Little Miss Lovesick (23 page)

Matt.

I paused by the table. I felt my mouth open, but no words came out. It was like I had tunnel vision for a moment. All I could see was him, looking at me, angry and cold. I think I said hi but I’m not sure.

One by one, I sensed the other men at the table turn to look at me, too. Dirk’s hand was under my elbow, tugging lightly, pulling me away from Matt. I wanted to push it away. Then I blinked. I looked over a
t
Tren
t
and back at Matt
.
Shi
t
.

I tried to smile politely. “See ya.”

Then I moved my feet, one in front of the other and out the door, Trent still steadying me with his hand. We walked to my car and I dug my keys out of my pocket. Trent took them and unlocked the door, opening it for me. Such a gentleman.

“Sorry,” I said, smiling sheepishly up at him.

“Was that him?”

I looked down at my shoes. “Yeah.” I didn’t know what to say.

“If you don’t mind my saying so, it didn’t look like the two of you were happy to see each other.”

I looked away and shook my head, then shrugged. I half laughed. “I guess. I tried to…I just wanted him to…I don’t know.” I tried to laugh again.

Trent took a deep breath. “You want to see a movie tomorrow? Maybe grab a bite afterward?”

I looked up at Trent and cocked my head to one side, studying him. “Why can’t I just fall for you, huh? Have a comfortable, happy life with no drama, no fireworks, no tears. Sweet, cute guy who only wants to make me happy. I should apply to be a candidate on the Who Will Be the New Mrs. Oswald show.”

It was the alcohol that made me say it. And it must’ve been the alcohol that made Trent kiss me. Not a peck on the cheek either. But a full contact, lips on lips, hands in my hair, Ross and Rachel kind of kiss. It was the TV reference that made me realize I wasn’t moved to tears. No sparks, indeed.

Trent broke the kiss first. He looked at me, chuckled humorlessly and shook his head, his hands sliding down my cheeks and falling to his sides. “My point was to show you that we could have fireworks.” He took one of my hands. “I guess it’s not the sort of thing you can force.”

I sighed. “I’m sorry, Trent.”

I really was. What was wrong with me? I went out with him tonight because I wanted to like him more. He had all the qualities I was looking for. But that didn’t seem to be enough.

He squeezed my hand and let go. “Don’t be. I’ve had it in my head for months that you could...
I
d
o
want sparks and the occasional drama with the woman I love. But I’m afraid,” he chuckled self-consciously and looked away, “I didn’t feel any either.”

I gazed at him for a moment, wondering if we should try again, try harder. We were perfect for each other in so many ways. But maybe we both deserved more than mutual desperation.

Impulsively, I leaned over and hugged him. He returned it with affection. Yes, this felt much better. I wondered if he’d be upset if I said the words so many men dread hearing.

“You think we could be friends?”

He kissed my hair and pulled away. “I’d like that.”

I studied his face. Didn’t look like he was lying. It’s possible, just maybe, one thing in my life went right today.

Trent handed me my keys. “Be careful.”

The way he looked at me, then over his shoulder toward the restaurant door, I’m sure there was a double entendre there.

“Thanks, Trent. For the lucky socks.”

“Glad to be of service, ma’am,” he said with a little bow. I laughed.

“I’ll see you Monday,” I said. “Drive safe.” He smiled and waved as I pulled away.

Trent had definitely salvaged what had looked to be a pitiful, lonely night for me. But seeing Matt, well, it looked like the night would still have a pitiful and lonely end.

CHAPTER 26

I DIDN’T sleep well that night, dreaming of Matt. And Trent. And the good parts of the evening as well as the bad. For the most part, it was one long nightmare. Even though I was awake (sort of) by five, I barely got myself out of bed in time to meet Patty at seven. She looked me over, gave me a hug, and said, “Let’s walk while we talk.”

I hadn’t decided how much I wanted her to know, but by the time I finished venting, she knew everything. At the very least, I fel
t
s
o
relieved to get it all out. Maybe now I could make some sense of it.

“I swear I didn’t know he was in the bar last night. I would’ve gone over and talked to him. By the time
I
di
d
see him, he looked seriously pissed off.” I gestured with my walking stick.
“
H
e
should’ve come over and said hi t
o
m
e
then!”

Patty chuckled. “Men don’t always see things the way we do.”

“Well, that’s stupid,” I grumbled. “I can understand him being mad if he saw the next part, but I’m sure he didn’t.”

Patty looked curious. “Why? What was the next part?”

“Uh, Trent kinda kissed me. It’s embarrassing now, in the light of day.” I refused to look up to see Patty’s reaction. “But he was talking about wanting a wife and liking a girl and I didn’t get that he meant me. Then I said I should apply to be his wife even though there are no sparks, and then he kissed me to prove there could be, only there wasn’t. Then we went home. Just friends.”

I grimaced as Patty laughed. “It’s not that funny, Patty.”

“I beg to differ.” She laughed some more and put her arm around my shoulder, giving me a quick hug and letting go.

“Well
,
anywa
y
, I was hoping you could tell me what to do.” I waited for her words of wisdom to pour forth like a geyser, or at least a spring, but we walked in silence.

I looked over at her. “This would be the part where you share your life’s wisdom,” I whispered.

At least I made her laugh.

We reached a part of the trail where a deep, green valley stretched off to one side. A couple of well-placed boulders provided seating of sorts. We sat and opened our water bottles.

“What do you want me to tell you?”

I looked at her like it was obvious. “What t
o
d
o
.”

