King Sized Beds and Happy Trails (Beds Series) (15 page)

She unfreezes, stroking a purple fingernail down the hair on my stomach.
The sparks that shoot around my body from her touch makes me tight behind the zipper, and my breathing crazy wild as I lean my head back and moan. Her nails make a trail to my sides, under my shirt. I shiver from the goose bumps, and she giggles.

And I unfreeze.

Or I attack, which is more accurate of a word for what I do. Grabbing her under her butt, I stand us both up before I crash with her on the bed. I know I said she was soft before, and she is, but her ass is rock hard. I wish I didn’t let go of it so quickly.

Before I know it, she’s stripping the rest of my shirt off, and I’m trying to get hers
too. We both laugh as our arms tangle together. I take care of mine, and she takes care of hers.

And we freeze again. I’ve seen her in
a bikini. I’ve seen her in a towel.

But this is different.

More.

She’s wearing a red bra, and I don’t know why I expected a frilly lacey thing, because that isn’t Lex. It’s like this soft, plushy thing. And even though I thought I froze, my fingers are moving up her sides, thumb really close to discovering how that bra feels. Her hands are going up and down my arms. I flex, and she laughs.

Her laugh is what makes me attack again. I’m no longer hovering over her. I’m pressed against her. Skin to skin, boobs to chest. I bring my mouth down, kissing her neck and her jaw line. Her body flushes, making the heat tingle my lips as I move down her collar bone, to her cleavage, to her stomach, to her pant line. I can’t believe she’s letting me. That this is me and Lex, finally being… more.

“Ry?” she breathes as I kiss her bellybutton.

“Yeah?”

“You’re killing me.”

I chuckle and lean up to look in her eyes. “What?”

“Will you please kiss me before I go crazy?”

Something stops me. I want to kiss her. I’m pushing my luck as it is with everything. Wondering if it’s all a dream and I’m going to wake up soon. The corner of my lip pulls up, and I stroke her brown hair, tucking it behind her ear. Her conditioner is amazing. Or it’s her. Probably her.

My hand lands on the side of her face
, and I bring my thumb across her mouth. Her glossy lips part, and a small moan escapes.

“I want to, Lex, but…” Here we go. And I think I’m ready to finally say it. How much she means to me. What I want with her. I gulp and sputter out what I’ve been keeping in. “Once I kiss you, I’m not going to want to stop. Ever. I want this.” I find her hand and squeeze it. “You.” I kiss a finger. “Me.” I kiss another. “Us.” And one more. “Everything.”

She smiles. Two dimpled. Her hand finds the back of my head, and she plays with my hair.

“Good.”

My chest gives out an extra set of sparks as I lean in. Her grip on my hair tightens, and it makes things shift everywhere. My arms twitch, my stomach drops, I’m already hard, but I get harder, and my breath comes out in a big gust right before our lips meet.

But they don’t meet. Just as tight as she was pulling me toward her, she’s suddenly pushing me back. No smile. Her eyes search mine
, and her nose crinkles like she’s realized what’s happening, and she doesn’t like it. So much that she’s starting to tear up.

I’m frozen again. Wha
t is going on?

She leans up, and for a minute I’m thinking she’ll kiss me, but inste
ad she… she sniffs. Her voice cracks a million times when she opens it to ask me the question I really hoped I never had to lie to her about.

“Have you… have you been drinking?”

The disgusting scent hi
ts me like a punch in the face. Vodka. I can detect it anywhere. Even through the mint he used to cover it up. At least I can say mom taught me something.

How did I not smell it sooner?
Mom can’t even get the mint trick over me anymore. But this is Ryan, and I…I never thought I’d have to worry about that. I push the anger rising up in me aside.

Ryan drops to the bed a
nd rolls away from me. I crawl over to him, grip his face and pull his mouth closer. His lips swollen from countless kisses dragged across my body. And behind the minty scent of mouthwash I smell it.

