Lipstick and Lies (5 page)

I elbowed the door open
.
The
girls
were
sitting on
Petra
’s bed
.
They were
surrounded by girly paraphernalia
.

‘
I’ve just come to say goodnight.
’

‘
You look amazing Cass!
’
Petra
looked
genuinely surprised.

‘
Do you like it?
’
I gave a little twirl.

‘
It’s
definitely
an improvement on your usual
attire.’

‘Yeah,’
Livvy
agreed
, ‘
ancient
tat covered in
baby puke
.
’
She
shifted
o
ff the bed and
came over to me.
Her
arms
entwined
around my neck
.
Ah.
S
till my baby girl at heart.
I dropped a kiss on her head
just as
the taxi emitted a
series of
urgent toots
.

‘See you later girls.’
I blew a kiss to
Petra
, before hastening downstairs.

In the kitchen
I found
my mother-in-law
.
She was
spooning mashed potato
and
flaked
cod
in
to
Eddie
’s mouth
.
Naturally
Edna had made
her grandson’s dinner from scratch.
Okay, it was hardly coq au vin
.
B
ut
it definitely wasn’t
Mr
Heinz
.
Another
inadequacy
on my part.

‘
Hi Edna,
’
I
smiled,
instantly
ashamed.
Who was I to
pass judgement on Edna’s
menu for
Eddie
when
she’d agreed to
babysit five children on the biggest knees-up of the year?

‘
You look nice Cassandra,
’
Edna
said
politely
.
Her
eyes
avoid
ed
my billowing
chest
.
The taxi
gave
another round of agitated tooting
.
‘
You’d best be off dear
.
H
ave a wonderful evening and don’t hurry home.
’

‘
Thanks Edna.
For everything.
’

I
hovered
.
D
ebat
ed
whether to risk kissing
Eddie
.
An
unappetising mixture of fish and dribble slid down
his chin
.
Opting to
wave
instead,
I scampered out
to the cab.

When Matt greeted us the party was well underway.

‘
Hello
!’
he
yelled
over the thumpity-thump of disco music.
‘
Come in and make merry
.
M
y wife certainly is.
Ooh, champers
.
And lots of it.
L
ovely!
’

‘
Cass!
Over here,
’
called Morag
.
She
’d been
buttonholed by a
n
admirer
and
was signalling
,
discreetly,
for
rescue
.
The man had his back to me
,
but I
’d have re
cognised
those shoulders
anywhere.
Stevie.
My ex-husband.
Predictably he was flirting
.
When he turned to greet me, it was evident he was in a fluster.
But then that was hardly surprising given Morag’s outfit.
Her tiny dress was little more than
silver
bands
criss-crossing around her body.
T
wo scraps of material
were struggling to support her bust
.
Her back was entirely bare
.
The
remains of the dress
just about
covered
her bottom.
She looked like a badly wrapped bandage.
Albeit a
very glamorous
one
.

‘
Hi Cass,
’
Stev
ie
pecked
my
cheek.
‘
Y
ou’re looking
very
Rubenesque.
The additional pounds you’re carrying suit you.
’

‘
Thank you,
’
I
inclined
my head graciously
.
‘
Y
ou too are carrying your extra weight
very
well.
’
Stevie threw
his head
back and laughed
.
Turning to
Morag
, I
embraced her warmly.
‘
You look amazing,
’
I
said
truthfully.
She was slimmer now than before
her pregnancy
,
and twice as toned.
‘
Do
share
your secret
!
’

‘
Protein shakes
.
And
lots of
sex.
Beats the gym every time.’

‘Sexercise!’ Stevie
laughed throatily
.
‘Great idea
,
Morag.
Anytime you want a bit of help with the workout,
give me a
shout
.
’

Morag waggled a finger playfully.
‘
And does
Charlotte
know you are volunteering
naughty
services?
’

‘
Talk of the devil,
’
I muttered
.
A
young
girl, her
beautiful
face marred by irritation,
was
shoving
her way through the throng
.

‘
Ah.
Excuse me girls
.
I’ll
catch
up with you later
.
’
Stevie
went to
greet his long-suffering girlfriend.

‘
H
e doesn’t change,
’
I sighed
.

‘
No regrets?
’
Morag asked slyly.

‘
Don’t be ridiculous,
’
I spluttered.
‘
The man’s an absolute tart.
’

‘
Yes,
’
Morag
agreed,
‘
but
sexy
nonetheless.
’

I gaped at my friend in astonishment.
‘
You’re not tempted by the likes of him are you?
’

‘
I’m a happily married woman
Cass.
But
if I wasn’t, then I wouldn’t say no.
Thankfully
I have
a
gorgeous husband
who revs me up perfectly
.
’

‘
Still taking your
aphrodisiac
jollop?
’

‘
Of course
.
And so should you.
Sex is important.
’

‘
I’m too
tired
half the time
.
Plus
we
nearly
always get interrupted.
You
have
no idea what it’s like in our household.
’

‘
No different to mine
surely?
’
Morag arched a
n
eyebrow.
She had a point.
My friend was
the
fourth
Mrs Harding
and
had
i
nherited a
large
ready
made family.
‘
Baby
Henry
has
more
brothers and sisters
than I
can remember
.
’

‘
And where is my divine godson this evening?
’
I
asked, anxious to steer conversation
away from my sex life.

‘
Upstairs with Joanie
.’
Joanie was Matt’s eldest daughter
,
and an absolute sweetie.
‘
I’ll pop up in
a bit
and
give him his bottle.
Isn’t it about time you
got Eddie off the tit and onto
the
silicon
e
?
’

I prickled slightly.
‘
As it happens,
i
t’s my New Year’s Resolution.
’

‘
Good.
And then you can start
getting
yourself back into shape.’
Morag
cast a critical eye over my hips and chest.
‘
You’ve been carting those udders around
for
far too long.
’

My friend
was never backward in coming forward
.

‘
W
ell
my
udders
– as
you so eloquently put it
– haven’t
looked this good in decades
.
I’m not particularly looking forward to losing them
when the milk dries up
.
How come yours have
n’t dropped
?
’

‘
Ah, well that’s another type of s
ilicon
e
.
’

‘
Eh?
’

‘
They’re not real
Cass.
’

‘
You
have implants
?
’
I squawked.

‘
Sotto voce
,
’
murmured Morag.

‘But in all the time
we’ve
known
each other,’ I hissed, ‘
you
’ve
never
said a
dickey
bird
!’

‘
Well now I
have
.
And it’s our
little secret.
I
f you want to treat yourself to a pair one day, I’ll give you the telephone number of my surgeon.
He’s excellent.
’

‘
Flippin’ heck Morag
.
In the
last
few minutes you’ve told me to
sort out my sex life, my figure, and have a
boob job.
It’s a good thing you’re a mate.
’