Living a Lie (45 page)

Another thought entered his mind.

“You should have had this month’s despatch sheet through from him and it still hasn’t arrived.” He had not been unduly worried because often they were late, but they always turned up.

“Ring him,” he said aloud.

“Put your mind at rest.” He had something else on his mind, too. He could also ask about Kitty.

He went quickly to the hallway. For some time now he had meant to put a telephone in the lounge, but had never got round to it. Probably because Susan objected.

“It would ruin my television viewing if the phone started ringing right here in the room,” she complained. It didn’t really bother Harry one way or the other so a phone in the lounge had slid to the bottom of his list of priorities.

Consulting the directory, he dialled Jack’s home number, pen at the ready to take down details of any new jobs coming his way.

The phone seemed to ring for an age, and when finally someone answered it came as a shock to Harry, because it was Kitty’s voice on the other end.

“Oh!” Momentarily lost for words, he didn’t know how to respond.

“I’m sorry, Kitty. I didn’t realise you would be there.” He felt like a fool. Of course she would be there! They were a couple after all, weren’t they? He had the pen in his hand and without even thinking he wrote her name on the pad.

“It’s lovely to hear your voice, Harry.” The sweet sound of his name on her lips made him gasp.

“How are you?”

“I’m fine. Busy, but happy in my work.” His voice was soft and light, hiding the pain beneath.

“Are you keeping well. Kitty?”

There was a brief silence, and for a moment he wondered if she might be thinking the same thoughts that were passing through his own mind.

Was she experiencing the same yearning? The same awful loneliness? The same anger at Fate for driving them apart? Again and again, in a subconscious outpouring from his heart, he wrote her name on the paper beneath his fingers.

It was on the tip of his tongue to confess all, to tell her how much he loved and needed her, but he knew it would be to no avail. Besides, it would place Kitty in an impossible situation and that wouldn’t be fair. It took every ounce of his strength to suppress the words that rose to his lips.

It gave him a shock when Jack’s voice came on the line.

“All right, Kitty darling, I’ll deal with it.” There was a click as she put down the extension.

“Kitty’s upstairs,” Jack explained.

“We’re just getting ready to go out, and she got to the phone before me. I expect she’s putting on a face. You know what these women are.” He laughed.

“I keep telling her she’s beautiful enough without makeup. Anyway, I expect it was me you wanted to talk to, wasn’t it? Fire away. I’ve got a few minutes.”

Harry was bitterly disappointed. He hadn’t expected Kitty to answer the phone in Jack’s house, but when she did it was both shocking and wonderful, and now she was gone, he felt more empty than ever.

“It’s about next month’s runs,” he answered.

“Are there any deviations, or is the schedule the same as before?”

“The same … with the exception of the engines going to the West Coast. They’ve postponed because of refurbishment.”

“It’s a good job I rang then, because I was already allocating a truck for that delivery.”

“No problem. I’ll probably have another job to take its place before next week.”

“I’ll need the despatch papers.”

“You’ll have them in a few days. Meanwhile, I have a very lovely lady waiting for me. Talk to you soon.” The receiver went down, and so did Harry’s hopes. For one anguished moment he was tempted to ring her back, but thought better of it.

“Be happy, sweetheart,” he murmured.

“Don’t make the same mistake I did.”

It was gone midnight when Susan returned. Though she didn’t deserve it, Harry had waited up for her. When she came into the room he was sprawled out in the chair, lapsed into a deep sleep. The first he realised she was back was when he felt the flies of his trousers being undone.

“I’d have to look a long way before I found another man like you,” she whispered in his ear.

“So you don’t get rid of me that easily.” While he struggled to his senses, she began giggling. Her breath smelled of booze and it was easy to see she’d had more than enough.

“The place for you is bed,” he announced. Pushing her off, he did up his trousers, slid one arm round her waist, the other beneath her legs, and with one effortless movement collected her into his arms and was on his way up the stairs.

While he was undressing her, she made several attempts to seduce him, but to her fury, he dismissed each one.

