Authors: Helen Hardt
“My God, Flora, I’m so sorry,” the duchess said.
“It’s all right, Maggie,” Lady Ashford said. “I’ll take care of my child. You take care of yours. He needs you.”
“Daniel, my darling, I’m so sorry.” His mother took his hand from Lady Ashford. “Come with me.”
“I can’t leave her,” he said, his voice cracking. “I can’t.”
“Come. The doctor must be able to do his work.”
“Her Grace is correct,” Blake said. “I’m sorry, but you must all leave. I’ll need a few maids to attend me.”
“I shall stay,” Lucy said. “I’ve attended many of the tenants in my day.”
“Lucy will be of great assistance to you,” the duchess said. “She’s had some training in nursing.”
“Thank you. That will be fine. Miss Landon, I’ll need some clean towels and sheets, and have the kitchen send up some boiling water.” He turned to a maid. “Light a fire in the grate, so we can keep water boiling in here while I operate.”
“I don’t want to leave her, Mother,” Daniel said, as the duchess gently pulled him up from the chair. “She needs me. I need her.”
“I know, darling, but you must come with me. You must let the doctor help her.”
His mother nudged him forward, out the door.
Moments later, Daniel sat in his mother’s suite of rooms on the third floor of the west wing. She helped him sit down on a comfortable sofa and rang for some tea.
“My darling boy,” she said. “Can you tell me what happened?’
Daniel raked his fingers through his hair again, disheveling it further. “She fell down the back stairwell, from the third to the second floor. My God, she was probably coming to see me.”
The duchess nodded. “This isn’t your fault, Daniel.”
“It is,” he said. “I believe she was pushed.”
“What? Why would you think that?”
“She regained consciousness for a few moments in my chamber. She said… My God, she said it was Lady Gregory.”
“She actually said that Lady Gregory pushed her?”
“No. Not exactly. She just said ‘It was Amelia.’”
“Why on earth would Lady Gregory push Lily down the stairs?”
“I told you this is all my fault. Damn it all to hell!” He stood and started pacing, his heart thundering.
“Please, my darling, sit.” The duchess patted the sofa beside her. “None of this is your fault.”
“It is. Lady Gregory wants me for herself. She told me so.”
“Surely she wouldn’t…”
“She would. Remember how her husband died?”
“Nothing was ever proven.”
“It doesn’t matter. She pushed him, and now she pushed Lily. And if Lily dies, it will be all my fault. I can’t bear this. I can’t! Just when I thought I had everything.” He sat down and buried his face in his hands.
The duchess put her arms around him. “Daniel, if this is true, we need to summon the authorities.”
“Yes, yes. I want her off this estate. I want to see her rot in Newgate. The hangman’s noose is too good for her!”
“Do sit still for a moment.” The duchess rose and rang for a servant, whispered to him for a few minutes, and returned. “Crawford will summon the authorities, and Lady Gregory will be escorted from the premises.”
“Thank you, Mother.”
“I’m going to take care of you, Daniel, the way I should have taken care of you when you were a boy. There are so many things I’m sorry about. So many things…”
“None of that matters now,” Daniel said, resisting his mother’s embrace. “All that matters is Lily. I don’t know what I’ll do without her.”
“You will go on, of course. But you’re putting the cart before the horse, darling. Lily is young and strong. There is every chance that she will come through this.”
“She changed everything for me. She made me feel alive again. She showed me kindness and tenderness when I needed her. I love her, Mother. I love her.”
“I know you do. I know,” the duchess said, trying again to embrace him. “She will be all right, Daniel, and the two of you will have a long and happy life together.”
A maid brought in a tea tray, and the duchess poured a cup. She held it out to Daniel.
“Drink this. Come on.”
He pushed her hand away.
“Just one sip.”
He obliged her.
“Good boy.” She took a sip of her own tea. “She’s going to come back to you. Just wait and see.”
