Lost and Found (10 page)

The room was pitch-black when I opened my eyes and scanned the space around me. For
a moment, I had forgotten how I ended up on the bed in only a towel. My hair was splayed
out around my arms, the waves tangled and wild. Connor wasn't in the bed with me.

After dressing in a loose fitting pale pink top with aquamarine stripes and a pair
of cut-off jean shorts, I attempted to calm my untamed hair by running my fingers
through it but gave up and twisted the whole mess into a low bun. I knew standing
in the dark hallway that Kris wasn't in bed either. The door was open and her room
was just as dark as mine had been before I flipped the pear-shaped table lamp on that
sat atop my dresser. The face in the mirror was worn down. Over the weeks, the sun
had given me a healthy glow; richly tanned and freckled but my eyes looked tired.

With my hand on the banister, I stood at the top of the stairs, listening for sounds
of life from the first floor of the cabin. No one was talking, nothing was moving
around; it was dead calm. Downstairs I found the rooms just as dark as upstairs had
been, the only difference being that the porch light was on.

"Where'd everyone go?"

I whistled once - a long and low whistle that I used to call Zoey to me when we were
out hiking and she got too far ahead on the trail. She didn't respond, so I knew she
wasn't inside the cabin, or anywhere nearby for that matter.

After digging my slip-on canvas shoes out of the entry way closet, I opened the front
door and stepped out onto the porch, breathing the evening in greedily. I hadn't realized
how stuffy the cabin was until standing outside in the crisp air. It was the first
time in weeks that I wasn't stuck to my clothes with sweat. The weather was changing
- finally. Fall was just around the corner, teasing us with the sporadic weather changes
and the hope that the heat would soon ebb away.

It was time.

I went to each cabin, knocking on the doors and peering inside to see if anyone was
home. Not even Ana seemed to be lounging indoors - which was odd for her. She never
ventured out into the evenings unless it was to come over to our cabin with Jacks.
Once the drama queen, with a knack for demanding the spotlight, she had become quite
the mountain hermit.

Where the hell did everyone go?

A sound at the top of the trail caught my attention and I jogged toward it, cursing
myself for not bringing a flashlight. I heard it again; muffled conversation, coming
from somewhere ahead of me. I continued jogging, noticing that the ache in my joints
was almost gone from my spill off the motorcycle. The new skin along the side of my
jaw was shiny, taut, and bright pink, but Winchester had taken great care to keep
the scarring at a minimum and I was certain his efforts would work.

I stopped halfway up the trail, straining to hear the voices in the distance. Standing
alone in the dark, I could hear the smaller creatures of the forest moving through
the trees. Larger birds flapping their wings in the sky and the crunch of dried leaves
as something that was most definitely larger than a rabbit paced behind the trees.
It was
that
sound that got me running again and seconds later, a moving light filtered through
the tree line in front of me. I didn't recognize it right away, not until I reached
the head of the trail and saw the raging bonfire. Everyone from the group was sitting
in a circle around the makeshift bonfire pit we built a few months before. The bouncing
light was from the flames that shot up two feet into the air, throwing eerie shadows
all over the lodge lawn and into the trees. The wind was blowing east, taking the
scent away from me, which is why I hadn't smelled the fire immediately.

The low pine branches reached out toward me as I walked by, moving quickly off the
dirt trail and onto the pebbled one. It was only a trick of light but I flinched anyway
as the limbs jumped and bent and moved around like they were alive; as if they wanted
to snatch me and run off somewhere deep into the woods.

"Hey!" Connor shouted my way, waving for me to join them.

"Hi." I smiled as I crossed the grass and sat down on the blanket that Connor and
Kris had laid out for Zoey. She met me with a series of sniffs and tail wags, eager
to have my attention as I sat next to her and rubbed her belly. She had been spending
so much time with Kris that I missed her.

The horses stood nearby, secured to their fence post, pushing their muzzles through
a small pile of hay. I smiled at their improved appearance; Kris was taking excellent
care of the creatures. Other than their long and stringy manes, the horses looked
healthy. They had even put on weight since we found them. The fire shadows crawled
across their backsides, making it appear as if the two were swinging their rumps around
to some unheard beat and the visual of them dancing made me giggle out loud.

