Living a Lie (11 page)

His dark pained eyes lingered a moment on her face, then he raised his gaze to the grey shifting sky, his thoughts in turmoil. At length he bent to kiss her, “Out of the two of us you’re the stronger,” he murmured. A long agonising moment to drink on her beauty, then, “Goodbye, Kitty.” When she simply lowered her gaze and stared at the ground, he walked away. How he turned from her, he would never know.

But when he did, he left a part of himself behind.

Fighting the urge to run after him, Kitty told herself she must be cruel to be kind.

“Goodbye, Harry,” she whispered.

“Don’t forget me.”

Out of the darkness came a soft reproachful voice Georgie’s.

“You’re a fool, Kitty Marsh,” she said.

“No one will ever love you like he does.”

It was the last thing Kitty wanted to hear. When she

turned the tears were raining down her face.

“Do you think I don’t know that?” she cried. With a sob she fell into Georgia’s arms and cried till her tears ran dry.

It was Monday morning. Kitty was seated cross-legged on her bed.

Beside her lay two white envelopes, one addressed to her Aunt Mildred, the other to Harry.

In the bright morning light, her gaze fell on the letters. Reaching out she picked up Harry’s and held it to her lips. She could still feel his kisses on her mouth, still feel his warm strong arms about her. Since the party, she had questioned herself over and over. Should she send the letter, or should she tear it up? Was it right to leave things as they were? Or, like Georgie said, wouldn’t it be better at least to keep in touch with him rather than cut him out of her life altogether? Kitty had agonised, gone without sleep and prayed that she had done the right thing for both of them. She and Georgie had talked about it, argued and pondered. In the end Kitty decided that whichever way she turned, she would be doing wrong. There was an emptiness in her heart that nothing could fill, and now she was going away. Soon strangers would be here to collect her, and she was afraid. Only the thought of Harry kept her strong.

A sound at the door made her look up. It was Georgie.

It was Monday morning. Kitty was seated cross-legged on her bed.

Beside her lay two white envelopes, one addressed to her Aunt Mildred, the other to Harry.

In the bright morning light, her gaze fell on the letters. Reaching out she picked up Harry’s and held it to her lips. She could still feel his kisses on her mouth, still feel his warm strong arms about her. Since the party, she had questioned herself over and over. Should she send the letter, or should she tear it up? Was it right to leave things as they were? Or, like Georgie said, wouldn’t it be better at least to keep in touch with him rather than cut him out of her life altogether? Kitty had agonised, gone without sleep and prayed that she had done the right thing for both of them. She and Georgie had talked about it, argued and pondered. In the end Kitty decided that whichever way she turned, she would be doing wrong. There was an emptiness in her heart that nothing could fill, and now she was going away. Soon strangers would be here to collect her, and she was afraid. Only the thought of Harry kept her strong.

A sound at the door made her look up. It was Georgie.

“They’re here, gal,” she said.

“Miss Davis has them in her office … they’re drinking coffee, would you believe? Here we are, about to be thrown to the wolves, and all they can do is drink bloody coffee!” She flung herself on the bed with such force that Kitty bounced up into the air.

She had tried so hard not to show her feelings. Now, with Georgie beside her, and their parting so close, the words tumbled out.

“I’m frightened, Georgie. I wish I didn’t have to go. I wish we weren’t leaving, you and me.”

“Hey!” Georgie gave her a playful push.

“You speak for yourself, my girl! I’m sorry to be leaving you behind, but we’ve already said we’ll keep in touch, so it ain’t as if we’ll never see each other again, is it? But I’m glad to be getting my own place at last. To tell the truth, I can’t wait to get my arse out of here!” She gave a little whoop of joy.

“My own front door key, eh? And what about you? A proper family of your very own, and from what you tell me … a bedroom big enough to entertain a dozen blokes at a time!”

Kitty couldn’t help but laugh.

“What would I want with a dozen blokes?” Instinctively she glanced at Harry’s letter.

“Ah!” Georgie caught sight of the name and address on the envelope.

“You did write it after all?”

“I don’t know if I’ll post it though.” Once it was out of her hands it would be too late.