“It doesn’t matter whether she comes back to me. I just want her to live. She has so much vigor and passion. I love her more than I ever thought I could love anyone. Christ, I never told her.” He shook his head. “I’m going to let her go.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not going to force her to marry me.”
“Daniel…”
“I’ll beg her to. I’ll tell her how much I love her and I’ll give her anything she wants. But in the end, I won’t force her. I was wrong to go behind her back and talk to Ashford. I just couldn’t bear the thought of her refusing me. But I was being selfish. Her happiness means more to me than my own. If, in the end, she wants to leave, I will let her go.”
“She won’t leave you, my darling. She loves you.”
“I don’t know that she does.”
“Of course she does. How could she not?”
“I never dared to hope that she could love me. I’ve made so many mistakes. So many years of wandering aimlessly, engaging in affairs.” He looked at his mother in wonder, his heart full, yet breaking. “But it all led me to her, didn’t it?”
“Yes, it did.”
“I’ll do anything for her. Even if she can’t give me an heir. All I want is her.”
“She will stay with you.”
“God, I hope you’re right.” Daniel rubbed the nape of his neck. “If I lose her, I don’t think I can go on. She seems to know me better than I know myself. I don’t know how, but she can read me like no other. She told me I hadn’t mourned for father and Morgan. How did she know? She offered to help me, to talk to me. I turned her down. If I could take that back I would tell her everything. I would…”
“Come here, my darling.” His mother pulled him close. “It will be all right. It will be all right.”
Daniel resisted at first, but then let his mother cradle his head as if he were a babe. His stomach ached as he trembled, his mother’s caresses doing little to soothe him. His breath came in rapid pants as daggers sliced into his marrow. His stomach churned and his bowels cramped. Fear. Gut-wrenching terror. Sorrow ripping out his soul.
Slowly he breathed. In and out. In and out. Then he did something he hadn’t done in over two decades.
He cried in his mother’s arms.
T
homas walked
around the estate looking for Rose, his heart pounding. If only he had kept a better eye on Lily, kept her out of Lybrook’s bed. But he had failed her. How in the world had Lily managed to fall down the stairs? He spied Rose at the stables, walking with Lord Evan. He ran toward them.
“Rose!” he shouted. “Rose, you need to come quickly!” Thomas caught his breath. “It’s Lily. She’s had an accident.”
Rose gasped. “What happened?”
“She fell down a flight of stairs. She’s…she’s bleeding from her womb. Lybrook’s physician is with her now.”
Rose nearly lost her balance.
Evan steadied her. “Easy, Rose,” he said. “It’s all right.”
“I must go to her at once,” Rose said. “I’m sorry, my lord.”
“Don’t be,” Evan said. “I’ll come as well. Jameson, what is the prognosis?”
“The doctor says he has to stop the bleeding. If he cannot, he’ll remove her womb.”
“No!” Rose cried. “What about the duke’s heir?”
“There won’t be one,” Thomas said. “At least not by Lily.”
Tears formed in Rose’s eyes. “No, no. That’s too horrible to contemplate. Oh, Thomas. What are we going to do?”
“Pray,” Thomas said. “Come on. We’ll go to the manor and wait for word.”
They walked quickly toward the mansion. A constable’s carriage stood out front. Two constables from Bath escorted Lady Gregory out of the house.
“What is going on here?” Thomas demanded.
“We have a warrant for this woman’s arrest,” one of the constables said. “We have reason to believe that she pushed the duke’s betrothed down a flight of stairs.”
“You!” Thomas bellowed at Amelia. “I should have known you were behind this, you conniving little bitch.”
“Thomas!” Rose admonished.
“She pushed Lily, Rose,” Thomas said. Then, to Amelia, “My sister could be dead because of you. She may never be able to bear children!”
“Good riddance, my lord,” Amelia said. “The little fool isn’t fit to be a duchess, much less to bear the next duke.”
“You take that back,” Rose said.
