LivingfortheMoment_F (2 page)

Then he'd paid for Amber and me to vacation for four weeks overseas twice a year until I'd asked her to ask him to stop that as well.

After the sharp, painful grief of losing Don subsided to a dull, manageable ache, I felt almost desperately hopeless, lonely and depressed. Still, I was determined not to fall for Darkwater again. To ensure that didn't happen, I avoided being in his company whenever I could. Since he did the same thing, we hadn't seen each other in well over two years.

Imagine my unease and chagrin when the evening that we were supposed to spend with Amber turned into an awkward twosome. Just after Darkwater and I walked into her lobby to find her waiting, John arrived.

 Then, as I looked on in surprise, in front of everyone in the lobby, John admitted he was in love with Amber. And just like that, an evening I was already dreading seemed destined to turn into a nightmare.

Don't get me wrong, I was delighted that Amber had finally reeled John's big ass in. In fact, I left her lobby at Darkwater's side, feeling great. Then I glanced at him and found him looking at me with a wary look in his dark eyes that could only mean one thing. He was searching for a graceful way to avoid spending the evening alone with me.

After a moment, I was pleased to realize the idea didn't hurt or even sting as much as it once would have. Yes, I still found him as sexy as I ever had, but I was over his big, attractive ass at last. While my lust was still actively engaged, my heart was not. "Can we make a stop on the way back to my place?" I asked.

He nodded and we walked back to his car in silence. He opened the door and waited until I'd slipped inside before walking around to the driver's side.

I watched him. He just oozed sexiness from every pore. Once seated in the car beside me he started the engine but didn't immediately drive away.

His hands on the steering wheel drew my gaze. I've always had a thing for a man's hands. His were big with long fingers. Oh, the days and nights I'd spent fantasizing about having his hands caressing my bare flesh…my breasts…my belly…my pus—

"Hello. Anybody home?"

I suddenly realized he was speaking. Dragging my gaze from his hands, I looked at him. "I'm sorry. My mind wondered."

He nodded. "So I noticed."

"What were you saying?"

"Where do you want to stop?"

"There's a restaurant five blocks from my place."

He frowned. "Why do you want to go there?"

"For dinner," I said.
Duh.

"We have reservations."

I blinked. "What?"

"We have reservations for dinner already," he said. "If you want something to take back for tomorrow, you can order it before we leave."

"Oh. You mean you still want to go out to dinner?"

He arched a brow. "Yes. Why wouldn't I?"

"Well…I thought…"

"Yes? What did you think?"

It was my turn to give him a wary look. "Well, you know."

He nodded slowly. "Actually, I think I do. You thought that I was looking for a way to get out of taking you to dinner?"

Nonplussed at how easily he'd read me, I nodded. "Yes. Aren't you?"

"No." He drove off without another word.

Chapter Two

Sherlyn

Certain Darkwater dreaded the coming hours as much as I did, I tried again to give him an out. "I'd understand if you were," I said.

"Thanks, but since I'm not looking for a way out of spending the evening with you, I won't require your understanding," he said coolly.

I frowned. If he hadn't been looking for a graceful way out of dinner alone with me, why did he sound so annoyed? I wasn't sure but damn if I were going to walk on eggshells with him all night. "Then what exactly is your problem, Darkwater?"

"I'm not aware that I have one, Drake," he replied in a cool voice.

"Trust me. You do have a problem and I have no desire to spend the evening on the receiving end of your attitude."

"What the hell are you talking about? I don't have an attitude."

"Please take me home."

"Take you home?" He pulled the car over, put it in park, and turned to look at me. "What's your problem?"

"I don't have one," I said, annoyed that he was trying to turn the tables on me.

He studied me for several, long silent moments that felt like endless minutes.

My thoughts were chaotic.
What did he think of me? Why had he spent years dating countless women who never remained in his life for more than a few weeks? Why the hell hadn't he ever given me a chance to win his attention?

"What exactly do you want from me, Sherlyn? Tell me. I might be in the mood to give it to you."