Skip and Winchester were going back and forth, telling a story about their construction
of the new greenhouse earlier in the year. Though the story was a funny one, I had
heard it enough to have it memorized. I tuned the conversation out but kept a smile
plastered to my face and just watched them. We had become quite the family over the
last year. Most of us were scarred by then…emotionally and physically. I fingered
my jawline, feeling the thin layer of new skin beneath my fingertip and glanced over
at Kris. From the angle where I sat, I couldn't see the scars on her throat, but I
knew they were there. At least mine weren't inflicted by another person - not directly,
at least. She had to look at them every day, knowing that someone put them there.
Sometimes I thought she was the strongest of all of us.

"What's going on in that mind of yours," Connor breathed into my ear.

I smiled silently with my face up for a kiss. After our lips parted, we pulled away
from each other aware that the conversation had ended since everyone else sitting
around the ring of fire had quieted down.

Skip laughed before taking a swig of something from a can, "I would say for you two
to get a room but hasn't stopped you before."

Connor's eyes widened and he tossed an empty can at the older man. Beer, they were
drinking beer. "You're just jealous, old man!" Connor shouted playfully over the popping
of the fire. After the group had settled down from a series of chuckles, Ana pointed
behind me to where the charred remains of the main lodge house stood.

"It feels different - doesn't it?" she asked quietly. None of us were sure who she
was asking exactly but since she had pointed just over my shoulder, I was the one
that eventually answered her.

"Do you mean the lodge?" I asked. The long and thick pleat of her hair shifted on
her shoulder as she nodded. "What do you mean?"

"It's just…don’t you feel it?" Her voice was quiet, barely audible over the roar of
the bonfire.

Winchester smiled as he gazed over my shoulder. "Yeah, I do. Like the heaviness is
gone."

"Exactly. That’s what I mean. Like…like whatever was trapped there is gone now." Ana
smiled shyly and shifted on her blanket, stretching her curvy legs out before her.
Jacks brushed his knuckles up against her bare arm and then her pregnant belly and
she smiled at him. It was a brief, loving exchange that the rest of us weren't privy
to seeing on a regular basis.

I felt Connor squirm beside me and glanced over to see that his expression was unreadable.
I wasn't sure if he was upset or tired. "What is it?" I whispered.

He shrugged, letting out a heavy sigh. "It might feel better up here but not in the
cabin, that's for sure." He gulped down several swallows of his beer and tossed the
can into the fire, causing the flames to sizzle around the metal.

"What do you mean?" Skip asked him.

Connor and I exchanged weary looks before his eyes flicked over to Kris, who sat quiet
and motionless with her knees pulled up and her arms wrapped tightly around them.
"I think it's getting worse," he said.

I didn't look at him. I could tell by Connor's voice that he wasn't thrilled to talk
about the dreams we had been having or the dark shadows that hovered in the corners
of our bedroom in the middle of the night. But as I looked from one person to the
next, it was obvious that only Kris and I understood what he had implied.

"Haven't you seen him?" I asked the group.

Jacks raised an eyebrow and Winchester leaned forward, placing his slender elbows
onto his knees. The slight movement made his camping chair squeak. "Who?" he asked
slowly.

"Fin."

Ana inhaled sharply and Skip's mouth dropped open but Winchester simply held my gaze,
his expression not changing one bit. "Just you, or are all of you seeing…Fin?"

I rolled my eyes and sighed dramatically. "I'm not losing my mind."

"You just took a hard fall, banged your head, remember?" He stood from his chair to
drop his beer can into the fire. The flames licked hungrily at the can and spit with
fury at the remnants of alcohol.

"It's not her head, Win," Connor grumbled. "And it's not just her…Kris and I have
seen him too," he said.

"What?" I looked at Kris, still with her arms wrapped tightly around her legs. "For
how long?" Instead of answering me, she tucked her face down between her knees, hiding
like a young child.

"She's been having nightmares," Connor said flatly.

"Haven't we all?" Jacks grumbled. He stuck the toe of his boot into the fire and kicked
at a log until it rolled over and embers burst into the air. The crackling sound made
us all jump.

"Not just dreams. Riley and I have seen him in the cabin," Connor said.

"And in the woods," I added quietly.

"Well, shit. Here I was thinking that the fire sort of cleansed this place and now
you tell me that ain't true at all?" Skip asked.