Evan tried to calm her. “It’s all right, Rose.”
“No, it’s not all right.” Rose cocked her head. “Why, that’s Lily’s ring!”
“It’s mine,” Amelia said.
“Thomas, it’s Lily’s,” Rose said. “She showed it to me earlier. The duke gave it to her for their betrothal.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I swear it. I’d recognize it anywhere. It’s a sapphire, not an emerald. It’s a very unique shade of green.”
“Constable,” Thomas said, “you can add theft to your charges. It appears Lady Gregory has stolen my sister’s ring.”
“Give it to me. Now.” Rose held out her hand.
“I’ll do no such thing.” Amelia seethed. “It belongs to me.”
Rage surged through Thomas. “Give that ring to my sister right now, or I swear to you by all I hold dear, I’ll break my cardinal rule of never striking a woman!” He moved toward Amelia, the constables doing little to stop him.
“Are you going to stand there and let him threaten me?”
“You’d best give the ring back, my lady,” one of the men said.
“Now, Amelia,” Rose said. “Lily’s ring, please.”
Amelia took the ring from her finger and dropped it in Rose’s hand. “Take the damn thing. It’s a silly bauble.”
Rose stepped forward and punched Amelia square in the nose.
“You little bitch!” Amelia screamed, tears streaking her face as blood gushed from her nostrils. “You broke my nose!”
“I don’t share your sentiment about never striking a woman, Thomas,” Rose said. “This one had it coming.”
“I don’t disagree,” Thomas said.
“Nice right hook,” Evan added. “When did you learn that?”
“Today,” Rose replied.
D
aniel sat
on a bench in the chapel, his head buried in his hands.
Please, God, save her. Please, I’ll do anything.
“Your Grace?”
Daniel looked up. “Lady Rose,” he said hoarsely. “Is there any news?”
“No, Your Grace. Not yet. I’m sorry.”
“Oh.” He stood. “Is there something you need?”
“No, Your Grace. I came to…give you this.” She held out the green engagement ring.
“Lily’s ring.” He took it and fingered the green stone. “Where did you find it?”
“It was on Lady Gregory’s finger. Thomas and I saw her as the constables were escorting her out of the house.”
“The ring I found especially for Lily?” He clutched at his hair. “Dear God, what must she have said to her?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I thought…that you’d like to have the ring.”
“Yes, yes, of course.” Daniel sat back down, his anger at Amelia giving away to fear and grief. “How did you get it back?”
“I made her give it to me,” Rose said. She gave a light smile. “I punched her in the nose.”
“You did?”
“Yes, I did. She had it coming.” Rose sat down beside him. “Your Grace, Lily cares for you very much. I want you to know that.”
Daniel closed his eyes, trembling. How he hoped Lily’s sister was right. “Thank you.”
Rose sat beside him, and he continued to pray silently, until Evan entered.
“Lady Lily’s out of surgery,” he said. “The doctor wants to talk to all of you.”
“
G
ood
, you’re here,” Blake said, when Daniel and Rose entered. “Everything went well. I have stopped the bleeding. It wasn’t necessary to remove the womb.”
“Oh thank God!” Lady Ashford said.
“I want to see her,” Daniel said.
“Of course, in a moment,” Blake said. “I need to explain a few things. She has a concussion. She will drift in and out of consciousness for the next day or two. I have her sedated right now and on morphine for the pain. She may develop a fever. It’s quite common after a surgical procedure.”
“Oh dear,” the countess said.
“She’s young and healthy. We’ll keep her cool as best we can.”
“Is there any risk at this point?” Daniel asked.
“There is always risk after any invasive procedure, Your Grace, but I have every reason to believe that she will recover nicely. May I speak privately to you for a moment?”
“Yes, yes, of course.” Daniel sighed with relief as he moved with Blake to the other end of the room. “What is it?”
“You’ll need to stay away from her, Your Grace. She can’t engage in…intimate relations for about six weeks. She needs time to heal.”
