Let It Snow (The Hope Falls Series) (7 page)

Tessa decided that, instead of pointing that out, she would take the high road. So she laid his coat on his desk and took her seat in the leather chair. This whole experience felt a little too surreal for her to process.

She was in Hope Falls. Sitting in Jake’s office. And they were alone.

Having no flippin’ idea what else to say, she simply said, “Hi.”

“Hi.”

A slowly building, wide smile broke out on Jake’s face, revealing perfectly straight white teeth. And that’s when it happened. Her heart, that was already broken in a million pieces, broke into a million more.

All because of that smile, the one that felt like it had been made just for her. That was the smile he’d had the first day they met, the first time he’d kissed her, the first time they’d made love, and the first time he’d asked her to marry him.

It was the smile she never thought she’d see again and the one she didn’t know how she’d survived without the last thirteen years.

She
really
should not have come.

*

Jake could tell that Tessa was about two seconds from bolting. Something in the atmosphere of the room had shifted between them. He wasn’t sure why she’d come by. But he did know it hadn’t been to bring him his jacket.

He still couldn’t quite get over how beautiful she was. She had a little more color to her cheeks today. And last night, when her hair had been wet, it had looked a little darker, but now it shimmered a light shade of golden blond. His hands itched to reach out and touch it, like he had when she used to lay her head in his lap and he would run his fingers through its soft strands, his fingertips grazing her head.

Her eyes looked an even more brilliant and bright blue than they had the night before. They always popped whenever she wore the color blue. And her lips. Damn, they were the star of so many of his fantasies. Soft yet firm, plump and supple. He remembered the first time he’d kissed her. He’d thought he’d died and gone to heaven. He was by no means a virgin when they’d gotten together, but their first kiss had been the most erotic experience he’d had in his seventeen years.

When he’d looked up from his desk she’d looked terrified. He’d even heard her whispering her “okays” when she’d closed the door, which she only did when she was trying to calm down. So he knew that, even though she’d come here, this visit wasn’t easy for her.

When he’d first seen her standing perfectly framed in the doorway he’d thought he was dreaming. That he’d fallen asleep again and dreamt of her coming to his office. It wasn’t until she started rambling that he’d realized that she wasn’t just a dream or some figment of his overactive imagination. She’d really been standing there, in the flesh.

Sitting here now, across from Tessa, he knew he had a lot to say, but Jake was at a loss of where to begin. He wasn’t quite sure how to break the ice with her. What do you say to your soul mate after they’ve torn your heart out, chewed it up, spit on it, and disappeared for over a decade?

“How have you been?” he asked. He knew it was lame, but his natural charm was failing him at the moment.

“Fine.” She shrugged her shoulders noncommittally but looked relieved that he’d spoken. Jake knew how much she hated awkward silences. “What about you? I heard you just got a promotion. I’m so happy for you. Congratulations,” she said with genuine happiness and pride shining through her eyes.

“Thanks.” He cleared his throat, trying not to let her words affect him. He had to remind himself that whether she was proud of him or not made absolutely zero difference. Even if that was a lie, he had to tell himself that out of pure self-preservation. “What about you? Still taking pictures? Traveling around the world?”

Tessa was an amazing photographer. He had bought every Time magazine that her pictures had been featured in. But nothing from her had been printed in them for the last five years. He Googled her every once in a while—daily—to see if she’d moved to another publication, if she was freelance, any information at all really, but always came up empty-handed.

Tessa fidgeted in her seat. Her eyes were downcast, looking at her hands, which were folded in her lap. “No, not anymore. Just local stuff now.”

“And where’s local?” Jake asked. Maybe he shouldn’t have. Maybe it would just make things worse if he knew where she lived. But there wasn’t a day, an hour that went by that she didn’t cross his mind, and she was sitting here, in front of him, now.

He had to know.

“San Diego,” she said as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ears.

“How long have you been there?” Jake felt his body tensing. He tried to temper his tone but he could hear a distinct hardness in it.

“Um, about eight years. Six of them full time.”

Six years. She’d lived in the same state as him for
six
years and she hadn’t tried to contact him?! After she’d left to “see the world,” he knew that her first stop had been New York. Then he’d heard that she’d spent some time in Paris and Italy. He’d gotten her postcards. But she’d settled down—in California—and hadn’t even bothered to pick up the phone?

Was she with someone? Is that why?

He looked down at her left hand. There was no ring, but maybe she just didn’t wear one. “So are you married? Kids?”

A look of pain flashed in her baby blue eyes. Before he could ask if she was okay, it was gone. It happened so fast that he wondered if he’d actually seen it.

“Nope. On both counts.” She smiled weakly. “What about you? Are you and Courtney serious? Do you have any kids?”

“Courtney?” Jake had no idea who she was talking about.

“Your girlfriend.” When he didn’t respond, she continued with a twinge of irritation in her voice. “The redhead. At the bar last night. You couldn’t have missed her. She was the one attached at your hip.”

“Oh, her.” Jake tried to suppress his smile. If he wasn’t mistaken, Tessa sounded jealous. It shouldn’t make him feel like he’d just won a gold medal, but it did. As much as he enjoyed that feeling, this wasn’t a game, so he set the record straight. “She’s not my girlfriend. And no, I don’t have any kids.”