"I think he wants something from me," I said. Everyone turned to look at me, including
Connor. His eyes locked with mine and when he spoke, his words dripped with irritation
and concern.

"And what's
that
?"

"I don't know what he wants exactly, but there's only one thing I can think of to
make him go away." I paused and looked away from Connor. I stared hard at the fire
until the heat made my eyes water. "I have to leave this place."

***

With everyone talking at once, it was impossible for Connor to hear Riley's voice
over the others but it was obvious her mind was made up. Nothing anyone else said
made her resolve change. It was time to go to L.A. and she wanted to leave…tomorrow.
It was the last thing she said before she pushed up off the ground and walked away
from the rest of us. Back to the cabin, she said, to finish packing. She and Kris
had their small bags of clothing and supplies ready days ago, but the food was still
stacked on the counters, waiting to be shoved into the saddlebags and packs that we
were supposed to carry. It was all the two of them had talked about over the last
week. Horses. Trails. Los Angeles. He was already tired from the journey and they
hadn't even started it yet.

This was really happening. She was really leaving. It was a fool's errand and she
knew it, but her eyes lit with passion and guilty determination when she spoke of
her desire to find Mariah. Connor watched her figure disappear onto the forest trail
and knew it wasn't Mariah she was doing this for. It was her amends for putting a
bullet into her brother's skull.

Even though it was in self-defense, she had killed a man. She quite literally had
blood on her hands. Her conscious wasn't built for murder. He hoped letting her act
out her fantasy of locating the missing Mariah would give her the peace she so desperately
sought.

Doubtful, he thought. Survival was a basic instinct for all of them. But finding peace…would
any of them ever feel that again?

The tandem saddle creaked softly beneath our weight as Kris shifted behind me and
Foxy lifted each of her front feet and stretched her long neck out. With a flick of
her ears, her telltale sign that she was ready, I tightened my grip on the rope that
served as her harness and backed away from the fence post.

Connor sat upon Sunny with a resigned look on his face. The gentle early morning breeze
lifted his hair off the back of his neck, threatening to blow off the cowboy hat he
wore as a joke. As soon as he mounted the straw-colored mare, I had a hard time taking
my eyes off of him. We all wore jeans but his were a faded washed-out color that went
perfectly with the pale blue of his eyes. The long-sleeve Henley shirt he wore was
rolled up to his elbows, showing off the chiseled shape of his tanned forearms and
a small tuft of dark and silky chest hair that peeked out above the top button. I
knew the hair was silky since I helped lather him down in the shower earlier that
morning. I replayed the events of our frantic lovemaking under the warm water spray
and a smile stretched out my mouth.
Those strong hands. Those long fingers - damn, what he could do with them.

"Riley?"

I was snapped back from my wet daydream as Winchester placed his slender hand lightly
on top of my left knee. After clearing my throat, I pulled the brim of my hat down
to hide the blush that spread across my cheeks.

"Sorry, Win," I said with a nervous smile, as if he could read my very thoughts.

"Riley, just one thing - be safe. Don't try to be a hero and do something stupid,
okay? We need you…
all
of you to come back." My smile faltered a bit when I saw the tears building up in
his eyes. The summer sun had streaked parts of his brown hair a natural blonde and
if it weren't for his OCD compulsion to stay constantly clean and groomed, he could
almost pass for a beach bum.
Almost.

"Win, I'll be fine. We all will. Hopefully we'll be back soon with Mariah, or at the
very least…with answers."

Kris put a petite hand on top of her matching cowboy hat and leaned over to give Win
a quick kiss on the cheek, followed by a little wave to the others. We already said
our goodbyes, but they followed us up to the horses anyway, even Ana as pregnant as
she was. Before I had mounted Foxy, she wrapped a string of blue and brown braids
around my wrist and tied them in a knot. A single charm hung from the roped bracelet
- a small silver heart. "Make sure you find your way home," she said quietly.

Goodbyes have never really been my thing, so I nudged Foxy with my heels and pulled
on the bone-white harness rope until she turned to our right - away from the group.
With a final wave and smile, we left them behind with the knowledge that it was possible
and maybe even likely, that we would never see their smiling faces again.