“What have you told him?”

“That I’m sorry we parted the way we did, and that I was wrong to think it would be better if we never saw each other again. I’ve asked him to write, and given him the address of where I’m going.”

“Did you tell him how you feel? I mean… how you

really feel about him? Did you say you wanted the same things he did. that you need him to wait for you, and there is nothing more in all the world you want, other than to be with him? Did you tell him that? “

Kitty lowered her gaze.

“No, I didn’t say those things.”

“Why not?”

“Because it would be asking too much of him, and I won’t do that.”

“It’s what he wants.”

“It’s what he thinks he wants.” Kitty shook her head.

“Harry is good and kind. He’s always looked after me… when I was small, when I was growing up, while I’ve been in here. He was the one I ran to when my parents were fighting… the one who came here to see me when even my own aunt couldn’t be bothered.” She looked at his name on the envelope and wondered what he was doing at that moment. Was he thinking of her?

Was he thanking his lucky stars that he had been let off the hook? Or was he waiting for the postman. watching for this letter?

“Send it, gal,” Georgie urged.

“You ain’t got nobody else except me, and I’m as much use as a fart in the wind.”

Kitty laughed out loud.

“What am I going to do without you, eh?”

Georgie took stock of her.

“Oh, you’ll manage well enough,” she said.

“It’s me that will miss you.” There was something very secret about her smile.

“To be honest, gal, I don’t know if I could have survived tragedy the way you have. But, you see, you’re a lion at heart, while I’m a coward. That’s the difference between us.”

Kitty took hold of her hand.

“You’re never a coward,” she said firmly.

“And I really will miss you… at the breakJUSK.plMI.C UA

fast table; in the dormitory; meeting you from the factory. I’ll miss the tales you tell about your workplace, and I’ll miss your terrible laugh, and the way you torment Miss Picton, and oh . everything about you! ” She had to stop there because the words wouldn’t come out any more.

Georgie looked at her for what seemed an age before saying in a soft voice, “You’ll miss Harry much more, gal. It will be a long, lonely road without him.”

Kitty knew the truth of that. But there was no answer, so she gave none. Instead she put on a bright voice and a brighter smile and suggested, “We’d best make our way down. Miss Davis will be sending up the heavy brigade.”

Georgie laughed “What! Miss Picton? A good breeze would knock her over.”

It took only a minute for them to empty their cupboards and fill a duffel-bag each with the few things they owned. At the door they took one last look.

“Seems funny though, don’t it?” Georgie muttered.

“I’m glad to be going, but this has been the only real home I’ve known.”

“I won’t miss this place,” Kitty admitted. She put her arm round Georgie and hugged her close.

“But, whatever you say, I’ll miss you, like nothing on earth.” All those times when Kitty was alone and afraid, Georgie had made her laugh through the tears. Now she was alone and afraid again, being entrusted to strangers and made to start all over. Only this time it was worse. And this time she didn’t have Harry either.

As they came down the stairs, Kitty saw them waiting in the hall: the familiar bulky form of Miss Davis, Dorothy Picton nervously fluttering in the background, and the Connors, a smart, well-dressed couple in their late-thirties,

all smiling at her as she descended the stairway.

“Cor, bloody hell, gal, they don’t look short of a bob or two, gal,” Georgie muttered, “I reckon you’ve fallen on your feet there.”

Kitty regarded her new family through Georgie’s eyes. Patricia Connor was small and thin, with fair hair and brilliant blue eyes; her husband Raymond was a big man with broad straight shoulders, small dark eyes and thin brown hair scraped back from a high expanse of forehead. A quiet man by nature, his gestures and eyes spoke volumes.

Kitty preferred him to his wife, but: “They’re good people,” she told Georgie. To Kitty that was more important than if they had ‘a bob or two’. “Though I don’t care much for their son.”

Adam Connor was about the same age as Harry, but they couldn’t be more different, she thought. He had always treated her well and made her welcome on home visits, but there was something about him she didn’t like. Something devious.

Georgie was the first to leave.

“I’m sure no one would mind if you wanted a minute to say your goodbyes.” Miss Davis glanced first at Kitty, then at the Connors.

