Lost in Us (36 page)

"I'm sorry you put your business on the line for me."

"I'd put anything on the line for you. Serena, there's nothing, nothing I wouldn't risk for you."

"Except three words."

And as I say the sentence, it hits me just how messed up
I
am. Because surely, any sane person would take his act—forcing Natalie out at the risk of bankrupting himself—as the ultimate proof that he cares about me, that he loves me. But I need to know he's overcome whatever keeps him from saying those damned words to me.

His gaze darkens. His lips open slightly, but it's not the words I so desperately crave that come out. "Spend this day with me, Serena," he begs.

I nod.

I
trail alongside James as we walk back to the buses, careful not to come too close to him. Twice he glances in my direction but I pretend not to notice, though I think my burning cheeks more than give me away.

"We ride on this bus," James says when we come near them, pointing to the second bus. The door at the front of the bus slides open the moment I stop in front of it, revealing the bash of cheers and laughter happening inside.

"Looks like they're having a blast already," I say nervously to James, who's right behind my shoulder.

"And to think you wanted to miss this," he whispers in my ear, sending a torrent of tingles down my spine. But the tingles transform into a wave of warmth that spreads through my entire body, making my toes curl and my heart skip a beat. I take a deep breath, distancing myself from him, wondering how many more of these moments I can steal today. Many, I hope. I'll put them all in a little glass box at the back of my mind—a collection of fragile memories that I will treasure forever and revisit when the longing for him becomes too unbearable.

I step inside the bus. It's cool and dry here—bless air conditioning for offering me relief from the consuming heat. The driver is smiling at me in a weird way, and it takes me a few seconds to realize why. The bus has gone silent. Like, utterly and completely silent.

"The group is complete now," James tells the driver. "We're ready to go."

There are long rows of two seats on each side of the bus. I'm glad the ones in the front are empty, because I think if I had to walk by the others, who are watching me with half-amused, half-mocking expressions, my cheeks would easily catch fire. They already feel so hot, I'm sure I must look like a clown. Parker is sitting in the second row alone, by the window, and I choose to sit next to him instead of taking one of the double empty seats. James would surely sit by my side, and I'm not sure I can survive a bus ride—long or short as it might be—next to him. The bus starts moving and, thankfully, the cheers and laughter start again. I still have no idea where we're going. I think the others don't, either.

James cocks an eyebrow when he notices my choice of seat. I look away quickly, turning to Parker who isn't looking at me. He's typing furiously on his phone. There's a crease on his forehead, and it's becoming more and more pronounced by the second.

"Anything wrong?" I ask.

"My flat is flooded," he says, not looking up. "I'll have to stay in a hotel for a few days."

"Can't you stay with James?"

He shakes his head. "I mean my flat in London."

"You're going back to London?"

"Uh huh," he says, then shoves his phone in his pocket, and looks up at me. "We agreed with the investors today that I should go back to London and focus on growing the business there. I was going to go back soon anyway, but it'll happen more quickly than I anticipated."

"So, when are you leaving?"

"Tonight."

"Oh," I exclaim. Whenever I considered leaving for New York, I only thought about not seeing James again. A startling heaviness settles in my chest at the thought of not seeing Parker again. I like being around him. He reminds me of home. Just a bit. Not enough to bring back all the bad memories that chased me away from there in the first place. I lean back in my seat, holding my knees against my chest. They feel like they're made out of stones. My whole body does. I didn't realize how tired I am until now.

He smiles a smile that is a carbon copy of James's. "We'll keep in touch."

"Sure." That's what my friends from school said when I left London. That's what I told them, too. But the ocean has a habit of making strangers out of friends. "What time is your flight?"

"Nine o'clock."

"Maybe we can go together to the airport."

"Absolutely," he says. "Have you packed already?"

"Yeah, we just have to pick up my suitcase."

"I'm having my car brought to where we're going, with all my bags. I'll just tell the driver to pass by your place and pick up your bag."

"He can't get in; there's no one home."

Parker frowns, then starts typing on his phone again. "He can find your landlord; he must have a key."

I hadn't exactly figured out the logistics of how I'd go to the airport from wherever we are going, but knowing that I'll leave with Parker puts my mind at ease. I glance out the window as we speed along the highway, wondering where this new adventure will take us. I start counting the cars we pass to keep my mind occupied, because thoughts of what awaits me at the end of this day start creeping back, and I have to ward them off if I want to survive this day. A life without James, that's what awaits me. I doze off sometime after counting the one hundredth car.

I wake up with a jolt as my ears are assaulted by a wave of cheers and laughter. I sit up straight. The bus has come to a halt, and, except for Parker and me, everyone is on their feet, waiting in line to get out. 

"Where are we?" I ask Parker. Out the window, a vast river lies before my eyes. 

"Tuolumne River."

I've never been to Tuolumne River, but I know roughly where it is on the map. "I slept for two hours?"

He smirks. "Two and a half, actually."