As if Mother Nature herself approved of our departure, the wind came in from the west
and pushed against our backs, urging us east toward the highway. I looked back only
once to send a final wave at the small huddled group of people that had become my
family. But more importantly, to send what I hoped was a silent and final goodbye
to Fin.

After the lodge was out of view and the highway was laid out before us, something
a rusty red color stood behind a crooked pine tree. It didn't move as the horses clopped
down the drive and even though we were a good fifty feet away, I saw that it was a
tall and lanky fox. With his head hung low, his snout seemed impossibly long. It was
half-starved with an expression of longing that I knew all too well. It occurred to
me then, that what we heard screeching in the woods was probably the lone and desperate
pleas of that very creature.

***

The sun beat directly down onto the ground, with not even one cloud between the earth
and the solar rays to give us a reprieve. By late morning, we had stripped out of
our layers and down to our undershirts. The cowboy hats that Connor had given us kept
the sun off our faces and necks but I was constantly swiping at my brow to keep the
sweat out of my eyes. We followed the highway north until we reached Julian, where
we stopped and raided a general store for buckets and water for the horses. When they
had their fill, we turned west and followed the winding highway toward Ramona, walking
the horses on the soft shoulder where possible. Mile long chunks of Highway 78 were
empty of all vehicles but then there would be random clusters of stalled cars and
trucks clogging up the road. The horses were able to maneuver around the metal clusters
easily and I took every opportunity for the first half of the day to remind Connor
about how sensible it was, bringing the horses instead of riding motorcycles.

Sometimes we would talk about the scenery - the rolling hills covered with trees that
would open up to flat expanses of over grown land that had all but eaten up a random
house or two. Or we would talk about how warm it was and joke about how much sunscreen
we would end up using by days end. But mostly we were quiet, nervous as we traveled
through parts of town we weren't familiar with. We rode for hours through countryside
that was unnaturally still and quiet. And then there was the butterfly.

As we approached a tight bend in the narrow highway, I marveled at the oak trees that
crowded the shoulder of the road; they outlasted most of humanity and the reality
that the three of us were truly alone hit me like a punch to the gut. As my breath
shuddered in and out, movement to my right caught my attention just as tears were
beginning to sting my eyes. A Monarch butterfly fluttered past my head and landed
on the strap of my tank top. He sat there perched atop my shoulder, his delicate orange
and brown wings moving slowly against the tame breeze of mid-day. When the golden
sunshine hit his body just right, he shimmered as if dipped in fairy dust.

After a full minute passed, I felt Kris squeeze my waist. She spoke softly into my
right ear, "Oh my God, did you know there's a butterfly on your shoulder?"

I tried to keep my body as still as possible while I laughed, despite the steady jarring
from the horse. For the past hour, Kris had her ear buds in. I almost thought she
had fallen asleep behind me listening to her music.

"It's been there for a bit now, just hanging out I guess," I said. I drew a deep breath
in to steady my nerves and calm the sob that so desperately wanted to escape and concentrated
instead on the magnificent insect that hitched a ride.

"It's so beautiful,"
Kris whispered. She waved her hand at Connor, gesturing for him to ride up beside
us and when he was parallel with Foxy, Kris pointed at my shoulder.

"So, you have a freeloader, huh?" His laugh echoed down the empty road and bounced
off the passing oaks. The sound was throaty and honest. I took in the sight of him
sitting on top of the mare, comfortable in the saddle with the reins loosely held
in one hand, his other resting on the saddle horn. He looked as if he the two of them
trotted off a movie poster.

"You look like a natural," I said with a smile.

"Tell that to my
ass
later," he grunted.

For the next hour or so, the Monarch rested on my shoulder, and not until we were
out in the open again with only empty fields on either side of us did it take flight
into the wind. He was migrating too, south into Mexico where his kind would be waiting
for him. All three of us watched as the tiny butterfly filled the sky with hope, fluttering
erratically off into the distance with only one thing on its mind - to
live
.

***

Our first night of the trek was spent on the western outskirts of Ramona. We unharnessed
the horses and secured them inside an empty barn off of Horizon View Drive, a road
that forked off San Pasqual Valley. We were elevated with a view, which meant we would
hear or see any traffic moving on the highway. The evening air was warm enough to
set our modest camp up outside, but Kris ended up sleeping in the barn with the horses.

