King Sized Beds and Happy Trails (Beds Series) (6 page)

I’m not enjoying t
he whole Operation Snag a Douchebag, but seeing Lexie in
that
bikini was worth it. Also having her climb on top of me and wake me up in it, I don’t think I would’ve minded if she sang Sean
I Think I Love You
in front of the entire senior class.

And even though it sucks
, ‘cause things seem to be working on this stupid operation, it’s good to see Lex…happy. I’ve seen her like this before, but not as often as I’d like.

I shut off the water and climb out of the shower, taking my time drying off. Hot tubs are great for ski resorts, but I really think it’s just so the security guys can have a laugh at everyone pansy dancing in the snow as they try to hurry back to their warm cabins.

Lex called shower first, and I'd never seen her in just a towel. She just pranced right out, wet hair and towel wrapped around her like it was nothing. I tried to act “whatever” about it, but I’m pretty sure my jaw fell to the floor. It’s not just the fact she’s hot—because she is—but that she trusts me enough to room with me like it’s no big deal. And if I walked out in nothing but a towel, I’m pretty sure she’d start a towel whipping war or something.

Part of me likes that she’s that comfortable around me, an
d the other part thinks it stinks. Because that’s friend zone.

Sti
ll, good to be up here and see her just be Lexie. This week’s going to be better than I thought.

I pull on my boxers, pj bottoms, and tank
and do a fake guitar strum out of the bathroom, humming
I Think I Love You
, because now that song is in my head. I wait for the ribbing from Lex about how I should
never
ever
sing, but she’s quiet, curled up in bed with her eyes closed.

And she took my side. The goof
.

Turning off the
touch lamp that took a good hour to figure out how to use, I climb under the covers, trying to be careful about not touching her. Don’t want to cross any boundaries we may or may not have set. The only one I remember was to keep the morning wood away from her.

Agreed.

I hear a sigh from her side of the bed, which feels miles away. It’s not a pissy sigh, but an “I like it here” kind of sigh. Makes the corners of my mouth turn up, and I rest my head against my hands as I listen to her breathing.

“Ry?”

“Hmm?”

“How tired are you?”

I turn my head to look at her figure, but it’s too dark to make anything out.

“I’m not. You?”

There’s movement, sort of feels like she’s shrugging. No, she’s not shrugging. I lean up on my elbows and squint to try to make out anything in the darkness. I can’t really see, but what looks like shadowy hands stretch out in front of her, I notice the small twist of her pinky ring.

“What’s on your m
ind?” I say in the arrogant way that lets her know I know her too well, and I’m not going to ignore her silence.

She drops her hands on the blanket
, and they land with a soft thud. “I
know
you don’t want to hear it.”

I grin, even though she can’t see it. “Try me.”

She turns, moving a little closer to me, but not enough that we’re touching. “Okay, it’s the D word.” Another shift closer. I don’t say anything. We
don’t
talk about our parents. We know what went down, had our big huge discussion when we were younger, and agreed never to talk about them again. To not give them more power over us.

She sighs. A pissy one this time. “Told you, you didn’t want to hear it.”

Her arms move, and I know she’s twisting that ring again. Her breathing is coming out funky too. As much as I want to block it all out, never hear about this again, I know she
needs
to talk about it. So I close my eyes and scratch the back of my head.

“What about your dad?”

The blanket lifts off me as she sits up. She’s still twisting that damn ring. I heave myself up to sit next to her and rub her back.

“I know we don’t talk about
our parents, but since we’ll be in the same bed for a week, I should probably warn you.”

“Okay…”

She turns her head to look at me. Her breath smells like toothpaste—the cinnamon kind. I think it tastes like shit, but she says it reminds her of Big Red gum, which her dad used to carry around in his pocket.

“I have nightmares sometimes. A-about him.” She stops twisting her ring as she brings up her hand. “About the night he gave me this.”

I gulp. “What kind of nightmares?”

“Just stupid stuff, I guess. Like, he forgets me at the carnival. Or he tells me he’s not my real dad
, and that’s why he hates me. Or instead of a ring, he gives me a goldfish that dies within a week. Or he leaves without giving me anything. No ring, no goldfish, nothing. Just tells me, ‘Well, kid. It’s been fun, but my life will be better without you.’ And he disappears, and I wake up holding my hand, making sure I still have this stupid mood ring.”

“It’s not stupid.”

“Yes, it is.”

I let out a small laugh. “No. It’s not.” Taking her by the hand, I run a finger over the
smooth ball resting on her pinky. “You wouldn’t have kept it if it didn’t mean something to you.”

She shrugs. I chuckle again. Girl is stubborn.