I must be mistaken. Ryan wouldn’t. He knows alcohol ruined my life. Knows how much I despise it.
I’m imagining it. Nothing good ever happens to me, and I’m trying to convince myself of it. Because being with Ryan is the good I’ve been searching for.

I sniff again and there is no imagining it. The scent is as real as the boy beneath me. My heart plummets into my stomach
, throat dries and the grip on Ryan’s face loosens, hand falling in defeat.

Disappointment has plagued my life, but there was one thing I could count on. One person who would never let me down. My eyes travel from his mouth up to those dark eyes
, and his look says it all.

He just did.

Tears prick my eyes, but before they pour out, they’re chucked away by anger. I shove Ryan’s chest with every ounce of discontent. His body heaves into the mattress and then pushes back up against me.

“How could you?
” I whisper, too full of frustration to yell.

“Lex, let me explain.
It’s not what you think.” He reaches his hand up to my cheek, and I smack it away.

The frustration floods out.
“Don’t!”

His eyes shoot open
, and now I see it, the squinty bloodshot eyes, remorse etched into the strong lines of his face.

“Not what I think
, huh? Were you drinking or not?”

“I…uh…”
His face even turns purple when he’s drunk.

I don’t want to look at him or smell the betrayal on his breath.
Shivers crawl through my skin when I push away from the warmth of his body. I cross my arms to cover myself. We made a pact one night when we were seven.  He was the one who said it. He was the one who held his pinky up to me to swear it.

It’d be easy to leave, walk out the door and never look back if I wasn’t shirtless. The bed squeaks as Ryan reaches across it
, and takes my shirt in his hand.

Throw it. Please. Throw it.

He doesn’t. Bare chest and stupid happy trail move toward me, hand extended. I stare at his hand. The same hand that only minutes ago roamed my body. I hate the fact I already miss it.

I rip the shirt from his grasp and pull it over my head.

“Lex, please.”

He rubs the back of his neck
, and I want to lunge at him. He doesn’t have the right to be nervous. He doesn’t have the right to be anything.

A gush of air rushes out of his still swollen lips. “
Talk to me.” His eyes are desperate, staring out at me.

Any other time I would throw away my inhibitions and wrap myself around him.
“Talking isn’t going to change anything.” 

“Let me fix this.”
He steps closer and for a second I don’t move.

Ryan can fix anything. His car, my squeaky cabinet door, his grandparent’s dishwasher, everything.

Almost everything.

I step back.
“You can’t.”

“Then let’s forget about this.
Act like it never happened.”

“I can’t.”

The desperation in his eyes dissipates, and he squeezes the bridge of his nose.

“Lex, please.”

I shake my head. “You lied to me.” I let the words hang between us before continuing. “That night after my mom went on a binge. You held your pinky out to me and you swore on our friendship that you would never turn to alcohol. I promised right back.” I pointed to my chest. “I kept my promise.”

“
We were seven. Do you have any idea how ridiculous you’re being?”

“Ridiculous
?” Me ridiculous? Oh no. He is not turning the tables on me. “You want to talk about ridiculous?” I take my step back, hands on hips, because if I remove them I’m afraid I might punch him. “You found my ring and instead of giving it to me you gave it to Sean!”

He runs his hands through his hair and then flings them out in front of him.
“So he could give it to you!”

“
Why couldn’t you give it to me?”

“Because you
loved the douche! I was helping the two of you out. You’re welcome!”

I choke on a laugh and snort. “Helping us out? Please. You were helping yourself out!”

“What are you talking about?”

“You were scared of what was happening between us and instead of facing it you ran from it.”

“I don’t run. That’s your department.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“And you’re a tease.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. How the hell was I supposed to know there was something between us when you acted the same as you always did?”

“That’s not true.”

“Cuddling up to me, wrestling with me, just another day in Lexie World. Go ahead, tell me it isn’t true.”

“It
was
different.”