“Will she be able to have children?”
“Assuming everything heals as it should, yes.”
Daniel sighed again. “I want to see her.”
“You may sit with her, but she’ll be unresponsive.”
“I don’t care. I need to be with her.”
“Of course. I will go rest at the bachelor house. I’ll check in on her later. Meanwhile, have a servant fetch me if I’m needed. I won’t venture off the estate.”
“I’d prefer you stay here in the main house, if you don’t mind. I’ll have a chamber made up for you on this floor and your personals brought over.”
“That’s fine. Just direct me to wherever I’m staying. I’m exhausted.”
Once the others all left, Daniel sat by his bed, Lily’s hand in his. She slept soundly, though a bit fitfully, breathing irregularly with small beads of sweat forming on her forehead. He had dismissed the maids and the housekeeper, preferring to tend to her himself. He rose, dipped a cloth in a basin of cool water, wrung it out, returned, and placed it on Lily’s head. Exhausted, he lay down next to her, clasping her other hand in his, and drifted off.
He awoke to someone nudging him. “Daniel, Daniel.”
Wiping the sleep from his eyes, he recognized his Aunt Lucy.
“It’s time for her morphine.”
“What time is it?” Daniel sat up abruptly.
“It’s one in the morning, dear.”
“I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I need to watch over her.”
“No one expects you to stay up all night after what you’ve been through. She needs her morphine every six hours. Dr. Blake says the pain will be excruciating for the first day.
Daniel hugged Lily’s hand to his chest. “I can’t stand the thought of her being in pain.”
“She’s strong. She’ll be all right. Here, I’ll show you how to give her the medicine, and you can give her another dose in six hours.” Lucy sat down beside Lily and felt on her forehead. “She’s warm. I’m afraid the fever is starting. Let’s give her the medication, and then I’ll show you how to cool her.”
Lucy took a packet of powdered morphine and lifted Lily’s head from the pillow. With her other hand, she opened Lily’s mouth, poured the powder on her tongue, and held a glass of water to her lips. “Come on, sweetheart, take a drink,” she said. Lily’s head shook slightly and her eyes remained closed, but Lucy managed to pour some water down her throat. “Daniel, call for some ice. We need to cool her.”
“Shouldn’t we get Blake?”
“I think we can handle this. But if you’d feel better, I’ll summon him.”
“No, I’m sure he’s exhausted. I’ll get the ice.” He quickly rang for a servant and dispatched the order. When the ice arrived, Lucy crushed some in a cup and gave it to Daniel.
“Hold her head up and feed her some ice chips, one by one. They’ll melt quickly in her mouth because she’s so hot.”
Daniel did as he was told, while Lucy dropped some ice in a basin of cool water. She dipped a cloth in, wrung it out, and placed it on Lily’s forehead.
“Daniel, I need to undress her. We need to cool her body.” Lucy uncovered Lily and began to unbutton the nightdress that covered her. “If you’d rather…”
“No, I’ll stay. I want to take care of her.”
“What would the earl say?”
“I don’t care. I’m the one who will care for her. I want to. I need to.”
“All right, dear. It’s the middle of the night anyway. Who will know?”
Lucy removed the nightgown. Lily’s naked body was covered in a soft gleam of perspiration. Daniel frowned at the purple-and-blue bruises marring her beautiful arms and legs.
“The contusions are quite normal considering the fall she took,” Lucy said. “She’s lucky she didn’t break any bones.”
Her comment did little to ease Daniel’s worry. Lucy brought another cloth soaked in ice water and smoothed it over Lily’s parched body.
“The fever will go up and down, Daniel. That’s the course of it. When she’s hot like this, she needs to be cooled. When she shivers with fever chills, you need to cover her and warm her.”
“Yes. All right. Let me.” He took the cloth from Lucy, moistened it the ice water once more, and continued moving it over Lily’s body in long strokes. He rewet the cloth frequently, as her body seemed to heat the cloth all the way to his hand in no time at all.
