Knight in Shining Suit (58 page)

I pulled my hand away.
“Why? You don’t even know why you did it in the first
place.”

“
If I didn’t get into that
stupid accident, I know we wouldn’t even be discussing this. I’m
trying to leave everything the way it would have been.”

“
Impossible.” I murmured.
“You already changed a lot of things, it’s… impossible to bring
them back.”

Ryder took a deep breath.
I know he was getting frustrated. But so am I. I’ve been through
hell these past few months. I didn’t want to give up on him. But
he’s got to let me know what he really wants from me, now that he
doesn’t even remember me.

“
How are your mother and
Paris?” I asked, just to change the subject.

“
They’re good. They miss
you,” he replied. “I’m going back to New York tomorrow, do you want
to come with me?”

Seriously?

“
Ryder… I don’t think
that’s a good idea,” I said.

“
Why not? You are my
girlfriend, after all. And my sister and mother both miss
you.”

I took a deep breath.
“Because we’re done putting on a show for everyone to see, Ryder.”
I told him. “You didn’t want that. You wanted the real thing. We
can’t go and show your sister and mother that we’re getting along
well, when in truth, we could hardly make it out alive when we’re
with each other. I know you’re only enduring me because you have
to.”

He stared at me for a long
while. His eyes were hard and cold. I saw a hint of anger there,
but he was trying to control it. “You don’t know anything about how
I feel right now, Astrid, so don’t judge me.”

“
You’re one to talk.” I
muttered under my breath.

He closed his eyes for a
minute and then he continued eating his food without saying another
word to me.

I didn’t finish half of my
food. I was so angry. How could Ryder tell me about judging people?
He was the one who was quick to judge me the very first minute he
laid eyes on me after his accident.

He paid for the food and
then we went to his car. He opened the door for me and I went
inside quietly.

“
Where do you live now?”
he asked, looking straight into the road.

“
Across the street from
you.” I murmured.

He glanced at me briefly.
But he didn’t ask any more twenty-twenty questions. And I don’t
want to elaborate about my living arrangements with John either. I
just want to get home. This emotional rollercoaster I have with
Ryder is wearing me out.

Ryder drove home quietly.
I prefer it that way. If I open my mouth again, I will either cry
or curse at him. Either way, it’s not going to be good.

He parked in front of
John’s house, got out of the car and opened the passenger door for
me.

“
Whose house is this?” he
asked.

“
John’s,” I
replied.

He raised a brow. “You’re
living with…
another
man
?”

“
Yeah. He’s one of my best
friends,” I replied. “And it’s a two-bedroom apartment.”

“
He’s still a guy,
Astrid!” Ryder argued.

“
So what?”

“
And he’s not even bad
looking!”

“
Again, so
what?”

What’s the matter with
him? Is he jealous?

“
Don’t I have a say in
this?!” He asked, trying to calm down.

“
Of course! Feel free to
say what you want! I don’t guarantee that it will matter
though.”

“
Astrid… I’m your
boyfriend! And I am not comfortable with you living with another
man!”

“
Could you stop using the
boyfriend trump card?” I asked angrily. “Only a few months ago, you
were willing to pay me to stay out of your life!”

He didn’t have a response
to that. The look he gave me was as guilty as it was
broken.

I sighed. “It’s only for a
few days. Because I have nowhere else to go!”

“
My house is across the
street!” He replied. “Why not stay there?”

I shook my head. “I used
to stay in your house, Ryder. But you kicked me out, remember? Oh!
That reminds me! When you kick your girlfriend out of your house,
doesn’t that mean you broke up with her already?”

He stared at me in
disbelief. “Astrid… that is so unfair!” He said. “I returned your
stuff before we spent the night together. I had no more intention
of letting you go in the morning! But you… you ran away from
me.”

Tears streamed down my
cheeks. I raised my chin to him. “I have no intention of being your
toy, Ryder.
That’s
why I ran away from you.”

He looked at me through
narrowed eyes. “My toy? Is that what you think you are to
me?”

I took a deep breath.
“Since you woke up in the hospital, you haven’t showed me anything
that will make me think otherwise.
Mercenary slut
,
remember?”

Ryder took a step away
from me. He stared at me in amazement. Maybe he realized that what
I said is true. Since he woke up he’s been nothing but rude to me
and showed me that he will do anything to get rid of me. Then we
slept together, and suddenly he’s running around town looking for
me, he’s treating me to dinner and attempting to be nice to
me.

Thanks, but no
thanks!

If he told me that he’s
remembered even just a bit of me, I will not think that he’s doing
all these to get me to bed again. But right now, it’s the only
logical explanation I can come up with.

Ryder looked down and then
he took a deep breath. “You’re right,” he said. “I don’t deserve
your better judgment or treatment. And I can’t make you believe
anything that I say either. I wanted you to give up on me. Now… I
want nothing more than to undo everything I did to you in the last
four months. But I guess… it’s too late for that now.”

He headed for his car. My
heart was breaking into a million pieces with every step he
took.

That’s it? He’s accepting
it without a fight?
The Ryder that I know
will not give up on me too easily. He will put up a fight, even if
he tricks me into accepting things, until I admit to myself that I
want what he wants too.

“
I’m sorry for hurting
you, Astrid,” he said. “I wish… I could do something to take the
pain away. If I am the cause of your pains, then I’ll stay away if
that would make it hurt less. I only wish you happiness.” His voice
was broken and sad. At that moment, I believed him. I believed he
was really giving up this time.

