Lonesome Beds and Bumpy Roads (Beds #3) (2 page)

I don’t know what time it is, and I don’t really care. What I do know is I can’t stay here. Grams will have us both in chastity belts, and honestly, that would be a travesty. But I don’t want to go home either. The minute I walk through the door, I’ll have to face reality and I’m not ready. Not yet.

Maybe not ever.

Ryan hugs me closer, and I snuggle into his sandalwood-scented chest. I relish in the familiar comfort and hold on a little tighter.

He brushes my hair back and kisses my forehead. “You want to talk about it?”

I look down at my yellow nails, wishing I could go back to when I was painting them. Back before my deadbeat dad showed up on my doorstep. Do I want to talk about it? No. I want to pretend it never happened. That it was just another one of my nightmares. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a nightmare, and there’s no waking up. The only thing that makes it a little easier is knowing that, just like my nightmares, Ryan will be there when I need him most.

I force a smile. “Talking is so overrated,” I say and press my lips to his neck, dragging my tongue along the soft, smooth skin, then nibble his earlobe.

He runs his hands over my cheeks and pulls me back gently. “Evil wench,” he hisses through his teeth. “I know what you’re doing…”

“You need to stop talking,” I say and go to kiss him, but he shifts away from me. He locks my wrists together as if it pains him to stop my super addictive advances. He had the same look on his face when we got dressed. I convinced him to lie back down with me at least.

“No,” he says. “You need to
start
talking.”

“What is there to talk about? My dad is back. Whatever.” I go to brush off the whole situation when Ryan’s door swings open and Kaylee bounces in, her hand over her eyes as she tries to navigate the room blindly. 

She bumps into his dresser and knocks a box of condoms to the floor. “Whoops,” she squeals. “Is the coast clear?”

“Open your eyes,” I say.

Her hand falls from her lids and she picks up the dropped box and sets it back on the dresser. “Oh, those are good ones,” she says, making Ryan’s ears go up in smoke. I hold back an amused grin, and Kaylee flips her braid over her shoulder. Her big cartoon like green eyes are full of concern, and I don’t even need to ask a single question. I already know.

I turn to Ryan and swat his chest a little harder than I mean to.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“You have a big mouth.”

He rubs at his chest. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Try again, Barney.” I twirl my finger at his purple face.

He tucks my hair behind my ear and rests his palm against my cheek. His beautiful brown eyes gaze into mine, and darn it, I can see the truth. He didn’t do it because he has a big mouth. He did it because he cares. Because more than anyone, he gets me. Even if I don’t say a single word, he knows exactly what I’m feeling and what I’m thinking. He knows the last place I want to be is home.

“I wish you could stay here with me, but I like my manhood intact.”

“She likes it too,” Kaylee says and my cheeks turn into an inferno, but when she and Ryan laugh I can’t help but laugh too. “Besides that, big mouths don’t exist when it comes to besties. We tell each other everything. And if you thought for even one minute you weren’t going to tell me about this, well then we would have had some major—”

I hold my hand up and cut off her tirade. “I was going to tell you.” Kaylee’s hands land on her hips, and she juts her left side out, head tilted down with her eyebrow raised. “Okay fine. I might not have planned to tell you anytime
soon
, but I was going to tell you.”

“Have you not learned anything from Ryan’s moment of stupidity?”

“Hey!” Ryan exclaims, but Kaylee raises her eyebrow to new heights. “Yeah okay it was stupid.”

“Secrets don’t work with us,” Kaylee says. “They always come out and people get hurt. I for one never want that to happen again. Now get that cute little butt of yours off the bed and get your stuff. We have a girls night planned.”

“We do?” I ask a little less than thrilled.

“There will be none of that Miss Alexis Boggs. You are going to come with me and we are going to drink hot chocolate while drooling over Ryan Gosling’s chest in Crazy Stupid Love and you are going to like it.”

“Any chance of a pillow fight?” Ryan asks and I give him another love tap.

“No. So I don’t want to find you and Nate outside my bedroom window trying to get a glimpse,” Kaylee says with a giggle as she grabs my purse from the floor.

Brett appears in the doorway and hitches his thumb over his shoulder. “Hate to break up the party, but Grams and Pop-pop just pulled into the driveway.”

Kaylee wraps her hand around my wrist and yanks me off the bed. I want to know where she stores all that superhuman strength in that tiny frame of hers. Maybe that’s why her boobs are so big. They’re storage units!

I giggle to myself and Kaylee doesn’t bat an eyelash. She probably thinks I’m laughing at the situation.

