Little Miss Lovesick (20 page)

“Great!” I stomped onto the deck and threw myself into my chair.

“Oohhh, what happened?”

I shook my head. “He’s an asshole. That’s what happened.”

I heard Emily murmur, “Do you mind? It’s kind of an emergency,” in the background. “Okay, tell me everything.”

“He just ran out of here in a fit because I said I wouldn’t have sex with him! He’s such a jerk!”

“Who? Matt?”

“Yes
,
Mat
t
! I was trying to be nice and he got mad because he thinks I don’t think he’s a gentleman which
I
d
o
or I wouldn’t be going out with him though I probably won’t b
e
no
w
which is just fine since he’s afraid to be seen with me anyway!” I stopped to take a breath.

“Wow,” Emily said slowly. “How did all this come up? Start at the beginning.”

I got up and paced my porch while I told her about the last twenty-four hours. The puppy, dinner, falling asleep, kissing, hitting my head — and today, which started out great and ended up in a crash and burn.

“Huh,” Emily said. I knew that tone.

“What?” My guard went up.

“Did you want to vent, or did you want my opinion?”

I
kne
w
I knew that tone. I thought for a moment. I probably shouldn’t ask, but… “Tell me.”

She took a deep breath. “Well, in my opinion, most people get mad without warning when they get too close to a truth they don’t want to face.”

I knew I wasn’t going to like this. Wait, she must mean Matt. Okay, that’s fine then.

“So what truth do you think Matt doesn’t want to face?” I thought I heard her laugh, but there was a lot of background noise so maybe not.

“Maybe h
e
doe
s
want to have sex with you, but he doesn’t want to admit it because he doesn’t want a relationship. Or maybe your talk of marriage scared him and he thinks that’s what you’re fishing for. Or maybe he’s just a nice guy who thought you were moving too fast.”

I grunted. “Yeah, right.” Was there such a thing? “He seemed to be moving fast enough last night.”

He did say you were only on first bas
e
, said a Voice
.
Maybe it was only in your imagination that you already saw the entire play.

I dropped down in my chair again. Don’t want to listen to that Voice.

“What about you?” Emily asked.

“What about me?” Defensive. Don’t want to listen to Emily’s voice either if she’s going to say something I don’t want to hear.

“Is there anything you’re afraid to admit?”

“Matt’s the one with the problem, not me.” I kicked little pebbles off my deck with my toe. Matt’s pebbles.

I did hear her chuckle that time. “Oh, well, i
n
tha
t
case. So you don’t want to have sex with him?”

Desperately. “No! I just said that!”

“Okay.”

“Okay what? What am I supposed to do?”

She sighed into the phone. “Well, it looks like your choices are a) have sex and see if that fixes the problem or makes it worse — not the best plan if you ask me, b) break up and see if you both feel better, or c) cool down and apologize and see what happens. Personally, I think you two are good together.” She chuckled. “Obviously, you’ve got chemistry.”

“Thanks, Em,” I growled. I picked up a pebble and threw it as hard as I could at a tree. A couple birds flew out of the branches. A squirrel skittered away.

“Hey, anytime,” she said, all cheerful. “I’ll call you later and see what you decided.”

I closed my phone. “Blah, blah, blah,” I said. I liked it better when she just listened instead of helped.

CHAPTER 21

WHEN I walked into GT’s kitchen a few days later, my prayers were answered. Matt stood at the counter. Surrounded by papers and on the phone, he looked busier than ever. I wondered if I should wait to apologize. (I’d decided Em’s Plan C seemed like a good first choice.) As I paused, thinking about it, he hung up.

“GT’s in his office,” he said without looking up.

“Thanks,” I said, moving a couple steps closer. “Um, I wanted to apologize about…the other day.” I waited for him to look up.

He dialed another number on his phone.

“I’m sorry we…I didn’t mean to—”

“Listen, I’ve got a major problem here, okay?” He looked at me for the first time. “Can we talk about this later? Ed, Matt here. Yeah, he wants to change it.”

Well
,
tha
t
was a dismissal if I’ve ever seen one. I took a deep breath, trying to remain calm. Okay, I’ll take care of business first, see if Matt has a moment later.

I walked down the hall and around the corner. GT’s office door was open but he wasn’t in there. A moment later, I heard him come barreling around the corner, talking to someone. Nope, cell phone. I jumped out of his way as he rushed into his office with a “’Scuse me, darlin’” in the middle of a sentence.