“Maybe for you, but for me it was exactly the same. You hanging all over
me, winding me up, making me want you more than anything I’ve ever wanted then shooting me down.”

“I never shot you down.”

“Every time you looked away from me, pulled your hand off of me, left me to chase after Sean, you shot me down.”

“Not like I did it intentionally. I didn’t know. You never said anything.”

“And ruin your potential happily ever after with Mr. Perfect?”

“Could you for once not be a sarcastic jerk?”

“So I’m a jerk now? What is it asshole or jerk?” 

“Both and while you’re keeping track you can add liar to the list.”

His face is red, and if it was possible lava would pour out of his eyes. He pinches the bridge of his nose again as if that will help the words he can’t form come out.

“That’s what hurts the most, Ry. You lied to me. We made a promise. We might have been seven
, but it was still a promise, and I never once broke it. You. You broke it. Forget about not telling me how you felt. I asked you if you were drinking, and by not telling me the truth you lied.”

I walk
over to the mini bar and pull the door open. Four mini bottles line the bottom, and I reach my hand in and pull them out. I hold them up, shake my head and drop them into the trash where they belong.

“Not only did you lie. You did the one thing I can’t forgive. You can’t fix this because I’m not one of your cars. The minute you opened that bar and took that bottle out you lost me.”
I storm to the chair in the corner and pick up my coat. Tears pool in my eyes, and I purposely keep my gaze from him.

If I look at him
, I’ll cry. He’s always been there to pick up the pieces and put me back together, but he’s the one who broke me this time.

There’s nothing else to say or do
, so I open the door. I go to step out into the snow and stop.

There is
one more thing to say.

I twist the ring on my
pinky.

“I hate you,” I say and wing the ring at his head. It misses, smacking the wall. A ting just loud enough to hear echoes in the silent room
, and the ring breaks in two.

I slam the door
and walk out into the cold dark night.

Any other time Ryan would run after me but not this time. I swipe the tears from my cheek and walk across the snow covered ground to Kaylee and Nate’s room.

With the little bit of energy I have, I knock. The door flies open, and I don’t even say a word before Kaylee flings her arms around me.

“Nate out!”

“But it’s our last night,” he protests.

“Out!”

I don’t see Nate leave. I’m too consumed in my pain. Deep, stomach curling pain because I didn’t just get in a fight with a guy I’m falling for. That wouldn’t have been so bad.

The pain that curls and wraps around my heart
, squeezing until the ache is so bad I fall to the ground, is for something I never thought I’d have to face.

My eyes sting with regret and sorrow. I choke on my sobs as the realization sinks in.

Tonight I lost my best friend.

I take a deep breath before plunging my head under the shower stream. Please, let it all have been a bad dream. Or let me drown here under the hot water that won’t loosen any of the chest pains I have. Something’s twisting, pulling, wringing my heart out like an oil rag. And nothing I do will make it stop hurting.

When I woke up this morning, I thought it
had
been a dream. My best dream and my worst nightmare curled into one. Because I’d never be
that
stupid. I’d never disappoint Lex like that. I’d never say the things I said. I’d never do that to her. I love her.

But when I rolled over to put my hand on her waist, to hold her and sigh that sigh of r
elief that it was a dream, I saw a half naked Nate on the other side of the bed, and then the headache started.

I pull my face
out of the water just as a knock comes at the door.

“Hey
, chaperones just said bus is leaving in an hour. Better get your crap together.”

He’s pissed at me, too. Lex is pissed, Kaylee’s probably pissed. Man, even I’m pissed at me. I’m so stupid.

And I can’t fix it.

I’d think differently if it was just the alcohol. But I had to let my drunk ass keep talking. Let loose everything that, well, wasn’t true, but I said it anyway. What I called her.

A tease.

She’s not that at all. Why did I say that? It’s not her fault I fell for her. It’s not her fault I completely lost the ability to be around her without wanting more. She did nothing different. It was all me.