She pushes Brett out the door and lets go of my hand. “You have two seconds, starting now.” She turns on her heel and disappears into the hallway.

Ryan doesn’t waste a single one of those seconds, wrapping his arms around my waist and tugging me tight against him. “You’re not mad at me, right?” he asks against my ear.

“At you? Never.”

“Well that’s a big fat lie.”

I smile. “I could never be mad at you for knowing exactly what I need when I’m too stubborn to admit it.”

“I wish I had a recorder right now. Can I grab my phone and you can repeat that statement?”

I laugh and lean in, pressing my lips to his. “Repeat what?” I say against his mouth.

“Two seconds is up,” Kaylee says from the doorway.

Ryan holds my face on either side and kisses me gently. “Call me if you want to talk. I’ll sleep with my phone.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

***

We escape Ryan’s with no lecture from Grams. I walk out of his bedroom and into the living room right before they stepped through the door. Close call. Kaylee starts asking them a million questions about their date to the movies and by the time we leave we have a care package of brownies and cookies.

“The dresses are in the back,” Kaylee says, pointing to her closet. “Between my Mom’s vintage collection and all the dresses I’ve worn for swing competitions, I’m sure you’ll find something. You are not missing prom over a dress!”.

She sits on the bed with the delicious treats from Grams in front of her and sips a cup of hot chocolate while I give up the good fight and scrounge through her closet. I push the hangers out of the way, getting to the dresses that take up the whole far side. How many dresses does one girl need? Seriously it’s like a bridesmaid convention in here. I take out a red satin number with a heart shaped top and hold it up to myself.

“Love that color for you. Try it on.”

I give Kaylee the evil eye. I’m already looking, and that’s more than I planned for to begin with, but she matches my glare and amps up the intensity. She’s like a loris, all big eyed and adorable, but cross her path and she can be deadly.

“Fine,” I grumble and slip out of my jeans.

“So tell me everything,” Kaylee says, taking another sip from her mug.

“Just like I said to Ryan, there’s nothing to tell. We were out celebrating Mom’s three month sobriety and when we got home he was there.” I pull the dress into place and keep my eyes on the red satin. “I didn’t even know who he was.” My throat burns with a mixture of emotions I can’t quite pinpoint. I want to cry, but I don’t think I’m sad. I want to scream, but I’m not exactly sure I’m angry either.

“He’s changed then?”

“I was seven the last time I saw him. It was over a decade ago, so yeah he changed. He seemed shorter than I remember. But maybe I just got taller? His hair was darker and his skin had more color. He had wrinkles around his eyes. His voice was rougher even though when he spoke you could tell he was trying to be smooth.”

“What did he want?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. I ran out of there before I could find out.”

“Do you
want
to know?”

The muddled up mess of emotions burning in my throat tries to push up to my eyes, but I force them back down. He doesn’t deserve my tears. I don’t trust him. How can I?

A light bulb flashes in my head and I finally realize why I can’t figure out what I’m feeling. It’s because I’m feeling
everything
. Sadness, anger, hurt, panic, remorse, shock…It’s all forming a tight ball in my mind and bouncing around in a confused circle.

Mainly, I’m pissed at myself for allowing this man, who abandoned my mother, who abandoned me and never looked back, to have any effect on me at all.

“For so long I missed him. I held onto this single shred of hope that he would come back and rescue me from the hell I was living in. But he never did and now I know
he
was the reason I was in hell. He left me. For ten years he has never made a single phone call to see if I was okay. He didn’t care. So why do I even care?”

Kaylee jumps up from the bed knocking a brownie to the floor and she yanks me against her. I ignore the fact my cheek is pressed against her boobs. Maybe she can let me borrow some so I can actually fit in this dress.

“Because beneath your tough girl exterior, you have a huge heart, and he might have abandoned you, but he’s still your father. You held on to hope for so long…he just showed up a little too late.”

Kaylee steps back and I give her a reassuring smile. “I’m okay now.”

Her eyebrow rises in doubt, but I don’t let the smile slide away. She puts the menacing eyebrow back in place and focuses on the dress I’m currently holding up since I have no boobs to do so. “Maybe we can take it in?” she says and yanks the material so tight I think the little bit of boobage I have is going to pop and deflate.

She continues to fuss with the dress while I mull over her words. If my dad showed up a year or two ago, would things have been different? Would I have leapt into his arms and held on without a single question? Probably. But I’m not that girl anymore. I’m stronger. Smarter.

He wouldn’t show up without an agenda. I just need to find out what that agenda is before he skips town again.