Lucy touched her lips to Lily’s forehead. “She’s a bit cooler now. Give her a few more ice pieces. If you’d like to get some sleep, I’ll sit with her for the rest of the night.”
“No. I’m not leaving her.”
“All right, if you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.”
“You know where I am if you need me. She’s likely to go into chills soon. Wrap her in blankets, hold her, anything that seems to comfort her, all right?”
“Yes.”
“Good night.”
“Good night, Aunt Lucy. Thank you.”
Daniel didn’t sleep for the rest of the night. As Lucy had predicted, Lily began to shiver within a couple of hours. Daniel wrapped her in blankets and held her in his arms, speaking soothing words to her, hoping she could hear him.
“I love you,” he said softly. “I love you, Lily.”
Her body trembled against his, her eyes closed. He held her as close as he could, trying to transfer his body heat to her, kissing her temples, loving her, willing her to come back to him. When the chills finally subsided, he laid her back on the bed and tried to feed her some water, most of which dribbled down her chin. “Come on, love, just a little,” he said, “for me.”
In another hour she was burning again, so he fed her pieces of ice and cooled her as Lucy had shown him. Dawn broke, and at the hour of seven, he gave her another dose of morphine. Soon after, Dr. Blake came in.
“How is she?” he asked.
“Feverish,” Daniel said. “My aunt showed me what to do.”
“Have you been up all night, Your Grace?”
“I slept a little.”
Blake shook his head. “Let me examine her.” The doctor removed the covers and gazed upon Lily, clad only in a dressing robe that Daniel had draped over her. He held his hand to her forehead. “She’s a little warm, but not burning. You’ve taken good care of her.” He looked between her legs. “No residual bleeding. That’s good. When was her last dose of morphine?”
“Just a little while ago, at seven.”
“Good. Let’s continue it every six hours for the next full day. We should be able to cut back after that. She may wake up for a few minutes today, but that remains to be seen. Her concussion may keep her unconscious for another twenty-four hours. I’d like for her to take some broth if she wakes up. I’ll have some sent up. You’ll need to keep it warm on the grate since we don’t know when or if she’ll wake up today. Has she taken any water?”
“A little. It mostly drips down her chin.”
“How about ice?”
“When she’s burning, I let it melt in her mouth. It seems to go down.”
“Try ice for now, then. It will be easier to get into her than water. Keep feeding it to her.”
“Yes, all right.”
“Also, I’d like her bed linens changed. She’ll be more comfortable if they’re changed every day. More frequently if possible. The sweat from her body soils the linens and will irritate her skin.”
“I’ll see to it.”
“Good. Have her parents been in yet?”
“I’m here now,” the Countess of Ashford said, entering the room carrying a wicker basket. “How is my daughter?”
“She’s doing well, my lady. She’s feverish, but His Grace has taken excellent care of her. He’s hardly slept.”
“You should go, Your Grace. I’ll sit with her.”
“She needs her bed linens changed,” Daniel said.
“I’ll call for a maid,” the countess said.
“No, I want to do it.”
“Your Grace, that’s silly. There are servants—”
“I want to take care of her.”
Dr. Blake bowed. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll leave you two to fight this out. I’ll be back in to check on her in a few hours.” As he walked out, he turned to look at Daniel. “Your Grace, Lady Ashford is right. You need to rest. Have the servants change the linens, and let her mother sit with her for a while. She’s in good hands.” He shut the door behind him.
“You really do love her, don’t you?” Lady Ashford said.
Daniel sat down in his leather chair which had been moved to Lily’s side of the bed. “More than my own life.”
The countess sat down next to Lily, facing Daniel, and took one of her daughter’s hands in her own. “She’s not an easy one to love, you know. She’s stubborn as a mule, impatient, impulsive, quick to anger. She has little respect for authority or convention. She gave her father and me more trouble than Thomas and Rose combined.”