“What the bloody hell’s wrong with me then, eh?” she demanded in a slurred voice.

“Aren’t I as pretty as a picture?”

“Prettier.” Tugging off her silk stockings, he laid them over the back of a chair.

“Don’t you love me any more?” She was pouting now, acting the little girl lost.

Not wanting to hurt her unnecessarily, he had to think about his answer.

“I love you as much as I ever did.” At least he wasn’t lying, because he had never truly loved her.

Turning nasty, she struggled to get up but was too drunk.

“Make love to me, you bastard!”

With calm deliberation he stripped off her dress and petticoat, slid her nightgown over her head, and tucked her unceremoniously under the covers.

“Sleep it off,” he said.

“You’ll feel better in the morning.”

She wriggled and poked about under the bedclothes, grumbling at him, a deep frown on her face.

“You’ve left my knickers on.”

“I thought it might be as well,” he remarked dryly.

“Bastard!”

“So you keep saying.” He turned to leave.

“Aren’t you coming to bed?” She could hardly keep her eyes open.

“Later,” he lied. He wouldn’t be sliding in beside her. Not tonight.

Not with Kitty’s voice still echoing in his mind.

“You said we never talk. We can talk now if you like.”

“Go to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.”

When he saw her eyes close and her breathing settle into a deep rhythm, he gazed at her for a while.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. Then he went downstairs to secure the house, before making his way up to the guest room.

He couldn’t rest. His mind was too alive with thoughts of Susan; his marriage; his work; the contract cancellations; and Kitty.

More than anything, his mind was alive with thoughts of her. There was an urgent need in him, a driving urge to travel south and confront Jack Harpur. Harry would tell him: “Kitty’s mine. She always has been.

I’ve come to claim her. ” He laughed at himself.

“The pair of them would show you the door! And you’d deserve it.”

With all of that on his mind, he closed his eyes to a fitful sleep, disturbed by dark invasive dreams that became terrible nightmares.

In the morning Susan looked at him across the breakfast table.

“You look worse than I feel.”

They sat in silence for a while, picking at their breakfast, each burning with things to say, but not knowing how to say them.

The moment of truth came when the telephone rang and Susan went to answer it.

“It stopped before I could pick it up,” she explained coming back to the table.

“If it’s important they’ll ring back,” he answered, finishing off the dregs of his tea.

“Were you hoping it might be Kitty?” Her voice was flat and trembling, and it made him look up in astonishment.

“What makes you think that?” He could feel the hairs standing up on the back of his neck.

“Explain this, you devious bugger!” Flicking a piece of paper towards him, she pointed a manicured nail at the name written there at least eight times. It was Kitty’s, and it was written by Harry. His heart sank when he saw it there.

“You can’t deny that’s your writing.” The pen strokes were bold and confident. Like him.

Picking up the paper, he folded it and put it in his pocket.

“I’m not denying it.”

His honesty knocked her back, and it was a moment before she demanded in a quiet, harsh voice, “Tell me I mean more to you than she does.”

His dark eyes appraised her face. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her, but he wouldn’t lie.

“I’m sorry, Susan. I can’t do that.” His expression told her everything.

The time for living a lie was long past.

With one great sweep of her arm she swept the breakfast crockery from the table. It crashed to the floor and broke into a million fragments.

As she stared at his honest dark eyes, she saw everything she had schemed for slipping away.

“How can she mean more to you than I do?

What have I done wrong? “

“You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s me who’s at fault. I should never have married you in the first place, not when I was in love with someone else.”

“She won’t have you, I’ll see to that!”

His mouth turned up in what might have been a smile.

“She doesn’t want me.” Kitty wanted Jack. Like Jack, he too wanted Kitty, and Susan wanted him. Fate was cruel.

“Dump me. Harry Jenkins, and I’ll take you for every penny you’ve got!”

Getting out of his chair, he spread his arms wide.

“Take it,” he offered.

“If that’s what you want, then you’re welcome to it.”