Being a senior in the month of May is like running a 5K and seeing the finish line, but there’s a giant clear wall in front of your face you gotta climb first. That wall is called finals, and as Mr. Berkins wipes the white board clean and starts writing the schedule for the last test I’ll ever take in Physics. I slump in my seat and stick my hand in my hoodie pocket. My hand wraps around my phone and I give Mr. Berkins another quick glance before swiping a text template I’ve saved that goes directly to Lex with one push.

Me: I love you

Mr. Berkins caps the dry erase marker and turns around. He looks like he got ran over by a truck. His dark hair sticks out in the back, his goatee has fuzzed out in uneven patches along his cheeks, and his button up is half tucked in, half pulled out.

“Feel free to use the rest of the period to study the practice tests at the end of each chapter in your books.” Man… even his voice sounds out of it. He lazily points to the white board with the black marker. “You’ll have 100 multiple choice questions, ten long answer questions, and one essay question on the back. I have three library passes—”

Hands fly into the air, mine included. I can feel Lex’s response buzz in my pocket, and our librarian doesn’t give a rat’s ass if we’re on our phones.

Mr. Berkins lets out a long sigh, then jabs his finger at Elise, Haley, and… Nate.

I scoot up in my desk, trying to use telepathy with my best friend before he leaves. He catches my eye as he reaches down for his backpack.

Hey
, I say with my mind,
Let me have the pass?

Nate and I have known each other long enough that these conversations work, and he hangs his head slightly, hand pausing on his bag before mind-talking back.
You know Kaylee has library study this period.

I nod, then pull my phone out a little so he can see it.
Lex and I need to talk. I’ll owe you big.

He rolls his eyes and turns in his seat. “Mr. Berkins, Ryan can have my pass.”

Our teacher waves me to his desk, and I nod over to Nate to tell him thanks, but he’s already pouring over his textbook and jotting notes. I’ll thank him later.

After grabbing the pink pass, I duck into the hallway and whip my phone out.

Lex: You bored already? Class just started, lol.

At least she seems in a good mood. She’s been acting as if her dad showing up doesn’t bother her. Said something to Kaylee about how he’s not going to pull her happiness out from under her feet like he did before… not sure how Kaylee phrased it, but I know what it’s like to shove away at feelings so you don’t have to deal. And when it explodes, it’s not pretty. So, needless to say, I’m a bit worried about my girlfriend.

I take the turn I need to get to the library doors, and then push my way in as quietly as I can.

Me: Gotta study. Physics final *makes gagging noise* See you after class.

Then I tuck my phone away and search the room for Kaylee. I spot her waving me down, big green eyes wide as the sun as I make my way to her.

“Mr. Berkins gave you a pass. Fate is on our side today,” she says, scooting her chair closer to mine as I sit. One of her long blonde braids tickles the skin on my arm as she maneuvers through her backpack.

“He didn’t at first. Nate gave me his.”

She pauses on the bright red folder she has halfway pulled from her bag. “What did you tell him to make him give it up?”

I wiggle my phone at her. “That Lex and I needed to talk.”

“So you lied.”

“Only a little.”

“Did your face do that grape soda thing?”

“Don’t think so.”

She wraps her hand around my collar and pulls me right up to her nose. Look at that, she has a freckle on her eyelid.

“If they get suspicious and this whole thing goes into the can, I’m blaming you.” She releases my shirt and I grin as I shrug it back into place. “Dang it, Ryan. This is why you’re not allowed to keep secrets.”

“You’re the one who wanted me in on this.”

“
Shh!
” the girl a table over hisses our way. Kaylee mouths a “sorry” then finishes pulling out her folder. Across the top in big, bold, and girlish letters it says
KAYLEE’S TIME OF THE MONTH JOURNAL
.

“Uh…”

“I had to write something they wouldn’t go snooping around in.”

I scratch the back of my neck. I suppose it’s a good strategy, because I don’t even want to know what the hell a period journal is.

“Okay, so my dad and Bernadette are taking Hannah out on the 16
th
, so we can have the house to ourselves. There are rules, and they’ll probably be home before we finish up, but you’re okay with that, right?”

“Yeah.” Honestly, she’s talking so fast I have no idea what I’m agreeing to. All I catch is that her dad, stepmom, and stepsister will be out of the house, so it’ll be up to me to make sure no one brings alcohol.

Kaylee opens the folder, and the first page is an actual journal, so I shoot my eyes away once I read the word “cramps.”

“Kaylee…”

“I asked Brett to come early. I need both of you and your height.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Your job is easy.” She turns the page over in the folder, and tucked in a Ziplock is a couple of blindfolds. She pushes them toward me. “Just in case your face goes purple when you’re lying your butt off all night.”

