Life Is Short But Wide (27 page)

During these times, Herman had a lady-friend he visited every once in a while. He knew he was not the only one she was close to, so he prayed each time, before he lay down with her.

He was very careful; he seldom had sex with anyone. “I’m not putting anything of mine in any hole that turns up to me; too many pretty women are sitting on a disease, or two.” But Herman loved making love. Not just for the sexual finale; he loved love.

He loved the softness of the female skin, the smoothness of the arms and legs, her body. He loved the texture of her hair, fluffy, curled, straight, or curled tight; all these things made his five senses come alive. He loved the smell, the touch, even the very sight of some women. He loved the taste of a woman’s kisses, the feel of her
lips, soft and yielding. The sound of a female voice, the right voice, could send little thrills through the canals of his ears.

Then, as happens in life, he met a nice lady about his age, Willamena. She stayed at his house so often, they almost lived together. She had a daughter who lived with her, and she respected her daughter enough not to bring a man home to sleep in her bed. Herman liked and respected that.

Willamena dressed very nice, was always looking like she lived in a clothing store. Her hair was always in place; she went to church, she cooked very well, her house was clean. Everything about her seemed to be good. And, she made “good lovin,” as they say.

Herman was more than pleased with her. And though he did not want to be married again, did not trust life to be fair with him, he was tired of being so alone. This time he was really thinking about getting married to his Willamena. True, his heart was not leaping with joy, but he thought, “I’m too old to be looking for love, but at least I care a lot for her, and I won’t grow old alone.” He decided to marry Willamena.

I already told you, I am not good with dates and ages, but this is what I think: It was then around the year 1972, and Herman was only in his early fifties or very late forties, I’m not sure. But still, he worried about getting old or dying before he had a chance to have a real family, real love. No one knew Bertha’s birthday, but she was somewhere in her seventies or eighties, Juliet was near fifty, or just pass fifty, but her menstrual period had never stopped. Myine was in her early forties. Herman was about ten years older than she was. Cloud was in his middle or late fifties. The child Lola was now at
least twenty-three. Graduated high school, and working in a real estate office-, she wanted a home of her own. Remember, now, I could be a little wrong, but that’s close as I can get. My mama don’t remember at all!

Early one afternoon, before the marriage, Herman and Willamena went shopping to get a few more things for the reception she wanted. They were in a large department store and each wanted different things. He wanted to surprise her with a few things, and she wanted a few things for the reception.

He waited for her at an appointed place for a while, watching the busy shoppers around him. After thirty or forty minutes of waiting, he began to look for her. He went to have her paged over the loud-speaking system in the store’s office. That was where he found Willamena; she was in the hands of the store detective. She had been caught stealing.

Herman talked to the store manager and was finally able to pay for the stolen items taken from her bags. Later, he told Willamena, “I really care for you; you’re nice. But I was reared to believe if you will steal, you will also lie. You won’t make good decisions. I don’t want that kind of life, or wife. So we have to end our relationship.

“You take care of yourself. Be careful. I’ll bring your things to you.” That was the end of their relationship. It may seem abrupt, but warnings are warnings, and Herman’s experience made him take the warning seriously.

Herman just gave up on having any kind of serious love life. That struck his heart deeply. He was a loving man, a decent man.

He didn’t know what to do. He talked to God a lot. But sometimes you don’t know when He is answering you. His time is not like our time.

•

One morning, during all these passing years at about the same time, Myine was sitting on her porch swing thinking. Thinking about how many times she had been happy.

She was happy for Juliet, now. Juliet had Cloud, “but Juliet had always had Cloud all of this time. Even disabled, she has never had to worry about having a man of her own.”

Her mind just kept browsing over life, thinking, “Lord, I’m getting old now. Men don’t want any forty-something-year-old woman. Pretty soon that’s where I’ll be.” She watched the drifting clouds for a moment, still thinking. “I have nothing. Lola is not always going to be around; with her good education she’ll be able to do most anything reasonable she wants to do. Her mother didn’t stop her, though she tried. First one in her family to finish high school!

“So I did something good by keeping Lola. But the years I was taking care of her, and working, I should have been courting and getting myself a husband.

“Then Tante sent her daughter, Monee, over here to visit, and the Visit’ turned into a job for years; because Monee left her baby, Poem. Monee left the baby here with me, and went home to marry that older, rich man her mother wanted her to marry.

“Years passed before Monee came and took Poem home. She is in some private school over in France now. I love Poem just like she was my own, but she isn’t my own; I still don’t have a child of my own. I gave up my life to raise her and Lola. Now … my life is gone. I am old.

“I don’t have all of my teeth anymore; couldn’t afford to
keep all our teeth up at the dentist. I’ve replaced mine now, but they don’t look like they are mine. I know I’m grey before my time, I think.

