Love, Always (20 page)

I wake up with Adam’s hot breath on my face and want to gag when the smell of it creeps its way into my nose. Gah! This man needs a breath mint. I try to move away from him before his rank breath singes my eyebrows, but he pulls me closer to him. I continue my quiet battle so I don’t wake him until I see one side of his lips curl into a half grin. I grin back at him and twist his nipples, making him open his eyes in surprise.

“Titty twister fight?” His eyes narrow as his smile widens.

I cover my nipples protectively with my hands. If he so much as looks at them again I just may jump him before we have the chance to speak.

Adam watches me with a predatory glint in his eyes, and a part of me can’t wait to be his prey. I’m just not sure how much of me will be left once he devours me.

“How’s your head?” I ask, cautiously reaching my finger to move his hair out of his face.

His eyes remain on mine and my heart skips a few times in anticipation of what is yet to come. I touch his face gently, caressing his cheek and the stubble on his chin.

“I’ll live,” he says with a shrug. “I’m much more interested in what you’re doing in my bed.” He wags his eyebrows at me and moves his covers over, revealing his almost bare body.

I stare at him, at his boxer briefs, and force my eyes to go back to his eyes where I find an amused smile on his face. I love that smile, but more I love that his smile is for me.

“You were a tad drunk last night when I came by.”

He rubs his hands over his face before turning around to drink the glass of water I got him last night.

“Gimme. I’ll get you fresh water,” I offer with an outstretched hand, and he raises his eyebrows at me in question. “It’s old,” I mumble, embarrassed by the surprised expression on his face. It’s not like I never do things for him.

“You tryin’ to take care of me?” He smiles at me and I feel my cheeks redden.

“Just give me the damn glass.”

He hands it to me with the stupidest grin on his face which makes me smile in return. Adam and I can do this – be an
us
. The chemistry and attraction is there, but so is the fear and guilt. I push the guilt aside and swallow the fear, refusing to let those emotions govern me any longer.

“How’s your head?” I ask again after I return from the kitchen and hand him the glass back.

He shrugs. “It’s not horrible.”

“Drink and take the aspirin, because I’m about to make it worse.” He looks at me warily, but does as instructed. I sigh before I begin what I’m sure will be a twenty hour monologue. “I shouldn’t have let you leave yesterday. But that’s not where my mistakes began,” I admit, playing with my fingers nervously. “I should never have walked away from you all those months ago. It hurt so bad I didn’t know if the pain would ever go away. And it hurt Josie, which makes me an awful and selfish mom.” I put up my hand when he tries to speak. I need to get this out before I chicken out. Again. “I am selfish, you can’t deny that.” I smile, and he returns it with a sad smile of his own that twists my heart until all I feel is the pain I’ve caused. “When you got together with Amber, it was like being slammed in the gut all over again, but I saw the way you still looked at me and knew you still cared about me. I should’ve said something to you then but still didn’t. I had so many opportunities to tell you, but I’m so damn scared of you.” I feel the tears well up in my eyes and push them back, not because I think they make me weak, but because I know my tears will weaken Adam. I need both of us to be strong for one another so that we can beat down our demons rather than skirt around them.

“How do I scare you?” he asks, genuinely curious.

“How I feel about you scares me. You don’t fill an empty hole, because when I’m with you, it’s like that hole never existed. I feel horrible about that. I mean, I was with Josh for years, and it’s like he never mattered to me when I’m with you. But then when I’m not with you, all those feelings I have for him come crashing back which is when the guilt settles in.” I look at him, my heart hurting with my own vulnerability, and I wait for him to respond.

He reaches his hand to touch me, but pulls back before we ever make contact with one another. Instead he puts his hands on his lap and stares at them for so long I’m almost sure our conversation is over. Before we even had a chance to become an
us
, I killed it. Again.

His gaze slowly moves up until he is looking at me intently. “I feel the same thing. When we’re together, it’s like everything is the way it should be, but then the guilt creeps in. I mean, you’re my best friend’s girl. I shouldn’t act on how I feel.”

“But here’s the thing.” I sit down on the bed beside Adam and hope I’m not making a mistake. “Josh isn’t with us anymore.”

Adam looks back at me skeptically and I know it’s my own fault. I’ve put that skepticism on his face and I have to fix it. For both of our sakes. I take his hands in my own and lace our fingers together, enjoying the warmth of his skin on mine.

“But we’re still here.” My eyes beg him to give in a little. “We can still make us work.”

He sighs deeply before he lets go of my hand and stands up. “We’ve tried this already, sweetie. We can’t just fall back onto one another and then run away when things get scary. Eventually, there isn’t gonna be anything to fall back on, and I don’t want to lose what we already have.”

“I won’t run this time, Adam,” I say, desperate for him to believe me. “I swear it. I’m scared, of course I am, but I’m a lot more scared of losing out on what we could have, because I have a feeling it’d be pretty great.” I smile back at him, doubting the smile reaches my eyes.

“Why’s it different this time?”

“Because I love you.” My heart stops when he just looks at me. Both of us are stunned into silence by my revelation. I love him. Shit.

“You love me?” he asks slowly and I nod my head. “That’s cute.” He turns on his heels and walks away. I stare at his retreating back, confused and hurt. I thought… He turns around when he reaches the doorframe and smiles at me, his big maniacal smile that involuntarily makes my own lips curve. “I’m just messing with ya!”

