The Modern Fae's Guide to Surviving Humanity
Read The Modern Fae's Guide to Surviving Humanity Online
Authors: Joshua Palmatier,Patricia Bray
If I was going to save this city, I needed three things: one empty detergent bottle, one magazine clipping of Zoe Saldana as Uhura from Star Trek, and one stolen child.
My gun vanished into my jacket as Isabel Famosa stepped into her kitchen and tossed her keys onto the counter. She froze halfway through the process of removing a green windbreaker. “Who are you?”
“Do you have any electrical tape?” I asked.
She backed into the small kitchen. Going for either a phone or a knife. By the time she returned, I had my badge ready.
“My name's Jessica.” A lie, but I wasn't about to tell her or the bureau my true name. “I'm with the FBI. Do you know where your husband is, Mrs. Formosa?”
“The FBI? But you're ⦠you're notâ”
“Human?” She had gone for a boning knife. Nice choice. I hopped down from the chair, clenching my teeth as the movement sent new pain tearing through my leg. Blood oozed through the blue silk tie I had used as a makeshift bandage. Damn troll. I shoved my blonde hair back and hobbled closer, giving her a good look at the narrow pointed ears, the oversaturated blue of my eyes, the deceptively fragile build. “No, I'm not.”
âfrom “Corrupted” by Jim Hines
Also Available from DAW Books:
Human for a Day
, edited by Martin H. Greenberg and Jennifer Brozek Here are sixteen original tales, by authors such as Seanan McGuire, Fiona Patton, Tanith Lee, Jim Hines, and Kristine Kathryn Rush, that examine what it means to be human in all its positive and negative aspects. If you were an intelligent robot would the opportunity to become human for just one day be worth the risks? And what would the consequences be at the end of that day? If a magic spell switched a vampire and a teenage girl into one another's bodies would both savor the experience or search for a way to undo the enchantment? And what if only one of them wished to switch back? What tests would an angel face if transformed into a mortal for a day? Can a statue brought to life protect its turf? These are just a few of the inventive storiesâsome humorous, some sad, many thought provoking, and all uniqueâto be found in this thought-provoking anthology.
Courts of the Fey
, edited by Martin H. Greenberg and Russell Davis In the world of Faerie, there are two courtsâthe Seelie and the Unseelie. According to legend, the Seelie Court, also called The Blessed Ones, are those faeries representing light and goodness. They are the heroes, the judges, and they serve the Queen of Air and Light. The Unseelie Court is the opposite: dark, malevolent, and often dedicated to evil. From Lilith Saintcrow's magical tale of a half fey ready to take on the entire UnSeelie court to rescue the one he loves ⦠to Amber Benson's compelling story of a girl's desperate bargain to escape her evil stepmother ⦠to Michelle Sagara's poignant exploration of what it means to be a fey among mortalsâhere are visions bright or dark, terrifying or seductive, fascinating glimpses of both the highest royals and the lowest rogues as they vie with one another or league together against those of the mortal realms.
After Hours: Tales from the Ur-Bar
, edited by Joshua Palmatier and Patricia Bray
The first bar, created by the Sumerians after they were given the gift of beer by the gods, was known as the Ur-Bar. Although it has since been destroyed, its spirit lives on. In each age there is one bar that captures the essence of the original Ur-Bar, where drinks are mixed with magic and served with a side of destiny and intrigue. Now some of today's most inventive scriveners, such as Benjamin Tate, Kari Sperring, Anton Strout, and Avery Shade, among others, have decided to belly up to the Ur-Bar and tell their own tall talesâfrom an alewife's attempt to transfer the gods' curse to Gilgamesh, to Odin's decision to introduce Vikings to the Ur-Bar ⦠from the Holy Roman Emperor's barroom bargain, to a demon hunter who may just have met his match in the ultimate magic bar, to a bouncer who discovers you should never let anyone in after hours in a world terrorized by zombies â¦.
M
ODERN
F
AE'S
G
UIDE
TO
S
URVIVING
H
UMANITY
edited by
Joshua Palmatier
and
Patricia Bray
DAW Â Â Â BOOKS, Â Â Â INC.
DONALD A. WOLLHEIM, FOUNDER
375 Hudson Street, New York, NY 10014
ELIZABETH R. WOLLHEIM
SHEILA E. GILBERT
PUBLISHERS
Copyright © 2012 by Patricia Bray, Joshua Palmatier, and Tekno Books.
All Rights Reserved.
Cover art courtesy of Shutterstock.
DAW Book Collectors No. 1580.
DAW Books are distributed by Penguin Group (USA).
All characters and events in this book are fictitious.
All resemblance to persons living or dead is coincidental.
If you purchase this book without a cover you should be aware that this book may be stolen property and reported as “unsold and destroyed” to the publisher. In such case neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this “stripped book.”