Parker and I get off the bus last. The first breath of air outside is refreshing. It isn't quite as cool as the AC in the bus, but it smells of pines and the proximity of water somehow takes away the intensity of the heat. I'd like nothing better than to swim in the river. But the water flows so rapidly and there are so many rocks that I'm pretty sure I won't put as much as a toe in the water. I look around, trying to imagine what we could possibly do here. Wild would be the most appropriate word to describe this place. A plethora of pines and oaks populate the other shore of the river. The shore we're on is mostly grass and bushes that are a dry, pale yellow. Clouds of dust linger above the unpaved road behind us.

"This place doesn't really feel… celebratory," someone from the crowd shouts.

James's laughter echoes a few feet away from me.

My phone rings. I fish it out of the pocket of my slim jeans, and jolt a bit at the number on the screen. It's from England, but it's not my parents’ number. My heart pounding hard, I try to remember who else has my number. Our neighbor, Ms. Tate, whom I gave it to in case of emergencies. But it can't be her; I have her number saved. Her name would appear on the screen if she'd be the one calling.

Biting my lip, I press the green button and hold the phone to my ear.

"I GOT the job," Jess shrieks in my ear. "I still can't believe it. I got it."

"Wow, that's amazing, Jess." I walk a little farther away from the buses, and make sure to keep the phone a few inches away from my ear because Jess's screams might deafen me. "How long do you have to decide if you accept it?"

"You're kidding, right? Hell, I've decided already. My place is here, hon. London is so much cooler than I thought. The people, the accent. God, this is just the perfect city. I can't believe you left."

"It was because of the rain, I told you," I joke, though a sinking feeling starts building in my stomach.

"Damn the rain. I've been here for three days and there hasn't been one drop of it."

"So when are you starting?"

For a few seconds, her heavy breaths are the only things I hear. "That's the only bad part. I start right after graduation."

I chuckle. Jess had planned one wild two-week-party marathon after graduation.

"I can't believe we'll live on different continents," Jess says. "I miss you already."

"I miss you too, Jess." It couldn't be truer and saying the words out loud only makes the feeling in my stomach worse. If I thought losing Parker to the strip of land on the other side of the ocean was hard, it's nothing compared to losing my dearest friend.

"Serena," Parker yells from somewhere behind me, "come here."

"Was that Parker's voice?" Jess sneers.

"Yeah, I'm with him, James, and a bunch of other people. It's a long story. I'll tell you everything when you're back."

"You're with James?" she asks, incredulity dripping from every syllable. 

"Did you hear the part with a bunch of other people?"

"You're still going to New York tonight?"

"Of course I am," I say indignantly.

I can almost hear her pursing her lips in the pause that follows. Thankfully, all she says is, "Have a safe flight."

I
shove the phone back in my pocket and walk back to the group just as they start moving closer to the river.

Parker waits for me, hands in his pockets, a few feet away from everyone. "Come on," he urges.

"This is one lousy place for a party," I say.

He grins, as we follow the others down to the river. "Good thing then there won't be a party."

When we get close to the shore I pick up the courage to look for James. I've yet to decide if I want to avoid him or be near him. My mind warns me that I'd be best served by the former. Every other part of my body craves the latter. 

I focus on the sound of the flowing water for a few seconds, and it has a calming effect on me. I find James standing right in front of the river, far away from us, talking to a teenage boy dressed in black overalls with a white shirt underneath. He's got exceptionally short, dark hair and looks vaguely familiar. I have a feeling the two of them are fighting. The boy's arms are folded over his chest. James has a deep frown on his forehead. It takes me a second to realize why the boy is looking so familiar. He's not a boy at all. She's wearing round silver earrings.

Dani.

She sees me too and waves at me, gesturing for me to come closer to them.

"What has she done—?"

"Don't say anything about the hair," Parker warns me.

"Right."

When I'm close enough, Dani says, grinning, "I didn't know you'd be here."

"I didn't know you'd be here either."

"That's because she's not supposed to be," James says through gritted teeth. "She's supposed to be at school."

Dani waves her hands, dismissing his words. "You really think I'd miss celebrating with you,
and
a good rafting trip?"

I gulp. Suddenly, the sound of water flowing isn't calming anymore, but menacing. "A what trip?" Neither of them pays attention to me.

"Since when are you into rafting?" James asks. "You've never wanted to come on rafting trips."

Dani stomps her foot. "Since now."

"How did you know we were coming here in the first place?" He frowns.

"Parker had his car brought here. And I… sneaked inside the car."

"Fantastic," James says, and I can't withhold a smile. "Well, forget about rafting. You're staying right here."

"I'd like to see you make me." Dani sticks her tongue out as James turns his back on her, heading back to the group. He squeezes my hand gently when he passes me, and the heat outside has nothing on the tingles of warmth that the soft touch of his skin sends through my entire body.

Dani looks at my hand with a knowing smile.

"So what about this rafting thing?" I ask her, biting the inside of my cheek.

"I'll tell you in a sec. I need your opinion on something. What do you think of my haircut?"

"Oh," I say, remembering Parker's warning. "Umm…"