She smiled and looked out over the valley. “Well, what do you want? You want to force him to accept your apology? Think like you think? Be what you want him to be? Because those things are impossible.”

Ah, I began to see what she was getting at.

I sat and thought. Wha
t
di
d
I want? I remembered how much fun I’d always had around him, even in Abundance Creek when I’d only just met him. I thought of his smile and his laugh and his eyes.

“It’s weird,” I mused aloud. “Even when I’m mad at him, I’m not, like, so mad I never want to see him again. I just want us to figure things out and move on. He makes me happy. Even when he’s not around. I like it.”

“Do you love him?”

The question should’ve surprised me. For months, my only thoughts on love had revolved around Dirk and why h
e
didn’
t
love me anymore. Even though he’d recently tried to convince me that he did, I didn’t believe him. And though I knew I’d loved him once, I was beginning to realize that I no longer did. But what about Matt?

“I’m afraid to. What if he doesn’t love me? What if my heart gets broken again? What if I do something to screw it up? What if
I
already di
d
?” Panic took my breath away.

“Now you know how Matt feels.”

I frowned and glanced quickly at Patty. “What do you mean?”

“He’s probably never told you anything about his family.”

I shook my head.

“No, he wouldn’t.” Patty sighed. “Because he’s afraid of the stories.” She shook her head and smiled, then looked at me and asked, “Does he hiccup around you?”

I giggled. “Does h
e
hiccu
p
? No, why?”

“When you two are flirting or kissing, he doesn’t hiccup or cough or anything?” Patty chuckled when I shook my head in confusion. “Then Matt’s afraid he’ll become impotent.”

“What?” My shriek echoed across the valley.

Patty laughed at my expression. “I know, it sounds ridiculous. I
t
i
s
ridiculous, of course, but the Engel’s have a legend to explain generations of broken families. They say if an Engel man hiccups around a girl, he probably won’t have the nerve to marry her, but if he does, there’s only a small chance it will last.”

I stared at Patty like she was crazy. “Who lies awake at night coming up with these things?”

Patty smiled and kept going. “If he doesn’t hiccup or cough around her, and he marries the girl, they’ll be happy for a couple years, probably have a child or two, but then he’ll become impotent. That will, of course, be so humiliating that he’ll leave her.”

“You’re making this up,” I said, laughing. “You’re just trying to make me laugh so I’ll feel better.”

“I wish. Remember I told you Matt’s mother and I were friends? She couldn’t decide if she liked Ted or Will best. Both boys pursued her, but Ted couldn’t stop hiccupping when they were alone together. He was afraid of the legend, told me later he loved her too much to risk ruining her life, that his entire family history proved the legend was real.”

I wondered if Matt really believed any of this. Broken homes can cause more broken homes. Hiccups can’t.

“Will asked her to marry him and, since Ted never asked, she married Will. Within two years, Matt was born and Will was gone. He wrote her a letter telling her about the legend. Said that’s why it wasn’t his fault.”

“I take it Uncle Ted’s been a bachelor all his life?” I asked skeptically.

Patty nodded. “But I know he desperately wanted to marry Matt’s mother after Will left her.”

I frowned, trying to figure out how modern men could believe such nonsense. “But it’s not real,” I said. “It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, not a real curse or something.”

“I know.” Patty shrugged.

“And Matt knows about this? And believes it?” I couldn’t wrap my head around that idea.

“He knows about it,” Patty said. “I don’t know what he believes. He doesn’t talk about his family or their history.”

I was quiet for a moment, trying to digest this bizarre twist. “Well…he doesn’t hiccup, but…when we’re kissing it doesn’t feel like impotence will be a problem for him.”

Patty covered her mouth with her hand and tried to hide her laughter. I giggled. “Problem is,” she said, “that’s part of the legend. Stud becomes gelding.”

I laughed, then sobered. It was funny, but not if Matt believed it. “So, maybe he likes me and is afraid of what might happen?” I had a thought. “And maybe that’s why he was so mad at me when I said I wasn’t going to sleep with him,” I said quietly.

I sat on the rock, staring out over the valley, weighing it all in my mind. Poor Matt. What a horrible story to hear, and maybe fear or believe, growing up. But how did understanding him help our present crisis?

“I’m still not sure what to do, Patty. Matt seems too smart to be superstitious. But I rather doubt he’d take it well if I started discussing his family secrets.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, sweetie. We all have baggage. The key is to find someone who will let you carry some of theirs, and who you’ll let carry some of yours. Then, together, you choose to leave some of it behind. Don’t walk away from a good relationship just because it’s difficult.”

“You aren’t suggesting I forgive Dirk and let him win me back, are you? He was giving me a speech about forgiveness earlier.” I didn’t know what I was going to do if Patty agreed wit
h
tha
t
statement.

“Marriage is a promise to not give up until you die. Dating carries no such promises. If you still love Dirk and trust him and believe the two of you can put his infidelities behind you
—
permanentl
y
— that’s one thing. But you don’t owe him anything, not even a second chance. Do you understand the difference?”

I nodded. I felt like the weight of the world — th
e
guil
t
of the world — had lifted from my shoulders. I fel
t
free
.
“I feel so much better,” I told her. “I still don’t know what to do, but I’m not ready to give up on Matt yet.”

“Good.” Patty laughed with me. “I don’t know what you should do either. But you’ll figure it out.”

More than ever, I wanted to work things out with Matt. I couldn’t wait to get home and call him.