He flipped through some papers on his desk, found what he was looking for, and sat down. I tried to stay inconspicuous near the door. We had an appointment so I knew I wasn’t interrupting. If Matt weren’t in the middle of something, too, I’d go hang out with him for a few minutes.
(
S
o
not an option today.)

A minute later, I heard GT say, “Can you hang on? Just a moment.” He looked up and caught my eye. “I’m sorry, darlin’, but I’ve gotta take this. Can we reschedule?”

“Of course, GT. Give me a call.” I smiled my professional smile. Great, one of the houses I wanted to show him would probably be sold before we could make it over there. I waved and left him to his phone call.

When I left, Matt was nowhere to be seen. Yet another thing that had to be put off till later. Big sigh. I drove back to the office to re-plan my day. Perry walked by my desk on his way to get coffee.

“What are you doing inside on such a beautiful day? Can’t find anyone to show a house to?”

I pulled my laptop out of my briefcase and plugged it in. “GT had to reschedule.”

Perry shook his head. “I don’t know about that guy. He might be dead weight.” He had a smile in his voice — he always did — but this was the second time he’d mentioned his concern.

I sighed. “He’s eager to buy, he just hasn’t found it yet.”

Perry handed me a fax. I looked at it. Another impossible list from GT.
I
reall
y
wanted to crumple it up, but not in front of my boss.

“If he keeps this up, he never will.” Perry watched me unload my briefcase. “You have a battery in that thing?” He pointed to my computer with his empty mug.

“Yeah,” I said, pausing to look up at him.

“Take it down to the beach. You need some fresh air.”

I looked at all the files on my desk. So much to do.

“Nothing that can’t wait a couple hours,” he said, reading my mind. “Why live in the palm of God’s hand if we don’t take the time to enjoy it? Grab a smoothie. Breathe in the scent of dead fish. It’s good for the digestion.”

Surprised laughter floated up. Perry had a knack for knowing how to show his concern without making you cry. Which I might’ve done if he’d continued acting so nice for another thirty seconds.

As I stood there undecided, he pushed one of my buttons. “Besides, I need someone to drive past the Lockwood estate and give me an update on the landscaping. I don’t have time.”

“Oh, well, I can do that for you.” Call me a brown-noser, but I enjoy helping Perry out. He’s so good to his employees, as a boss and as a person, it just makes yo
u
wan
t
to work hard.

He knows yo
u
, said a Voice
.
He knew you wouldn’t go unless he gave you some pretend work. I bet he could find out what he needs to know with a phone call.

Whatever.

As I repacked my stuff, I wondered if Perry knew driving relaxed me. Round trip to the Lockwood place would be a minimum of two hours.

He said he didn’t have tim
e
, said another Voice
.
That’s why he asked.

Yeah, that’s true. I’d become a basket case after Dirk broke up with me, and I didn’t want my boss or co-workers to ever see that side of me again. Hide stress at all costs. That’s my new motto.

I called Em from the road. “Hey, in a minute, look out one of the windows and wave.” I had to drive past her office on my way to the Lockwood’s. (No, I didn’t go to the beach. I wanted to, but if I relaxed, I’d mope about Matt. Better to keep working and not think.)

“Here, I’m waving on the inside.”

Definitely tense. Poor thing. “Bad day?”

“You could say that.”

“Well, I’ve got a cure. Wanna have margaritas Thursday?”

“You have a closing? That’s great.”

Not very enthusiastic. Must be a really bad day. “My treat.”

“I don’t know if I can make it.”

“Oh, no, you’ve got to, Em,” I teasingly whined. “We’ve haven’t missed Closing Margaritas in a year! It’s like my lucky socks.”

“If I can I will, but it looks like we’ll be working late all week.”

“How about we go whenever you get off work? If you have to work late, we’ll have dinner, too.”

“Listen, Syd, the world doesn’t revolve around you, okay? I can’t be at your beck and call whenever you need something. I’ve got my own problems.”

I opened my mouth and blinked in shock. The car in front of me slowed down abruptly and I hit my brakes, checking my mirrors to be sure the guy behind me braked, too.

“I better get off the phone before I rear-end someone,” I said quietly. “Call me later if you want to talk about — whatever.”

“I don’t want to talk about it, but thanks.”

Ouch. I’ve never known Em to be so short with me.

“Emily, are you okay?”

I heard her sigh.

“Are you mad at me?” I tried to think of what I might’ve done or not done recently that I should apologize for. Had I been treating our friendship like the world revolved around me?

“Syd! I just said it’s not about you, all right?”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye.” She hung up.

I let out my breath in a huff. Fine. Hang up on me. I tossed the phone onto the passenger seat. My day was becoming an endless chain of one sucky argument after another.

