Lost and Found (25 page)

"Hold this? I'll be right back," I said after tossing my helmet into his lap. He called
after me as I ran up the hillside but the words were drowned out by the vibrating
sound of the idling bike.

There it stood, tall and sun-bleached. The barn that we slept next to on our first
night out with the horses stood tall above the highway. It was hard to miss as you
drove by. This was where Connor said he could live one day, even though there was
nothing spectacular about the scenery. The dead grass crunched beneath my shoes as
I approached it, unfolding the paper from the gas station. Inside the barn, just next
to the sliding door was a bulletin board. After prying some of the rusted thumbtacks
out of the cork, I rounded the barn to the side that faced the road below and tacked
the paper to the rough wood.

In thick, black strokes, I wrote my first letter since finding the lodge the year
before. After finishing, I stepped back to look at the bright white sheet against
the maroon color of the barn. The smoothness of the paper looked out of place against
the cracked paint and I squinted in the light to read the words one final time.

Connor and Kris,

You won't read this but I had to tell you how sorry I am that I lost you. Wherever
you ended up after leaving this place, please look for Mariah there so she isn't alone
anymore. I hope I find you in my dreams.

I love you…so much. - Riley

Once we left Ramona, an anxiety built up inside me that was impossible to ignore.
What was I going to say to the others? How would I explain what happened to Connor
and Kris when I didn't know that answer myself?
They weren't in the warehouse from what I saw, and there was no sign of the other
horse either. But Connor would
never
have just left me there. He would have searched until he found me. Which meant only
one thing - they were dead.

The bike roared up the mountains with ease and soon we were surrounded by the pine
trees of Julian. The tall and bushy conifers felt like home. The smell was so different
there than anywhere else. Fresh air, heavy with the scent of pine, sap and earth saturated
my senses. The town of Julian looked the same as it did the last time I passed through,
except for a few deep and wide puddles in the gutters. Too nervous to stop and prolong
the inevitable, we continued on the 79 until it met with Sunrise Highway.

It was as if I had been gone for years instead of months - that's how much I craved
the peaceful solitude of Mt. Laguna. The din of the motorcycle echoed loudly around
the summits creating a dull reverberation through the trees that sounded less like
the purr of the expensive bike and more like a dying tractor. A few times since we
passed through Ramona the engine hum morphed over the valleys, coming back slower
and more propeller-like, but there were houses and rocks and water for the sound to
bounce off of, distorting the sound. Plus, we had our helmets on and the drone of
the bike beneath me was the loudest noise of all. With one arm comfortably hooked
around Drake's chest, I held onto the side of my seat with my free hand and looked
out at the passing trees. As the sun ran away toward the coast, it stole the light
of day from us and replaced it with a cool, steel sky. The stars multiplied by the
hundreds every time I glanced up and just before the last rays of light disappeared
beyond the forest the lodge sign came into view.

Drake pulled off the asphalt after I squeezed his shoulder and pointed to the right.
He took the drive slow, easing the tires around potholes loosened up from a recent
rainstorm, being careful not to run over the disturbed rocks or small branches that
had fallen out of the encroaching trees. When the remnants of the main house came
into view, he came to a stop and he eased the bike toward a cluster of burnt roof
beams. Without waiting for him, I dismounted and yanked the helmet off, letting it
fall to the ground as I jogged toward the lawn. Summer had finally gotten the better
of the grass, replacing it with an ugly brown color, leaving funky green bunches every
ten feet or so. It still looked beautiful to me though.

"Riley, wait up!" Drake called from behind me.

I stopped in the middle of the lawn, almost underneath the branches of the great oak
that was centered there. An image of Connor sleeping beneath the tree and Fin taking
me down the trail where the greenhouse used to be came back. With a slow blink, the
memory faded. It was just a tree again. Cold air pricked at the exposed parts of my
skin with curiosity, as if the mountain air was feeling me out and saying;
I know you, welcome back.

Pieces of hay still lay scattered about the base of the fence post by the Recreation
building, as they were waiting around for a wind strong enough to relocate them to
somewhere else. It looked like a horse hadn't been there since we left several weeks
before. Even though I knew it was too good to be true, part of me still ached when
I realized Foxy hadn't made her way back with Connor and Kris.

