if Lia has to go through that. Hell,
I
can’t go through that.

“I will, Damian,” she says, and I catch a quiet sniffle.

“What’s wrong, Elle?”

She hesitates. “Nothing. It’s just hard to be this far away from her, you know?”

“I’m not going to let anything happen to her,” I assure her, and I wish I could look her in the eye as I say it. It’s how I’m used to comforting her. Over the phone makes it sound like a shallow promise. To lighten the mood, I laugh. “Besides, you’re going to the Great Barrier Reef to poke needles in sharks, Elle. The last thing you should have to worry about is what’s going on here. So tell me, how well did they test that shark-bite suit of yours?”

That earns me a giggle, and I smile, imagining the corners of her lips curved up and the way she bats her eyelashes at the same time.

“Yeah,” she agrees. “I’ll call you as soon as I land.”

“Please do.”

“I will. Good night, Damian.”

I pause for a moment to prolong the call. “Good night, Elle.”

~*~

I read Lia a bedtime story and tuck her in. She’s wearing those My Little Pony pajamas she picked out, and I’m glad I bought two because I’ll have to wash this one eventually. She rolls onto her side, holding her favorite blanket in one hand and sucking the thumb of her other. Damn, that’s adorable.

“Sleep tight, little Lia,” I say, smoothing her hair.

I take a final glance at her before closing the door. Two days with her, and I think I have this dad-thing down. Maybe I won’t fuck this up.

I grab a beer from the fridge and plop down on the sofa with Dylan. He tosses me an Xbox remote.

“You’re a natural, man,” he says.

I shrug. “Well, I’m not gonna brag, but I have played all the other
Grand Theft Auto
games. This one’s a breeze.”

“I meant with Lia.”

I knew what he meant.

“Yeah, well, Ellie needed to go on that research trip and there was no one else.” I pop the top off the bottle and take a swig.

“Sure, man. Whatever you say.”

“Don’t worry, dude. I have eight full weeks to mess this shit up.” I’m half teasing, half not. I know what I’m capable of. This summer is my chance to prove I’m not the selfish bastard I think I am.

Dylan grins because he understands. Then he turns serious. “Well, just remember, if you fuck up, you not only hurt yourself, you hurt that little girl and her mother too. This isn’t only about you, Damian.”

“How much do I owe for that, Dr. Laura?” I joke, even though it’s not funny. Both of us have been on the receiving end of his statement.

He shrugs. “Bill’s in the mail.”

“Go to hell.”

I knock back the rest of my beer and shoot a look at my closed bedroom door. Dylan’s right. But I won’t let that happen. I will fight for her. I owe Kate that much. Because when I could have saved her—fought for her—

I didn’t.

I won’t make that mistake again.