Let It Snow (The Hope Falls Series) (11 page)

It had always been like that with them. Just being in his presence had never failed to cause her body to come alive with passion and desire. Then the second they’d touch, electric bliss would spread through her. Like his body was a living, breathing live wire.

When he’d carried her into the house earlier, she’d still felt like she had been coming out of a deep sleep. She hadn’t been fully present. It had felt more like she had been sleepwalking—or being sleep-carried.

But just now when she’d touched him, she realized that, if anything, his effect on her had increased—not decreased—in the thirteen years they’d been apart.

Great.
That was just what she needed. One more thing to add to her list of things that sucked. No, she shouldn’t look at it that way.

Tessa had made the decision over a decade ago when it became glaringly obvious that she would
never
get over Jake and that no man would ever come close to taking his place in her heart, that she would just be grateful for the fact that she’d had that once-in-a-lifetime love. Some people lived their whole lives and never experienced even a tenth of what she’d had with Jake.

“So you’ll stay here,” Jake pronounced as he leaned casually against the black slate countertop of his kitchen island. His hands rested on the sleek black counter on either side of him and he crossed one ankle over the other, appearing to be the poster boy of cool, calm, and collected.

But Tessa knew Jake. He was far from relaxed and calm. The vein in the left side of his neck, that only popped out when he was extremely aroused or really pissed off, was popping out something fierce. She’d loved that vein. When they would make love, she would lick from the bottom of it to the top where it disappeared beneath his earlobe. He would always growl with male appreciation and grow bigger inside of her.

It would also make an appearance when he was mad over a bad ref call when he’d played football or when his friends would talk about how hot his little sisters were. One quick glance down to his sweats told her that Jake was not suffering from the same reaction to her as she was to him, so that left really pissed off.

“I can’t stay here, Jake,” she replied firmly. Talk about a daily reminder of what she could have had. Staying here would be a cruel form of emotional and mental torture.

“Why not?” Jake crossed his arms, causing the thin cotton material that covered them to pull taut, and the sight made Tessa’s pulse race.

Holy hot tamale!

Standing in front of her, all six foot two of him, Jake wasn’t just sexy. Sexy she could handle. No. He was toe-curling, spine-tingling, panty-melting, mouth-watering, forget-your-name-and-birthday
sexy
. It made it very difficult to carry on conversations with him. Always had.

“What?” Tessa asked since she had completely lost her train of thought.

The corner of his mouth twitched. Damn it. She’d been caught.

“Why won’t you stay here?” he asked again.

Since he hadn’t answered her honestly the first time, she decided two could play the question game. “Why do you want me to stay here, Jake?”

They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. She
hated
awkward silences, but she was not about to answer first. Nope. If he wanted to know why she couldn’t stay here—which she would have thought was obvious!—then he needed to tell her why he even wanted her there in the first place.

Again, his large hands raked through his hair in frustration. “I don’t know,” he said, and he looked back at her, holding his hands out then dropping them back down. “I just do.”

The lost look in his gorgeous brown eyes crushed the remaining pieces of her heart. In that moment, she knew. It didn’t matter what staying in this house would cost her. If that’s what Jake wanted—
needed
—then she had no choice.

“Okay,” she agreed. “I’ll stay here.”

A look of equal parts relief and sadness crossed his face before he nodded, pushed off the counter, and walked past her, casually saying, “All right good. Let me show you where everything is.”

Right. Because a grand tour of her ex-boyfriend-slash-love-of-her-
freaking
-life’s house—the one they had planned on living in and raising a family in but was now vacant (even though he
owned
it)—that he was insisting she stayed in while she fixed her grandma’s house next door after he’d just found her passed out on the lawn and made her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich was perfectly normal.

She was sure this was how lots of people were spending their Thursday afternoons.

‡

“W
ait a minute.” Eric’s breathing was labored as he passed the ball to Jake. “She’s staying in your house?”

Jake easily grabbed the basketball, juking around Justin before lifting his arms over his head, aiming, and shooting. He watched as the ball flew in the air, making a perfect arch before swooshing into the net. No rim, all net. It seemed that his double run and zero sleep were not affecting his basketball game in the least. He’d just managed to put in the winning shot, making that three W’s in a row.

“Yes, she is,” Jake answered his brother, trying to hide the smile that kept wanting to spread across his face every time he thought about her there.

“Why?” Eric sneered, not even trying to disguise the disapproval in his tone as the guys all walked off the court.

They played every week now. Sometimes it was two-on-two or, like tonight, it was three-on-three. Tonight Jake’s team consisted of himself, Eric, their sister Amy’s boyfriend Matt. They were playing against Ryan and Luke, who were newbies, having only lived in Hope Falls a couple of years, and Justin, who’d they’d known since they were kids. All six guys walked off the court to where their gym bags were lined up against the wall.

“She needs to fix up Adeline’s place so she can sell it,” Jake explained.

“I thought she was staying at Sue Ann’s,” Eric stated with an accusatory tone.

“She was.” Jake sliced his eyes to his brother, clearly communicating this was not a subject that was up for debate.

“And?” Eric asked, not letting it drop.

“And now she’s not.” Jake pulled out his white towel and wiped his face.

Jake didn’t expect Eric to understand why he’d asked Tessa to stay at the house. Hell, he didn’t even understand. Why would he think anyone else would? It had just felt like the right thing at the time.

