Knight in Shining Suit (62 page)

But as I moved closer to
them I realized they were fighting. She slapped him and turned on
her heel. Luckily, I was already only a foot away from her. She
collided into me and I caught her in my arms immediately. Her blush
told me how angry she was. I wrapped my arms around her and stared
angrily at her ex.

“
I see you haven’t lost
your touch, Bryans.” I said to him. “It seems you still want the
things you do not have.”

“
Are you really sure you
have her? You don’t know her as much as I do.”

I raised my chin to him,
feeling proud and honored, “I think I know her now more than any
man does.” The translation of that in my head was,
“She wanted me enough to offer me what she didn’t
offer you!”

“
I doubt she loves you
that much!” he said. Translation:
“I’m the
biggest fool for losing her! Now I want her back and I want you to
give her up!”

“
It doesn’t matter. I love
her more than enough for the both of us,” I said.
The real translation of that, if he's smart
enough to decipher it is,
"I am never
giving her up so fuck off!”

She was still crying when
I took her away, but I let her. Then I tilted her chin up so she
could look at me. I realized I missed her so much! It’s so not like
me because I barely really know her.

“
I was told you were
looking for me… and I was told that you couldn’t wait to kick my
ass,” I said. Her temper amused me.

I didn’t see what was
coming next. Her palm connected to my cheek in a force that sent my
head flying sideways. That should have made me angry, but it only
made me want her even more. She was not thrilled with me now that
she found out I lied about who I was.

“
Ouch!” I took a deep
breath. “I can’t say I don’t deserve that. Anything
else?”

“
Damn it! Who are
you?”

I was actually excited to
introduce myself to her, as Ryder Van Woodsen, hoping she would be
thrilled that the date she brought to that wedding was real. That I
wasn’t pretending about who I was.

But damn! I should have
kept my mouth shut!

When I told her who I was,
she actually ‘hated’ me. And at the end of that night, she returned
my ring. She loved it when she thought it was a cheap replica. But
when she found out that it was real, she didn’t want it anymore.
And she wanted me less.

And worse… because of all
that… I only ended up wanting her even more!

***

I knew I was crying even
before I opened my eyes. I couldn’t help all the tears even if I
tried.

Light flooded into the
room, but it has already flooded into my brain even before I woke
up. It felt like I had been sleeping in the dark. I was trapped
there and I was struggling to find my way out before I messed up my
life entirely… before I regretted every single thing that I
did.

Astrid.
My love. My life.

I remember her now. Every
single bit of her.

I remember that I was on
my way to the airport that day. I just finished meeting my real
estate agent in Manhattan. I was not supposed to come back to
Malibu yet. But God, I couldn’t get enough of her. I wanted to
sleep with her in my arms that night! And me showing up in our
house that evening would be a pleasant surprise for her. I knew she
wouldn’t be happy that I was stretching my limits and spending too
much on flights, but I also knew she would be happy to see
me.

Astrid was driving my car.
Living in my house.
Our house.
I warmed up to the thought.

I wanted nothing else but
to have her move in with me to Manhattan. But until she was ready,
I would patiently wait. Because I meant what I said, I would never
hurt her. She had to trust me and love me completely. And I would
make her ‘ever after’ come true.

And then I felt the impact
of the crash. Everything turned dark. And when I opened my eyes
again, it was like I was thrown back to the past. And I have no
recollection of the beautiful woman who my friends and my family
referred to as the love of my life.

I remembered my
conversation with Jake.

“
I can’t love somebody I
do not know, genius! That’s just the way I am. I will not fall for
a woman that easily. She must have… I don’t know… given me a love
potion or something. I am telling you. That woman is no different
from the rest. She’s with me because she wants the life that I can
give her. She’s already manipulated me… and you!”

“
Ryder, when that cloud in
your brain goes away, I want you to repeat this conversation over
and over in your head and you will realize just how much I wanted
to punch you right now! In fact, I believe when you do get better,
the first thing you would want to do is to kill yourself!” And Jake
walked out on me.

And God, was he right! I
wanted to hit myself with anything… just so I would feel the pain.
Because I deserved it! I deserved a good whack in the head for
everything I said about her… everything I said and did to
her.

I promised her I would
never hurt her! But right now, I couldn’t help but hate myself for
the painful words I ever said to her.

“
I don’t trust you. How
the hell you made me fall in love with you, I do not know. How you
made me put my money on your business, I am also not sure. You must
be really good in bed. I am usually not the type of man who would
fall under a woman’s spell. And I stay away from girls like
you.”

“
I don’t know you well
enough to judge you. But the last thing I want is to end up with a
mercenary slut who is only using me to gain access to my bank
accounts!”

God! She must have really
wanted to kill me. I wanted to kill myself!

Mercenary slut?

That was the most
ridiculous and most inappropriate description for
Astrid.

First off, she’s not a
gold-digger. The only thing that stood between us was my money. If
I were Ryder, the bartender, we would have been together a long
time ago. But I was Ryder Van Woodsen. And she had this stupid idea
in her head that people would judge her and look down at her if
she’s with me.

Boy was she right! She was
judged, alright. She was looked down on.
By me!
I was the first one to judge
her because she confused me. Because I was trying my best to fight
my unexplainable need and attraction for her.

Slut?

It’s so funny, she must
have been laughing her heart out if she was not busy getting
insulted by the word.

