Letting Go (24 page)

He shook his head.

“Then as hard as this is, you need to get over it. You need to decide if Quinn is worth this to you. I talked to her before I came here and I can promise you,” she said softly, “that you are worth it to her. She’s willing to take whatever people throw at her if it means she can be with you. If you love her, please don’t take a break or whatever other nonsense you’re thinking. Please don’t distance yourself from her. Please don’t waste another minute letting someone’s cruel words dictate what you should do. You know as well as anyone that life is too short for that.”

Luke sat there for
several long minutes, clearly conflicted as he digested Carly’s words.

“What it comes down to is whether or not you’re willing to risk living the rest of your life without her.
You tried living your life without her before. If I recall, you were pretty damn miserable. It’s that simple, really. Either you want to spend the rest of your life with her…or you don’t. Which is it?”

He looked up at Carly and she knew his answer before he said it. She’d known it all along.

“
I do.” He stood up and reached for his phone. It was sitting on the coffee table. Carly reached out and caught his wrist. “What are you doing? I thought you wanted me to call her?”

She shook her head. “No, I want you to do way more than that.”

He raised his eyebrows at her in question.

“
You’re going to make this up to her. You’re going to do it in a big way. And
I
am going to help you to make sure you do it right. Now, get your shoes on and grab your stuff. We’re getting out of here right now.”

19

“I’m so glad you decided to come over,” Nora said. “You sounded so upset earlier when we spoke, I was afraid you’d change your mind.”

Quinn didn’t admit that she
had
almost changed her mind. She didn’t really didn’t feel like visiting, but she really didn’t feel like being home either. She was far too restless. Carly was always able to calm her, but like Luke, she’d disappeared as well. When Nora insisted she come over, Quinn only briefly hesitated. She and Mrs. McGrath had always been close. Quite often, she felt closer to her than she did her own mother.

“I was going a little crazy, just pacing my floor,” Quinn admitted.
She didn’t admit that she’d spent the better part of the morning crying. The events of the night prior had her thinking about Jake. And missing him. No matter how much she loved Luke, she would always miss Jake. Then she had found herself crying over Luke, too. All in all, it had been a miserable morning.

Nora placed a mug of tea in front of Quinn’s spot at the kitchen table. She slipped into the chair across from her.
Quinn wrapped her hands around her own mug of hot tea. The action was familiar to her, as was sitting at the kitchen table, in the McGrath’s house with Nora.  She had been doing it for so many years, she couldn’t even remember when it had all started.

As wound up as she was, just being here in the familiar, taking part in the familiar, calmed her a bit.

“I understand why you were upset,” Nora gently began. “But you have nothing to worry about.”

“I’m not s
o sure,” Quinn said with a sigh as she traced along the wood grain of the table with her finger.

“I am,” Nora said firmly. “
I’m sorry Luke ran off like he did. But I spoke with him earlier—”

“You did?” Quinn asked. She was both relieved that at least Nora had heard from him and annoyed that
she
hadn’t. “Is he okay?”

“Yes, I think he will be. He did tell me about last night,” she admitted with a frown. “I understand now why both of you were so upset
today. You know how Luke is. Of my boys, there’s no doubt he’s always been the sensitive one. When he’s upset, he needs his space. I think part of it is that he doesn’t want to bring anyone else down with him. But also, I think he really needs time away to clear his head.”

Time away. Like the year he spent in Baxter.

Quinn averted her gaze as she took a sip of her tea. She couldn’t help but wonder how much time away Luke was going to need this time. The thought of being without him for any length of time caused her heart to ache. Her throat was so constricted she couldn’t have spoken right then if she’d wanted to. She tried to concentrate on the sound of Carter happily playing with Tom in the other room. As always, the presence of her son brought her a little sense of peace.

Nora continued on.

“I know that you know that Jake loved you with everything he had. Now, I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Luke,” Nora began. “It’s about Jake. Jake, he told me more than once, especially that year when things were so rough with Luke, that he felt guilty for being with you. Now, don’t get me wrong. He cherished you and he knew early on that he wasn’t willing to give you up. But he also always felt like he took you from Luke. He told me once that he knew in his heart that if he hadn’t stepped in, that you and Luke would be together. He also said that if you had to be with someone other than him, he would want it to be Luke. I truly believe he meant that.”

Quinn felt tears burning behind her eyes.

“Sweetheart, both Tom and I would love for you to be with Luke. We know you and Carter would both be loved. We know that Luke would do everything in his power to make you happy. You make
him
happy,” Nora said quietly.

“Most of the time,” Quinn agreed. “But he wasn’t happy last night. I wish everyone felt the way you and Tom do.”

“What you two need to realize is that for every one person who might think this is a bad idea, there are ten people who don’t feel that way. Quinn, our whole extended family knows how close you and Luke have always been. Your friends know, your family knows. As for Margo, if I recall, she was not happy about you and Jake in the beginning either.”

A small, sad smile appeared. “That’s true. She thought he was too old for me.” Ridiculous, really, because Jake had only been two years older. Quinn had been a junior in college when they’d started dating. Jake had been done with school already. At that point in their lives, two years mattered very little.

“She came around,” Nora said.

“I don’t know if she will this time. This is so much different.”

“Then you might just have to sit her down and tell her how things are going to have to be, just like you finally had to do when you were dating Jake. And if that isn’t enough to make her come around, then you might need to just give her some time.”

Quinn nodded. “I think she’s more worried about appearance than anything,” she quietly admitted.