I felt my face burn. Clearly, he knew of my past attraction to him. Nevertheless, past was the operative word. "I don't want anything from you," I said coolly. "You're the one who asked Am to ask me to join the two of you for dinner."

"Yes I did. And you agreed."

"Yes I did."

"So?"

"So I agreed, but only after she pushed for me to change my mind after I'd already refused," I pointed out.

"Why did she need to push you to come?"

He sounded surprised. The vain bastard. "Because I am so over my school girl crush on you it might never have happened." Surprisingly, I felt a large measure of relief finally having admitted to him that I had crushed on him. Well, I'd done a lot more than crush on him but that was all I was prepared to admit to; at least to him.

"Really? School girl crush was it?"

I inhaled slowly. "Okay. College girl crush. Satisfied?"

"Not really."

What the hell did that mean? "Too bad. Either way, it's ancient history."

"You're only thirty-one. How can anything with you be termed ancient history?"

Disbelief and amusement filled his voice. Damn him. "It's ancient history," I said firmly. "So don't go flattering yourself into thinking I want to jump your bones!"

He was silent for several minutes before speaking again. "Are you okay?"

The sudden softness in his tone confused me. "Am I okay? What do you mean?"

"I know you were in love with Don."

"Oh, yes," I said, feeling a brief rush of sadness at the renewed knowledge that I would never see him again.

He sighed. "I'm sure it still hurts, but I'm asking if the pain of his death has dissipated so that it's now at least manageable."

The unexpected concern I heard in his voice touched me and reminded me that although he'd only accompanied Amber to visit me once after Don's death, he'd sent those countless roses and spent tens of thousands of dollars on vacations for us. Yes, he could easily afford everything he'd done, but he hadn't had to do it.

I softened towards him. "Sometimes it still hurts, but yes I've learned to deal with it. It's manageable."

"Are you sure?"

Although I still had two pictures of Don in my apartment, I'd long since given up clutching them to my breast and crying myself to sleep. Don wouldn't have wanted me to wallow in grief and I'd done my best to move on. "Yes. Thanks for asking."

"Good. So I'd be flattering myself if I thought you might still be interested in me?"

"Yes, you would."

"Really? I doubt that."

Damn his overabundance of self-confidence. "I don't care what you doubt, Darkwater. It's a fact. I'm over you. Have been for years."

"I'm not in the mood to argue with you so let's get it out of the way and move on with the evening."

I frowned. "Get what out of the way?"

"This."

"What?"

He released his seatbelt, shifted in his seat, and turned to look at me. Suddenly the interior of the car seemed to shrink alarmingly.

Meeting his dark gaze, memories of the first time I'd seen him assailed my senses. At Amber's seventeenth birthday pool party, he'd worn a pair of white swimming trunks that showcased his big, muscular body. Back then, his long, dark brown hair extended past his broad shoulders and cascaded over his big chest. To my sixteen-year-old eyes, he was the most perfect man I'd ever seen—even in the presence of his four brothers. Although most of Am's other friends considered the younger Darkwater brothers far more attractive, I'd only ever had eyes for him.

When he'd turned to smile at me after giving Am her present, I fell into instant teenage lust that later turned into a twelve-year struggle not to fall deeper in love with him each time I saw him. He went out of his way to ensure I didn't see him nearly as much as I would have liked. Oh the pitiful years I spent just living for the times I'd get to see him—no matter how briefly.

No. No. Shake it off. Shake it off now. You are not going back to the days when you loved him and had nothing to show for it but misery and hopelessness.
I tore my gaze from his and stared out the windshield, trying to will him to move back into his own damn space and stop sucking all the oxygen out of the air.

"This," he said softly, turned my face to his and brushed his warm lips against mine.

Although I experienced an immediate jolt of pleasure, I jerked away from him, pressing back against my seat. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm sure we both know what I'm doing but in case you're having some difficulty figuring it out, let me try it again."

I tensed. If he actually kissed me, he might manage to dredge up the feelings that had died when I fell in love with Don.
And you are not going back to that sorry state again.
"No."