Astrid was a virgin when I
took her. And she had not been with any man… except for me. I was
her only one. I should have realized how lucky that made me. If it
weren’t for me, she would have been pure… innocent. And I had the
guts to imply that she slept around to get to men’s
pockets!

I devised a way to help
her back on her feet. I really did believe in her; I believed in
what she could do. The idea of investing on her company was all me.
I approached her cousin to help me out.

Her company was one of the
things that made her happy and I took that away too, knowing that
pulling my investment would cripple her. But I didn’t
care!

Just as I helped her get
up, I crushed her. I took away her spirit, after I took away her
happiness, which I know now, is… me.

God, she loved me. And I
hurt her in more ways than I could imagine. She didn’t want to
trust me. But I made her. I made her fall in love with me. And in
less than a week after she took a chance with me, she lost
me.

It would have been better
if I died in that accident. At least, she would live knowing that I
loved her. She would always remember how much I cared for her, how
much of myself I was willing to give to protect her. She would have
gone on with her life knowing that she owned my heart, and that if
love was enough for the two of us, I would always be beside her,
making love to her, protecting her, making her laugh, and promising
to make her ‘ever after’ come true.

But what happened to us
was worse than death. It tore us apart, when death would have been
unable to do that.

I broke her heart. I
insulted her. I looked down at her. I called her names she didn’t
deserve. I did all that after promising her that I would never hurt
her. After asking her to trust me.

She must have been worried
sick when she heard about the accident. She must have feared losing
me. I can imagine the tears she cried while I was at the operating
room. And when she would have been relieved that I was out of
danger, I opened my mouth and flung insult after insult at
her.

God, I hate myself! Jake
was right. Hand me a gun, I want to kill myself!

I couldn’t stop the tears
from pouring. I stared up the ceiling, as if looking at the
heavens. In my mind, I was shouting,
“Why?
Why did you do this to us?!”

And if I realized a second
too late, that I was in love with her again, I could have been too
late to save her from Bryan.

I saw a different Bryan
that day. Before, he only looked like a man who lost the woman he
loves to a better man. He felt small, jealous, and remorseful. The
Bryan that attacked Astrid was a maniac who was determined to take
what he thought was his no matter what it takes. He was determined
to destroy the one thing he wanted, but could not have.

And I swear to God, I want
to kill him for almost succeeding.

The door opened and Jake
stepped inside the room. I wiped the tears on my eyes, trying my
best not to let him see what I was doing. But it’s pointless. Jake
is a shrink. And moreover, he’s my best friend.

“
You okay?” he
asked.

I shook my head.
“No.”

He smiled apologetically.
“I thought so.”

“
How long have I been
out?” I asked.

“
Doctors kept you out for
three days. That would give you better chances of healing,” he
replied. “And I guess I don’t have to tell you the results of your
test. You already know that.”

I took a deep breath and I
nodded slowly.

“
Where is she?” I asked.
“How is she doing?” I was almost afraid of his answer.

“
They sent her home
yesterday,” he said. “She got away with a few stitches on her
forehead, and on her wrist and a couple of bruises. But she’ll be
okay.”

I was relieved that she
got away from Bryan without serious damage. But I know that the
damage I caused her was far more difficult to remedy… and will take
more time to heal.

“
She was here. The moment
she was well enough to stand up and walk, she’s been here beside
you.” Jake said. “She was told that you came in just in time to
save her.”

“
Does she know… about the
results?”

Jake shook his head. “No.
We never told anybody anything. I figured that’s your job. And her
friends weren’t sure whether you really got your memories back.
They didn’t want to tell her anything… give her false hope that you
finally remembered her.”

I sighed. “Okay. Get me
out of here as soon as you can. I have a hell of a mess to
fix.”

Jake smiled at me. “I know
how you feel right now. I know you want to kill yourself now that
you remember everything, and realize what we have been telling you
for months.”

I laughed humorlessly.
“It’s a good thing you didn’t leave me with a gun.”

Jake reached out and
squeezed my right shoulder. “It will be alright, mate. If anybody
can fix this, it’s you.”

I hope that Jake was
right. I hope that I can still fix this. I silently prayed… so
hard… that it’s not yet too late.

36.

PRESENT:

A moment or period in time
perceptible as intermediate between past and future; The period
between Yesterday and Tomorrow… Today.

It is also referred to as
something special given to another person… a Gift.

Remember this quote?
“Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, and Today is a GIFT,
that is why it’s called the Present.”

Astrid.

I
t’s been almost a week since I got out of the hospital. I got
away just fine with some stitches on my forehead, just above my
left brow. My wrist was also stitched up as apparently, I landed on
broken pieces of glass when Bryan banged my head on the kitchen
counter.

Ryder was still at the
hospital. Apparently, he took a couple of blows for me when he came
to my rescue. And I know his condition could get worse because of
that. I was getting worried sick. The last time they kept him out
to let his brain recuperate, he woke up not even remembering who I
was.

I couldn’t believe the
nightmare I went through. This had been a hell of a year for me. It
started when Bryan and Geena stole my wedding… then I got up and
rose above the shit hole they put me through… I built my own
company… I met the most wonderful man… I fell in love the way I
could not even imagine before… then I lost that man… I broke my
heart again a hundred times worse than the last time… and then I
almost got raped and murdered by my ex-fiancé.