“Cover their eyes so they don’t catch on?” I snort, grabbing the bag. “Real subtle. They won’t have a clue!”

“
Shh!
” the girl hisses again, and this time I’m mouthing “sorry.”

Kaylee leans in and drops her voice. “This is important, Ryan. It’s our last time to all be together since…”

My stomach sinks looking at the disappointment crossing her expression. “Since I bailed on Vegas.”

She nods, biting her bottom lip slightly. We’d all planned on Vegas as our graduation trip together. Nate’s beyond thrilled. But when we got back from the spring break trip, Pop-pop set me up with a car job that turned into an actual job offer. The owner said I’d have to start this summer, but it comes with decent pay, benefits, and I’d be doing what I’ve always wanted to do. I never wanted to go to college right after high school. That’s Lex’s dream, not mine, even though wherever we end up I want to end up together.

“When are you going to tell Lexie?” she asks, ignoring the folder under her fingertips.

“I was going to this week, but…”

“Her dad.”

“Yeah.”

She sighs, leaning on the heel of her hand and looking up at me with those eyes that make me feel like I’m missing something huge.

“What?” I ask her.

“Let’s think… plan A, or Ryan’s dumb plan I’ll call it, is to not tell his girlfriend about how he’s not going to college with her like she’s been talking about for centuries. Just because her long lost father is back in town. The father who probably lied to her and will lie to her to explain away his crappy actions. The two men in her life and they’re both lying. Hmm.”

I shake my head and pick the edge of the folder. “I don’t want to upset—”

“Or plan B, or Kaylee’s brilliant plan, is to be honest with your girlfriend because she’s not
just
your girlfriend. She’s your best friend, oldest friend, and the love of your life. You tell her as soon as you can, Ryan, or so help me I will lodge this pencil right up your nostril to find out if you have a functioning brain.”

She slaps her hand around her yellow pencil and clenches her fingers in a fist. I laugh and pull her in for a side-hug. “All right, slave driver. I’ll tell her.”

“When?”

“Tonight.”

“No matter what type of crap she has to deal with at home?”

I sigh, and Kaylee jabs the pencil up, tickling the edge of my nostril before I bat it away.

“No matter what.”

“Good.” She wiggles out from under my arm. “Now… let’s plan this surprise party for the birthday boy and girl.”

***

My gut is twisted in a tight knot, and I press against the IROC, my new set of wheels since the Lincoln died, hoping to alleviate the pain. The final bell rang about five minutes ago, and I’m just waiting for Lex to come out so I can give her a ride home. I fold over against the hood. With my luck I’ll probably ralph all over the fresh blue paint job.

I’m going with plan B, because I lectured Lex on keeping things in just the other day. And even though I’m pretty sure she’s gonna be pissed, or sad, or disappointed, I’ve gotta tell her that I’m not going to school right away.

“Ugh,” I moan against the hood. I hope she doesn’t think I’m abandoning her, or breaking up with her, or whatever, because I plan on keeping this up. I’m going to marry her, I know it. If we were five years older I bet I’d have the ring already. There’s no picturing a life without Lex in it. We’re just doing different things after we graduate, that’s all.

Damn this knot in my stomach.

“You look awesome,” Lex teases when she steps up to the car. She sets a hand on my upper back, and the warmth from it makes my mouth sputter off.

“I gotta tell you something.”

“Oh no,” she says, leaning down next to me on the hood. “Are you pregnant? You told me you were on the pill!”

I laugh, straightening up. The knot unwinds slowly as I pull her in, touch the two dimples she gets when she’s smiling for real.

“You might be mad at me.”

“I’ve been mad at you before.”

“I just don’t want to get you upset right before…”

Her smile fades. “I go home?”

I nod. She touches her forehead to mine.

“I can handle it.”

My lips come down on hers and not just for a peck. She opens up to me right away, and I let my tongue dance with hers in our choreographed and practiced rhythm. Her knees bend and knock against my legs as she loses her ability to stand on her own. So I settle a hand on the small of her back and pull her against me. She can use me to stand anytime she wants.

“Wow,” she says when we part, cheeks filled with a sexy blush. “It must be really bad.”

I catch my breath for a second, then just get into it. “You know how I can’t go to Vegas?”

She nods. “It’s too much money. Of all people, I understand that.”

I reach up to scratch the back of my neck, but she stops me, weaving her fingers through mine. Her eyes are deeply narrowed in concern, and I take a mental picture of it.

“Well…” I say, “It’s not
just
the money.”