“Lord, there are some mornings I just can’t get up from my bed; but I do. I have to. And my feet are always tired and sore. I know I can’t limp into some new life. Even Juliet started her affair when she was younger.”

She pushed the swing with her foot to start it swinging again. She laid her head back, still watching clouds drift by, and musing over the past.

“Lord, I thought I might have a life with that William Spencer I used to know. He seemed a nice man even though I was always too busy to do all the things he wanted to do. Shame on me, Lord, but I let him be my first beau; I let him make love to me one night.

“I didn’t have an orgasm, and that was alright; I thought we had time to get to that. But I think he just wanted a home. “When he asked me for some of my money, he had to go!

“Then there was Walter Greene. He seemed like a good man, too. Met him at church. A long time had passed since my last try with William, so I thought You would understand if I tried again. I let him try to make love to me, but still I didn’t have an orgasm. I didn’t have anything but a dirty sheet! And he wanted me to do all those freakish things I didn’t want to do; looking at my mouth, talking about filling every hole in my body with something of his! Not with me, he couldn’t!

“But, Lord, those are the only kind of men, those two, that I have known that close. Because I had those two youngsters to look after. And I can’t say I really regret having them. I loved Poem, cause she was my blood, even if I didn’t give birth to her.
And I love Lola; always did love her from the first. They’re both mine, but they are gone from me living their own lives, leaving me, alone, with mine.

“I have some good memories, but God, my whole life has belonged to someone else … from the time Tonya sold me away from my mother until right now.

“Don’t You see? I want my own life … and now it is too late. I’m glad I had Lola, and Poem, but I wish I’d had a husband, a child, and an orgasm. God, please, God, think of me. I just want something that is mine. That’s why my mother named me Myine: it means mine. And I don’t have a thing but a house.”

Musing, she watched the lazy clouds a little while longer, then her eyes dropped down to the trees on her land; she saw some of the little, wild animals, birds, squirrels, and such things which she loved. Her spirits lifted and she smiled sadly.

Then her eyes searched in the direction of Juliet’s house. Bertha had been sick and dying for years, she just wouldn’t let go of life. Myine saw Cloud’s old truck nearby on the street; so he was there with Juliet. Juliet still hadn’t married Cloud, because of Bertha. “We’re just all crazy, I guess.”

Myine breathed a heavy sigh, and stood up to go into her house, thinking, “Time is steady passing; I just might as well get used to being alone. I’m not ever going to have anyone of my own. Well, life goes on, anyway it can.”

Herman went through the next few years hoping someone would come along with whom he could fall in love, and at last have a home and family. In about a year or two, he met Connie.

Connie was cute, plump, loved to cook and eat, and she was clean. Her two children were grown, but not doing too well in this thing called life. But she seemed always ready, with time for Herman.

He didn’t move in with her either. Fear. Caution. But he really liked her pleasant moods; she always made him laugh, and he was comfortable. He visited when the need was upon him. After a few years he was settling in, comfortable with Connie, and thinking he might stay with her. He didn’t mess around on her, even though he didn’t love her.

Herman was just lonely for someone of his own. He often said to himself, “Mine, Lord, I want someone who will be mine. Mine alone.” As time passed, he began to think, “Lord, I’m too old to be thinking about love anyway. My time has passed. Better take the best I can get.”

He was planning to propose they get married, and that he would take some of his money and drive somewhere pretty, and take her on a honeymoon. He would still have plenty of money left to buy a house.

Deep in the nights, and deep in his mind, he thought about what he would be getting into, for life! “She does not do too much in bed; she has two moves at best. And there is not that extra thrill to it, like when you love somebody, but her body is soft and warm … and clean. That should be enough for an old man greying at the temples.

“My hair is not only turning grey, it’s leaving my head steadily, getting thinner. And I left a few teeth at my dentist last week. I’ve got this ache in my knee that I use to kneel on all the time; sometimes it pains me all the way to my hip. So, she won’t be getting macho man either.”

The couple had to take blood tests to get married. Herman was on his way to the doctor’s office, when he made a quick turn, and went by to talk it over with Bertha. It was from old habit, when Herman went to talk to Bertha. Bertha hardly knew he was there, and forgot everyone but Juliet almost immediately. Still, Herman thought, “I need to go by there anyway, it’s been a while.”

He found all of them home; Myine, Juliet and Cloud. They were sinking in grief; Bertha was dying. But, this time, it looked like she might lose her hold on life.

Herman’s heart twisted in his chest. “Lord, I never do anything right. I should have kept closer with you all. Cloud knew he could call me, or tell me when I bring him to work.”

Cloud said, without blame, “You are always in a hurry, Herman. I thought you were too busy to be worried with …”