Little Wolf (66 page)

T
HERE
WERE
far more people than usual inside the sheriff’s station. Most of them appeared to be working hard, or attempting to look like they were. Tim suspected they were lingering at their desks for entirely different reasons. Every single one of them noticed Tim stepping through the entrance and then glanced toward Nathaniel’s office before continuing to study him. Only one of them smiled.

Message received. They were worried about Nathaniel, and it was Tim’s fault they were worried. He hesitated in the doorway anyway, imagining Albert and Carl watching from out in the street to see if he’d bolt. Luca wasn’t around, which made the station marginally safer. Tim wasn’t even sure where they had taken Luca and wasn’t going to ask. He searched the room, the crowd of weres and humans waiting on him to make a move the way they had for months now, then tilted his chin up to draw attention from his jittery movements. None of them had told him either. Their loyalty was to Nathaniel, and that was fine and as it should be, but Tim was going to remember this.

Choosing to ignore them, he walked toward the scent that was already both speeding up his heartbeat and soothing his fractured nerves. That was the biggest clue right there, and Tim hadn’t seen it.

He skipped knocking, since Nathaniel undoubtedly knew Tim was hyperventilating outside his door, and sailed in with more confidence than he felt. He leaned against the closed door and took a moment to get reacquainted with the room while pangs of uncertainty shot through him. Looking at Nathaniel’s perfection right now might actually kill him, if not definitely make him forget all the things he wanted to say. Only then, thinking that guaranteed he had to look at Nathaniel that very second.

He flicked his gaze up and stopped breathing.

Nathaniel, same as always, perfection in brown and gold, all strength and heat and eyes that always, always, went right to Tim. How had Tim never noticed that? Nathaniel was in his uniform, the uniform that only Tim should get to take off him, dried blood across his thigh and under one arm, spots of it elsewhere where Tim or Luca had touched him. He’d undone another button, and there were wrinkles at his shoulders where Tim had grabbed him and held tight. He stood behind his desk, tall and straight with his shoulders back, and watched Tim without saying a word.

Tim had some words to say. More than one word at least, even if one word was all he could think at the moment. He transferred his attention to the slice in Nathaniel’s thigh and tried to sniff out if he was still bleeding. It shouldn’t be, but Tim hadn’t healed right yet either. The cut looked painful. Tim wanted to rub his cheek against it until the pain was gone, which he didn’t think would be exactly welcome, or hygienic.

“I took care of Silas.” It wasn’t defeating Luca in the street for the town to see, but it was all Tim had. Saying it left him sagging against the door. He breathed in, gathering strength from air and Nathaniel, because of course that was how this mating thing worked. He hoped his presence was doing the same for Nathaniel. “I went to see him, I mean. I brought no bags this time.” Tim flapped a hand at his side and thumped his head into the door. He risked another look up, and his legs almost gave out. “Yeah, I’m gonna….”

He half sank to the floor before crawling to the couch and collapsing onto it, without taking his eyes from Nathaniel. “It’s been a busy day,” Tim explained himself distractedly. They were closer to each other, but from this angle Nathaniel seemed so much farther away. Tim shut his eyes. Whatever else happened, he had things to say.

“Making it out alive was easier than I thought it would be. Not sure how I feel about the rest yet. There’s… stuff… I need to think about.” Tim reopened his eyes. Nathaniel continued to stare at him, as if he couldn’t believe Tim was there, or more likely, couldn’t understand what the hell Tim was talking about. “Silas loves me. In a fucked-up way, I guess. We don’t hug, okay? You were teasing, but we don’t hug. Just so you know. I can’t even hug.” Tim made himself breathe.
Fire
.
Fresh, cool air
.
Nathaniel
. “He says he won’t hurt you—me. He won’t hurt me. So there’s no need to worry.”

Tim had walked away from Nathaniel earlier with the tacit understanding that Tim might be taken. Nathaniel hadn’t liked it, but he’d come here to see to Luca and wait, because Tim had asked him to. Nathaniel might also have thought Tim would leave of his own free will. No, Tim
knew
Nathaniel had thought that. It was written all over him—in the way Nathaniel hadn’t spoken or taken his eyes off Tim, and how his scent was his own and yet a blank for anything else he was feeling.

He was as bad as Silas. He was better than Silas. Tim’s wolf had known it and tried to court him. “I have a lot more rabbits to offer now,” Tim offered, then cringed at the desperation in his tone.