“So, what does it mean to you?” I caress the back of her hand. I don’t know how girls keep their skin so soft. It’s like I can’t help but touch it. Even when I was tickling her before, she’s so soft, breakable, and sexy as hell. And here I am getting turned on by just feeling her hand. I pull away and clear my throat, so I can concentrate on her answer and not what’s going on in my chest. “You, uh, never told me.”

“I didn’t know you wanted to know.” She nudges me with her elbow and starts twisting the ring again. “I guess it means a lot because it’s the one thing that quiets the voice in my head.”

“You have a voice in your head?” I laugh.

“Shut up!” There’s a punch in the shoulder, which is harder than normal, but I blame that on her not being able to see much either. “I’m not going to tell you if you’re going to make fun.”

“Sorry, sorry. Go ahead. I’ll be nice.”

“What I
meant
was, when I look at it, I think maybe I wasn’t the reason he left. That he did love me, even if it was just a little bit.”

What
? “Why would you think you’re the reason your dad left.”

“Because I am.”

I reach over and tap the light on. I have to see her face, because she has to be pulling my leg. After she’s done rubbing her eyes, I pull her hands from her face, looking into her deep brown irises. There’s no joke behind them. She’s not even crying about it. It's as if she’s been told she’s the reason behind her dad leaving so much she believes it. Not only believes it, but accepts it.

“Shit.”

“What?”

I’m not responsible for any of my actions. When it comes to her, I can’t help myself. I yank her down on my chest, holding her tight against me as we rest on the pillows. “I don’t care what you think
or what your mom said, but you are
not
the reason.”

She lets out a breath, soaking my nostrils in cinnamon. “You didn’t know him, Ry.”

“I know
you
. And you weren’t the reason.” I grab her pinky. “I know I’ve given you crap about this, but if this is what keeps you from thinking your dad didn’t love you, I don’t want to see you ever take it off.”

She squeezes my middle, but I can tell she still doesn’t believe me. And it sounds like we’re done talking about it. She’s quiet and her breathing starts to slow. I think she’s drooling on my shirt too. I run my hand up and down her back, lost in thought.

How can this girl think that nobody loves her? Not even her own father. I get the mom thing. I’ve seen what she’s dealt with there. Was her dad worse?

I don’t think so. S
he would’ve said something about it. I always figured he left because of her mom, but Lex thought it was her this whole time. When we first told each other about our MIA dads, she said something like that, but I didn’t think she was serious.

I wrack my brain to that
first conversation, which I usually try to block out. The conversation that started our friendship, but was too painful to talk about again. Seven-year-olds talking about a drunk mom, an up-and-left dad, a mom who screws everything that walks, and a dead dad. It brought us together, but it also left a big gap in our relationship, titled: Things we don’t talk about ever.

Or maybe that was just my rule. Maybe she wanted to talk about it, and I never let her. Cut her off from sa
ying anything ‘cause I was too hurt to talk about my dad’s death.

Then I remember,
back in the Lincoln. After Sean sucked face with Sandy, I told her to forget about it and she said…

“I’m the daughter of the town drunk and the reason my dad walked out—”

I shoot up in the bed, forgetting Lex was sleeping on me. She snorts and mumbles, “What’s going on?”

Running a hand through my
crusted gelled hair, I shake my head. “Is that what this is about?”

“What are you talking about, Ry?”

I turn back and look at her. She’s rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“Why you want Sean?
To prove you’re capable of being loved?”

Her eyes grow wide for a second before she rolls them. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Is it?” Because if that’s what she’s after, I’ll tell her right now how I feel.

“
Yes
.” She falls back on the pillows. “I want him because I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”

Even as she says it, I know she’s lying.
Still, it sucks to have her say those things about someone who’s not worthy. I fall back on the pillows next to her. “Well, if that
were
the reason you want him, you don’t need to prove anything, because you… well, you have me.” I turn my head to look her in the eyes. “I’m not going anywhere.”

She smiles. Her
“happiest” smile. And things start sparking through my skin. “You mean, I’m stuck with you?”

I laugh at the ceiling, and reach over to the lamp.

“Yes. And Lex?”

“Yeah?”

“A warning about
my
sleeping habits…” I give her a seductive grin. “I like to cuddle.”

She narrows her eyes. “Just remember what I said about that morning wood.”

“How can I help it when I’m asleep? And if we’re spooning—”

“E
w!” She whips me with a pillow, and then shoves it between our bodies. I go to grab it but she grasps my hand. “Don’t even think about it.”

“Fine, you win, but only because I don’t want any more
bruised body parts.”

I tap the light off and wait for her to let go of my hand, but she twines her fingers through mine, keeping our hands interlocked on the pillow separating our bodies. I fall asleep
, running my thumb over the ring on her pinky.

Yellows, blues and reds flash around us, a kaleidoscope of colors all for me. The carnival arrived for my birthday because I’m a special girl.