He bolts towards me and pushes me back on the bed with his body pressed against mine. His lips meet mine and our tongues dance together, tasting each other and the promises made with a sealed kiss.

He shifts away from me slightly and whispers, “I love you too. Now and always.”

He loves me. Always.

I pull him towards me, hugging him tightly to me and take in the familiar scent of him that haunts me. I move my hands over his bare back while he does the same to me. He puts his lips on my neck and kisses me gently as he makes his way over my throat and chin until our lips find one another once again. I close my eyes and get lost in his taste, but open them when his teeth graze my bottom lip. I pull back, biting my own lip as he moves his lips to my stomach, where he traces his tongue over my skin. I put my fingers through his hair and pull so that he lifts his face to me. I shiver when I see the desire in his eyes and close my eyes, hoping our moment will last a lifetime.

I moan lightly when his fingers caress my inner thigh, and I involuntarily tighten in anticipation as he draws circles close to my entrance. I inch my body closer to his fingers, already wet and aching for him to be inside of me, but he continues to stroke my inner thigh without showing any signs of going in.

Well, two can play this little game.

I sit up and push him back with a wicked grin on my face. He watches me as I straddle him, but I then decide to go reverse cowgirl on him. With my ass near his face, I lean down and put his penis in my mouth, enjoying the feeling of it throbbing on my tongue. I hear him inhale quickly so I lean back, releasing his cock with a wet pop that escapes my lips, and begin to run circles around his abdomen with my fingers.

“You’re not very hairy,” I tell him. “Do you shave?”

“Do I—wha?” His confusion makes me laugh.

“The manscape looks pretty good, too.”

“My—”

I put him back in my mouth and suck hard so that he can’t finish his sentence. I move my mouth up and down along his length until I hear him moan. I then move away once again, enjoying his tortured moan when I run my finger from his balls to his tip. I lean down and lick the tip in a circle, lifting my backside to further entice Adam. Only he uses the opportunity to slide his fingers inside of me, sending me on an upward spiral when he finds my clit.

I try to keep up with the tempo he’s creating with his fingers, but
shit
! I can’t think straight, let alone try to seduce him. Unable to resist the urge, I bite his inner thigh, making him squeal like a schoolgirl. I look back at him with a sly grin and he maneuvers both of us so that he is on top. My grin vanishes when I see the predatory look on his face.

Ah shit, he looks famished. I stretch my arms over my head and wrap them around his neck, ready for him to devour me. I pull myself upward and nip his ear.

“Love me, Adam.”

“Always,” he agrees and glides inside of me.

With each thrust, he draws his body closer to mine so that I feel his heart beat on my own chest. His hair falls carelessly onto my face, but I enjoy the feel of it and don’t bother brushing it aside. I wrap my legs around his waist, moving with him as my nails dig deeper into his back.

He moves up, switching positions, and I follow him until I’m practically sitting on his lap. He holds my back as I move my body up and down, feeling his cock pulse inside of me. My thighs tighten around him and I rest my head on his shoulder when I feel myself come on top of him. I kiss his neck, chin and mouth, beyond satisfied with his performance.

“Hold on to me, baby,” he tells me, and I do.

I hold on as if my life depends on it, because in a sense it does. My existence once depended on Adam’s care and unwavering love. I push his head towards the crevice of my neck as I ride my next wave of ecstasy and feel myself go limp when he shudders his own release inside of me.

He lays me down gently and wraps his body around mine as he rests his face on top of mine. This is euphoria; one I’ve only felt once, the first time Adam and I were together.   

“I’m gonna tweet about this,” he says lazily, and I try to push him off of me.

“You are not,” I say, pronouncing each word slowly.

“This is the best cure for a hangover. The people have a right to know.”

“Adam,” I warn, even though I’m smiling, and he laughs, so I bite his arm. Hard.

“Ow! Ow! Okay,” he relents. “You’re evil. I was just tryin’ to be a good Samaritan.” I bite him again and laugh when he starts complaining. “No public service announcements. Got it. Can you put that jaw away now?”

I open my mouth to defend my actions, but reach for my phone instead when I hear Hayley’s familiar ringtone.

“What?” I gripe into the phone.

“Didya forget you have a daughter?” she asks, and I look at the time.

Crap, it’s almost eleven AM. “We have a daughter,” I tell Adam, and pull the phone away from my ear when Hayley starts shouting.

“No! No! Take your time!” she demands. “Everything’s good over here. You just gotta tell me about the second round of the best sex of your life.”

I feel my cheeks burn when Adam wiggles his eyebrows at me. “We’ll be there soon,” I say and hang up quickly.

“So,” he says, stretching his body slowly, “tell me about the best sex of your life.”

“She’s exaggerating.”

“No, I think I wanna hear about this.”

Before I have time to get up, he grabs my waist and pulls me towards him.

“Shower,” I say, but he starts tickling me until I have tears running down my cheek. “Stop it, Adam!” I plead.

“Tell me.”

He continues to tickle me until I feel my bladder protest.

“Adam, please!”

“Tell me.”

“I’m gonna pee.” I try to wiggle away from him, but between my laughter and tears I’m not getting much accomplished. “Golden shower!” I shout. “All over you.”

But he doesn’t loosen his hold or his tickling fingers on my stomach.

“Just say the words.”

“You’re the sex king!” I laugh and practice my kegels so nothing squirts out accidentally.