Long Time Coming (24 page)

F
rank Thomas called as Deidre was getting the kids ready to go visit their mother."Are you coming to work today?" he asked snidely.

"No, the kids are out for winter break, so I gave my staff the day off."

"I didn't okay any day off for you or your staff."

"No, sir, you didn't. But I have family obligations that I have to take care of today, and there was no need for my staff to come in if I wasn't going to be there."

"And when do you plan to get the reports together that I need?"

Sighing deeply, Deidre said, "I'll come in on weekends if I have to, Dr. Thomas. You'll have your reports, but I can't come into the office today."

"You know what I think?" Frank Thomas asked.

"No, I don't."
But I'm sure you'll tell me.

"I think you don't want to write that report on Shameka Nickels. It's going to be hard to explain how you called Children's Services on a woman who filed a complaint against you."

"Are you kidding me? I did my job. That woman broke her son's arm. She deserves whatever she gets."

"Well, let me tell you this, Mrs. Morris. You have missed quite a bit of work here lately. You are not setting a good example for your teachers or your office staff. I'm getting complaints every time I turn around about your behavior. So if you don't get yourself in to work today, I'm going to write you up."

Deidre had worked for numerous school systems and had held different positions, but she had always received glowing reviews and had never been written up for anything. Six months earlier, a threat like that would have caused Deidre to drop everything she had planned and hightail it back to work so she could continue to make a good impression. But life wasn't just about her and Johnson anymore. She had to think about Jamal, Diamond, and Kennedy. So she said, "Do what you have to do, Dr. Thomas. I'm going to spend the day with my family like I planned."

She hung up the phone and finished getting the kids ready to go to hospice. The doorbell rang and Deidre wanted to scream. She told the kids, "Grab your coats," as she opened the door. Dwayne Smalls, Kenisha's father, stood on her porch. Deidre was so relieved that this man had finally come to see his daughter. He was almost too late."Kenisha's not here. She's at hospice. But we're on our way to visit with her. You can follow me if you'd like."

"I know she's not here. Martha came to my restaurant begging me for the money to bury her. But I'm not giving that woman another dime to go buy a beer with."

"But I thought you told me that you would pay for the funeral," Deidre said, looking dumbfounded by the callousness of this man.

He lifted the envelope that was in his hand."Here's the money I promised. You should be able to give her a decent burial with that. I don't want anybody saying people had to go door-to-door begging for money to bury my daughter."

Deidre took the check, but she wasn't going to let this man off the hook that easily."It would mean a lot to Kenisha if you would go see her."

"I told you before, I can't do that. Just call and let me know when and where the funeral will be. My number is in the envelope also." With that, he turned and walked away.

Deidre was burning up. She had never had a violent streak, but she wanted to attack this heartless man. She wanted to jump on his back and beat some sense into his head. She was still seething when she walked into Kenisha's room, so she sat down and began reading forgiveness scriptures while the kids talked to Kenisha.

When the kids sat down and started watching television, Kenisha turned to Deidre and said, "This man came to my room last night and read to me out of the book of Revelation."

Deidre was excited, but she tried not to let it show. She just hoped and prayed that God was answering her prayer and that Kenisha would come to know Him before she died."Why'd he read out of Revelation?"

"We were talking about heaven and whether it really existed or not. So he wanted to prove to me that this dude named John had seen heaven and wrote about it in the Bible."

"So did he convince you of anything?" Deidre asked slowly.

"The Bible reading was all right. I didn't have anything else to do. But I still have my doubts." Kenisha pointed at Deidre's Bible."What are you reading?"

Deidre feared that if she admitted to being angry and needing to forgive, Kenisha might think badly of her and then she wouldn't be willing to listen to anything else Deidre had to say. But then again, Deidre didn't want to lie, so she said, "I've been looking up some scriptures on forgiving."

Laughing, Kenisha said, "What happened? Did Johnson make you mad or something?"

"Johnson always makes me mad," Deidre said jokingly.

"Well, let me hear some of what you're reading. Maybe it will help me forgive a few people." Kenisha propped herself up in bed and prepared herself for another Bible study.

"Well, I've read through several, but the one that really stuck out for me today was in Matthew when Jesus is talking about prayer. The scriptures that helped me see things the way God would see them, concerning forgiveness, were in Matthew, chapter 6, verses 9-15.

"After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

"And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

Kenisha's eyes were closed as Deidre finished reading. Deidre thought she had fallen asleep, so she closed her Bible and stood up to go to the restroom.

When Deidre sat back down, Kenisha said, "Do you think that's how it really works?"

"What?" Deidre asked, not sure if Kenisha was talking in her sleep or not, since her eyes were still closed.

"Do you really have to forgive others in order for God to forgive you?"

"I think you do. That's why I was reading those scriptures, to remind myself that I don't have a right to hold unforgiveness against anyone. Not when God has forgiven me for everything I've ever done wrong."

Deidre waited for Kenisha to respond, but when Kenisha started snoring, Deidre knew for sure that she was asleep this time. That's when the doubts came pouring in. Had she picked the right scripture to read? Had she answered her question right? Why hadn't she told Kenisha about salvation? Instead of dealing with her little forgiveness issue, she could just as easily have turned her Bible to John 3:16-17. But she had allowed Kenisha's father to get under her skin and make her lose focus. Deidre just hoped that God would give her a little more time. She lifted her head heavenward and silently prayed, "Please, Lord, don't let her die without confessing You as her savior."