I’m sitting by the teacups like Daddy tells me to do.  “Honey, stay right there and don’t move.” Daddy goes to find a clown to sing me happy birthday and help blow out the eight candles that’ll be on my cake. Seven for my age and one for good luck.

And because I’m a good girl I stay still. I don’t even get up when the balloon man passes by with free balloons. That’s okay he doesn't have purple. Daddy will get me a purple balloon after he gets the clown to sing to me.

It’s getting dark. I don’t like the dark. The dark is almost as scary as spiders. But Daddy will be here. I just have to wait a little longer.

The rides stop moving, the lights turn off. Oh no! I can’t see anything! It’s dark. I don’t like the dark! Where’s Daddy?

I curl up into a ball and rock myself back and forth.

“Daddy?”

The dark is closing in on me. No more balloon man. No more kids my age. No one at all. I’m alone.

“Daddy?”

Just keep rocking. Daddy will come. He wouldn’t leave me. I’m a special girl. His special girl.

I open my eyes, the dark remains, but through the darkness a clown appears, holding a purple balloon. My favorite color. I knew he’d come. Daddy brought him. He holds the balloon to me, and I reach out.

His nails turn into claws, and he grabs my wrist. Jerks me off the bench where Daddy told me not to leave. Yellow teeth sneer down at me, eyes darker than the night sky. I go to scream, but my throat closes up.

The evil clown pulls me close, breath hot on my cheek and finally I find my voice.

“Daddy!” I kick and scream. Punch and cry. “Daddy!”

The clown pushes my shoulder, shaking me back and forth. I throw a punch and miss. The shaking gets harder, and I put all my energy into one last kick when I’m jolted up.

Sweat pours down my temples. Hot, cold fear runs though my veins. I search my surroundings trying to find the light.

“Lex! It’s not real. I’m here. It’s okay.” I swallow the scream and wipe the tears from my cheeks.

I look up into familiar eyes. No dark holes of death or yellow grimy teeth. Just the
most perfect brown eyes filled to the rim with concern.

“You’re okay. It was just a nightmare,” Ryan says, pinching the bridge of his nose before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close to his warm,
strong chest.

“I’m sorry.” I grab onto his
T-shirt and bury my head farther into his warmth.

“What are you apologizing for?”

“I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“If anyone’s sorry it’s me.”

I glance up at the boy who has done everything for me. More than any person should. He has nothing to be sorry for.

“I didn’t know about the nightmares. If I did.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I’d never leave you alone at night.”

“They’re just silly nightmares,” I say, trying to hide the fear. “Stupid really.”

“Stupid or not, I won’t leave you.” Ryan’s arms tighten around me
, and I nuzzle his neck.

His warmth makes me feel safe so I close my eyes.

No matter how hard life gets and no matter how many times my mother reminds me that no boy will ever love me, Ryan will be here. Because he’s my best friend, and that’s what best friends do. They remind you that you are loved.

“For now,” I say right before sleep consumes me.

***

Light shines through
the parted curtains, casting shadows across my eyelids. I don’t care the slopes are outside my window waiting for me. I’m on vacation damn it! And this is the first time in a very long time I slept through the night without reoccurring nightmares.

After the first one
when Ryan wrapped his arms around me, I drifted into sleep. I knew he’d be there when the nightmares came, and knowing that kept them away.

I snuggle into my pillow, but when I try to pull it closer
, it doesn’t budge. I tighten my arm and tug.

Ugh stupid pillow made of bricks. I pop an eye open, light blinds me, but when the initial shock wears off
, I realize I’m not hugging my pillow.

“Morning, Sunshine.”

I release my grip from Ryan’s stomach and slide back to my side of the bed. He pulled me close last night, taking me in his arms, but that was it. I’m the one who burrowed into him like a chipmunk hiding from a hungry hawk.

“Morning,” I say away from him, not willing to chance a case of morning breath.

“How’d you sleep?” His eyebrows arch.

“Like I was in paradise.”

“I have no problems with you calling my body paradise. Do me a favor and spread the word. Chicks love that shit.”

My fingers flex around my abandoned pillow
, and in one swift move I clock Ryan in the face. “Ass.”

He cocks his head to look at me. “If I wasn’t so comfortable
, I’d retaliate.”

“Too bad for you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

The fear of morning breath behind me, I jump up, pillow in hand and straddle Ryan’s stomach, smacking him repeatedly with the pillow.

He tosses and turns, then busts out the tickle fingers. I scream, as he overpowers me and flips me off of him and onto the bed. His chest hovers over me, arms against my wrists. I kick once, twice, but it’s no use. He’s using his weight to hold down every inch of me.

I’m not ready to admit defeat
, so I shake the only thing that I still have control over, my head. Ryan’s amused laugh stops me. A knowing smile settles on his face, and I glance up to his eyes ready to accept my defeat when my words are lost.