This is it. We’re breaking
up.

“
I wish you happiness too,
Ryder.” I said, trying my best not to cry. “I wish… I wish fate
didn’t play with us.”

He nodded. “I wish fate
made me forget everything else… but you.” He whispered. Then he
went inside his car and drove off. He lives across the street, but
he didn’t go home. He sped past his house and onto the
highway.

I stood in John’s driveway
for the longest minutes of my life, hoping that Ryder would drive
back to me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. I
didn’t want to give up on him. But right now, I don’t know how I
could hold on to him.

I know he wanted me; he
wanted to possess my body. But I cannot allow him to do that unless
he gives me a space in his heart. I go packaged deal with love. He
can’t have fun with me unless he loves me.

Is this it? Are we really
over?
Did we really break up without him
remembering who I was in his life?

I turned towards John’s
house and opened the front door. I was about to close it behind me
when suddenly a force from the other side pushed the door
open.

I almost lost my balance.
I had to step back to keep the door from hitting my face. I stared
up the intruder, ready to shout and curse. But what I saw made my
blood drain from my face. He has a smirk on his face; his eyes were
reddish and have dark circles around them.

“
What’s the problem, doll?
Trouble in paradise? Does this mean you can finally come out and
play with me?” Bryan asked me, an evil smile plastered on his face,
and he definitely looked like he was high on something.

I have seen Bryan drunk,
but I’ve never seen him like this. This looks like the demon
version of him. The one that cuts throats and beats up girls. And
when I looked into his eyes, I can only see one thing… the darkest,
most evil form of
lust.

Instantly, my blood froze
and every nerve in my body was screaming the same thing…
Run!!!

33.

SOMETHING BLUE:

The Bride must always wear
something… anything… blue. It can be a trinket or undergarment.
Some choose to put a blue lining on the wedding garter that they
wear under their wedding gown.

Ryder.

T
hat did not go as planned.

Astrid is a little
firecracker. You don’t handle her properly, she will
explode.
And damn!
I did
not
handle that well.

I wanted to woo her, show
her my charming side, the one that is not uptight and suspicious of
all women. The real me without masks and with all my guards
down.

I thought I was doing a
great job earlier in the afternoon. I thought she’d appreciate the
movers, but I don’t think Astrid likes owing people anything,
especially favors with a financial value attached to it. A very
admirable trait.

Wow! I have chosen
well.

The problem is how do I
delete the asshole image of me in her head? How can I make her
forget that even once, I called her a gold-digger! Or the fact that
I accused her of only being after my money!

I wanted her to give up on
me. I wanted nothing to do with her. Now, I wanted nothing more
than to remove this stupid cloud in my brain so she could be with
me again.

Jake was right. When I
wake up from all of this, I would want to kill myself for what I
did to Astrid. Damn! I wanted to kill myself now, even though I
haven’t fully recovered from my amnesia.

I wish I gave her a
chance, right from the moment I opened my eyes. I wish I did not
push her away, and made it clear that I did not want anything to do
with her. I wish I’d gotten to know her first before I decided on
the fate of our relationship.

If I gave Astrid a chance
four months ago… I think I still would fall in love with her… even
without my previous memories of her.

She is beautiful. Her eyes
just enchant me. Her scent fills my senses and intoxicates
me.

She is talented in many
aspects. I cannot believe, in less than a year, she was able to
make her company break even. I saw her portfolio. She has good
taste and so much passion for what she does. She knows what she’s
doing, and she puts her heart into it.

She has a sense of humor.
Not every girl can make me laugh. Hmmm… the ‘asshole mode’ still
cracks me up. Do I really have that mode?

She has been badly hurt by
the people close to her and yet she chose to get back up on her
feet and love again. She fell in love again… because of me. She
chose to take a risk in me in spite of the pains that she has been
through.

Lucky bastard!
I thought to myself.

Paris and my mother are
not the easiest people to please. But Astrid passed their tests
with flying colors. I know my mother’s heart breaks along with
Astrid’s.

And Paris… well, she has
not been speaking to me much. The last time she spoke to me was
when Janis told her that I pulled the plug on Astrid’s company. I
could still remember how that conversation turned out.

I always remember my
conversations with Paris lately. She surprises me and shocks me at
the same time. I lost one year of my memories. I don’t remember how
much she has changed in twelve months. She was bolder, tougher. She
has so much angst and she’s not afraid to say what’s on her mind.
In a way, I admire her more. But a part of me felt sad because I
realize I don’t really know her as much as I thought I
did.

“
You couldn’t choose a
better knife to kill yourself with.” Paris said to me over the
phone. “Actually, that’s not a knife. It’s an F-in
samurai!”

“
Since when do you swear
that much?” I asked her.

“
F-in is not a swear
word.” She argued. “I should remember not to code my language,
since I was gonna get scolded the same way by my big
brother.”

“
Paris Van Woodsen! You
were sent to the best schools in the country! Not just to learn
business, but to learn etiquette and what differentiates a man from
a… lady!”

“
Funny you should say
that, big bro,” she said in a sarcastic tone, “because I’ve seen
how you treated Astrid in the past few months. You were sent to the
best schools in at least three continents. I thought you learned
what differentiates a man from a moron.”