Learning to Heal (19 page)

Feeling slightly better, I turn off the water and dry my face on her pink bathrobe that hangs on the back of the door. Inhaling her scent that lingers on the fabric puts me at ease and I start to feel myself calm down. I see Jazz as soon as I open the door. She’s standing in front of me and she’s no longer smiling. Instead she wringing her hands nervously and refuses to make eye contact. Why is she acting nervous when I’m the one who just dry humped her mattress? Maybe I did freak her out. “Jazz? I am so, so sorry. I guess the events from tonight, which happens to be the best night ever, mixed in with my dreams and became the best damn dreams I’ve ever had.” She’s still rubbing her hands, but at least her eyes are making contact now. I can’t read her thoughts tonight and I really wish I could. I take a step toward her, desperate to make this awkwardness fade. “Do you want me to leave? Are you uncomfortable? Shit! Of course you are. I just raped your mattress.” Looking around, I spot my phone on her dresser. “I’ll just call a cab and leave.”

“Don’t. Please don’t go.”

I turn and face her again. She walks in my direction this time but stops a foot away. “Okay. I’ll stay, but I’ll sleep on the couch.”

She still looks scared but I see resolve in her sky blue eyes. “Can I trust you?” After my nod she steps closer and takes my hand. The softness of her touch helps ease my concern. “Good. I want to show you something. It’s the one thing that I have always tried to hide from people. Something that has haunted me all my life.” She takes a breath so I remain silent as she leads me back to the bed. “Sit.”

After I do as she says she backs away. Before I know what’s happening, she’s shimmying out of her black pants. “What are you doing?” I don’t know if I should panic or smile. I’m leaning toward panic, though, because I don’t want her to feel obligated in any way to do something she doesn’t want.

“I’ll ask the questions. So I just need you to sit there and listen.” After she kicks her pants to the side, I allow my eyes to travel up from her pretty, arched feet to her tanned, muscled calves and soft thighs. Her white lace shirt obscures her upper half so I hurriedly bring my eyes to hers and see her searching stare. “Do you like what you see, Mason?” My heart hammers in my chest as she waits for my answer. Can’t she tell after all these months that I love everything I see? Every freckle, curve, and imperfection. But my tongue vanishes with my nerve and no words form. “Was that your first wet dream about me, Mason? And please be honest. I need honesty right now.”

Honesty might make me sound like a pervert. But she only wants a yes or a no, not the details of my late night showers and a washcloth. “No.”

She gives me a small smile. “Good. When you see me in these dreams, what do I look like?”

“Like you.” I don’t know what I’m supposed to say but I decide to stick with honesty. Tonight is about laying it all on the table with her. “Beautiful.” Nothing could have prepared me for this. I had no clue that the change I felt when I stepped into Jay Jay’s would come to this.

“Beautiful for me is only an illusion. I know every makeup and beauty trick there is to enhance my features. It’s something I’ve been doing since I was a teenager. I’m not good at a lot of things like others, but fashion and flirting are the two subjects I’ve excelled in.” She gives me a forced laugh, and I swallow hard. I want her to see what I see, but I know she needs to get this off her chest—whatever it is. “But I want to show you the real me. I trust you and you’ve become a very important person in my life.” She stops and just stares at me. If she thinks I’m going to run from her she’s wrong. “Do you know how I became adopted by the Colemans?”

“Yes.”

Her eyes widen and she seems surprised but continues. “Well, the first surgery was an emergency. And there was a mistake made. But to doctors the cosmetic part isn’t important.” She places her shaking hands on the hem of her shirt. After a few stalled seconds I see her lift it slowly over her head. I pinch my arm. This has to be another dream because my fantasy for the past four months is standing in front of me in her white panties that have bright green bows on the sides and matching bra with a bow dead center, nestled between her perfect cleavage. My dick has been reawakened and is now ready for round two. Or three if you count the dream. I can tell she likes my reaction because she gives me a heated look. “You like? Well give me a second and you will see that this too is an illusion. Thank goodness for Victoria Secret.” She turns her back toward me and I see the dip in the small of her back before it curves create her pretty ass in a fucking thong.