All these years, he’d had no idea where she had been. Sure, he’d see her pictures in the magazines from all over the world, so he’d had a vague knowledge of where she’d been. He’d gotten a few postcards from her too. But for the last thirteen years, he had no idea if she had been okay. If she had been happy. If she had been sad. If she had been stressed. If she had been eating enough.

That entire time, it had felt like a part of him, a physical part of his body as vital as his arm or leg, had been missing and there hadn’t been anything he could do about it. Out of sheer self-preservation, he’d had to shove those feelings down into the dark recesses of his soul and lock them up there. He’d had to try and trick himself into feeling like a whole person.

Then today, when he’d run up and seen her lifeless form lying on the ground, it had hit him. What if he hadn’t been there? What if she’d still been in San Diego or New York or some third-world country? What would have happened to her? It made him crazy thinking about it.

And then when he’d touched her, the fear that had been coursing through him changed to something else completely. His entire body had come alive again. It was like he’d been sleepwalking through life and the moment his thumb had brushed across the soft skin at the base of her neck, he’d woken up. Lifting her into his arms and carrying her to his house had been a combination of surreal and heartbreakingly sad.

As he’d carried Tessa over the threshold into his home, it struck him that carrying her over the threshold, as husband and wife, was a scene he had imagined countless times. And here he had actually done it. Only Tessa wasn’t his wife. He wasn’t her husband and they weren’t starting a life together. She’d been half conscious and more interested in Lucky than she had been in the fact that he had been carrying her at all, much less carrying her over “the threshold.”

Taking care of her, getting her water, fixing her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich had felt right. Like for the first time in his adult life, he was exactly where he was supposed to be, doing exactly what he was supposed to be doing.

It had pissed him off. Because that wasn’t his life. She’d left once and she was going to leave again.

Then, when she’d reached out and rubbed his back the same way she had when they’d been a couple, he’d allowed himself a few moments to absorb it. To
feel
. But he knew from experience that her soft, comforting touch was like crack to him. If he allowed himself to take a hit, he’d suffer painful withdrawals without it.

He needed to keep his distance and be close to her at the same time. He just wasn’t sure how to accomplish that. Somehow, her staying at
his
house, the house that should have been theirs, even if he wasn’t there, was the only solution he could come up with.

Was he thinking straight? Probably not. Was it the smartest move to have her sleeping in his bed, in his house? No. Jake couldn’t make sense of everything right now. All he knew was that he’d wanted her there, and since she’d agreed, he’d felt about a thousand pounds lighter.

“What’s her name again?” Justin asked. Jake did not feel like continuing this conversation, but he couldn’t blame Justin for asking since Eric wouldn’t drop it.

“Tessa Hayes, Jake and Eric replied in unison.

“That name sounds familiar,” Justin said, narrowing his eyes as if he were trying to place her.

“She only lived in town senior year,” Jake explained. Justin was his brother’s age so he had already graduated when Jake and Tessa were seniors.

“So this is your ex-girlfriend?” Matt asked as he sat on the corner of the bleachers.

“Yes,” Jake answered, trying to keep his tone light. He liked Matt. He was a good guy. He had no idea how sensitive this subject was to Jake.

“So are you guys getting back together?” Matt asked optimistically.

“No,” Jake shot back harshly as he reached into his bag and pulled out his sweats. That wasn’t going to happen, and he didn’t want people getting the wrong idea or rumors spreading because she was staying in his house.

When he looked back up, all three men were staring at him with odd expressions on their faces.

“What?” Jake snapped.

“Nothing,” Justin and Matt answered, shaking their heads, but Jake saw the what-the-hell-is-his-problem looks they were exchanging.

Jake grabbed his bag and turned, his sneakers squeaking on the hardwood flooring.

As they were all making their way out of the gym Justin stopped abruptly. “Hold on. She’s the photographer, right? I remember her coming up to Mountain Ridge all the time to take pictures.” Then a second phase of recognition dawned on Justin’s face as he continued, “Wait, wasn’t she the girl Parker caught you with in the tent?”

Yes
.

“She’s a photographer.” Jake didn’t respond to part two of his statement-slash-question.

“Parker caught you with Tessa in a tent?” Eric, always the “detective,” just had to ask a follow-up question.

“I don’t remember.” Jake kept walking.

“Bullshit,” Eric laughed, catching up to him, “What happened? Do Mom and Dad know?”

Jake could not believe his brother was playing the “do Mom and Dad know” card. As kids, that was how they all held power over each other. It was basically their version of blackmail. Well his, Eric’s, and Nikki’s anyways. Amy never did anything wrong, and even when she caught her siblings doing something, she never threatened to tell.

“There’s nothing to know.” No way was Jake going to talk about that night. It was private.

Well, sort of. After Parker found them, he did call Adeline. But for some reason, she didn’t get Tessa in trouble or tell Jake’s mom and dad. She’d just sat them both down and talked to them about being responsible.

A lot of good that did
.

“So you guys comin’ to JT’s?” Justin asked, obviously attempting to change the subject. Which he should since he was the one who’d brought up the night in the tent to begin with.

“Hell yeah. Losers buy. I’m there,” Jake said, hoping they had navigated off the topic.

“You sure you don’t need to check in with the missus first?” Eric asked.

Jake knew that he was just busting his balls. But the thing that pissed Jake off was that his brother was only an asshole when he didn’t agree with what someone was doing. What in the hell was Jake doing that was so wrong?

He was helping an old friend.

End of story.

‡