It got Nathaniel to speak, that was something. “What?”

Tim licked the corner of his mouth. “Sorry.” Tim was talking about
rabbits
, holy shit. “That’s not what I meant to say. I meant, I wanted to save you.” There was a frown forming on Nathaniel’s face. Tim sighed at it for existing. “You saved me.” He shouldn’t have to explain, but apparently Nathaniel needed him to. “You’re always saving me. So I went and I saw my uncle.” There was so much to say about that. He had to warn Nathaniel that Silas was observing him and the town, and then there was everything Silas had said about Luca. He didn’t know what to say about Silas’s feelings or anything else, and trying to put his thoughts in order was beyond him right now. It would probably be beyond him tomorrow too. He summed up. “I saw him. Everything’s okay. For now.”

“You went alone? What about Albert?” Nathaniel was loud enough that the already muted activity outside his office stopped for ten full seconds.

Tim suddenly had something to worry about other than his heart, like a furious alpha sheriff. Tim sat up. “I took Carl and Albert.”

Nathaniel did not lower his voice. “
They
were your backup? I could’ve—”

“No!” Tim leaned forward and gestured at Nathaniel’s everything. “You’re the cavalry! That’s what… I had them to make sure I went in, to make sure I came out. I wanted to do it without you.” Oh shit. Nathaniel was already closing himself off further before Tim could stumble on. “You could have saved me. I know that. Of course you could have. But I didn’t want you in that position, at least not twice in the same day. If I was….” Tim returned his gaze to Nathaniel’s wounded leg. “If I was right for you, I should be able to do something for you. It was a stupid idea. I’m not used to bravery, and I shouldn’t have tried, but I made it through okay. It wasn’t a total failure.”

“You aren’t a failure.” Nathaniel was so fiercely insistent on that.

Tim glanced up. If he was going to be with someone forever, it should be this someone. “You,” Tim whispered, the one word that had been rushing through his mind since he’d stepped into this room. “You.”

Nathaniel froze. Tim supposed he ought to ask Nathaniel about Luca, about the charges or giving a statement, if Nathaniel was healing well. But Tim opened his mouth and breathed in until his tongue was saturated in snow days and hearth fires, the best scent in the world. Tim held it in as long as he could, then met Nathaniel’s gaze. “I’m your mate, aren’t I? We’re mates.”

He was unprepared for Nathaniel’s flinch. Nathaniel reared his head and then held himself motionless except for the hard movements of his chest. He was no longer blazing with heat; he was cooling, chilled even from across the room.

Tim knew what that was. He’d been gutted not too long ago in his uncle’s hotel room, and had reacted about the same. He hadn’t expected Nathaniel to feel the same fear. “Aren’t we?” Tim asked in a much weaker voice. He blushed at how small he must sound, especially to the people listening outside.

Nathaniel moved forward, one step, then stopped again. “We are.” His shudder hurt to witness. “You’re my mate. I’m yours.” He swallowed before speaking again. “If that’s what you want.”

He was forcing himself to say the words. How many other times had Nathaniel all but said them and Tim hadn’t realized and dismissed them? Tim had dizzily tried to count the number on the walk to the station and given up after five.

“I’m sorry.” Tim’s mouth was numb. No, his whole body was numb except for his heart, which was beating so strongly he put a hand to his chest.

Nathaniel’s eyes went bright. “Why? It’s not your fault.”

“Yeah.” Tim knew that. It didn’t change anything. “But I’m still sorry.” He dropped his head. “You should… you should have someone as amazing as you are. I wasn’t even sure if I should come here.”

The weight of Nathaniel’s hand hitting the top of his desk made Tim go quiet. Nathaniel leaned against the creaking desk and then let out a breath before he crossed the room. He was as quiet as a leaf falling to the ground as he sank down in front of the couch.

Tim twitched just looking at him. “Get up here.” He dragged a hand over Nathaniel’s shoulder and nearly whimpered to get to touch him again, even for something so insignificant. “Stop kneeling in front of me. People aren’t going to like it if you keep doing that.” He pulled at fabric until Nathaniel was sitting stiffly next to him. It still wasn’t right, but it would do. Nathaniel was close.