BY THURSDAY, I was thoroughly stressed out and trying not to show it. The Slocum’s closing was scheduled for two. I needed to order flowers and buy a teddy bear for the new baby. (I learned from Perry that gifts from the realtor are unexpected and so doubly appreciated. Happy clients make good word-of-mouth advertising.) Plus I had paperwork to prepare for another closing next Friday.

The good thing about Heartbreak is that you can become a workaholic and kick your career into high gear. If I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life, I might as well be successful. Not that I think of myself as Heartbroken any longer. I’m over him. Dirk, I mean. And since Matt’s not talking to me, I don’t care about him either. I’m just sayin’.

I called the florist, then grabbed my purse. It would take me nearly an hour — an hour I didn’t have — to drive to the store where I wanted to buy the bear. I knew I should’ve done it last night, but I was exhausted then.

“Going to lunch?” Trent called from his desk. He got up and walked over. “Wanna get some Chinese?”

“No, I don’t have time.” I rummaged through my purse, then my briefcase, looking for my keys.

“Anything I can help with?”

“No, I’ve got to run out near the mall to buy a closing gift for a two o’clock.” I found the keys. “Lunch is going to have to wait until dinner today.”

I stuffed my computer into my briefcase along with the file I’d have to work on tonight at home. I looked at my watch. Crap.

“Maybe tomorrow then.”

“Dammit, Trent! Just back off, okay?”

I looked up to see him raise his hands in the air and retreat to his desk. Great. No time to apologize now.

I hurried to the front door, let loose really bad swear words in my head, and ran back to my desk. The file fo
r
today’
s
closing was still on my chair. So I wouldn’t forget it. I grabbed it and ran for my car.

I bought the softest bear ever made and made it to the mortgage office before the Slocum’s got there. The flowers had arrived minutes before me. Pink and blue carnations stuck in a lush potted plant. The carnations would die in a couple days, but the plant could last forever. A good omen for their new life.

When I heard Todd’s voice in the lobby, I went to greet them. They both looked beyond excited. And Rosie looked like she was ready to burst in other ways, too. It’s hard to believe babies are so small when they actually get here.

“We did it, honey,” Rosie said when they finished signing everything. “You were right about that stupid plan.” She laughed.

Todd kissed her soundly and turned to me. “I told her, the way to get what you want is to develop a strategy. You know, ‘plan the work and work the plan.’” He looked back at his wife. “And now we’ve got everything we ever wanted.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said as I drove home. Yes, home, not out for margaritas. Emily really had cancelled on me. I still could hardly believe it. Anyway, I wondered if I needed a plan. Get my life together somehow. But where to start?

I actually thought I was doing okay with the plan I made on the fishing trip to force myself to get over Dirk and start feeling better. Life had gotten a lot better…and then it got worse again. Todd and Rosie talked about a written plan, step by step. Maybe writing things down would make a difference.

At home, I changed into a T-shirt and shorts and sat on my couch, hugging a pillow and staring into space. What did I want
—
reall
y
want — and how would I get it? I snorted. If I didn’t figure out the answer to the first part, I’
d
neve
r
figure out the answer to the second part.

A knock on my door startled me from my musings. I opened it to find — wait for it — Dirk. You guessed it. (What’s with my inability to use the peephole?)

Too tired and depressed to even get upset, I just stood there, waiting for him to speak. He put his foot on the doorsill so I couldn’t close the door in his face. Smart move. In another mood, I would’ve been irritated or amused. Today, nothing.

“I thought of a way to prove to you that I love you,” he said quickly, without even a hello.

I waited.

“I want to hire you to buy a house. But you can pick it! See? It’ll be a house fo
r
u
s
, something you’ve always wanted.” He paused. “Well, what do you think?”

I sighed. Six months ago he would’ve been completely correct — i
t
woul
d
prove to me that he loved me. But six months ago, I didn’t doubt that he did. Today was another story.

I started to tell him to go home, but what came out instead — tears, lots and lots of them. What happened to my plan to feel better
,
to stop crying
?
Embarrassed, I tried to pretend nothing unusual was happening. I tried to say “go home.” Just two words. That’s all I needed.

Four years of memories overwhelmed me. Good memories. I could smell Dirk’s clean, manly scent. I could feel his strong, hard body. I remembered falling asleep with him spooned up against me. I remembered arguing about what movie to see and watching two.

Then I remembere
d
he
r
. I’d never met her, never even suspected, but I remembered the night I learned about her. I tried to compose myself. That’s when I realized Dirk was rocking me in his arms. I struggled to get away.