My loud swallow and heated blood can probably be heard by the family next door. I can’t help it and my inner male dominance is starting to take over. A vision of putting her against the wall so they hear her scream my name and know who can please her is overwhelming, but I know she still has more to say so I wait.

“I was pretty much dead when they brought me into the OR, or so I was told since I don’t remember. But I still see it everyday.”

She reaches around and unclasps her bra, and I watch as it falls to the floor in slow motion. My breathing speeds up when she turns toward me again in that damn thongs and a breast cupped by each hand. She has a baby bump that sticks out, but it just adds to her sex appeal.

“You see, I should be thankful for the doctors saving my life, but I’m not because I’m a selfish person. Sometimes I get so angry I just breakdown, especially when it involves guys or clothes.”

She takes a step and stands right in front of me. I’m eye level with her hands that hold her tits, but I gain control and look at her sad face and notice moisture in her eyes. “Now, you can leave if you want to after this and I’ll even let you out of our agreement. But the past week has me wanting to show you the real me.”

Then she lets go and reveals herself to me. And I see the real her. And it’s not perfect like my fantasies. It more beautiful because it’s why she’s here, right now, with me.

The scar rests between her breasts. It starts out faint and narrow but gets jagged as it moves toward her left breast. It’s thick and has caused her left one to look like it’s missing a piece where it indents, but it’s no less sexy to me. Looking up, I see her face is looking away and her white-gold hair obscures her profile. I hate that this has given her a complex but love the fact she doesn’t show people freely.

Hesitantly, I reach up and slowly trace my finger over the top of the scar down to her left breast. I hear her breathing shudder, and when I look up her eyes are wide and on mine. I take my other hand and grab her waist to pull her closer to me. My breath is fanning her chest and her nipples tighten.

“Beautiful,” I whisper before I slowly put my lips on her scar and kiss it. Pulling away, I watch her reaction. She’s squeezing her eyes shut tightly and a tear runs down her left cheek. I stand up slowly and hold her face in my palms.

“Look at me, Jazz.” She shakes her head as another tear falls. “Please look at me.” I wipe the wetness with my thumbs and wait. Finally she opens her eyes and stares up at me. She needs to know she is the most beautiful creature to ever enter my life. She lights up my every day and has made me want something for myself for the first time since I was little. “You are so beautiful. This only adds to it.”

“No, Mason. You’re wrong.” Her voice is thick with sadness as she tries to shake her head again.

“Can’t you see? These scars make you who you are. They allowed you to live so you could be there for Trudy when she needed you. Allowed you to touch so many lives that would be bored without you. And mine. I was so lonely before I met you. But I didn’t realize how much I needed you. You allowed me to feel young again instead of like an old man.” I place my hand over her heart feeling the steady beat. “Because of this scar the most beautiful noise is the beating of your heart. I love this part of you most of all, Jazz. This heart that loves so many people and will stand up for the weak. The scar is beautiful to me. And I love it.” I take a deep breath before I continue. “And I love you.”

I stop breathing and wait for something to happen. Anything. And when I’m sure nothing is going to occur, it does. She reaches up and grabs me around my neck before pulling my mouth down to hers. And I lose myself in her wet kiss. The warmth from her mouth is intoxicating and hungry. It’s angry and determined, just like my girl.

Reaching around her small waist, I pick her up and turn toward the bed before laying her back down. This causes her to giggle but I swallow it in my mouth, desperate to continue my exploration.

“God you feel so good under me.”

I make my way down her neck and love on her freckle that I’ve been obsessed with since I met her. The taste of her skin on my tongue is driving me crazy. I want to eat her up, but I don’t want this to end too quickly either. When I get to her scar I give it small kisses until I get to her left breast. Looking up at her face I ask, “Is this okay?”

She gives me a small smile and I can’t help but smile back. “Yeah.”