And I threw it on her just because I wanted some excuse—any excuse—to blame her for my idiocy.

Falling into the tub, I curl up like a damn girl and rub my chest. The water pounds on my back, not helping the pain at all. This pain I never thought I could feel. It’s worse than when I split my head open trying to fly off the roof. Worse than when I burnt the s
hit out of my arm when I was fixing a blown engine. Worse than when I caught my mom cheating on my dad days before he died.

And that’s when it hits me. I
have
felt this pain before, but I shoved it so far away so I’d forget about it.

Loss.

I’ve lost my best friend.

“Dude,” Nate says, knocking again, “come on!”

I turn up the hot water, ignoring him and letting loose all the tears I’ve been holding back since Lex stomped out the cabin.

***

Nate’s never silent. He’s usually yapping his mouth off about something if it’s not busy with Kaylee. But the whole time we’re getting stuff together, it’s so quiet my ears buzz.

Lex’s stuff is all still here. And after all my crap gets jammed in my duffel
, I move to hers, trying not to smell every item before putting it in her suitcase. I get to the toothpaste and lose control, checking over my shoulder to make sure Nate isn’t looking before I twist the cap off and inhale the stuff like a drug. That same scent was inches away from me tasting last night. Her lips, her tongue. I was so close.

Then I remember what my rank breath smelled like
, and I chuck the toothpaste across the countertop.

“Uh…”

Here comes the yabber.

“I don’t know if you want this, but thought I’d ask before I toss it.”

I turn around, looking at the pieces of ring in Nate’s palm. Running a hand over my forehead, I nod. Then take the broken jewelry and stick it in my pocket. Don’t ask me why I want it, but I can’t throw it away.

He clears his throat before sitting on the edge of the bed to put his boots on. “Okay, I don’t know what happened last night. And normally I wouldn’t butt in, but I noticed the empty bottles, the obvious hangover, and since I was kicked out of my room, I only can assume she caught you wiping out the mini bar.”

I don’t answer. I don’t have to.

He shakes his head, tugg
ing on his boot. “Man, I don’t get it.”

I slide down the wall, burying my face in my hands. “Don’t get what?”

“Why you even thought of drinking. I mean, minus the part where you know the person you’re sharing a room with has a hatred of alcohol. I’ve known you forever, dude. And not
once
did you ever want a drop of the stuff in your system. What made you break so bad you downed an entire fridge?”

I drop my hands from my face. Nate has known me forever, and this thing I feel for Lex, he doesn’t even know about. My mind goes on rewind to the argument la
st night. When she asked how she was supposed to know, when I didn’t say anything.

It sucks that she’s right.

“It was that douche tonguing her in front of everyone in the rec room.”

“Well, you kind of knew that was gonna happen.
”

“I know, but…” I let the thought drift off as I look at my friend. I don’t have to say it out loud, though I should. The light flicks on behind his eyes
, and he laughs.

“Oh, man, I knew it!”
He laughs more as he grabs his other boot. “You know, if you would’ve stayed just two more seconds, you would’ve seen her freak out on him. Then she would’ve finally let you beat his face in.”

“What?”

“Yeah, she flipped. Screaming and all that. She even refused to take her dad’s ring back.”

“But I saw it on her hand.”

“She grabbed it from him right before she tugged Kaylee and me outside.”

If I had waited two seconds… ugh, I knew I was an idiot, but this makes it even worse.

“She didn’t catch me drinking,” I say to the floor. “She caught me drunk.”

His eyebrow goes up. “Yeah?”

I nod. “Apparently, my breath stunk of booze.”

“Whoa, wait a second. How close was she to your mouth?”

My ears flame up and again, I don’t say anything because I don’t have to.

“Oh, dude. You
really
messed up.” He chuckles to himself. “More than I thought before, and I thought that was pretty bad.”

“Yeah, I know.” My head swings back into the wall. “I don’t even think I can fix it.”