His gesture had a sobering effect on her.

“It’s you I want,” she said.

In fact she wanted the best of both worlds:

Harry and his money-making talents.

Leaning over the table, he told her, “I would think long and hard about that if I were you. No woman wants a man who can’t give her his best.”

“Piss off then!” When she talked like that she was ugly.

“That might be a good idea,” he answered quietly.

“Give us both time to think.” With that he strode out of the room, and out of the house.

In the fresh air he could breathe, and think, and plan a way out of his nightmare.

Kicking away the broken crockery, Susan went to the sink where she filled the kettle to make herself another pot of tea.

She had woken with a blinding headache, and now she was in turmoil.

“I

can’t lose him,” she muttered, ” I love him. ” In truth she didn’t know the meaning of the word. What she ‘loved’ was a lazy way of life, to cover herself in glamour, go out when she pleased, and spend money whenever the fancy took her. Harry provided such luxuries.

Harry also gave her reason to be possessive and proud, for he was a strikingly handsome man. Whenever they went to functions or out to dinner with his clients, the women always made a beeline for him. Any one of them would have fallen into his arms, or his bed, but he remained untouchable, always charming and attentive but never persuaded by their womanly wiles.

She had been foolish enough to think it was her he wanted above all others.

“Now I know why he never strayed!” she snarled.

“It wasn’t me he was being faithful to, it was Kitty Marsh.”

When a new thought came to her, it was like a bolt out of the blue.

“Of course! Why didn’t I think of it before?” It was a devious, spiteful idea, but she believed it might be the answer to keeping Harry.

It took only a minute to locate Jack Harpur’s work number, and less than that to dial it. She was delighted when he instantly recognised her voice.

“I thought you might have forgotten me?” she cooed.

“After all, we only met for a short time.”

“Once seen, never forgotten, Susan. I’ve only got a short time now, I’m afraid, so what can I do for you?”

There was a world of spite in her voice. She didn’t see any need to disguise her reason for calling, so she came right out with it.

“I thought you should know my husband is in love with your fiancee.”

Though her news shook him to the core, his reply was deliberately matter-of-fact.

“I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“You mean you knew?” This put a different complexion on things.

“Kitty’s always been honest with me. Apparently this affection between Harry and her goes back a long way. It’s over now.”

“Not as far as he’s concerned.”

“Don’t bother yourself about it. In fact, it might ease your mind to know that Kitty and I are to be married very soon.”

She actually smiled.

“I’m pleased to hear that,” she said.

“Congratulations. I’m sure it will come as a blow to Harry. But for myself, it couldn’t be better news.” Harry was an honourable man. Now he would have to accept that Kitty was truly beyond his reach.

Jack’s thinking was much on the same lines. Even so, he had known for some time that Kitty was still in love with Harry Jenkins. With confirmation that he was just as restless for her came a very real threat to Jack’s plans.

“I think it would be better for all concerned if you didn’t mention any of this to Harry,” he suggested.

“It might push things to a head … if you know what I mean? If Kitty so much as suspected Harry Jenkins still wanted her, she would drop me in a minute.”

He was under no illusion that she was marrying him for any other reason but to repay him for helping Georgie out of the moneylender’s clutches. If this should ever come to light. Harry Jenkins would find a way to release her from the debt, leaving her free to choose between them. Though Kitty had a strong sense of right and wrong and would consider Susan’s feelings too, Jack suspected love would win out and both he and Susan would be left high and dry.

It was a risk he dared not take.

“Keep this conversation to yourself,” he urged.

“As far as the wedding is concerned, there will be time enough for him to know about that when it’s over … when the vows are made, and my ring is safe on Kitty’s finger.”

She nodded.

“I understand.” The quicker those two were married and Kitty was Mrs. Jack Harpur, the better, she thought vindictively.

In her haste to be rid of Kitty, she couldn’t see the truth:

that Harry was already bringing their own marriage to an end, and that however much she might want to cling to him and all he could provide, it was too late. She had already lost him.