"Yes." He brushed his lips against my ear. "This is long overdue between us."

"No," I said again, with even less conviction in my voice.

He's not a man to take no for an answer. "We're overdue for this and my patience is exhausted." Slipping a hand behind my head, he leaned closer and pressed his mouth against mine in a slow, hot kiss.

Oh…God! A knot of heat coiled in my belly. As it quickly rushed through me, I felt the ache of the old yearning for him struggling to return. I wanted to push him away. I returned his kiss instead.

Within seconds, I felt his tongue cajoling my lips apart.

Unable to resist a desire so long denied, I lost myself in the heated kisses and eager caresses that followed. Although I've never been a fan of giving it up too easily, I made no protests when I felt his fingers sliding down from my neck to cup and massage my breasts.

My nipples hardened in response and my stomach muscles clenched. I was in a mental fog. Was this really happening? Or was I lost in another fantasy?

All doubt was removed when, still burning my lips with feverish kisses, he deftly unbuttoned my blouse.

I trembled.

Feeling his big hands touching and caressing my cleavage made my pussy pulse. I'd never had sex in a vehicle with anyone but Don and I wanted to keep it that way. Didn't I?
Stop him. Push him away or you'll find yourself back in the same miserable state you were in before you met Don. Stop him.
Instead of listening to the screaming voice of reason, eager for the ultimate intimacy, I arched into him.

Dragging his lips from mine, he quickly undid my bra and freed my breasts.

I caught my breath and waited.

His warm, insistent lips caressed my neck before he licked a path down to my breasts.

Oh…yes!

After tonguing and kissing each nipple, he sucked the right one between his lips.

Oh, lord that felt good! Cupping my hands over the back of his head, I moaned softly to encourage him to continue his sweet attention.

Transferring his lips to my other breast, he slid his hand down my body and up the hem of my dress. Then…oh hell…I felt his fingers pushing aside my panties.

I shifted to make it easier for him to reach my heated passage.

He stroked and probed the outline of my slit before rubbing his thumb on my clit.

Oh, damn. Oh, damn. He set me on fire. As my pussy flooded and I realized I wanted him to fuck me then and there, I finally came to my senses.

I gasped, dragged my mouth from his, and reached down to push his hand away.

Leaning forward to recapture my lips, he resisted my efforts to dislodge his hand from my panties and actually stroked two fingers deep inside me.

For several gloriously insane moments, I rocked my hips, actually fucking myself on his thrusting fingers.

He pulled my tongue into his mouth, sucked it, and rubbed his thumb against my clit again.

And oh God. I hadn't felt a man's fingers inside me in well over two long, lonely years. To have Darkwater's hand there was beyond sweet. I shuddered and moaned.

He released my tongue and kissed a path to my ear. "That's right, sweet. Come for me. Let yourself go and come for me."

Incapable of doing anything else, I sank my teeth into my bottom lip to keep from crying out and came over his fingers.

He leaned close to kiss my neck. "Feel better?"

I did but I also felt embarrassed by what had just happened and where it had happened. When Don and I had been intimate in his SUV, we'd made love because we were in love. What had just happened with Darkwater had nothing to do with love. I pushed against his shoulders, renewing my efforts to dislodge his still probing fingers from my flooded pussy.

He continued thrusting inside me and rubbing against my clit.

Lord, his fingers were going to be a creamy mess and I would be an emotional wreck if I weren't careful. If he didn't stop, I might come again. "Darkwater! Please. Move your hand."

"Why? I like it just where it's at." He nipped my neck. "You like it there too. Don't you, sweet?"

Like didn't begin to cover the depth of my feelings at that moment. However, we were on a public street, not a dimly lit interstate. This had to stop. I shoved against his shoulders. "Please!"

When he finally removed his fingers, he gave my engorged clit another rubbing from his thumb that nearly made me come again.

"Oooh." I moaned.

Smiling, he sat back in his seat.

I took a deep breath. What the fuck! How dare he treat me like some whore off the street, pawing my pussy when anyone walking past might have seen me moaning and coming like a damned alley cat in heat?