"To keep them company," she had said.

The first night wasn't full of conversation, like I imagined it would have been. Going
through the town of Ramona had unnerved all of us, including the horses. The normally
calm Sunny nearly bucked Connor off twice as we passed through the various car wrecks
and cluttered intersections. Death still loitered in the air there - it was a smell
that lingered in our memories, just as much as it did the bodies of the dead. And
they were all over the streets. Some hung from blasted out windows of houses, some
lay decomposed on front lawns and others were trapped inside their cars - burned to
a crisp. The military had not been kind to the town of Ramona. And that feeling of
being watched was all over; it came from every corner and every window. We may have
been the only living things passing through, but we were
not
alone.

Connor made a small campfire and we sat around it while he heated up a can of beans.
Kris had made cornbread before we left and it was supposed to last us at least two
meals. The bread was gone before the beans were.

Less than two hours after dark, Kris waddled off into the barn and Connor and I set
our sleeping bags next to each other in the softest patch of grass we could find.
Under normal circumstances, the star-filled night and open air would have been romantic
but we were tired and sore from the day's ride. Not to mention wary of every sound
and shift in the shadows.

Connor's voice, heavy with exhaustion and his Irish accent, spoke softly beside me,
"You do realize from this point on, we will be walking through towns. We aren't in
the solitude or safety of the mountains anymore. We won't be alone. At least, not
totally."

I didn't look at him but nodded and said just as quietly, "I know."

"Alright then," he said with a sigh. I felt him roll over onto his side and shortly
after that, his fingers ran along my braid and lingered on the ends of my hair. "We
should get some sleep and start off first thing in the morning."

"Okay."

"I like this place, you know? That old barn and this view. It's like a picture. I
could live somewhere like this."

"Yeah?"

"Good night, Riley" he whispered, leaning down to kiss my lips.

"Night," I sighed against his mouth and felt him pull away, stretching out along the
top of his sleeping bag. Neither of us said it, but we knew it would be a long and
restless night.

***

Just an hour or so before dawn, Kris emerged from her slumber, a shadowy figure against
the dark red paint of the barn. I listened to her shuffle slowly toward the cold campfire
and heard the subtle clink of metal against metal. I turned my head to the side to
watch her work. Within a few minutes, the aroma of coffee grounds permeated the air
and caused an involuntary groan to escape my mouth. Kris's shadow jumped in the darkness
as I pushed myself up into a sitting position. My back and hips were sore from the
hard ground and my neck was painfully stiff.

"Uhg…thirty-something year olds should not be sleeping on the ground," I complained.

She chuckled and tossed a small package at me. It landed in my lap and I fingered
the plastic-wrapped rectangle. It was a granola bar - our main source of breakfast
for the next week.

"Thanks, but I think I'll take coffee first," I muttered as I crawled toward the small
pit. We had it lit within five minutes, and Kris set the small coffee percolator on
top of the foldable rack that Connor had perched above the firewood the night before.
Everything we brought was compact and light, except for the food.

With steaming coffee in our hands, Kris and I whispered over our small tin cups about
the day.
How far were we going? What roads were we taking? What was the weather going to be
like? Where would we stop to water the horses?
We were discussing who was going to navigate the map for the day when Connor's sleepy
voice startled us.

"Mornin' ladies…did ya save some for me?" He was sitting upright, stretching much
like I had when I woke. Looking just as stiff and haggard as I felt.

"Of course, Kris made you a cup." I stood and took the few steps to his bed, handing
him his coffee with a wink. Bright streaks of purples and oranges were stretching
out along the sky toward us from the east like skeletal fingers. Dawn had arrived.

"How'd you sleep?" I squatted down beside him.

"I feel like someone took a bat to my balls." He winced, sipping the hot liquid too
quickly.

I laughed out loud, enjoying the sound of my voice as it boomed outward into the open
space around us. "You should have gone with us on more trail rides before we left,"
I said, still giggling.

"Damn…I could really use a giant bag of ice to sit on right now."

"Don't be a baby," I teased, ruffling his already mussed up hair with my hand, "Come
sit by the fire and warm up. We were just planning out the day."

Connor smacked at my backside as I walked away, making me yelp. The sharp sound was
followed by a whinny from the horses. It was the first time we heard them since Kris
had left the barn.