I never noticed the specks of copper and how they reflect light, making it seem as if his eyes go on forever. Normally I would make fun of his bed head
, but I can’t pull my eyes away from his.

He’s inches from my face, breath hot and minty against my cheek. When did he brush his teeth?

“Lex—”

The door flings open and
Kaylee bounces in, braided blond pigtails move in sync. Hands are defiantly on her hips.“Did you forget to tell me something?” She motions to us.

With a laugh
Ryan releases his grip, rolls over and gets off the bed.

“Morning, Kaylee. Nate.” Ryan nods to our fedora wearing friend waiting in the doorway. I don’t know if Nate’s embarrassed by Kaylee’s ambush or sorry for interrupting. Not that
they were interrupting anything. Ryan and I were joking around like we always do.

“Out!” Kaylee grabs a pair of Ryan’s jeans, a flannel shirt and his jacket, tosses them into his arms and points to the door. “Go shower in our room.”

“You’re kicking me out of my own room?” he asks, and his lip curls, but I can’t figure out if it’s amusement or confusion.

“Yes! Now go.” For a little thing she is one scary girl. Don’t mess with the perky when she thinks information has been withheld from her.

Ryan turns to Nate, but Nate just puts his head down. He would never defy Kaylee. If he did, she would padlock her zipper.

“Unbelievable.” Ryan grabs his boots,
and slips them on while he walks. Kaylee now holds the door, finger pointing to the exit.

She kisses Nate
, and just as Ryan walks across the threshold, he stops. “Wait the door was locked. How’d—” Kaylee slams the door and storms to the bed. I pull the covers over my head. It is way too early for perky girl talk.

“Don’t you hide from
me!” She rips the covers from my hands, made up eyes narrowed.

S
he’s a morning person too. The worst combination, especially when I don’t want to leave my down comforter paradise. But it’s the only way to avoid the inevitable.

“I’m going to shower.” I climb out from the sheets and head straight to my suitcase. Avoiding eye contact is best, but Kaylee is smart. She follows me, jumps in front of my suitcase
, and waits, foot tapping.

I look down at my nail polish, silver- rainbow glitter, ironically named
Save Me
. If only I could hold them up, and a smoke signal would be sent up for reinforcements.

Bright green eyes glare electric shocks into my skin
, jolting my words. “It’s nothing.”

Her eyes shift. She doesn’t believe me. “I don’t believe you.”

Yup. I twirl my hair around my finger, wishing I could teleport out of here, but I could wish all I want, it’s not happening.

“Kaylee, he’s my best friend. Nothing more. I mean come on. It’s Ryan. I’ve heard him fart. Seen him puke.” I’ve seen him cry too, but that’s too personal.

Her eyes search my face, looking for a weakness—a feature that will give away my lie. Too bad for her, I’m not lying.

“Fine. I believe you. But you have to promise me, if the more than friend thing ever enters your mind
, you tell me.” She holds out her pinky, and I laugh. Whether we’re ten, seventeen or ninety-three, the pinky swear will always be our go-to.

A binding contract.

My pinky interlocks with hers. I have nothing to hide. So why do I have an unsettling feeling in my stomach?

She kisses her hand. I don’t want her to see hesitation
, so I kiss mine. The contract is sealed. No going back.

“Can I shower now?”

“Sure and hurry up before we miss breakfast.” She hops over to the bed and plops on top.

Just hearing the word makes my stomach growl. I hope they have bacon. If they do
, I’m totally having Ryan load up his plate for me. As long as it doesn’t touch his food—weird vegetarian philosophy—he’ll do it, and I won’t look like a lardass.

I grab my jeans, the ones that make my butt look great, my warm double insulated socks, and a green thermal.

A hot shower sounds perfect. I go to walk into the bathroom and stop. Ryan’s last words circling my mind.

“Kaylee?”

“Yeah, Bestie?”

“How’d you get in here?”

She bats her eyelashes. “I stole the spare key from the lobby.”

Looks can be deceiving—sweet and innocent my ass. “Nice. Can you knock next time?”

“Why? Afraid I might walk in on something?”

“No!” The words come out faster than an avalanche. If the roles were reversed
, I’d assume she was guilty. I’m not, but the look in her eyes makes me think otherwise. “But what if Ryan was naked?” Oh no! I’m digging myself into a hole. “I mean if I wasn’t in here. He came back to shower, and you thought I was here. You know?”

Stop talking, Lexie.

I focus on my
Save Me
nail polish.

“Or if you were in here with Sean.” Kaylee finally says after what feels like a century.

“Yes! Right! Sean.”

“Okay
, I’ll knock next time.”

“Good. Now if you’ll excuse me
, I need to make myself irresistible.”

Sean should be at breakfast and after last night, I’m ahead of the game. I just need to stay there.