“Well, you have to.” He shrugs like it’s nothing. I’m about to let loose on him. What the hell does he know? He’s never had a fight in his entire paradise relationship.

“I don’t know how,” I say through my teeth.

He rubs his chin, checking over his shoulder as if someone is looking at us through the window. “Okay, I’m going to tell you something, as long as you keep it double dead bolted. Between us, got it?”

“Alright…”

“I mean it. Not a word.”

I do a cross over my chest motion
, and he drops his tense shoulders. “I almost lost Kaylee because of something real stupid.”

Whoa, what?

“When?”

“Few months ago.”

I raise my eyebrows and roll my hand in the air, telling him to keep going.

“Do you remember that gerbil she had?”

“Mr. Peepee or something?”

“
Pippi. Yeah. Well, he didn’t exactly die the way we said he did.”

Something barrels through my throat
, and I end up laughing my face off. Nate’s ears go red as I roll to the floor. “You killed her gerbil?”

“Hey, hey! It was an accident!”

“How do you accidentally kill a pet?”

“Well,” he says, checking over his shoulder again, “she said I could use him for my next disappearing act. We were leaning up against the trunk of her mom’s car
, and just as I was about to make him ‘reappear’, he crawled out of my hand and into the exhaust pipe.”

“Oh shit.” I shouldn’t still be smiling, but I am. It’s just so Nate and Kaylee to have this kind of fight.

“Not funny, dude. She was freaking out. Crying and hitting me. We went into the house to find something to coax him out. Anything. Food. A stick. But before we got back outside, her mom started the car.”

“Bye bye, Mr.
Pippi.”

“I know it sounds stupid, but it led to the worst fight we’ve ever had.”

“What do you mean?” I’m not laughing anymore. The look on Nate’s face wipes the smile clean from mine.

“Stuff that we didn’t mean, every little thing that bugged us about each other came out in an explosion after that. I said things to this day I wish I could take back.”

Huh, sounds familiar.

“So, how’d you fix it?”

He shrugs. “I’m not sure.”

Throwing my hands in the air, I say, “Well, you’re a lot of help.”

“I’m just saying, she came to me.” He laughs before he goes red in the ears again. “You know when I used to write stuff down?”

“You mean, in your diary?
” I smirk.

“
Journal
. Well, I used to write things about Kaylee. For her.”

I bite back the ribbing I want to give him. “Alright…”

“I, uh, used to slip those pages in her locker. And when we were fighting, that’s when she found out it was me who left her those notes.”

“She didn’t know before?”

He shakes his head. “I’m good with the sneaky thing.”

I’ll give him that one. He gave Pop-pop an al
most heart attack when he
poofed
out of nowhere and landed in the seat next to him at the theater. He’s a good magician, but I’m keeping a mental note to have him stay away from live animals.

“Anyway,” he says, adjusting the shirt I let him borrow, “she came over, we each apologized,
and I told her I loved her…”

“Yeah?” Didn’t realize I was leaning forward till I almost smack my face on the edge of the bed.

“And we did it.” He smiles and winks. “End of story. Hope yours works out just as good.”

I dive off the floor and put him in a headlock. “That whole thing better have been true or I’ll—”

“It was! It was!” he chokes. “Now let me go! You’re messing with the goods.”

I give him a
noogie before dropping my arm. We both laugh as I grab Lex’s suitcase and throw my duffel over my shoulder.

“Hey, Nate?”

“Hmm?”

“You think
things’ll turn out okay, then?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know, man. All I did was kill a pet. You shattered a girl’s hopes in you being the only one who was different. I’d say you have a lot of work ahead of you.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

He’s right, and I know it. Still makes me want to give him another
noogie, and if my hands weren’t full, I would.

“Oh, and it’s going to be weird for a bit. And just letting you know,
Kaylee and I aren’t going to pick sides. So try to fix this fast, yeah?”

I give him a fist bump and open the door.

“I’ll try.”