“These young women have been inseparable,” she explained with a motherly smile.

Dorothy Picton took the Connors upstairs to show them the dormitory, and Miss Davis gave George a little pep talk.

“Good luck to you,” she said.

“But remember to stay out of trouble!” She gave her a wry little smile.

“I know what a temper you’ve got.”

“You ain’t a bad old cow,” Georgie told her, and the big woman went

away to have a little weep. It was always painful when she lost one of her brood.

They were alone now.

“Take care of yourself,” Kitty told Georgie.

“We must never lose touch.”

Throwing wide her arms, Georgie grabbed hold of her.

“Come here, you bugger!” she said, and the two of them hugged and cried, but soon they were laughing, and the future seemed rosy.

“You’ve got my address, gal,” Georgie reminded her.

“I want plenty of letters, mind… full of every little detail.” She gave a cheeky wink.

“And don’t miss anything out… especially not the raunchy bits.”

Kitty said she would write often, but she didn’t know about the ‘raunchy’ bits.

“You never know your luck, gal,” Georgie laughed, and Kitty thought she might have to invent something ‘raunchy’, just to keep her happy.

“Don’t forget to ask the Connors if you can come and see my place.”

“I’m sure they couldn’t keep me away,” Kitty answered.

“I’m counting on us being able to spend some time together, even if it’s only to go round Bedford market on a Saturday.” So far, though, the Connors had given no hint that she would be able to continue the relationship. If anything they seemed to avoid the subject of Georgie altogether. It was something Kitty meant to take up with them as soon as she was settled.

Georgie was more abrupt.

“I wouldn’t count on them saying yes, gal,” she advised.

“The Connor woman doesn’t like me. It’s plain as the nose on your face, she thinks I’m dirt under her foot.”

Kitty argued, “How can you tell that? She’s only clapped eyes on you twice… once when she first came to see me,

and just now. You can’t form an opinion just like that. ” All the same, deep down she knew Georgie was right. Patricia Connor disapproved of her.

“It’s my own fault,” Georgie confessed with a chuckle.

“It were bad enough the two of us sliding down the banisters when she first saw me, but what really turned her off was when I said I’d got a splinter stuck up me arse!”

Kitty laughed at the memory.

“You only told the truth,” she said.

“Too right! And if it hadn’t been for you fishing it out, that bloody splinter might have been stuck there to this day.”

When the moment came for them to say goodbye, the others had returned and Georgie was in a quiet mood. Kitty felt as though a great weight was pressing down inside her, and when her friend embraced her, she whispered, “I love you, Georgie.”

“I love you too, gal,” came the chirpy reply.

“Don’t forget now … you’ve already proved that things ain’t so bad you can’t rise above ‘em. Keep in touch. And, remember all the sexy bits!”

When her friend went through the door. Kitty admired the way she was still smiling and making jokes. She was shocked when Georgie turned round to wave and the morning sunlight caught the glint of tears falling down her face. In that moment, Kitty knew she had caught yet another glimpse of the real Georgie; the one she kept hidden from the world; the one that was much like Kitty herself. And she vowed to be there whenever Georgie needed her, just as Harry had been there whenever she needed him.

“Do you want me to post these for you?” Miss Davis had seen the two letters in Kitty’s hand.

She thought a moment before handing one over.

“This one if you could, please.” She tore the second into shreds.

“This can go in the bin.”

Against all her better instincts she decided not to contact Harry.

“Goodbye then. Be happy, Kitty. We’ll be keeping in touch, as you know.”

“Goodbye, Miss Davis, and thanks for everything.” As she followed the Connors out of the door and into their Jaguar, both Patricia and her husband showered her with affection. The woman laughed and chatted and squeezed her lovingly, while her husband said very little but smiled encouragingly. One look from him said more than his wife could in a dozen sentences.

Settled in the cream leather seat, Kitty looked back. Miss Davis and the others were standing on the doorstep, waving and smiling.

“You can’t know how much we’ve always longed for a daughter of our very own,” Kitty heard Patricia Connor say.

“We’ll do everything we can to make you happy.”