"Why is she sleeping so much?" Diamond asked as she came back over to Kenisha's bed.

"She's tired, honey. But don't worry, we're going to stay here all day. So, when she's awake, you'll be able to talk to her. Okay?"

"Okay, but she sure is tired an awful lot."

Deidre lifted Diamond into her lap. She gave the little girl a hug. She planned to give her lots of hugs in the weeks, months, and years ahead."Do you remember when your mom told you about her illness?"

Diamond nodded.

"Well, this is just part of the sickness. It makes her so tired that she has to sleep. But while she's sleeping, she's not in any pain. And that's good news, right?"

"Right," Diamond said and then jumped off Deidre's lap and danced back over to her brother and sister to draw some more Christmas pictures to tape to Kenisha's walls.

That's when Deidre thought about how she could bribe Kenisha to stay with them a little longer. She went over to the table and sat down with the kids and asked, "Hey, how would you guys like to bring the Christmas tree here?"

"What about the presents?" Jamal asked.

"Yes, of course, we'll bring the presents also. We can go to church on Christmas Eve, and then come here and spend the night. When we wake up on Christmas morning, you'll be able to open your presents with your mom. How about it?"

Diamond and Jamal jumped out of their seats and yelled, "Yes!"

A second later, Kennedy jumped up and mimicked her brother and sister, "Yes!"

Deidre walked back over to Kenisha's bed and whispered in her ear, "Did you hear that, Kenisha? We're going to spend Christmas with you. And I know you don't like to disappoint your kids, so you have to stay with us another week."

They put the tree up in her room, brought the presents, and then Deidre told her that she couldn't die until she had celebrated Christmas with her family. A tall order, since she was so weak all she could think about was closing her eyes and never opening them again. But her kids expected her to watch them open their presents on Christmas morning. So Kenisha was in a bargaining mood. She turned her face heavenward and did something she hadn't done in a long time—prayed."I haven't talked to you in a long time. As I grew up, I started to think of You as this big, important being in the sky who didn't care what happened to the little people on earth. But Deidre keeps telling me that you do care. So I'm going to try You one last time. I'm not even going to ask You for my life, I know I'm dying . . . I can feel death closing in on me. But if you allow me to live to celebrate Christmas with my children, then I will give my life to You."

Kenisha knew that she wasn't really offering God a whole lot, seeing as she was dying and wouldn't be able to do much for Him on earth. But they had been keeping her drugged up, so she couldn't feel much of the pain. The drugs made her want to sleep, and during her sleep time, she'd been dreaming about heaven—streets of gold, angels bowing while people sang beautiful music. The place seemed so peaceful that Kenisha had actually decided to give heaven a second thought. But she couldn't go one more place without knowing for sure she was going to be cared for. So if God wanted her in heaven, He would have to prove it.

"Oh, and one more thing." Kenisha wasn't familiar with the proper protocol of praying. She just knew she had some things she wanted to talk to God about, so she was just going to say what was on her mind."Could you answer one of Deidre's prayers, finally? I mean, come on, that woman really believes in You."

She turned over and went back to sleep. And as she began drifting, she realized that she was now going into an area that was very much the un-heaven.
Where am I going?
she wondered as she began to feel a strong gush of wind sweep in and knock her off her feet. She began swirling around and around this valley of dead people.
Oh my God,
she thought.
I am literally seeing dead people.

She wanted to scream, but as she continued to swirl around and around, leeches began attaching themselves to her body. They covered every part of her as well as her mouth. Every time she reached up and pulled one off her mouth, another attached itself to her mouth so that she couldn't make a sound.

For some reason she was no longer just swirling around and around, but she was swirling and descending, swirling and descending. When her feet finally touched the ground, they landed on something sticky. Somehow Kenisha knew that she was standing on the blood of all those dead people she had seen while swirling her way into wherever she was. This was certainly not the heaven she had been dreaming about the past few days. This place felt hollow. Dreadful. Evil. Maybe she needed to rethink her whole strategy. Kenisha had thought that she would be doing God a favor if she forgave Him for His absentee Godship in her life. She had also thought that God would appreciate her being willing to live in heaven, but everything in her being told her that the place she was now standing in was the alternative. She would take that sweet, peaceful place she had been in over this horror show any day of the week.

"You belong here with me, Kenisha. You've been mine all your life. Don't change things now."

"Who said that?" Kenisha demanded. She hadn't belonged to anybody. Nobody had ever wanted her, not even God.

"Yes, that's right, Kenisha. You just keep remembering that God didn't do anything for you. Not when you were a kid, not when you had your own kids and the fathers left you one by one, and not when you got sick."

Whoever this person was who was whispering in her ear, he seemed to know a lot about her discontent. And he was right. She had been angry with God for a long time. Could she just let that anger go, even though God had never done a single thing for her?

"Don't let it go, Kenisha. You have a right to be angry with God.
Just hold onto that anger a little longer and then you will be all mine. Stay here with me, and I will show you all. I'll show you things you've never even imagined."

"No!" Kenisha screamed. Something about this didn't seem right. She didn't want to belong to this man, whoever he was. She started flailing her arms to get the leeches off so she could get out of this place. She didn't want to be here; she wanted the whirlwind to pick her back up and swirl her out of this sticky, hollow, dark place. But the wind wouldn't come, so she just kept fighting her way out.