“Oh.” Tessa brow’s knitted in confusion as she sucked in a breath.

A small wrinkle appeared between her eyebrows. Jake’s heart squeezed in his chest. He loved that little wrinkle. Whenever she’d been worried or concentrating way too hard, he used to softly brush his thumb over it and her whole body would relax at his touch. He’d always loved how responsive she was to him.

No
. He couldn’t think about that. Nothing good could come from thinking like that.

Pushing those thoughts from his head, he asked bluntly, “So why are you back?”

“Oh, um. I’m here to clear up some stuff with Gran’s house,” she explained.

“How long will you be here?”

“I don’t know.” She sighed, shaking her head slightly back and forth. Her hair brushed across her shoulders and the sweet scent of her shampoo made its way across the desk.

The room was silent except for the wind whipping against the window that sat behind Jake and looked out over the vast pines at the base of the mountain.

Conflicting emotions rioted through him. Anger. Happiness. Love. Hate. Fear. Joy. Pain. Pleasure.

He was so confused that he didn’t know which way was up. So he decided to grab on to two absolute truths. She left. And she was leaving again.

That’s what Jake needed to remember. Nothing would change those facts. No feelings. No words. No actions would change or stop those things. He knew that from experience.

Standing, he quickly moved towards the door and opened it. “Thanks for dropping off the jacket.”

Her eyes widened as she looked up at him, seemingly taken aback by his sudden dismissal. She stood to her feet and smiled self-consciously. “Oh, no problem.”

Looking down at the ground, she came around the chair and stepped towards the doorway. Just before she reached it, Jake closed the door, moving in front of her.

Her head snapped up and her eyes locked with his. Their bodies were mere inches apart. A flush rose up her cheeks, eyes dilating as she whispered, “Jake?”

“Why did you come here?” His tone held a dangerous edge to it.

“I told you, to go over my grandm—”

“Here,” he snapped, “to see me.”

Her lip quivered, either at his harsh tone or the question itself. Tears began filling her eyes. She stared up at him and she looked…lost. The sight of her vulnerability and pain melted some of the solid ice that encased his heart that she herself had caused.

“Never mind.” He opened the door. It didn’t matter anyways. Nothing she could say would change the last thirteen years.

She stayed where she ways. Looking down to the ground, she took in a quivering breath and swallowed hard. A sad smile appeared on her face, and when she looked back at him, she shrugged as a single tear fell down her soft, smooth cheek. “I just… I just felt… I needed to… I thought…I wanted to…”

She was killing him. Watching her like this felt like someone was twisting a knife in his stomach. He wanted so badly to reach out and wrap his arms around her. Pull her close to him and hold her there. Forever. His jaw clenched and his hands fisted at his sides. “Just forget it.”

Shaking her head, she wiped the tears from underneath her eyes and took in a deep breath. As she looked up at him with a renewed sense of determination, Jake felt like he could see all the way to her soul. “For a really long time, nothing in my life has made any sense. And then today…I just”—she sniffed and her breath caught in her throat—“wanted to come see you…to look in your eyes. You’re what makes sense to me.”

Jake saw more tears falling down her face before she turned and hurried out the door. He stood motionless, staring in front of him at the spot she’d just stood moments before.

He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. Her words filled his mind, causing a fog of confusion and frustration to settle over him.

He
was what made sense to her?!
What the fuck does that mean?

Raking his hands through his hair, he stalked back over to his desk. He sat down and closed his eyes. Whatever was going on with Tessa—why she was here, why her life hadn’t made sense, the pain in her eyes—none of it had anything to do with Jake.

They weren’t together. They weren’t even friends. She wasn’t his. Even if it still felt like she was.

‡

T
essa’s day was not going well. But trying to be positive, she had to admit that the silver lining of the day was that she’d parked in the back of the fire station. So she’d been able to slip out the back door and get into the safety and privacy of her car without an audience of fire fighters witnessing her embarrassing outburst of emotions. She really didn’t want it to start circulating around town that she’d left Jake’s office bawling like a baby. Even if she wasn’t going to be in town much longer, she would like to leave with at least a shred of dignity.

As she drove down Main Street and headed back to Sue Ann’s, she got a text. It was from Henry and it said that Lauren would meet her at her grandma’s house at three o’clock. It was only noon. She had a few hours to kill, and without even consciously thinking about it, she turned down Bluebird Road to the one place she’d missed almost as much as she’d missed Jake.

Jake.

Her entire adult life, Tessa had tried to convince herself that what she’d felt for him had just been teenage infatuation. Puppy love. That the reason her feelings and their connection had felt so intense was because they hadn’t been dealing with real life yet. All of their energy and passion had solely been focused on each other.

Now, seeing Jake again as an adult while she was smack dab in the middle of “real life,” disproved what she’d been trying to brainwash herself into believing. Which meant that, when she left here, she would go with the absolute knowledge that what she had felt with Jake was one hundred percent the real thing. She had not only loved him, but she was still hopelessly in love with him.

Also, the connection they’d shared was still so strong that she knew, just
knew
, he had to feel it too. But when she looked in his eyes, she had seen how angry he was with her. Which, in all fairness, he had every right to be. Tessa knew he would never forgive her, and she would never dream of asking him to.