Drake caught up with me just before I reached the trail, still peeling the gloves
off his hands. "Were you planning on leaving me with the bike, or something?"

"No, sorry. I just need to know. I need to know if they're here." I breathed heavily,
picking up the pace as the narrow dirt trail began to slope downwards toward the lake.

"
Where
are we going?" he asked from behind me.

Halfway down the trail, I stopped to whistle loudly and Drake bumped into me, knocking
me off balance and into the trunk of a tree. "Damn," I said, brushing loose pieces
of bark off my shirtsleeve. A glint twinkled in the distance between two pines and
my heart leapt at the sight of it.
The lake.

"Sorry, what'd you stop for?" Drake flicked a sappy cluster of pine needles off my
shoulder with a smile.

"Shush, listen," I answered. When my call wasn't returned with a familiar bark, I
whistled again. "That's…odd."

"Huh?"

"My dog. She's not answering me." I rushed back down the trail, Drake mumbling something
behind me and when we reached the bend that took us toward the lake, we could see
the cabin tops.

Not sure what to expect, I simply stood before them, looking at each for signs of
life behind the windows and finding none. The fireplaces were unlit, the doors all
closed, the curtains drawn. I saw the cabins like that once before - when Connor and
I first arrived to find only Fin living there.
The cabins were empty.

"No," I gasped. Drake put a hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off so hard the
muscle in my neck cramped. "They wouldn't. They
wouldn'
t leave me."

"Maybe something happened. Um, maybe they found a safer place?"

I sent a disgusted look at Drake, "Ana's pregnant, they wouldn't just
move
, Drake."

"Okay, well, go knock. Maybe they are just... I don't know, hiding out in there or
something. The bike is not exactly quiet you know. They could've heard us coming."

Right. But Zoey would be barking. She knew my whistle. Even though I'd been gone awhile,
she wouldn't have forgotten my call. Plus, the more I thought about it, the more I
realized some of the vehicles might have been missing.

"Stay here in case someone's inside, okay?"

He nodded and kicked at the dirt, looking bored with a snarky expression on his face.
Of course, this was all a monumental waste of his time and he couldn't wait to be
rid of me so he could move on to bigger and better things. Like eating beans out of
a can in some rest stop off the freeway.

All of the cabin doors were locked - even mine. After peering inside the front door
through a gap in the curtain, I saw nothing out of the ordinary. It didn't look any
different from the way we left it, but I hadn't exactly taken a mental picture of
the place on my way out the door.

"Where would they have gone?" I asked my reflection in the glass.

Nothing was broken, damaged or missing. The water spigot on the side of the porch
came on, releasing cool, clean water when I turned the valve. The small makeshift
greenhouse behind the cabin was teeming with greens and ripe tomatoes. There was shelter,
water and food, but no
people
.

"Where the
hell
did they go?" I demanded an answer from the empty air but only got my bangs blown
into my eyes in response.

"Riley? What do you want to do?" Drake followed me to the back of the cabin and kicked
a loose rock out in front of him. It bounced down the dirt slope that led to the edge
of the lake but didn't quite reach the water.

Reflections of the sunset danced along the ripples, drawing my eyes out to the center
of the lake where the pinks and purples merged in and out of each other. I wanted
to float there, just forget about everything and everyone and float for a while. When
I opened my mouth to tell Drake I didn't know - I didn't know what to do, something
in the tree line on the far side of the lake moved. At first, I closed my eyes. If
it was Fin, I didn't want to see him.

"Well, look at that!"

Tentatively, and with my teeth biting down on my lower lip I opened my eyes. Standing
tall and proud in a slick brown coat was our deer. I hadn't seen her in months, so
long in fact that earlier in the summer we thought she might have left the mountains
or been taken down by a starving cougar. Yet there she was. And not alone. She had
a mate, a strong looking buck that couldn't have been much older. She flicked her
ears at me, her way of saying hello and I returned the gesture with a slow raise of
one arm. That was our greeting. A subtle flick and a gentle wave. She grazed nonchalantly,
as if that was her purpose for being at the edge of the lake but I knew it wasn't.
Curiosity had brought her there. Maybe it was her way of telling us that she had found
a love of her own, and that she was going to be okay.