“Yes, well,” Nora said with a sigh, “some things never change. But put Margo’s feelings aside for a moment. You know Jake would want this for you. You have to know that. You and Luke are the two people he loved most in this world. And Carter. I know in my heart Quinn, if we could ask him, if we could give him the choice, he’d want you to be with Luke. If you couldn’t be with him, he’d want you to be with Luke. He’d want you both to be happy. He’d want Carter to be raised by someone who could and would love him as much as he would if he were his own.”

“I miss him so much. Sometimes it hurts so badly I can’t even breathe,” Quin
n said as her chest tightened. A tear trickled down and she wiped it away. It was followed by several more. She had been on edge all day. Talking about Jake grated on her already raw emotions.

“I know, I miss him too,” Nora said as she began to blink back tears of her own. “But the one thing I’ve learned is that life goes on.”

The sound of the front door opening and closing caught their attention. Quinn scrubbed at her tears. She hated crying in front of people she knew, she would really hate to cry in front of company. When Luke appeared in the kitchen doorway, she wasn’t sure if she should run to him or give him his space. She opted for giving him space.

“What’s going on?” he asked as he made his way into the room. He was frowning as he looked from his mom to Quinn and back again. “Is everything okay?”

Nora patted Quinn’s hand. “It will be. I’m going to go check on Tom and Carter. I think you two need some time to yourselves.”

She rose from her chair and left the room. Luke walked to the edge of the table but he didn’t sit.

He put his hand on Quinn’s shoulder and gave it a gentle, knowing squeeze. “Did she give you the Jake lecture too?”

She tried to force a smile as she looked up at him and nodded. Instead, more tears rained down.
“Yes, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be doing this in front of you.” She rubbed her tears away again, realizing it was a futile effort but trying anyway.

“Quinn,” Luke said as he knelt down. He pulled her into a hug, nuzzled her neck, and took a moment, letting his body absorb what had turned into wracking sobs. “Yes, you should. If you feel the need to, then you should. You don’t
ever
have to apologize to me for missing Jake. I understand. Better than anyone, I understand. I miss him too. I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.”

Quinn held on until her tears
began to subside. When she was finally able to tamp them down, she pulled away just a bit. She wanted to be able to see Luke’s face. “Where have you been all day?”

He stood and said, “Let’s go for a drive
and we’ll talk about it. I already asked Mom to watch Carter.”

“Was this just a set up to get me over her
e?” she wondered.

He gave her a half-hearted smile. “Yes and no. I had a long talk with Mom
this afternoon. She had a whole lot to say to me. But there were things she wanted to say to you as well. I knew she was going to invite you over. I wasn’t positive you’d be here. But I’m glad you are. Will you come with me?”

She nodded and let him pull her from her chair. Minutes later, they were in his truck. Luke wasn’t headed anywhere in particular. He just wanted to have some privacy.
The windshield wipers hypnotically swiped away the spring rain. It was the only sound that filled the truck for quite awhile.

Quinn noted how dismal and gray the day was. It seemed oddly fitting for the mood they both seemed to be in.

“I’m sorry about last night. About running off like I did after I brought you home, I mean,” he finally said.

Quinn had been waiting for him to start the conversation. Now, she remained silent, waiting for him to continue.

“I should’ve talked to you instead of shutting you out.”

“You never did tell me where you went.”

He tapped his hand against the steering wheel while he drove. She was aware that it was his way of burning off some nervous energy. For just a moment, she thought maybe he wasn’t going to tell her where he’d gone. He seemed to be struggling with the words.

“I went to my grandparents’ cabin.
They don’t use it at all this early in the year. I knew I’d have the place to myself. When we were kids, Jake and I spent a lot of time up there. I’m sure you remember that we went up there not too long before he died. I’d been such an ass up to that point. When I invited him for the fishing weekend, I wasn’t sure if he’d go. But he did. He had every right to be pissed at me because I’d been acting like such a jackass. But he didn’t say a word. We just hung out. It had been like old times. Now? Now that weekend is probably one of the best memories I have of Jake. I guess I went up there because I wanted to feel close to him.”

“Did you?” Quinn asked.

“Yeah, I did.” The look of pain that crossed his face did not go unnoticed by Quinn. “I remembered how he used to tease me about you when we were kids. I remembered how, when we were older, he used to give me shit about not having the balls to ask you out. But mostly, I just remembered how close we were. I thought about all of the good times we had. When he started dating you, I won’t deny that I was pissed. But at the same time, you made each other happy. That’s what I wanted for both of you. I think deep down, I’ve known that’s what Jake would want for me, too.”

“You’re mom seems to think so,” Quinn said. Her voice sounded so small, unsure to her own ears.

He glanced at her. “I was wondering if she’d tell you that.”

Quinn nodded. “She did.”

“She said the same to me. I guess I’ve known it all along. But last night, between Margo, Betsy and Tabby, they all brought up every fear I thought I had about our relationship. Or at least, I thought they did. But when Carly showed up today—”

“Carly?”
Quinn wasn’t sure if she was surprised or not.

Luke nodded. “
Yeah, she called Jesse. He knew I’d gone up to the cabin. Carly showed up there. She reminded me what it had been like to lose you to someone else. She reminded me of how hard it had been to watch you
marry
someone else. She made me see that losing you that way again?
That’s
my biggest fear. That would be so much worse than dealing with the gossip. If that happened, that would be a regret I don’t think I could recover from a second time.”