Keeping eye contact, I lick down her scar to the indention of missing tissue and swirl it with my tongue lovingly. “Mmmm … You taste amazing.” When I get to her nipple I do the same but pull it into my mouth and suck deep. She moans and arches her back. “Damn that’s hot.”

“Don’t stop.” Her voice is begging me for more, so I reach up and play with her other breast as my mouth continues to devour the left one. She likes it when I scrape my teeth over her tight nipples and so does my dick. Her breathing is fast and shallow and mixed with her moans I might just come in my pants.

Standing up swiftly, I pull my shirt over my head and quickly discard my jeans. Before I take my boxers off I look at her. “Are you sure? I mean, really sure?” Because this will change everything to me. Our relationship, the arrangement, everything. But I don’t say those words.

She sits on her elbows in only her panties and flushed skin, and the tent in my pants becomes the Big Top Circus. “Yes. I’m positive. Now hurry up and get back over here. Because I’m cold.”

“That’s my girl. Still bossy and sexy as usual.” Pulling down my boxers, I quickly pick my wallet off the dresser looking for the condom that’s been there forever. God I hope they don’t expire.

“Mason, what are you looking for?”

“Condom.” Which has in fact has expired. Shit! I run my hands through my hair in frustration. “It’s expired.”

“It’s okay. In case you’ve forgotten I’m already pregnant. Plus I just had full check up and I’m clean.”

My frustration dissolves and I’m standing by the bed again, fully erect. “Thank God. If I don’t get you tonight I know I’ll die of blue balls.”

She laughs as I climb on top of her again. I kiss her heatedly on the mouth before working my way down her neck again. Once I make it to her scar, I feel her shiver while I lick it, letting my fingers caress down her body. Feeling her cute pregnant stomach, I stop and look at her.

“Jazz?” When her eyes meet mine I continue to tell her how I feel. “I want you to know that I. Love. You. Every part of you. And this baby is a part of you. Therefore I’ll love him or her just as much and promise to be there. No matter what.”

She smiles and nods. I see a shimmer of tears in her eyes, and since I don’t want to make her cry again, I lighten the mood by letting my hand reach her underwear. “Now where were we?” Tracing the hem, I watch her pupils dilate with desire and her chest move when her breathing hitches. Bringing myself up on my knees, I help her out of them. When I see her exposed flesh it’s my turn to breathe roughly. “I’m one lucky bastard.” She starts to giggle. “Oh really. And here I thought I was the lucky one.” Glancing in her direction I can’t help the surprised expression on my face from her words. She can have anyone.

“Mason?” She reaches up and touches my cheek gently. I feel dazed and frenzied. I thought having her naked under me was all that could set me on fire, but having her look at me with emotion in her sky blue eyes dissolves me into nothing. “Do you know how amazing you are? All the nights you’ve helped me get through so much since I’ve met you. The relationship you have with Grace is so beautiful and I know she loves you. Having you, one of my best friends, care about me the way you do. And not to mention how you willingly jumped in to father a child that’s not yours. You are the best person I’ve ever met. You’re wiser than your age and I care for you so damn much that I can’t think straight. I want to be like you one day and hope you can teach my child how to be like you as well.”

It’s not a declaration of love, but I’ll take it. Grabbing her hand from my cheek, I kiss her palm tenderly before I bend down and gently kiss her swollen belly. I need to please her, so I kiss and lick my way down to her mound.

“Can I taste you?” I’ve only done this once and it’s been a while but I need to do this with her. I need to taste every inch of her and leave an impression that she’ll never forget. I need to ruin her for anyone else.

“Yes. But I’m scared. No one has ever been so close to me before.”

Excitement has me smiling like a victor over her words. “Don’t worry, baby. You’ll like it.”

I hope she more than likes it. I want her to fucking love it. Standing once more, my knees hit the end of the bed before I grip her sweet rounded hips and drag her to the edge.

“Spread your legs and put them over my shoulders.” My voice sounds strained. A growl erupts when she does what I say and her pink, moist flesh is in front of my face. I can’t help but rub my nose against her and inhale. “Fuck, you smell so damn good.”