When they trotted off, I turned to find Drake eying me. "So, what…are you the deer
whisperer now?"

"No. We're family."

***

"You sure it's okay, crashing on the couch?" Drake murmured from behind an empty tumbler.
His breath smelled of whiskey vapor and chocolate chips. Only three drinks in and
he was sleepy. After taking the glass from his limp hand and setting it down on the
coffee table, I dropped a folded blanket on his lap.

"It's been a long day, Drake. Just crash here. We'll figure out what to do tomorrow."

"I already told you, I can't stay...'member?"

"Yeah, you've said that twice tonight already. Just get some sleep, we'll figure things
out later."

Before shutting off all the lights and locking the front door, I picked his shoes
up, set them under the coffee table, and put his glass into the sink. The place felt
so familiar but also foreign. Connor wasn't there. Kris wasn't there. Zoey wasn't
there. My body ached and as I used the wooden banister to pull myself upstairs, I
was already unbuttoning my jeans in anticipation of the longest bath possible. With
one foot on the top landing and the other in mid-step, I froze.

"I think I'm out of bubble bath."

***

The shampoo bubbles didn't last nearly long enough and after adding warm water twice,
I got tired of listening to the gurgling noise of the overflow every time the water
sloshed above the drain lever. Pissed off and exhausted, I kicked my way out of the
tub leaving the bathmat soaked, and toweled off roughly over the parts of my body
that weren't stitched, gently patting the areas that were, leaving my hair stringy
and dripping onto the floor as I padded over to the dresser. If Win was there he would
have chastised me for bathing with fresh stitches, but there was no way I was going
to bed without soaking my sore muscles.

Ignoring the blip-blip-blip sound of water falling onto the carpet I pulled out a
clean pair of everything and sifted around in the lowest drawer that Connor used for
his sleep shirts. Rubbing the towel against my head once more, I untangled most of
the knots from my hair with my fingers and twisted the whole mess back into a high
bun. The reflection in the mirror said I looked to be thirty-something but the aches
in my body, the swelling in my joints and every torn muscle laughed. I
felt
more like ninety.

The bed was large and familiar but unwelcoming. Not ready to climb beneath the cool
covers alone, there was nothing else to do than go back downstairs and pour white
wine into the largest drinking container available. Halfway down the steps there was
a commotion in the living room. A heavy item slammed against a wall, there was a squeal
then a shout, something fragile shattered onto the ground, someone cursed but a dog
bark boomed loudest of all.

"Zoey!" I screamed from the stairs, leaping over the last step and sliding a good
twelve inches in my socked feet along the slick wood at the base of the stairs.

Though the lower level of the cabin was still dark, I could see her small form shoot
across the living room. Her excited whimpers matched my cries as she jumped and wriggled
and licked while I pet and hugged and kissed.

"Riley!" There was that squeal again. But by then I recognized it.

Someone tripped over a table and Drake's baritone voice cracked as he shouted,
"Get the hell off me, man!"

"It's okay, he's with me!"

A light flickered on from the corner where the floor lamp rested on its side. Two
end tables and the ceramic lamp near the front door had been knocked over. Shiny orange
shards lay scattered out toward the sofa where several sets of shoulders protruded.
Kris stood in the center of the room, her hands held up to her face in shock. A baby-like
cry came from her before she ran into my arms, knocking the breath out of me.

"I-I can't believe it, you're
okay
." My hand shook against the back of her head, mimicking the waver in my voice. She
smelled of sweet pea and pears - her favorite body wash.

Kris cried into my shoulder. It was an ugly, gut-wrenching cry that hurt my heart.
"We thought you were dead, you
looked
dead," she sobbed.

So. They
did
leave me behind. Suddenly my mouth was parched, sucked entirely dry of moisture.
It took two attempts to unstick my tongue from the roof of my mouth. "I'm fine. Look,"
I gently tilted her chin up with one finger, "I'm fine. Are you guys okay?"