Tim clasped his hands in front of him, mostly so he’d stop touching Nathaniel when he didn’t have the right to. “As you might have assumed, I have no idea what any of that means,” Tim began, then reflected on how stupid he was. “You’re stuck with me?” he guessed, with his heart thumping all the while to remind him that part of him didn’t care if Nathaniel was stuck with him or not as long as Nathaniel was his. Part of Tim was a real asshole.

“No.” Nathaniel turned toward him, and Tim raised his chin. Nathaniel reached out but didn’t cup Tim’s cheek or stroke his thumb over Tim’s jaw. He slowly lowered his hand back to the couch and held Tim with his gaze alone. “
No
, I’m not stuck with you. Do you think it took long for me to love you?” Nathaniel’s rough voice carried. “The knowledge made me notice you, but
you
are the one who fought with the committee for me.” Nathaniel leaned in, like he was half a second from nuzzling Tim’s ear. “You’re the one who got Carl to take an interest in the world again.” He ignored Tim’s startled squeak. “Who played chess with me.” His rumble said more than his words, not that Tim wasn’t enjoying the hell out of his words. He was trembling like mad, and his insides were like water, and his skin was on fire, but Tim kind of thought anyone would react like that to what Nathaniel was telling him.

This was weakness. Silas had been right. He had said it as if he’d known, and he must have. Silas knew exactly what a mating was, so much so that he must have known one, rejected it, shut out everything that wasn’t the name Dirus. Tim wasn’t that strong, even if he understood the impulse to flee for his life.

Nathaniel continued to study him. He didn’t know if Tim was going to give him many more chances to look at him, so he was staring his fill. Tim couldn’t say how he knew that, only that if he did decide to leave, he would stare at Nathaniel for hours first. And sit on him. And lick him. And bury his nose under his ear until Nathaniel’s scent was burned into his brain. Realizing Nathaniel was sitting there expecting Tim to walk away was terrible.

“I don’t know how to be a mate,” Tim admitted the obvious.

“Neither do I.” Nathaniel’s quick reply made Tim twist toward him.

“I can accept that.” Tim nodded after a few moments of scrutiny. Nathaniel was a serial monogamist, but of course he hadn’t been mated before. As far as Tim knew, outside of rumor and soap operas, it only happened once. “But at least you’ve tried to date.”

“It never worked out, in case you hadn’t noticed.” A nervous Nathaniel was a pissy Nathaniel. Tim leaned into him without thinking, then immediately straightened up. Nathaniel tensed even more. Tim knew Nathaniel was going to force himself to ask the question and turned to stare straight ahead right as Nathaniel took a small breath. “What are you going to do?”

The big question. The one Carl and Albert had thrown at him in the street.
Silas
had even asked. This was why people had treated Tim the way they had. Asking the question would have demanded a response, and they hadn’t wanted him to leave.

“I understand if you’re mad at me.” For once Nathaniel wasn’t taking any pleasure in shocking Tim silent. “I expected you to be furious.”

“I freaked out the first time I saw you, and then scurried away from you every time you came near me.” Tim rolled his eyes. “I understand why you kept it from me, okay? I was scared, and I didn’t understand anything. To you, that meant the unofficial rules of the town applied to me, and even if they hadn’t, at least they gave you a way to treat me while… while staying as close to me as I would let you get.” Tim was going to throw up or collapse in Nathaniel’s arms. “But every time I asked you about it, you must have been so—”

“Don’t.” Nathaniel cut him off there.

Outside, an entire police station was doing its best to keep their noise to a minimum so they could hear this. Tim couldn’t blame them. Nathaniel was theirs, and they needed him to, if not find happiness, then not end up lost and alone like Blake. Which raised another question.

“On
Diedre’s Secret
—” Tim started to ask, but shut up at Nathaniel’s snort.

“You shouldn’t let that affect your decision.” The force in Nathaniel’s answer told Tim the show had gotten something right; rejected mates did not fare well. “If you don’t want this, you should go.”

Tim felt the second Nathaniel took his gaze away from him. He expected Tim to leave, which was painful but not far from what Tim had considered outside the hotel. “Do you want me to go?”

“You know I don’t.” Nathaniel’s annoyance was more reassuring than what he was saying. “Why the hell else would we be having this conversation?”

Tim had gotten him to swear again. That was reassuring too. If Silas was afraid of this, then it must be powerful, powerful enough to upset even Nathaniel. Tim was less worried now that he knew that.