The scanning, uploading and distribution of this book via the Internet or any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal, and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage the electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author's rights is appreciated.
ISBN: 978-1-101-57726-4
First Printing, March 2012
1Â Â Â Â 2Â Â Â Â 3Â Â Â Â 4Â Â Â Â 5Â Â Â Â 6Â Â Â Â 7Â Â Â Â 8Â Â Â Â 9
PRINTED IN THE U.S.A.
Acknowledgments
Introduction copyright © 2012 by Patricia Bray and Joshua Palmatier
“We Will Not Be Undersold,” copyright © 2012 by Seanan McGuire
“Changeling,” copyright © 2012 by Susan Jett
“Water-Called,” copyright © 2012 by Kari Sperring
“The Roots of Aston Quercus,” copyright © 2012 by Juliet E. McKenna
“To Scratch an Itch,” copyright © 2012 by Avery Shade
“Continuing Education,” copyright © 2012 by Kristine Smith
“How To Be Humanâ¢,” copyright © 2012 by Barbara Ashford
“How Much Salt,” copyright © 2012 by April Steenburgh
“Hooked,” copyright © 2012 by Anton Strout
“Crash,” copyright © 2012 by S. C. Butler
“Fixed,” copyright © 2012 by Jean Marie Ward
“A People Who Always Know,” copyright © 2012 by Shannon Page & Joseph E. Lake, Jr.
“The Slaughtered Lamb,” copyright © 2012 by Elizabeth Bear
“Corrupted,” copyright © 2012 by Jim C. Hines
Table of Contents
Patricia Bray and Joshua Palmatier
Seanan McGuire
Susan Jett
Kari Sperring
Juliet E. McKenna
Avery Shade
Kristine Smith
Barbara Ashford
April Steenburgh
Anton Strout
S. C. Butler
Jean Marie Ward
Shannon Page & Jay Lake
Elizabeth Bear
Jim C. Hines
A
s one of three children growing up in a small house, it was a constant battle to keep my siblings from getting into my stuff. Eventually I hit on the perfect solutionâI appropriated a medium-sized cardboard box and on the top I wrote:
Warning!! Dangerous Polar Bears inside!!! DO NOT OPEN!!!!!!!
Then I placed my most secret treasures inside the box, confident that the warning message would give pause to even the most inquisitive of my siblings.
I knew it wasn't likely that there would be polar bears inside the box, and suspected that my brother and sister knew that as well. But it was
possible
.
It's that sense of possibility, of wonder, that fantasy readers share. Long after childhood has passed, and we've been forced to acknowledge that polar bears aren't generally found roaming the streets of suburban New England, we still enjoy reading what-if stories. What if our favorite myths were real, or we could travel to the stars, or journey back in time? What if ⦠? The possibilitiesâand the stories they inspireâare endless.
Last year, after Joshua Palmatier and I finished editing our first anthology (
After Hours: Tales from the Ur-Bar
, DAW Books, March 2011), we began discussing our next project. Joshua suggested, “What if the fairies hadn't disappeared? What if they were still around today?”
The idea quickly took shape. What if the fae were still here, living among us? Perhaps living in secret, doing their best to pass for human. Or perhaps their existence is acknowledged, but they're still struggling to fit in. How have they survived? Are they outcasts clinging to the edges of society, or do their powers ensure success in the mortal realm? I was excited by the idea, as were the authors that we invited to send in stories. Out of their submissions we picked fourteen fabulous talesâranging from humor to dark fantasyâthat explore how the creatures of fae are fitting into the modern world.
We hope you enjoy.
Patricia Bray and Joshua Palmatier
Seanan McGuire
“D
an?” Nimh looked around the employee break room, allowing her eyes to skirt past the slack-faced stockroom workers sitting slumped in their gray plastic chairs. Their cheery green and yellow vests were painfully bright against the industrial beige walls and floor. Not for the first time, Nimh made a note to talk to the store manager about getting some decorations in. Maybe a few cheery posters with kittens and motivational slogans ($4.99, home décor). Those always sold well, so people obviously liked them.
None of the dead-eyed employees were Dan. Only two of them were even male. With a sunny smile and a wave for everyone (stay positive; positivity enhances profitability), Nimh chirped, “Have a fantastic shopping day, everybody!” and turned to leave the room while the workers were still trying to formulate a response. It was always best to leave a situation on a high note.
Dan also wasn't in the stockroom, where some of the
more free-spirited clerks scrambled to hide the poker game they didn't think management knew about (management knew). Dan wasn't in the small dining area attached to the snack bar, either. Nimh frowned as she realized that there were actually no employees in the snack bar. She'd need to notify the supervisors to slip some more coupons into the pay envelopes. Seeing happy workers eating Chikin Chompers⢠and drinking Milk-y-shakes⢠encouraged customer faith in the menu, and customer faith drove customer dollars.