Leaving Eva (The Eva Series Book 1) (13 page)

ADAM RELUCTANTLY
AGREED
not to tell his parents about Brynn’s scars. But now she was his. And he made her promise that the cutting would stop for him. Somehow, only for him she thought that maybe she could. He eased her pain and she let him. He became her safety and her sanctity, and she didn’t think about her blade as much anymore.

After Thomas died, Brynn told Adam about her tortured childhood. They were sitting on a blanket at their favorite spot in Adam’s spacious back yard, under the tree.

“I didn’t want to tell you this before,” she said avoiding his gaze, looking down at her hands. She had wanted to tell him for so long, but she wasn’t ready. “He was a horrible man. He… hit me… a lot. Mostly when he drank… he said I wasn’t going to ever be much of anything in life.” She could tell that Adam was getting angry, his breath was getting faster, and she saw him clenching his fists tightly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he said trying to control his anger. “I would have killed him. I would have protected you! Why didn’t you let me protect you?”

“Nobody could protect me from him. Not even my mother, she couldn’t stop him.” Brynn was ashamed, and Adam could tell. “He hurt me because he said he could. He said he bought and paid for me so that he could do whatever he wanted. He hated me because Rose never loved him, and he said it was because of me.”

He sat quietly by her side holding her hand. He knew that he couldn’t talk because he knew that if he talked he would cry, and he didn’t want to cry. He wanted to be strong for her. He sat silently in disbelief trying to take her words in and understand how Thomas could possibly hurt someone as sweet as Brynn. Adam thought about what he would have done to him if he had known.

He realized that, as close to her as he was, he still wasn’t close enough. He knew that she kept space between them and he was determined to bridge it, even if it took all of his life to do it.

“I’ll never hurt you, Brynn.” He was stroking her hair as he held her.

“I’m afraid all of the time,” she said into his chest. “I’m afraid that I will trust you, and that you will end up hurting me. I’m afraid that I’m not good enough for you. I’m afraid to laugh and to just enjoy my life. I don’t know how to.” Adam was the only one she could talk to, the only one she could tell her secrets and her thoughts to, and he understood how she felt. Brynn was the only one that really listened to Adam and loved him for who he was. Adam felt that Brynn understood him. She drew out his best, and she inspired him to reach his fullest potential when they were together.

“I will always protect you, Brynn. Your bastard father is gone now, and he can’t hurt you anymore.”

“What if I turn out like her. Like Rose? I love her Adam, but I don’t want to be her.” Brynn was ashamed to say it out loud.

“You could never be her. You are you, and only you.” He smiled that beautiful smile. “And I love you. I will never
not
love you. You are mine, and I am yours, always.”

Then he followed her to college, and he followed her to the city, never forgetting that night and his promise to protect her. Anywhere Brynn went, Adam wanted to go. He couldn’t imagine not being with her. He wanted to buy a house and settle down as soon as they could. He was eager and excited to begin a life with her, and he wanted her to be excited, too. His parents cautioned him to wait on the house until they were more established, so he told him that he was just looking.

But when Adam found their house, a beautiful four-bedroom buttery yellow Victorian with large windows and a lot of open space, he fell in love. He knew it was the perfect home to raise their children in. When he showed it to her, she thought it was too big. But he disagreed. He knew that it was perfect for them the first time he walked through it, because he could see Brynn and his baby in every room.

Now he was living in an apartment.

Adam still couldn’t believe that he had left her. He did exactly the opposite of what he had promised her he would do. He couldn’t protect her when he wasn’t with her. He knew that he couldn’t help her battle her demons now.

The memories were flooding through him, ripping him apart.

“To have and to hold, to love, honor and cherish, for better or worse, through sickness and health, until death do us part.” She was so beautiful in her great grandmother’s wedding gown. It hugged her in all of the right places, and the beautiful lace veil framed her lovely face. He loved her so much and he could tell by the look in her beautiful brown eyes that she loved him.

Adam couldn’t remember the last time she had looked at him like that.

Was it on their anniversary two years ago? Was it during their trip to Mexico? Was it the last time they made love?

Adam was sick. He could hear Brynn’s voice in his head. She was so serious, but he loved playing with her and making her laugh.

“You’re not funny,” she would giggle.

“You think I’m hilarious,” he said as he nuzzled her neck.

“You’re ugly and you smell,” she teased holding him tight.

“You’re ugly and YOU smell,” he said kissing her with those sweet little kisses that he liked to give her.

He loved her for sure.

Now he didn’t know what he was going to do. He left her, but if she had only said something, given him any indication that she still loved him, he would have stayed. He would have fought. Instead, she let him walk out, and she hadn’t contacted him since.