The countess laughed softly, smiling, drawing her daughter’s hand to her lips and kissing it lightly. “Oh, but she’s worth it. She’s so very intelligent and strong, so avidly curious. She has a passion and excitement for life that I’ve always envied. She finds joy and beauty in the simplest things.” She looked up at Daniel. “When she was younger, she used to share her journals with me. She wrote about everything, sometimes about the most mundane things, a cricket chirping, or a clump of weed growing in one of the gardens. Yet her descriptions made me feel as though I were experiencing something amazing for the first time. She has a manner of wriggling her way into one’s heart.”
She took one of Daniel’s hands and joined it to hers and Lily’s. “She has a big heart, you know. There’s room for you. Just be patient with her. She’ll come around.”
Daniel nodded numbly.
“Come now,” the countess continued. “You need to take care of yourself. You need a bath, a decent meal, and some sleep. Go to your father’s old chamber. I’ll send Putney to attend you.”
Daniel shook his head. “I can’t leave her.”
“You’re no good to her in this condition.”
Daniel stood up. Lily’s mother was right. “If anything changes…”
“I’ll send for you. Now go.”
“But—”
“Goodness, let me be her mother a little while longer. You’ll take care of her for the rest of her life.”
“I hope so.” Daniel raked his fingers through his disheveled hair moist with sweat and oil. “I want nothing more than to be her husband. But I won’t force her to marry me. I was wrong to go behind her back and arrange it with the earl.”
Lady Ashford rose from the bed and fetched the basket she had brought with her. “Some of Lily’s things,” she said. “To make her feel more comfortable when she wakes up.” She pulled out the Dickens novel. “From you?”
“Yes.”
She pulled out another book. “This is Lily’s journal. I couldn’t resist sneaking a quick peek. Her writing used to give me so much pleasure. I’d like to show you something.” She opened the book and leafed through the pages until she found the entry she sought. “I want you to read this.”
“I couldn’t,” Daniel said. “It’s too personal.”
“Under the circumstances, I don’t think she would mind.”
Daniel took the journal and began to read.
Daniel has the most remarkable green eyes I’ve ever seen. He no doubt inherited them from his mother, whose vivid eyes are striking, but Daniel’s are unique. On the surface, the color is like a flawless emerald, but beneath is a darker green, and then a layer of light violet, which is especially apparent around the edge of his irises. Beneath the violet is a sea of midnight blue, adding depth. When I stare into his eyes, I’m almost positive that I can see the very innermost chambers of his soul.
Were I a musician, I would compose a symphony for his eyes. The violins and violas would be the emerald green, floating over everything else, giving the music its structure, with the cello and bass viols providing the darker forest color that lies just under the surface. A trio of flutes, joined by a clarinet and oboe, would be the flutter of violet beneath the green, and the brass and percussion would be the ocean of midnight blue, thundering under all the rest, giving the orchestration its profound depth and meaning.
As an artist, I don’t think I could ever do justice to his beautiful eyes. How could I? The angels themselves must have come to earth to paint them in his mother’s womb. They have a celestial quality, as if I can see heaven when I look into them. Yet they’re reflective as well, like a looking glass wherein I can see not only his soul but my own. I feel defenseless, looking at him and knowing that my hidden thoughts and emotions, the very recesses of my heart, are visible to him. But I can’t look away. I don’t want to. My greatest desire is to lose myself in his eyes forever. It frightens me.
Daniel looked up at the countess, tears misting in the corners of his fatigued eyes.
“You should be proud, you know.” Lady Ashford smiled. “The chirping crickets didn’t merit half that much detail.”
Daniel began to smile. The countess was so different from Lily, but she shared a strength with her daughter. Lily’s strength was like a bolt of lightning, cascading down when she needed it, while her mother’s was like the soft glow of a candle in the fog, with quiet and patient determination. The countess had a sense of humor as well, so much like her daughter’s.