It couldn’t always be up to him. She had to give, too. He knew that she was afraid to give because of Thomas, but he had done everything that he could to show her that he wasn’t her father. She had a lot to work out for herself. If only he had realized she was so damaged, would he have fallen for her?

Of course, I would have.

Adam knew the answer. There was no choice in the matter. Once his heart found Brynn so young, he knew that it would not let her go.

But now Adam had made a different choice, the choice to leave.

He just didn’t know if he could live without her for the rest of his life.

BRYNN’S PHONE
RANG,
and rang, and rang. Since Adam left, she rarely answered it anymore. She simply let it go to voicemail.

“Hi, you’ve reached Brynn and Adam, please leave a message.”

“Hi, you’ve reached Brynn and Adam, please leave a message.”

“Hi, you’ve reached Brynn and Adam, please leave a message.”

“Brynn! Please pick up, or call me back as soon as you get this message. This is Samantha, Stacy’s Momma. I got some real bad news for you about Stacy, Darlin’. Call me back at soon as you get this. You know the number.” Brynn hadn’t heard that familiar drawl in a long time, and her heart fell to the pit of her stomach when she heard it. Brynn worked hard to rid herself of that drawl. People in the town she grew up in talked like they moved. Really slow, and it drove her nuts.

When Brynn called Samantha back, she was afraid. She knew that something awful had happened to her friend. She knew that something terrible must have happened to her friend, and immediately felt guilty. Brynn hadn’t called or talked to Stacy in so long. The last time she saw her was at her wedding a few years back. And even then, they had drifted apart.

Brynn missed her friend. Stacy had been the only one she could ever talk to about Thomas. Stacy’s daddy had been even worse to her and to her sister’s because he could, he was the law, and nobody was going to question him.

Brynn always loved Stacy’s honesty and sweetness, and Brynn had begged her to come to the city with her and start over. She begged her to go to college and get away from that life, but Stacy refused. Her grades were bad and she was going to have to repeat her senior year. She couldn’t go away with her.

Two years after high school and Stacy was getting ready to marry daddy’s new officer.

Brynn and Adam had gone back for the wedding, and they were going to stay with Adam’s Momma and Daddy. They had so much fun on the drive down, laughing the whole way.

“You know what I love about you?” he said suddenly very serious.

“That I’m stunningly beautiful, and so much smarter than you are?” she said striking a cross-eyed pose from the passenger seat. He taught her how to be silly and there were times when she was even good at it.

“I love that I can completely be myself with you. Good, bad, stupid. I love that you accept me for who I am.” He was sincere and she felt herself go limp inside. She felt the same, but she wasn’t so good at always saying things from her heart. She wanted to be, but it didn’t feel natural letting it go.

Adam was looking at her, waiting. His eyes were not on the road and he was making her nervous. He was imploring, pausing, waiting.

Brynn said nothing.

“Um, eyes on the road there, handsome,” she finally said feeling awkward. She knew that the moment had passed. Her opportunity to tell him how wonderful he made her feel, and how he made her life worthwhile was gone. Brynn always hesitated and missed the moment. The words didn’t slide off her tongue directly from her heart as his did. It was a constant problem for her and she wondered once again how she got so lucky to have someone like him love her so much.

His face fell, and he gave her an awkward smile, and looked back to the road. They drove in silence for a bit and she turned the radio on.

“I love you,” she said a few minutes later.

“I love you,” he responded flatly.

When she relived their downfall years later, she realized that was the end for them. It was
the moment
that began their demise. Brynn’s inability to express her love for Adam was the root of their undoing.

They spent the rest of the drive in silence. She liked the quiet, but she saw the road starting to change, and she started to feel nervous.

About an hour into the trip, the scenery went quickly from clusters of towns and cities to rolling hills and trees. She could see towns dispersed sparsely at a distance one here, and one there. But it was far from the life they had chosen even if it was only a few hours away. She hated going back.

But Stacy begged her. She wasn’t having a big fancy wedding, but she wanted Brynn there to stand up for her. She wanted her best friend.

Brynn and Adam’s own wedding had been done at the Justice of the Peace, without any family or friends there to stand up for them. They told themselves at the time that it was ideal, no muss, and no fuss. But Brynn uncharacteristically, yet secretly, had wished for the big fluffy gown. Adam secretly wished for the big ceremony to celebrate his love for his bride. They didn’t realize at the time how much they needed the public declaration of their love. They even wondered years later, when it was too late, if it contributed to the growing distance between them that they had not celebrated the beginning of life together with their family and friends.

Adam asked Brynn if she wanted to drive past her old house. After Thomas died and Brynn graduated from high school, Rose moved wherever Brynn moved. She sold that old “house of horrors” and followed her daughter everywhere she went. Everyone but Brynn thought it was strange that her mother picked up and moved wherever she was. Brynn knew that Rose would not be okay on her own and that she needed her.

Brynn didn’t want to drive past, but she felt compelled to see it and asked him to, anyway.

It was so much smaller than she remembered. When Brynn was little, she remembered how massive it seemed with their two bedrooms and one bathroom. But looking at it now, even with the second floor it still looked small. It was much smaller than their own two-story Victorian. They had made their home bright and airy, like she had done with the restaurant. Her childhood home had been anything but, and she didn’t want anything that reminded her of Thomas.

Brynn smiled a sad smile as she remembered riding her bicycle down the cracked old sidewalk. She fell on it when she was ten and skinned her knee really bad. And when she was twelve, she broke her arm roller-skating down that same stupid sidewalk.

She looked up at the windows and tried to suppress the flood of memories that threatened to overcome her. Brynn wondered if anyone had ever seen her looking through her bedroom windows as a child wishing she could just jump out, or escape and never look back. She hated that house and remembering how she used to walk up the steps to the front porch after school not knowing what the evening would bring. Brynn hated how the house smelled of him, whiskey and cigarettes. Even as an adult whenever she smelled either, it would make her think of him, and she hated it.

The house was still the same faded blue color it was when she was a girl. Only now, the paint was peeling and it desperately needed to be repainted. It was clear that the current owners weren’t much on upkeep. Looking at the house made Brynn want to weep. It reminded her of all of the horrible memories that she had long since buried deep with within. She spent much of her life trying to forget Thomas, but looking at the house now, she half expected him to walk out the front door, and she suddenly felt terror in her heart.

Adam saw the look in her eyes and knew immediately that she didn’t want to be there any longer. He quickly drove away allowing her one final look.

That was the last time she had been home.

The wedding had been fun. It was a loud, rambunctious party until the wee hours of the night. Stacy’s new husband, Toby, seemed nice and not like Brynn expected at all. He wasn’t like the other roughneck boys from town. He was quiet and reserved, and Stacy seemed genuinely happy. Brynn could tell that she had cut back on the cupcakes in recent years, and was trying to take care of herself. She was happy for her friend.

Even though she didn’t drink alcohol, she still had a good time dancing and laughing with Stacy and Adam. Adam was always so nice to Stacy, and Brynn loved that about him.

That had been the last time they had seen her, or had even talked to her. Stacy called a few times and left messages for Brynn, but she was too busy to return her calls.

Brynn dreaded calling Samantha back. Her message had the sound of sadness and finality, and she felt that she didn’t even need to call her back to know what she was going to say.

“Oh Darlin’, sweet girl,” Samantha blubbered. She was always a bit too dramatic for Brynn. The days of hitting and cheating, and whatever else he did when he was drinking, were long over for Stacy’s dad because he was the Chief of Police now. He had beaten his demons and found God. For Samantha’s sake, Brynn was glad. But she still had never liked him. She would never forget what he had done to her friend, or to her sisters.

“Samantha,” Brynn said almost curtly. “Is everything okay? What is going on?”

“It’s Stacy, honey girl. She’s gone.” Samantha was crying so hard that Brynn could barely understand her.

“Gone? Gone where?” Brynn was dreading the answer. She had a feeling that her friend had not gone anywhere. She had a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach that her friend was.

“Dead! She’s dead!” Samantha was howling now.

Brynn held the phone away from her ear. She knew in her heart that Samantha was telling the truth, but she didn’t want to believe her.
How can she be gone? How could this have happened?

“Toby’s girlfriend done shot her, and killed her, and the baby inside of her. It’s all Toby’s fault. HE KILLED MY BABIES!”

Brynn wondered where this horror and sadness had been when Stacy and her sisters were children, and their Daddy was hurting them. Suddenly, Brynn was disgusted with Samantha and sick to her stomach. Bile was gathering in the back of her throat. She was going to vomit.

“How could this have happened? How?” Brynn choked out. Toby had seemed so nice when she met him at their wedding. He really seemed to love Stacy and it hadn’t even been all that long ago.
His girlfriend shot her? His GIRLFRIEND? And Stacy was pregnant?

After she hung up the phone with Samantha, she Googled it on her phone. There it was in black and white. Toby had a girlfriend. He was getting ready to leave her and go back to his pregnant wife. His girlfriend went into a rage and went to their house and killed Stacy and her unborn child that was due two months later, after Toby went to work the next day.

Brynn was sick.

She never even knew that Stacy was pregnant. With all of the phone calls Stacy had made to Brynn, and she hadn’t returned any of them. And now, her sweet friend was gone, and she would never talk to her again. She would never get to hold her baby. She was barely thirty, and she was dead.

Brynn wanted to die.